The pushing became involuntary, and groaning and grunting, she used what she thought was her last breath and thrust her baby into the world. All discomfort was forgotten when she heard its healthy cry.
Rivulets of perspiration peppered Cecile’s face and trickled between her breasts. Breathing a sigh of relief, she released her grasp from the pole and fell back onto the comfort of a bed of buffalo robes. Worn out from hours of labor, she fought to stay awake. “Is it a girl or a boy? Let me see my baby.” She craned her neck to see across the room where the old grandmother cleaned the babe.
“Be patient, little mother. You will have him soon enough.” Rain Woman readied the turtle pouch.
“It’s a boy?” Cecile mustered energy enough to assure she’d heard right.
Through heavy-lidded eyes, she watched Singing Sparrow cut the umbilical cord and Rain Woman place part of it in the sacred pouch. Little Dove massaged Cecile’s abdomen to aid in the passage of the placenta while Rain Woman went back to cleaning the flailing newborn with sweet grass soaked in warm water. Afterwards, she wrapped him in a rabbit skin blanket and handed him to his mother. “Here is your strong, healthy son.”
Cecile beheld her child for the first time, her fingers splaying through the thatch of dark hair on his head. “He’s beautiful, isn‘t he?”
Little eyes not yet focused seemed to search her face as she scanned his red, pudgy one. He suckled his fist and cooed while she opened his blanket and checked him from head to toe. Happy tears welled in her eyes at his perfection, and she re-wrapped him and whispered her thanks to God for a healthy son
Memory of the pains now obscured by her precious gift, Cecile held her son close and enjoyed her new maternal feelings. Her mind scanned time, trying to compute how many hours had passed. By her calculations today was Christmas and she had produced the most wonderful gift of all for her husband—a fine, strong son. If only she could share the news with Lone Eagle.
“Little Dove, you must run and tell your brother he has a son,” Singing Sparrow urged.
Cecile rose, propped on her elbows. “No! Please, let me tell him. It’s a special day for me and I want to be the one to share the news.”
She was bone-tired and weak but determined. Just the thought of seeing the look on his face renewed her energy.
“But, you must stay here for four days. It is custom.” Rain Woman was adamant, her eyes narrowing. “Besides, you are tired and need to regain your strength.”
“You don’t understand,” Cecile insisted. “I have to do this, and I have to do it today or the meaning will be lost.”
“Green Eyes, you must stay here. You just gave birth and need to rest.” Singing Sparrow supported Rain Woman.
“I’m fine, my mother. I will feel stronger once I tell Lone Eagle he has a son. I know you don’t understand, but today is Christmas Day, a very special time for me.”
Rain Woman’s eyes clouded with confusion, but she relented, and mumbling under her breath, she washed Cecile and helped her change into a clean dress. Cecile could hardly wait.
The women bundled her and handed her the baby, his little face barely visible beneath the warm blankets. Singing Sparrow held the flap aside and Rain Woman peered out. “It is a good thing the wind has blown itself out so our daughter can journey to her husband’s side and test the spirits.” Her annoyance reflected in her tone.
After taking her first steps, Cecile felt light-headed and dizzy. The birthing experience left her extremely sore and the moss padding between her legs made walking awkward. Maybe it would have been wise, had she listened to her elders, to stay in bed, but garnering her last bit of strength, she walked on, reminding herself with each step that she had an important Christmas gift to deliver!
Chapter Twenty-one
Lone Eagle stretched out across the bed, joining his wife and new son, and marveled at the baby’s tiny hands and feet. As little fingers curled around Lone Eagle’s larger one, the feeling reinforced his belief that the child’s true parentage seemed even less important. His gaze rested on the innocent face, knowing that this was the child of his heart.
He looked at his wife. “You must know you have drained me of my power and made my weapons useless should we engage in any kind of battle.”
“Because I left the women’s lodge? That’s ridiculous. Men in the town I came from lived with their wives everyday of the month, and no one ever complained that their gun didn’t shoot or—”
He put his finger to her lips. “Say no more. For the sake of meeting our child, I would gladly test the spirits. Besides, we have waited long enough for your bleeding to pass and it is time to name this baby. In four days we will have a feast to honor our son. Everyone will be invited to eat, celebrate, and dance. I will announce his name for everyone to hear and remember.”
“And my dear husband, what will that name be, if I am allowed to ask…or is this another ritual I don’t understand?”
“A child is expected to be called after an elder, so I have decided to honor my grandfather, Gray Cloud, who walks in the spirit world. Our son’s name will be Two Clouds.”
She smiled and nodded, pondering his choice. “Two Clouds. I think that’s a fine name, and a most appropriate one, too. The first thing I saw the day I bore the child was two wispy clouds hanging low in the gray winter sky.”
“Hello, Two Clouds,” she whispered, brushing a kiss against the baby’s forehead. “I like it more each time I say it.”
It is a fine name for a child, but I wonder what he will be called after his vision quest.” Lone Eagle stared blankly, as if trying to foresee the future.
“Whoa, slow down. He isn’t even a month old yet.”
He puffed out his chest. “I cannot help myself. I already picture the pride in people’s eyes when they call our son’s name. It is only natural to wonder what my son will be called when he becomes a mighty chieftain of the Sioux nation.”
Two Clouds made a soft gurgling noise and Lone Eagle’s attention. He stroked the child’s forehead, and smiled as tiny fingers curled around his large ones. His emotions rendered him helpless to the love of this infant, and his vision blurred with tears.
“Did you notice your tree?” He attempted to draw her attention away long enough to wipe the wetness from his face.
She turned and looked. “Oh, you finished decorating it...” A yawn interrupted her words and she nestled back down. “Thank you.”
He kissed the palm of her hand and started to tell her about the experience, but as he opened his mouth, she closed her eyes and lolled her head to the side. He stretched to kiss her forehead, and covered her with a blanket. “Sleep well, little mother,” he whispered. “And you, too, my son,” he add, noticing Two Clouds had fallen asleep as well.
Being careful not to awaken mother and child, he stoked the fire and added another log. While kneeling next to the crackling flames, he envisioned the rituals that lay ahead for his son and smiled. Months ago he thought his life was over at the hands of a white man, and now he’d found it had just begun with a woman of the same pale skin.
***
Motherhood proved more difficult than Cecile imagined. Two Clouds, a hearty eater, cried to be fed constantly. She constantly had the baby at one breast or the other, keeping her nipples cracked and sore. Along with the discomfort, she contended with continual leakage that kept her dress wet most of the time. As the baby grew older, her strength returned and the soreness subsided.
Having a baby changed her lifestyle. There was only so much to do inside and Two Clouds’ needs determined her freedom—her life centered on one tiny person who cried far more than she’d expected.
For a while, the tribal women brought meals and aided with the daily chores, but the help gradually stopped. The laundry needed attention and she felt up to it. Rain Woman was kind enough to stay with the baby, allowing Cecile to venture out since the weather remained too cold for a baby so young. Of course, the old grandmother chided her about being too overprotective
, and regaled her with tales of Lakota women who traveled in snow up to their thighs while babes nestled in cradleboards on their back. Cecile took the story to heart, but welcomed something as mundane as laundry.
The winter sky remained overcast and gray, but the air was fresh and tingling. Cecile took a deep breath, happy there wasn’t more snow on the ground. Handling the cold was one thing, but trekking through slush would make the trip to the stream worse. She knelt and chipped at the thin layer of ice next to the shore, longing for the old washtub she’d used after she married Walt.
Pounding a wet dress against the flat stone with more vigor than needed, she puzzled over why Two Clouds was so discontented. What was she doing wrong? How did the other mothers in the village manage? She ached for her own mother and fought welling tears.
She stepped inside her lodge and found a rare quietness. Two Clouds slept. Rain Woman had gone and Lone Eagle dozed against his backrest, next to the fire. Although he spent more time indoors, he didn’t do much more than offer encouraging words. Most chores revolved around the baby, and his grimacing showed he still felt uneasy holding a baby, especially one so unhappy most of the time.
As if sensing her presence, Two Clouds woke and started to cry. Startled from his own nap, Lone Eagle sprang upright. He eyed her with a sheepish grin, rising to take the laundry basket from her. “Is there anything else I can do to help?”
She cast him a stony stare. “Yes, you can go away and stop being underfoot constantly.” She snatched up Two Clouds, dropped the front of her dress and offered him her breast.
Lone Eagle’s eyes widened as he backed sheepishly out of the lodge.
Cecile sat in the space vacated by her husband, propped against a backrest, holding her child. Her thoughts drifted while he nursed from one side then the other. How quickly time passed. New Year’s Day had come and gone. So much had happened in such a short time, and although she loved her new family, she missed her more carefree days back in Silver City. Why did such sadness overwhelm her of late? She gazed down at her sleeping child and breathed a sigh. His chubby cheeks and little lips still making those suckling movements warmed her. Her dream had become a reality, so why wasn’t she cherishing each and every moment?
Silence reigned in the lodge, and she sat next to the fire, enjoying the solitude by making another calendar to help track the days. On February twenty second she would be twenty years old. Like she’d thought earlier about time passing so quickly, what had happened within a year would have stunned most. She’d been a bride, a widow, a bride again and now a mother. Melancholy memories tugged at her heart as images of her parents flashed through her mind, their faces clearly etched there. Her throat burned with unshed tears.
Her emotions were ever changing. One day she was happy, the next sad. Would she ever be normal again? Rain Woman said her feelings were all part of having a child and purely natural. Giving in to the hollow feeling, Cecile let her tears flow.
Rain Woman’s voice sounded outside, snapping Cecile back to reality. Not wanting to explain why she cried, she brushed the wetness from her cheeks and bid her friend enter. The peace and quiet Cecile relished a few minutes ago wasn’t nearly as precious as Rain Woman’s timely appearance.
“I came to check on the baby.” The old woman rubbed her leathery hands together and looked lovingly upon the sleeping child.
“You have no idea how glad I am to see you, Grandmother.” Cecile gave her a hug.
Rain Woman smiled her familiar toothless grin. “A little bird told me you might need some company.”
Much like Lone Eagle, Rain Woman seemed to read Cecile’s mind, and what she needed more than anything was someone to help her understand things.
As if on cue, Two Clouds woke, and despite his mother’s attempts to quiet him, he flailed his arms and legs and howled with displeasure.
Rain Woman took him from Cecile, and the child immediately quieted.
“How come he’s happier when you hold him? Oh, Un`ci, he doesn’t like me.” Despair brought a quiver to Cecile’s voice.
“He senses your nervousness. As with all things new, it takes time to adjust. As you become more comfortable, he will, too.” She handed him back to his mother. “I must go. I have a feverish child to tend.” She patted Two Clouds’ chubby leg and left.
Rain Woman was right, Cecile was nervous when she held Two Clouds. Who wouldn’t be with a screaming and squirming mass? She had no experience with children and he looked so small and fragile. Irked at his contentment in the arms of another, she declared to try harder, but the moment the old woman left, he began fussing once again despite having a full tummy and a dry bottom.
The baby ate, slept, and cried some more before finally retiring for the night. Cecile was so tired she fell asleep before her husband returned, but she woke with a start. The rising sun lit the lodge, and Two Clouds hadn’t cried to be fed.
She elbowed her husband. “Oh my God, Lone Eagle, wake up, wake up! Something is wrong with the baby.”
Still half-asleep and incoherent, Lone Eagle rolled off the pallet and crawled to the cradleboard. “He’s just sleeping.”
Cecile rose and gazed at her son, relieved to see him sucking his little thumb with content. “I did ask God to make him sleep more and eat less, so I guess my prayers were answered.” She smiled and turned over, seizing the opportunity to rest.
Coming back to lie next to her, Lone Eagle stroked her hair and reminded her that her love for him hadn’t dimmed one bit. “When we can make love once again, I am going to ravage your body with kisses from head to toe, and bring you to heights your body may have forgotten.”
It seemed like forever since Lone Eagle had held her. He almost acted like he was afraid to touch her. She longed to be held and kissed, but she was so tired.
“Hmm, just having your arms around me is good enough for now.” She nestled against the curves of his body and drifted off to sleep.
Lone Eagle’s erection caused by his own vivid threats refused to wilt. He snaked his arm from beneath Cecile’s head and turned over, hoping to ease his discomfort. Her soft intake and release of air caused a vibration through his back, and he rolled to his other side. She turned over, facing him and assailing his face with warm, sweet breath. Gazing upon her angelic face was more than he could take. He shimmied off their sleeping pallet, dressed and planned to visit his parents for breakfast. He stepped into the nippy morning with the attitude of a lover spurned. “You aren’t the only one who is suffering,” he mumbled as he smoothed the front of his buckskins and gazed around at a quiet village.
***
The winter showed signs of dying out. The days grew longer and the weather warmer. Lone Eagle returned to his daily routine, and Cecile still filled her days with caring for the baby. Sick of ‘cabin fever,’ she was ready to see sunshine, flowers, and green grass again. The snow melted away, exposing the bounty of new greenery beneath. Cecile’s good humor returned, and Two Clouds had become a pudgy little bundle of cheer and giggles. Rain Woman and Singing Sparrow were constant visitors, but Two Clouds remained unspoiled despite the fact that he was the center of everyone’s attention.
Cecile strapped the cradleboard on her back and joined Rain Woman to forage for herbs and roots. Spending time with the old woman provided great enjoyment, and Cecile always learned something. Rain Woman stooped and scanned the ground for medicinal leaves, amazing Cecile with her knowledge of where things grew.
“Look, little one, the melting snow reveals a bounty for our near-exhausted medicine pouch.” Rain Woman brushed away the remaining slush.
“That’s wonderful, Grandmother. Everything is wonderful. Listen to Two Clouds. He thrives on the fresh air, and when he hears the other children playing, he giggles.”
Since becoming a mother and finally finding escape in the outdoors, Cecile felt even more like part of the tribe. The women befriended her, making a special effort to speak when they met.
All except one.
The hate
-filled looks Spotted Doe gave Cecile the few times they crossed paths of late were a grim reminder not everyone liked her.
Winter had made it hard to socialize, but now everyone emerged from isolation like the flowers blooming around the perimeter of the camp. The women chattered away at the stream, enjoying feminine company and good weather. Those who hadn’t seen Two Clouds came to visit and brought things for the baby. The amount of gifts she received was almost like Christmas all over again.
Her thoughts of the holiday stirred a memory. With all the excitement of the night, she’d never given Lone Eagle the pouch she’d made. Now where had she put it? Instead of searching, she continued being a courteous hostess, and making small talk with her visitors.
After the last guest left, she remembered where the pouch was and dug through the stack of extra blankets where she’d hidden it. Just as she uncovered it, Lone Eagle entered. She stood, holding her secret behind her back, and gave him a mischievous smile. “Welcome home, my husband.”
Her teasing voice clouded his eyes with confusion but he craned his neck to see what she held.
Cecile backed away, trying to keep the pouch hidden, but Lone Eagle grabbed her arm and spun her around so quickly she lost her balance and fell onto the bed. Lone Eagle dove next to her, still yanking at her arm to see what was in her hand. They wrestled, filling the lodge with laughter and building her desire. Her intention of surprising her husband with her handicraft was pushed aside by her need to show him something more.
Two Clouds slept close by. Cecile put her finger to her lips in a shushing motion. “We don’t want to wake the baby and spoil the moment.”
Lone Eagle flashed a knowing smile and gathered his wife in his arms. With a passionate, long overdue kiss, he explored her mouth with his tongue and her body with eager hands. The urges that had been restrained were released as they made love for the first time since the baby’s birth. The first time was followed by a second and third.
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