by Bonnie Lamer
My turn to feel sheepish. She is an Angel, after all. They see, and do, strange things all the time. Maybe this isn’t the craziest thing she’s ever seen. I bet it still ranks up there in the top ten, though. “Sorry.”
Making an ‘out with it’ gesture with her hand, I get to the reason I came to her. “I need to know where Raziel lives. Whenever I think of going home, I think about my homes instead of his.”
Adriel chuckles and shakes her head. “You always ask the strangest things.”
“Why is it strange to ask where Raziel lives?”
She tilts her head. “You really know nothing of our lives, do you?”
It would be wrong to lie to a friend. “Nope.”
“The Archangels reside in the garden on the other side of the commons.”
“Thanks, that was helpful.” Okay, I’m just a tad bit rude at the moment. I look at her narrowed eyes and say, “Sorry again. I’m just exhausted and still freaking out about this whole thing.”
To my surprise, Adriel smiles kindly. “I am impressed you have made it this long without going crazy.”
I snort. “Don’t be too impressed, I’m quickly on my way to it.”
“Come, have a seat,” she says, pointing to a bench that just magically appeared next to her. I follow her lead and sit down. “Why do you think this happened?”
I sigh. “Kallen told me that Raziel thinks it happened because he was so miserable about me marrying Kallen.”
Adriel’s eyebrows knit together. “What a mess Raziel has made of things.”
I cock my head to the side. “Are you supposed to talk about Archangels like that?”
She gives me a sour look. “You say that as if you are not thinking the very same thing.”
I smile. “True.” I lean my head back against the bench. “I don’t understand why he did all of this. I mean, I’m grateful that he saved me from such an unhappy existence but it’s like he hasn’t really let me go.”
Adriel nods. “That seems to be true. I believe he misjudged his ability to commit to the choice he made.”
“Which leaves me right smack in the middle of the whole thing.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“It sucks.” I turn my head far enough to see her and she has an expectant look on her face. I sigh and sit back up. “I don’t know. I have these memories now about how Raziel and I would have been.” I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Adriel tries to hide a smile. She fails.
“It is interesting to hear you say that as a bad thing. Most female Angels would love to have those memories in their heads.”
I raise my now heavier brow. “You included?”
It’s her turn to blush. “Archangels do not choose mates among Angels.” But it sounds like she would like it if they did. At least, if Raziel did.
I shake my head. “Mates. You sound like you’re talking about pandas in a zoo.”
She shrugs. “Angels do not look at things the same way that humanoids do.”
“What does that mean?”
She takes a minute to find the right words. “It means that the coming together of two bodies is such a small part of being a soul mate of another. It is the meeting of minds that makes things last and provides the fodder for being partners for eternity.”
I look at her suspiciously. “And the thought of having sex with this body,” I wave my hands up and down my new physique, “does nothing for you?”
I’m happy to see her blush again. “Nothing.”
“I see that.”
She gives me a sour look. “You were wondering where the Archangels reside?”
Guess she doesn’t like the direction this conversation was going. “Yes.” I stand up and look around but there’s not really much to see. The door to the Shadow world and a lot of nothing else. “Where are we?”
“Shadow realm. It’s pretty blah on this side of the door you can see,” Adriel says standing up as well. She holds her hand out to me. “Here, I will bring you to where you want to be.”
I sigh in relief and take her hand. “Thank you, I’m exhausted.”
In the blink of an eye, literally, we’re back at the commons that she was talking about earlier. It’s where I started off when I first became Raziel. I feel like I've gone around in a big, stupid circle.
“If you go through there you’ll find what you are looking for,” Adriel says, pointing to an archway at the end of the commons. The kind smile is back on her face. “Good luck, Xandra. I hope this is resolved soon but if you need my help again, you know how to find me.”
I give her a quick hug which makes her uncomfortable and causes the Angels around us to stare. Yup, another Angel faux pas. I’m just racking them right up. “Thank you,” I say stepping back from her. She nods and disappears.
I try not to grimace as I turn to face the other Angels. I walk forward as I try to pretend I know what I’m doing and where I’m going. Fortunately, the Angels make a path for me just like they did earlier and they unknowingly show me the way. If any of them try to talk to me, I’ve decided I’m just going to ignore them. Ray said that Raziel is moody a lot so hopefully they’ll just think I’m feeling down.
I walk through the archway and everything has changed. There is no longer a constant chatter to be heard like in the commons. It’s silent. Silent and serene. There is serenity on this side that is greater than anything else I have ever felt. It feels like I could lie down on the plush grass and roll around in it; covering my skin with its scent and scrubbing away my negative feelings. Sort of like taking a serenity bath. I’m not going to do it but it sure is tempting. My ‘woe is me’ thoughts feel like they’re leaking out of my ears and being chased down my skin to the ground.
My thoughts are interrupted by a moving shadow I see out of the corner of my eye. I turn in that direction and see an Angel I have never met before. I suspect I don’t want to meet him now. There’s something different about him. Something that makes the serenity slither off my skin and take off in the opposite direction.
His hair is black and silky looking but that doesn’t seem right. From the expression on his pale face which is pulled up into a rather impressive sneer, it seems like he should have greasy hair slicked back from his forehead. His body is like any other male Angel body. Perfection. If you like the tall, dark and handsome look. Um, like Kallen. This guy is definitely not like Kallen, though. The air around him seems to hiss. I can almost see the air molecules trying to shy away from him. If air doesn’t like him, I’m positive I won’t.
“Raziel, you should be tending to your flock. You know how restless they get when they cannot admire your beauty.”
Jerk. “I am taking the day off.”
I’m pretty sure his laugh has left a layer of slime on me. I have to catch myself before I start trying to rub it off. “You, take time off? Are you trying to grow a sense of humor? If so, this is the garden to do it in I suppose.”
“Are you always such an ass?” I ask. Oops. The surprised look on his face tells me that he’s not used to Raziel saying things like that.
His eyes narrow to slits. “There is something different about you, Raziel. I have heard rumors but I did not believe them until now.” His grin feels like someone stuck feathers all over the slime on my body that his laugh caused. “You are…unsure. Yes. That is the word.”
He begins walking around me. I think I’m supposed to turn to follow him but I don’t. I’m too tired. My mind needs some rest.
“How is it that the one Archangel who has been blessed with infinite knowledge can be unsure?” He stops when he’s in front of me again. “Where is the cocky know it all that I’m used to seeing?”
I roll my eyes. “If you are done being jealous because I know more than you, I am leaving. If not, feel free to go on blabbering. I am perfectly capable of tuning you out until you leave.” I cross my arms over my chest and raise my brows in a ‘what are you going to choose’ kind of way.
He mimics my stance and block
s my path to where I can possibly lie down and rest my mind for a while. “Well, well, well. Your mask of perfection finally slips.”
I sigh from the bottom of my toes. No, farther than that. I think it came from at least five feet underground. “What are we doing here? Is this the part when you challenge me to a magical duel or something? If so, can we get on with it because listening to you talk is like having millions of teeny tiny fleas trying to suck my blood out one microliter at a time.”
Shock washes over his face. Which he quickly tries to hide behind creepy Angel bravado. “I would never dream of such a thing. Besides, you should already know the outcome if we did come to arms. Why bother with the physicality of it all.”
“You are right. At some point we do come to arms and I use you as a rag to wipe Shadow gunk off the walls of the Shadow realm.” At least, I hope that’s how it would turn out.
He throws his head back and laughs. “You always do weave an impressive tale, Raziel.” He steps aside and gestures with his hand toward the other side of the garden. “Please, do not let me keep you any longer. I am not sure that my sense of humor is up to the challenge of your words today.”
I have no idea what that means. And I don’t care. I simply walk past him doing my best not to snarl at him as I go by. Wow, this guy brings out some base instincts in me.
Walking to the back of the garden I’m pleased to find a hammock in a quiet little corner. Since I am exhausted and I don’t want to keep walking to find out if there are beds in a house or somewhere, I decide this will do just fine. It takes me a minute to get my girth to balance out. Fortunately, I only fall off the other side once. I’m pretty sure no one saw me do it. Once I’m as comfortable as I can be, I close my eyes. My body isn’t tired but my mind is. I don’t know if Raziel usually sleeps – I don’t know if any of the Angels sleep, but my mind drifts into dreamland immediately.
I’m outside in some sort of makeshift shelter like my dad would make when we’d go camping when I was young and he still had a body. I smile when I see Kallen sound asleep next to me. My heart yearns for him so badly. I reach out and push a rebellious piece of hair from his forehead and then run my finger lightly down his cheek. He smiles in his sleep.
I move closer to him trying to capture some of his body heat. Funny, I’ve never been cold in a dream before. I bet there’s some Freudian significance in that but I’ll think about that when I wake up. When my body is parallel to his, I lean forward and touch his lips gently with mine.
A low groan escapes his lips as he deepens the kiss. His arm snakes around me, pulling me closer and I can tell just how glad he is to feel me next to him. Suddenly, our bodies explode in passion and our hands are tearing at each other’s clothes until Kallen makes them disappear altogether. His lips find mine again as he gently rolls me to my back and nudges my thighs apart with his knee. I moan softly as he positions himself above me and I am in heaven with his first thrust that joins our bodies.
And then Kallen is jumping back towards the shelter wall, his eyes wide with panic. Devastated doesn’t even come close to doing justice to how I feel at the moment. I’m sure the shock on my face mimics his.
After a moment of scrutinizing me, Kallen runs his hand through his hair and whispers, “Xandra, please tell me that’s really you.”
I bite my trembling bottom lip as I try not to cry over his rejection and I nod my head. The relief on his face is palpable. “I thought I was dreaming.” I still don’t trust my voice as he crawls back to my side. He touches my face gently. Not passionately. He touches it as if he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing. “I thought…” He pauses for a moment and closes his eyes. After a second, he opens them again and continues. “When I woke up and realized it was not a dream, I was afraid that I had made improper advances on your body with…with Raziel still inside of it.”
My mind takes a minute to process that through my haze of rejection. Once it does, I actually start to giggle as I think of the horrification Kallen must have just experienced. Much worse than my feelings of rejection I’m sure. I shake my head as I finally find my voice again. “It’s only me in here.” And this isn’t a dream. I’m really here. Where here is, I don’t care. I only care about the fact that I’m back where I’m supposed to be – with Kallen.
“Oh my god Xandra,” he says as he cups my cheek in his hand. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”
With my best sultry voice, I say, “Show me.”
It does not take long before we’re once again making love to each other. This time, when he’s deep inside of me, nothing could tear us apart. My hips push into him, matching his rhythm stroke for stroke. When we have risen as high as we can go, a wave of pleasure washes over both of us. Kallen makes sure he milks every last spasm from my body until I am limp in his arms.
Burying his face in my hair, our bodies still joined, he says, “Please do not ever leave me again. I cannot live without you.”
My hand strokes the hard muscles of his back and my legs wrap even tighter around him. “I don’t ever want to leave you again.” Rocking our bodies until I have him on his back, I proceed to show him how much I mean that. Over and over and over again. After several hours, I finally lay exhausted in his arms and fall fast asleep again.
Chapter 22 - Raziel
My body jolts as I find my mind once again where it should be. With great surprise, I find myself in the serenity garden on the hammock I so love. I am a little tangled in it but it is still comfortable. Opening my eyes, I stare at the heavens trying to figure out how this happened. And why. Not that I am not pleased, it is simply frustrating that I do not know the mechanics behind it.
My wings begin to vibrate underneath me. This gives me the first opportunity to notice that several of my feathers are bent in odd directions. Not surprising since Xandra was not used to maneuvering a body so much larger than hers. I touch one feather that is at a ninety degree angle and contemplate leaving it that way as a reminder that my love had been so close to me.
My thoughts are interrupted when my wings vibrate again. This time a bit more urgently. I clear my mind to determine the source of the distress call and am surprised that it is coming from a lower Angel. An Angel of Death to be exact. How odd. I have always none Adriel to be strong and independent. She performs her duties to perfection and has never had to call for help before.
Letting myself go to the source of the call, I find myself standing before Adriel. And Belial. He has Adriel backed against the door to the Shadow realm and the fear on her face drives a rivet of anger into my brain.
Belial turns around when he senses my presence. “Raziel, how kind of you to join us. I was just asking Adriel here what your sudden interest in her is. Not to mention your strange behavior from earlier.”
“Why are you suddenly so interested in my behavior, Belial?” And what has Xandra been doing and saying while I was away? Whatever it was, it has gotten under Belial’s skin and that makes it hard not to grin. Her feisty behavior rather than my more reserved self seems to have gotten underneath his layer of self-absorption. She has done some good around here.
Belial feigns indifference. “It is simply a curiosity, nothing more.”
“Simple curiosities do not usually involve harassing lower Angels. Unless you are curious just how many souls you have personally assisted in becoming blackened. If you wanted that answer, you could have simply come to me.”
The sneer on his face confirms his lies. “Yes, you do have all the answers. But you are usually not this forthcoming with them.”
“Would either of you mind terribly if I leave?” Adriel asks.
I smile at her. “There is no need. I believe Belial has something better to do with his time than keeping you from your work.”
With a look that could peel the scales off from ten Dragons, Baliel disappears. My wings tell me that he has gone back to the garden of serenity. He will not stay there long. He never does. He simply is trying to wait out however long he thi
nks it will take for me to lose interest in keeping track of his whereabouts.
Looking at Adriel once more, I find her looking at me with a furrowed brow. “Xandra?” she asks softly. She has always had the loveliest voice. A match to her external beauty.
The smile is back on my face as I shake my head. “No. Our mutual friend seems to have found a way back to her own body.” A sharp pang slices through my heart but I try not to let it show on my face. Since she is one of the only friends Xandra has amongst the Angels, I am not surprised she knows what happened. I assume that Xandra turned to her for help.
Adriel is not fooled. “I am sorry that this is such a difficult time for you.”
“Thank you. I would also like to thank you for any assistance you offered Xandra while she was here.”
Adriel’s face turns several shades of pink. “I really did not do much.”
