“Oh.” She exhaled softly as her pulse raced. The rational side of her was rapidly losing the fight. Desperate yearning was winning.
“But,” he said, his thumb grazing her lower lip, “if that’s not what you want, if you’re not ready, just say the word. I promised you time, Jenny. I’m not going back on that now.”
She frowned at him. “Why can’t you be more unreasonable?” she asked in frustration.
“And take the decision out of your hands?” he asked, chuckling. “No way. Not this time. I won’t have you throwing it in my face from now till doomsday that I took advantage of you when you were feeling all sentimental about the holidays. You need to be ready to take responsibility for this decision the same way I’m trying to take responsibility for mine in the past.”
She stood there shivering under the intensity of his gaze, then sighed. As badly as she wanted this man, as desperately as she wanted to forgive and forget, she wasn’t ready yet. She hated that, too, because right this second with her blood humming and her pulse scrambling, jumping into bed with him held a whole lot of appeal.
Caleb must have sensed her struggle, because in the end, he took a step back. “Hot chocolate, then back to rehearsal,” he said briskly.
Relief washed over her, right along with bitter disappointment. She wasn’t sure how the two could coexist, but she felt both. “I’m sorry.”
He touched a finger to her lips. “Don’t you dare be sorry. This takes as long as it takes. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Not even to that woman’s bed?” she grumbled before she could stop herself. “I’m sure Ms. Broadway Hottie would be eager to share her room at the inn with you.”
He laughed. “Not a chance. I know what the stakes are, sweetheart. You’re the woman I want and you’re worth waiting for.”
“You could at least tell her to keep her hands to herself.”
“I believe Bree is the one who’s directing her on where her hands should go,” Caleb said. “Does it really bother you?”
She shrugged, trying to feign indifference, but she could see he wasn’t buying it. “Makes me crazy,” she confessed.
“I know this is going to make me sound like a total guy, but I’m not entirely unhappy about that,” he told her. “Not that I would deliberately set out to make you jealous, of course. That would be an incredibly lousy strategy.”
“But if the green-eyed monster just happens to take over my body and make me completely irrational, you won’t object,” she said, shaking her head. “You are such a guy.”
At the moment, though, he seemed to be hers. But she knew in her heart that as patient as he swore he would be, sooner or later that could change, especially with a whole world of willing women ready to take her place. He might not want them...now. He might be totally committed to her...now. That didn’t mean he’d remain immune to their charms forever.
“Caleb,” she said softly as he mixed boiling water with the packets of hot chocolate.
He glanced at her. “What?”
“I do love you.”
“I know.”
“It’s not about that,” she said, needing him to understand.
“I know that, too.”
She studied his face, saw the tenderness in his eyes, the genuine caring and gave a little nod of satisfaction. “I just want to be sure.”
“The love’s a given,” he said. “It’s the trust that’s a work in progress.”
“Exactly. But I’m almost there,” she said. “Honestly.”
He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek. “Take your time. I’ve got nowhere else to be.”
That wasn’t entirely true, Jenny thought to herself. Once this Christmas play was over and done with, the music world would be rushing back to his doorstep with new demands on his time and attention. Suddenly the pressure to take a leap of faith was overwhelming.
Rushing a decision this huge, though? How could she do that and be true to herself? Because once she made her choice to let Caleb back into her life, she’d have to be all in. And even though they’d come such a long way, the prospect of giving herself so completely still scared her to death.
* * *
“Things seem to be going well between you and Caleb,” Bree said casually, her gaze on Jenny.
They were at Flowers on Main, Bree’s other business, making flower arrangements for a wedding on Saturday, just a few days before Christmas.
“I suppose,” Jenny said, reluctant to admit that she’d fallen hard for a second time with a man she didn’t entirely trust. Not that her feelings would come as any surprise to Bree. She’d been right there when Caleb and Jenny had returned to the theater two days before, her expression a little too knowing.
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Bree said.
“About Caleb?”
“In a way. It’s a request, really.”
“Don’t you know by now that there’s nothing I won’t do for you?”
“Good to know,” Bree said. Her expression innocent, she inquired, “Would you consider taking a small part in the play?”
Startled, Jenny stared at her. “At this late date? You can’t add another part. You’ll make the cast crazy.”
“Just one scene at the end of Act I,” Bree explained. “No big deal. It’s too late for me to find someone else.”
“Do it yourself, if it’s no big deal,” Jenny suggested. “At least you’ve been onstage before. I’m not an actress. I never aspired to be one, either. Performing in front of people is not my thing. Caleb tried to drag me onstage at a concert once and I came close to passing out in his arms. It wasn’t pretty.”
“It’s nothing to worry about,” Bree assured her. “It’s a nonspeaking role. By the time you get nervous, it will be over.”
“Are you kidding me?” Jenny protested. “I’m already nervous just thinking about it. No. Find someone else.”
“You’re the one who’s right for the part. You have to trust me on that.”
Jenny frowned. “Bree, I don’t get it. You have a whole family to pull from. Why am I the only one who could possibly do it?”
That facade of innocence, never terribly believable, slipped ever so slightly. “As a matter of fact, Caleb suggested it.”
Jenny’s suspicions went on high alert. “Since when do you listen to Caleb when it comes to making changes to your work?”
“I think his instincts about this are right on target,” Bree said. “He’s surprisingly insightful about what will work. I’ve come to respect his instincts. We make a good team.”
Jenny could add two and two as fast as the next person, especially on the sneakiness scale. “You want him to sing that love song to me, don’t you?” she said flatly. “You figure the audience will go wild at the implication, an implication that has nothing to do with the play and everything to do with our personal lives. Buzz on the internet to follow, of course.”
Bree didn’t waste time trying to deny it. “All I care about is that it would be a showstopper,” she insisted just the same.
“I doubt the actress who’s been playing his love interest for the whole production would agree,” Jenny said dryly, thinking it might just serve Helena McGuire right to be kicked out of his arms at the last minute.
“I made a minor change to the script to make it work,” Bree explained. “You haven’t seen rehearsals for a couple of days now.”
That much was true. Jenny had steered clear because listening to Caleb sing her songs had reminded her a little too much of what might have been, especially when it came to that ballad. And now Bree was asking her to let him sing it to her onstage with the whole world—or at least one small part of her world—looking on.
“Bree, you don’t know what you’re asking of me,” she whispered. She’d poured her heart into that song. She’d
never intended to let an entire audience, especially comprised of people who knew her so well, see how deeply it touched her. The emotions were still too raw.
Bree touched her cheek. “Oh, sweetie, I know exactly what I’m asking. So does Caleb. He loves you. And you still love him. He wants to celebrate that.”
“You of all people know what this town is like once they get the bit in their teeth as far as romance is concerned. We won’t have a moment’s peace. So far they’ve been giving us time, but once Caleb sings that song, makes that public declaration, our relationship will be fair game. To say nothing of what the media’s likely to do if they get wind of it.”
“Are you really worried about people here in town or even the media?” Bree asked. “Or are you just scared that he’ll knock down the last of your defenses?”
“Okay, that, too.”
“Sweetie, whether you say yes or no to what I’m asking, don’t shut the door on a future with Caleb, not because of what happened in the past. Believe in the here and now. Believe in everything he’s done these past couple of weeks to prove how much he’s changed, how much he loves you.”
“I’m trying to,” Jenny said, tears gathering in her eyes. “I’m just not there yet.”
“Then think about what I’m asking. Can you do that much? Not for me. Not even for the play. Or for Caleb. Do it for yourself.”
“I’ll think about it,” Jenny agreed at last. In fact, she doubted she’d be thinking about much else.
Bree studied her. “I know you’re not entirely convinced that I don’t have an ulterior motive when it comes to you and Caleb. Your getting back together works out for me in terms of publicity—no question about it—but I’m your friend first and foremost. I truly want to see you happy. That’s my bottom line here. You do believe that, don’t you?”
Jenny nodded, knowing that Bree had always been in her corner.
“How about this, then? Talk to your uncle,” Bree suggested.
Jenny was taken aback by the suggestion. “You want me to talk to Jake about Caleb? Why? I know he’s mellowed toward the man, but he’s not as gaga as you are.”
Bree laughed. “I certainly hope not, but what I meant was, talk to Jake about forgiveness and moving on. I’ve told you my side of what happened between us. He might be able to give you some insight into how he was able to forgive me.”
Jenny tried to imagine bringing up such a touchy subject with her uncle, but couldn’t. Jake was no more inclined to be open about his innermost feelings than most men.
“Want me to pave the way?” Bree asked as if she’d read Jenny’s mind. “Or do you want me to back off and leave you alone to figure things out?”
While it might be a lot more comfortable to be left alone, Jenny knew she needed help. She trusted her uncle Jake to be honest with her, even if baring his soul was difficult for him. He’d do it if he thought hearing what he had to say mattered to her peace of mind.
“It’s okay,” she said eventually. “I’ll talk to Jake.”
Bree gave her a fierce hug. “Good.”
“You seem awfully certain things will work out the way you want them to if I talk to him,” Jenny said.
“Because no matter what his personal reservations about Caleb might be, my husband is as fair as they come. He’s going to do what’s best for you, even if it goes against the grain.”
“In other words, you intend to coach him on exactly what’s best for me,” Jenny said, suddenly getting it. “The way you did with Dillon years ago when Jake wanted to rip his heart out for messing with me in his office at the nursery. You calmed him down, made him get to know Dillon.”
Bree grinned. “Can’t deny it. But my influence will only go so far. The man is stubborn as a mule. He’ll say what’s on his mind, no matter what I want him to do.”
Jenny drew in a deep breath. She was counting on that. Maybe some straight talk from the male perspective was exactly what she needed.
* * *
Jake sat in his usual booth at Sally’s expecting the arrival of Will and Mack for lunch. He was stunned when Jenny slipped in opposite him.
“I don’t usually see you in here this time of day,” he said. “What brings you by? Did my wife give you a well-deserved break or did you escape on your own?”
“To be honest, I was looking for you. I know this is your regular lunchtime and I was just up the street at the flower shop helping Bree with the flower arrangements for a wedding on Saturday.”
“Oh? And my name happened to come up?”
Jenny squirmed uncomfortably, but nodded. “I was hoping we could talk,” she said.
“Sure, but Mack and Will should be here soon.”
She shook her head. “Bree called them and told them to give me some time with you.”
He blinked at that. “Bree shooed them away?”
Jenny laughed. “She was pretty adamant, in fact.”
“Boy, this must be important. Why does that make me nervous?”
“It shouldn’t,” she said. “I just need some advice.”
“No, you shouldn’t have sex until you get married,” he said flatly.
Jenny smiled. “I’m afraid that ship has sailed and I wouldn’t come to you about advice like that, anyway. You’re an old stick-in-the-mud, at least when it comes to me and men.”
Jake picked up his soda, suddenly wishing it were something much stronger. He sipped slowly and regarded her with a narrowed gaze. “So, what sort of advice are you looking for?” he asked eventually.
“The big stuff,” she said. “Betrayal, forgiveness, that kind of thing.”
Jake barely contained a groan. He did not want to go down that road, not with his niece. “Since when do you want advice from me? You’re usually all too eager to run off when I start to tell you what to do.”
“I’m hoping you’ll make suggestions, not give me the kind of orders that set my teeth on edge,” she told him, grinning.
“Okay, fine. You’re asking a lot, but I’ll try,” he grumbled. “What’s up?”
“I’m having a little trouble letting go of all the anger I’m feeling toward Caleb over what he did to me,” she explained.
“Good for you,” Jake said automatically, then winced as her expression shut down. “Sorry. What’s the question?”
“How did you forgive Bree for what she did to you?”
Jake set down his drink so hard ice bounced out of the glass. “You know about that?” he demanded. “I mean the details? How? Who filled you in?” He shook his head. The answer was obvious. “Never mind. It could only have been my wife. And I’m sure she had her reasons.”
She nodded. “I know how hurt you were back then, how angry. I saw that much for myself. Bree explained why.”
“Did she now?” he said, unable to keep the annoyance from his voice.
“Come on, Jake. Don’t get all worked up. She was trying to point out that people do get past betrayals. You did.” She studied him hopefully. “How’d you do it?”
He finally managed to put aside his exasperation with his wife for sharing such an intimate story and focused on what his niece really wanted to know—if forgiveness was possible. “I had no choice,” he told her. “I loved Bree more than I hated what she’d done. I believed her when she said she was sorry. I made a conscious decision to let it go.”
Jenny looked skeptical. “Just like that? I don’t remember it that way.”
“Okay, it took time. And Marty showing up here to try to win her back didn’t help. Eventually, I had to decide if I was going to be happier taking a risk on loving her again or if I was going to play it safe and spend the rest of my life without the woman I loved. Safe and alone didn’t hold a lot of appeal.”
Jenny sighed. “You make it sound easy when you put it like that.”
&n
bsp; “No way, kid. There’s nothing easy about it. I’m not going to sit here and tell you doubts never crop up, because they do. Not because of anything Bree’s done,” he said hurriedly. “I guess a certain amount of insecurity never dies. It’s just outweighed by all the positives in our life together.”
He waited, studying Jenny’s expression as she considered his words. He could see how hard she was struggling with whatever decision she felt she had to make.
“Is Caleb pressuring you about this?” he asked. “I can tell him to back off.”
She smiled. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? But, no, he’s not pressuring me, at least not the way you mean. He’s just here, being all charming and sweet and sensitive and so blasted patient it makes my teeth hurt from gritting them.”
“And you’re falling for him all over again,” Jake concluded.
“Afraid so,” she said wryly.
“Then, as reluctant as I am to say this, it sounds as if you’re where I was with Bree. You have to take that leap of faith, kiddo. If it’s any comfort, there are a whole slew of people who’ll be here for you if he dares to let you down.”
“I don’t want to start something thinking it’s going to fail,” she said. “That’s way too fatalistic.”
“Then believe in it with everything you’ve got until the very second that you can’t,” he advised.
Her eyes were shimmering with tears when she met his gaze. “Thanks, Uncle Jake.”
“You just let me know if you ever need me to punch his lights out,” he told her.
She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “You’ll be the first person I call.” She slid out of the booth. “Now I’d better run. We have rehearsal soon.”
Jake nodded. “Send Mack and Will over on your way out. They’ve been watching intently from the counter for the past fifteen minutes. I’m sure they’d like to add their two cents, so you might want to say hello and goodbye in a very big hurry unless you’re up for a full-scale counseling session.”
Jenny shuddered. She loved both men, but she’d already gotten the advice she’d come for. “Not so much,” she told Jake. “See you, and thanks.”
Chesapeake 10 - A Seaside Christmas Page 17
