by LK Collins
After she left, it was a solid week before I heard from her, and when I did, there was no convincing her to come back. About a year later, she served me with divorce papers, which included her relinquishing her parental rights. Talk about kicking us while we were down, not only did she walk out but also she legally disowned us all. And what pisses me off more than anything is what all this has done to the girls. I couldn’t give a shit about myself; I was a terrible husband. We were young when we met, and I didn’t know the first thing about love. But the girls? They didn’t deserve to be abandoned by their mother.
“You got five minutes,” I holler down to them. The bus will be here soon, and I’d like them to eat something before they leave. I look into the fridge for something to make. Christ, I’m still half asleep as I try to function.
Maisy comes upstairs and gives me a hug, “Morning, baby girl.”
“Hey, Dad. What happened to your face?” she asks pulling back from me.
“Oh, I got caught with a right hook sparring last night at the gym.” The girls don’t know I ever fought, and I want to keep it that way since it’ll only complicate things. When I was fighting, it wasn’t as if I did it for the money. I make a good living from my day job as an engineer, especially now that Chandler and I started our own business.
I fought to release the pain and agony that had built up inside me for so many years. The need to fight was so great that I felt like a junky that had to get their next fix. I lost Georgia over it. But I’ll be damned if I let it get in the way of my girls. I haven’t fought anyone since the night Georgia left. Now, I just keep that pain pent up inside of me. Whether it’s wrong or right, I don’t know . . . it’s the only way I know how to be.
“I’m gonna take a bar,” Maisy says and grabs two, I assume the second one is for her sister. “Love you, Dad.” She gives me a quick hug, but before I let her go, I say, “Would you please tell Rianna I said I am sorry?”
She nods, obviously already aware of what I’m apologizing for, and then kisses my cheek. Her eyes are identical to Georgia’s, so big and blue, ready to take on the world around her. It kills me that her mom doesn’t want to be here and a part of all this with her.
Rianna comes flying up the stairs and gives me a cold, “Bye, Dad.”
“Bye. Love you,” I tell them just as the door slams shut behind Rianna.
My phone rings in my pocket, and I pull it out before swiping my finger across the screen.
“Hey, man,” I answer, probably sounding a little monotone from my failed father of the year act.
“Whoa, who died?” Chandler, my best friend, and business partner asks.
“Piss off,” I say and grab a coffee mug.
“What is it with you always talking about my dick? You like me or something?”
“Far from it,” he chuckles, and I’m not in the mood for his antics today. “Did you call for something important?”
“You really are in a shit mood today. Wanna talk about what happened?”
I pop a k-cup in the coffee machine. Chandler is the last person I want to talk to about this, but I don’t have anyone else to talk about this stuff . . . he’s all I got. “I caught Rianna and some boy in her room last night.”
“What the fuck? Isn’t she twelve?”
“Fourteen, but still. How does she even know what to do?”
“Don’t you remember how we were when we were fourteen?”
“We’re guys, that’s different.”
“I don’t think so. Kids nowadays are sexting and shit at her age. It’s a scary world out there, my man. I’m so glad I don’t have kids.”
“Fuck, don’t tell me that,” I gripe and rake my fingers through my damp hair. The thought of either of my little girls doing anything like that makes my stomach queasy all over again.
“So, did you kill the fucker?”
“No, I wanted to . . . but he’s just a kid.”
“Hell, I would’ve.”
“I should’ve. He left hickeys on her chest and—”
“Oh fuck, are you serious?”
“Yes!”
“Have you had the talk yet, about the birds and the bees?”
“Fuck no!” I basically holler.
“You want me to ask Mia to talk to the girls with you?”
“No, don’t bother her.” Mia is the last person who’d want to help me.
“It’s not a bother, she’s back in town. For good this time.”
She is? Fuck!
“Oh. I had no idea. It’s all good, man, don’t worry, I’ll handle it.”
“You sure? I think you might need a woman’s help with your problems.”
“Fuck you, I don’t need anyone to help me.”
“Calm down, what’s the big deal?” The big deal is that she’s your sister and we fucked and never told you. Oh, and let’s not forget that I haven’t seen her since that night, which I try to avoid thinking about at all costs because Mia does something to me.
“There’s no big deal, man. I just don’t need you to go out of your way and call her about it.” I know the second he brings up my name, she’ll want nothing to do with it . . . or me. Mia was the first woman I was with after Georgia left me, and I was in no shape to be doing what I was doing or trying it for the first time with someone as amazing as Mia. After we hooked up, I never heard from her again, which is probably because I bailed in the middle of the night. Then she went off to college, and that was what? Four years ago.
“Okay, why don’t you ask her yourself. She’s coming into the office today.”
Motherfucker!
“Yeah? What for?” I try to act cool.
“She’s been asked to speak at The Society Of Women’s Engineers. They are having a conference here next month, and she wanted to see if she could interview me as part of her presentation. You know she snagged a sweet engineering job at Mantis? That’s actually why I called your cranky ass.”
“No, I had no idea she worked there. That’s great for her, but why would she want to interview you for her speech?”
“Uh, because I am the coolest engineer in the fuckin’ state of Massachusetts.”
“Don’t you mean you’re one of two?”
“Right, I forgot about my partner, Mr. Perfect.”
“Fuck you, asshole.”
“No, fuck you, man. You need to get your ass in here. If I’m getting interviewed, so are you. We’re a package deal, baby, remember?”
“Whatever. I’m not a package deal with anyone. I’ll be in the office shortly.”
Chandler and I hang up, and my mind is spinning. If he ever found out about what happened, he would kill me. Mia is the one person in this world who means anything to him. Both his parents died in a car accident when he was twenty, so he stepped up and raised Mia after that. It’s a job he’s always taken seriously, and he protects her at all costs, which is good. It will help me to stay away from her. That in and of itself is going to be a miracle if I can pull it off. She’s the only person who has made me feel anything since Georgia.
God, I can still remember the look she had in her eyes when we fucked. It was the most gorgeous expression I’ve seen. Even though I knew we couldn’t be together. I’m too fucked up. What we did was wrong and never should’ve happened. We both gave into the heat of the moment, but I was in no place emotionally to be with her, and I let the pain of my past get the better part of me. That I’ll always regret, but my life is full of them, so I’ll add it to the long list.
Chapter 3
Mia
He isn’t going to be there. He isn’t going to be there. He isn’t going to be there.
I keep repeating that to myself as I fight to get my thigh highs up my legs. I asked Chandler if I could interview him because he’s like the king of the engineering world and this opportunity to speak in front of so many amazing women only happens once in a lifetime. Chandler agreed, so I have to believe that it’ll be only him. Plus, I can’t make him suspicious of what Roan and I
did in the past by asking any more questions.
But the butterflies swirling in my stomach are intense, and I wish they’d stop. Something is plaguing me, screaming at me and telling me that Roan will be there. If he is, what the hell am I supposed to do? Shake his hand and pretend as if I’m not mentally replaying the amazing sex we had and how he left me without so much as a note or thanks for a good time? Regardless, none of that truly matters. What he and I did is so far in the past that I’m sure he doesn’t even remember it.
Too bad I haven’t been able to forget it. I haven’t met a single man who could even come close to how amazing Roan is. Every man I’m with, I find myself comparing him to Roan. Which is so wrong considering he was never really mine in the first place.
Roan was always Chandler’s best friend, my old brother’s wingman. Growing up, I had an insane crush on him, but he was always too old for me. Then, one day, he wasn’t. I was a woman, and he was a man—a gorgeous, perfect, and sexually tempting man. We shared a summer of flirting, emotions ran wild, and then he gave me the most mind-blowing sex of my life.
My chest heats as I remember that night. At first, he was sweet and so very, very gentle . . . as if he was scared he was going to hurt me. When I asked for more, he unleashed a beast, and I loved every single second being with him. I thought he did, too, but obviously, he didn’t.
Chandler: You bringing me Starbucks, baby sis?
Me: If I can ever leave my house, sure.
Chandler: What’s the holdup?
Me: Nothing, I’m on my way!
I yank up my other thigh high and slip on my favorite black heels, the ones with little bows on the back, and head out of my new condo.
Being back in Boston is still a bit surreal. After I left for school, I never thought I’d return. It’s the place my parents died. Minus Chandler, there is nothing here for me. But I couldn’t turn down the job I got after graduation, even though it came with a transfer home.
After stopping at Starbucks and picking up both my and Chandler’s drinks, I park in the garage of his office building and take the familiar elevator ride to the eleventh floor.
My heart is beating rapidly, not knowing if Roan will be on the other side of the elevator when it opens. If he is, I just need to remind myself that I vowed to focus on my career and let anything we ever were, go. Thankfully, I find only my brother and the receptionist, as he leans over her shoulder showing her something on the computer screen. He looks up when the elevator doors slide closed behind me and gives me a big smile. “There’s my sister,” he says, coming over to me and kissing me on the cheek. His light blond hair needs a trim since I last saw him, but other than that, he hasn’t changed much at all.
“How are you?” I ask, passing him his iced coffee.
“I’m good. I was just showing Veronica here how to filter through all the crap emails we get. You remember that, huh?” I nod with sympathy. If it’s as bad as it was when I interned here, she’s in for it. “Veronica, this is my sister, Mia,” he introduces us.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I tell the cute brunette before shaking her hand over the desk.
“You ready to do this?” he asks.
“You have no idea.”
I follow Chandler away from the reception area and down the hallway of glass-walled offices. My eyes are on Roan’s office, remembering just which one is his, and when I find it empty, I feel like I can breathe.
Thank God.
Then Chandler opens the door to another office across the hall from Roan’s, and my heart stops. He switched offices. Roan is sitting behind his big desk with his phone pressed to his ear, the tattoos on his arm are peeking out from beneath his suit. He’s as gorgeous as I remember. Dark hair, dark eyes, and a smirk that has starred in my dreams. I’m basically panting and a flurry of emotions roars through me as I come face to face with the perfect bastard again. When his eyes flick to the door, they lock with mine and his demeanor changes. I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but all the oxygen is stripped from my lungs, and I swear at any second I could faint. I pull my eyes from his gaze purely out of self-preservation.
Hold it together, Mia.
“Off the phone, fucker!” Chandler scolds him.
From the corner of my eye, I catch Roan flip him off, and then I nervously sip my coffee. It’s the first drink I’ve taken, and the shit burns my fucking mouth. I about whine from the pain, pissed that companies find it necessary to serve flaming hot drinks to their guests.
Still, when Chandler looks back at me, I have tears in my eyes. “You okay?”
I nod. “I burned my mouth on my drink.”
“Damn, you want some ice?”
“Please,” I tell him and head around the corner into the conference room as he goes toward the kitchen. My tongue feels like I just swallowed a layer off it. I set my stuff on the table and take a seat, not sure how I’m going to get through this. My insides are a mess, which I should be used to considering they are always a mess when Roan is around.
Then he walks into the room, distracting my every thought. I swear my body temperature rises a couple of degrees. “Mia, how are you?” he asks. His voice is deep, and my name rolls off his tongue like silk. He extends his hand, and I stand to shake his hand, but he pulls me into a tight hug, spinning my mind back to that night. To how badly I wanted him, to how badly I still want him. Fuck, we were amazing together, but he didn’t feel it.
“I’m good,” I tell him into his ear, smelling his scent. It’s the same as it’s always been.
“You look good,” he tells me and finally lets me go before sitting at the head of the table.
“Thanks.” I sit to his left as Chandler comes in and sets a cup of ice next to my coffee. Roan made me forgot all about my tongue. Chandler sits across from me, his attention so fixed on his phone that he doesn’t notice the way Roan is staring at me. I swallow, trying to ignore it as well. I can’t fall into the same trap that is Roan. Not again.
“So, you gonna ask Mia for her help, or what?” Chandler blurts out, placing his phone on the table. I turn to Roan, raising an eyebrow in question.
“Nah, I told ya, I’m good.”
“Come on, man. You’re far from good,” Chandler says, leaning back in his chair, resting his arms behind his head.
“What’s the matter?” No matter what history muddies the water between us, these two have never been cryptic around me.
“Roan needs to have the birds and bees talk with his girls, and since his loony ex-wife bailed . . . I told him to ask you.”
“Really, it’s no big deal,” Roan interjects, and I’m thankful he doesn’t want my help on this one. Honestly, the last thing I want to do is help him talk to his daughters about sex.
Chapter 4
Roan
She hasn’t changed one bit. She’s still as beautiful as ever and smart as hell, too. I hadn’t expected her questions during the interview to be so on point.
Being around her again makes it impossible not to remember how she looked beneath me. Every single second we were together is etched into my memory. The way she said my name. How she liked it rough—the way I like to fuck. She made me crazy, hell . . . she’s making me crazy right now. Even though it could never be more than the one night, I’m still pissed at myself for leaving her the way I did. I should’ve stayed all night and explained how I was feeling. But instead, my stupid ass bailed.
Chandler steps out to take a call, and she’ll barely look at me as she rushes to gather her things, which makes me rake my hand through my hair in agitation. We used to be pretty close, friends even. But we never really spent time together until she interned here. Then there were a lot of early mornings, late nights, and even weekends spent working on projects that brought us closer together. So, even though I get why she’s cold toward me now, I hate it, and I hate myself for ruining what we had.
“Have a good day, Roan,” she tells me, slinging her purse strap over her shoulder, and I have to make this right.<
br />
“I’m sorry, Mia.” My voice is barely a whisper, but she brings her eyes to meet mine.
“For what?” She laughs a little awkwardly.
“For what happened.”
“What are you talking about? Nothing happened, remember?” She raises her eyebrows at me.
I know why she says that; it’s because we agreed not to tell Chandler before we even slept together. It doesn’t make her indifference toward me any easier to handle.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t, Roan.” She sticks to her guns. It’s one of the things I find sexiest about Mia. Her strength and resilience are unlike that of any other woman I’ve ever known.
I step closer to her, moving until my body is a few inches away from hers. She ignites everything inside me, just as she always has. My brain is screaming at me to stop, to let her go. But my body wants the opposite. Too bad for my body, Georgia fucked me up in a way I can’t seem to move on from. She broke something in me that I’m pretty sure will never repair itself. It’s why I ended things with Mia before they started, because I’m no good for her, and I’d end up ruining her life like I did Georgia’s.
Still, I have her attention, and I don’t know if I’ll have it again anytime soon. “That night was amazing,” I tell her and touch her face, her soft skin scalding the backs of my knuckles.
She backs away as if my hand is tainted with the plague and glances to the door.
“Just let it go.” Those little words knock the air from my lungs. It’s as if she can’t feel the spark between us anymore, which maybe she can’t. I had my chance, and I killed it.
I know better than anyone how it feels to be walked out on. Even then, that didn’t stop me from leaving Mia that night. It’s been years since Georgia walked out on me, and the pain is still so strong.
