by LK Collins
Leaning my head back, I contemplate what to do, but I’m too lost in the sea of what-ifs and emotions. Chandler. He would know what to do. He always does. I pull out my phone and dial.
“Chandler?” My voice breaks over his name.
“What’s wrong?” he immediately asks.
“Oh, fuck,” I cry, unable to spit the words out. I don’t want to say them.
“What the fuck’s going on, Mia?”
“It’s Roan.”
“What do you mean? Is he okay?”
There is no easy way to put it, so I just say it, “Georgia’s back!”
“Motherfucker,” he gripes. “Where are you?”
“Home.”
“I’ll be right there.”
The phone falls from my ear, and I collapse to my side, sobbing into a pillow. I’m not sure how long I cried for, but it feels like a lifetime before the security of my brother’s arms wrap around me.
“Shhhh,” he says softly, but I can’t. What I waited so long for, now hangs in the balance. After losing my parents, uncertainty is not something that I deal with well.
Chandler doesn’t say another word for quite some time. He just lets me be, and as my body settles, he finally asks me, “What happened?”
I fill him in on all the events of the day and night. When I’m done, he’s silent for a moment before saying, “So you just left?”
“Yes. I couldn’t stay there, it wasn’t my place.”
“Have you talked to Roan?”
“No.”
“I can’t believe that fucking cunt is back. After all these years, she has some balls to walk back in as if nothing happened.”
“You should’ve seen the way Maisy was clinging to her. It broke my heart to see her that way.”
“It’s sad. It’s fucked up. It isn’t something a child should ever have to deal with.”
“I know it, and Rianna was screaming at the top of her lungs. Maybe I should’ve stayed for the girls?”
“No, leaving was right. Roan needs to do this on his own. He’ll do what’s right and call when he can.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means, he’ll make the right fucking decision. He won’t choose that bitch, not after what she did.”
Oh fuck, Chandler’s words have my head spinning, he thinks that Georgia is here for more than Maisy’s birthday, too. “Maybe he should be with her.”
“Why?”
“For the girls.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you not remember how crazy that woman is?”
“Not really, I was young when they met.”
“She’s a certified nut bag, plain and simple. Just keep your shit together, sis, you’ll be good. I promise.” My brother pulls me into a hug, a tight hug, and I try my damnedest to take his advice.
Chapter 35
Roan
Me: I’m so sorry for earlier, baby. I don’t even know what to say. I’ll call you as soon as I can.
I send a text to Mia, wishing she were here to help me chase away the last three hours of my life. They just keep spinning over and over in my mind.
Fuck!
Never in a million years did I think Georgia would just show up like this and for her to do it right around Maisy’s birthday is so fucked up.
“You okay?” Rianna asks as she takes a seat across from me, and I give her a reassuring nod.
The laughter from Maisy and Georgia in the basement is a loud echo, and I just want her to leave.
“Yeah. You?”
She crosses her arms on the table and rests her chin on them. “I don’t know, Dad. How can she just waltz in here after all this time and expect us to just welcome her with open arms?”
“I don’t know. It’s fucking crazy to me. What did she say to you?”
“Just that she works at some rehab place and is sorry and wants to be part of my life. But you know what?” I can see the anger this has caused her, and it makes me want to kill my ex. “I don’t want her to be part of my life.”
“Don’t say things like that, she’s the only mom you’ll get.”
“Yeah, and I’ve turned out fine without her. Giving birth to us doesn’t give her the right to do what she’s doing.”
I catch something out of the corner of my eye. It’s Georgia and Maisy. They are holding hands, and Georgia, who obviously heard exactly what Rianna just said, has tears in her eyes. “Uh, I’m gonna go for the night, but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to come back in the morning.”
“Girls, can you give us a minute?” Rianna leaves the table, giving me a small smile, and after one last hug and kiss, Maisy reluctantly lets go of her mother’s hand. Once they are out of earshot, I turn to Georgia and level a stern glare at her. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Really? That’s what you’re gonna ask me?”
“Yes, Maisy is through the roof, and Ria will come around.” She crosses the kitchen and sits at the table uninvited. I stand angrily.
“No, she won’t. You don’t know her. You don’t know what leaving did to her. Georgia, I’m sorry, but it’s not your choice to just come and go when you please anymore, or did you forget that you signed away your parental rights?”
Her mouth drops open, and I dig the knife a bit deeper. “Just because you’re ready to be a part of their lives, doesn’t mean they want you to be. Being a parent is about being there for your kids when they need you most, even when you feel like you can’t or don’t want to. And I know better than anyone what that means since I was all those girls had for the last seven years. So . . . no, you can’t come back here tomorrow.”
Tears pool in her eyes, and she says to me, “I live every day with the regrets for what I did to my girls. Please don’t stop me from making it right.”
“There are some things you just can’t make right,” I tell her, not budging. “You should leave. Don’t come back.” With those words, she sits stunned, looking up at me with a blank expression. I don’t think I could hate a person more than I despise her. Without another word, she leaves, vanishing into the darkness like she did all those years ago. God, I pray that I never have to see that woman again. Ever.
Downstairs, I find the girls in Maisy’s room. They are sitting on the floor, and I join them. Rianna leans her head against my shoulder, and Maisy looks at me with red-rimmed eyes. “I don’t even know what to say to you girls.”
“You don’t have to say anything, Dad,” Rianna says.
“I do. It’s my job to fix all this.”
“There’s nothing to fix,” Maisy says. “Mom wants a fresh start, and I think we should give it to her.”
“Why?” Rianna scoffs and her eyes widen.
“Because she feels terrible for what she did.”
“As she should, Mais. She left us, don’t you see that?”
“I . . . I do,” she says with a small tremble in her bottom lip. “I also see that God answered my prayers and brought my mom back to me.”
“We were fine without her, why do you think we need her?” Rianna asks, and the level of maturity that this conversation has is too much to handle. The girls shouldn’t be dealing with issues like this.
“Why don’t we all sleep on it and talk about it at breakfast?” I suggest.
Maisy yawns, and I’m happy they agree. For tonight, at least, I just need to be done with everything. After tucking them both in bed, I drag my exhausted ass upstairs. I’m not exhausted from anything physical; though, spending hours at the mall should have done that. It’s mental exhaustion that has completely depleted me. I toss the uneaten Taco Bell into the fridge, grab my phone from the table, and wander into my bedroom.
Mia’s bag of clothes stares at me from a chair by the window, and I check to see if she texted me back, but she didn’t. So, I call.
I strip my clothes off as I listen to it ring. She doesn’t answer, and I’m forced to leave a voice mail. “Hey, it’s me. I don’t even know what to s
ay, babe. I . . . I fucking miss you. I’m sorry you had to see that shit. Please call me, she’s gone and won’t be back.” I disconnect and then turn the shower on, getting right into the cold water. The chill sends a shiver running through me. As I stand there, waiting for it to warm up, I imagine punching the wall so hard it cracks the hard tiles.
Everything that Georgia did infuriates me, but more importantly, the way this is fucking with my girls is about to send me over the goddamn edge.
Chapter 36
Mia
The sun is warm as it shines through the windows of my condo. I passed out last night after drinking three too many glasses of wine and taking a couple Tylenol PM. I don’t think I’ve slept that hard since I was a kid, but apparently, I needed it.
My first thoughts are of Roan, and I roll to grab my phone. After reading his message, I listen to his voice mail, and my heart misses a beat.
She’s gone and won’t be back.
I dial his number, waiting for him to grace me with his voice, to calm my weary insides, but his phone just rings and sends me to voice mail. I hang up and send him a text instead.
Me: Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry for you. Call me.
I press send and close my eyes. The haunting images of Roan’s gorgeous ex-wife plague me, tossing me back and forth between jealousy and fury. I could only imagine what he went through seeing her again. How he had to deal with the fallout by himself. My feet hit the floor, and I’m getting dressed before I even realize it. I have to go to him.
On the drive, I contemplate grabbing some Starbucks, but really, I just want to see Roan. As I pull down his street, I check my phone to see if he messaged or called me at all, but he hasn’t.
When his house comes into view, my foot lifts from the gas pedal, my whole body a sudden ball of nerves when I see a car in his driveway. Georgia. She’s getting out of the driver’s side and is dressed in the same clothes as yesterday. She has a tray of drinks, four drinks to be exact, in her hand and a bag of food in the other. Why would Roan say she was gone? Did she stay the night?
I drive by as tears cloud my vision and go straight to my brother’s house. How could this be happening? How could he take her back after all this time? It has to be because of the girls, but he didn’t even talk to me first. Was he just going to forget about anything we ever shared? No. That wasn’t Roan. He wouldn’t do that. So, why was she there in the same clothes?
Finally, I pull up to Chandler’s, rush to the door, and pound on it as if my next breath depends on him opening it, which is exactly how I feel right now.
“Chandler!” I call out, feeling myself losing my grip on reality. Then my tired and barely dressed brother answers the door.
“You okay?” he asks as I hurtle myself into his arms.
He holds me back, my grip is fierce around him as a sob rips from me and the tears finally fall in rivers down my face.
“You have to calm down,” he tells me, but I can barely breathe as he guides me to his couch and urges me to take a seat. “Sit, I’m gonna put some pants on.”
I nod, falling into the sofa.
When he’s back, he takes my hand in his and asks, “What happened?”
“I-I . . .” My words are a stutter, and I take a deep breath, knowing being this upset is not good. “I went to Roan’s today, and she’s there.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I swear to God, she was bringing them breakfast, but last night, he left me a message saying she was gone and wouldn’t be back.”
“Have you talked to him yet? I’m sure there’s an explanation.”
“No, and I think she stayed the night, she was wearing the same clothes.”
There is a long pause, and if I listen close enough, I could probably hear the hiss of my brother’s anger rising. “I’m gonna kill that motherfucker.”
“Stop it,” I tell him, swiping an angry hand across my cheek.
“I mean it.”
“Would you be serious right now? You aren’t going to go over there and kill him.”
“Yes, I fucking am!” he shouts at me, and I place my head in my hands. Arguing with Chandler about killing Roan is not what I need. I need his help, and I need him to tell me what to do.
“You will not.” My words sound final, and he glares. “I need you to call him and see if you can get a read on things.”
“Fine.” He huffs and grabs his phone from the other room, and when he returns, he has the receiver up to his ear. My insides are a huge mess, waiting for Roan to answer. I worry that if he does, he’s ignoring me on purpose.
“What up, bitch? I’m not sure what the fuck is going on, but I need you to call me, like ASAP!”
He hangs up, and I shake my head, not sure what to do. The only thing I can think is that he’s trying to decide if he wants to make things work with her. “You wanna go over there and find out what the hell is going on?”
“No, not with the girls home. I don’t want to cause any issues.”
“I don’t give a shit about issues. This whole situation is fucked up! You’re a mess, and he’s not doing a damn thing to make it right. I’m not okay with that.”
Maybe my brother is right. Maybe we should go over there to see what’s going on. But, Jesus, I don’t want to pull the girls into this. My very next thought is the one that pulls me to my feet. I wasn’t the one who did this. Georgia did that by showing up like she did.
Chapter 37
Roan
I wake to voices and clatter coming from my kitchen. Perking my ears up as I roll over, I narrow my eyes when I realize it’s Maisy and Georgia. Why is she here after I told her not to come back?
I shoot out of bed, spot the Starbuck’s coffee on my nightstand, and straight want to fucking throw it against a wall. That cunt was in my room. How dare she?
I pull on my pants from yesterday and charge into the kitchen. Their eyes are on me, my rage is so apparent that Maisy’s eyes go wide and Georgia goes completely still.
“Georgia, may I speak with you . . . outside?” I grit out through my clenched teeth.
“Yeah, sure. Did you see the coffee I brought you?” she asks, which just reminds me that she thought she still had a right to walk into my bedroom. I barrel past her without so much as glancing at my daughter.
Outside, I stand waiting with my hands on my hips. She closes the door behind her and comes to a halt a few feet away from me. I try to keep my voice down, so my neighbors and Maisy don’t hear me. But to make my point very fucking clear, I step a mere inch or two from her face, looking down into her eyes. The eyes that I once loved. That were once the key to my existence. Now, all they are is a connection to Maisy.
“Did I not make myself clear last night?”
“What do you mean?” She bites her bottom lip as if she’s trying to turn me on. It makes me want to vomit.
“I told you to leave and not come back here. You can’t just waltz in here and play mommy. You’re fucking with her emotions, god damn it.” Georgia touches my arm, and I want to slap it away.
But before I can pull back, Chandler’s brakes squeal as his car comes to a halt. She removes her hand and steps away from me just as my very angry best friend barrels from the car.
“Really? So this is how you’re gonna treat my sister?” he yells, his strides eating up the distance between us. I look past him and into his car to see if Mia is in there, but the windows are tinted, so I’m unsure.
“Not now, man.”
“No? So when?” he asks. Georgia backs up even more, and before I know it, he’s body checking me. “When you break her heart even more by choosing to be with her?” And he points to Georgia.
“What are you talking about, bro?”
“I’m not your fuckin’ ‘bro’ anymore. We’re done, damn it, and so are you and Mia. You can have this washed-up whore and the little pathetic life you always dreamed of.”
“Are you fucking crazy? That’s the last thing I want, I was just telling her she needed
to leave.”
“Whatever. Keep the lies coming, you fucking pussy.” He places both his hands on my chest and shoves me backward. I swallow, trying to hold back the anger—anger over Georgia showing up, anger over Chandler showing up making accusations, and anger at myself for not going to Mia last night, but my vision blurs. All I see is red, and I swing, taking my anger out on my best friend.
One hit and he falls to the ground. I jump on top of him, swinging. In the background, I hear screaming, but nothing can stop me. Nothing until her voice and her hands break through to me.
“Stop it, Roan,” she orders, and like that, I freeze. Slowly, I feel myself coming back. My vision begins to focus, the red fading away. Breathlessly, I look at Mia, her tear-streaked face hurts me. And as quick as her hands were on me, they are off. I reach for her, but she pulls away. “Come on, Chandler,” she says, helping her brother up.
“I’m sorry,” I tell them, Chandler’s nose is bleeding. He takes his shirt off and covers his face.
Jesus, what is wrong with me?
“Please don’t go,” I plead with her, still kneeling on my front lawn. I hate that I’ve hurt her. “Let me explain, baby. It isn’t what you think.”
“You made your choice,” she says and looks at Georgia, who is holding on to Maisy. Rianna is also behind them, watching the scene play out with tears in her eyes. I have no clue why she would think I chose Georgia, but before I can ask, or move, or respond, they are gone.
I place my head in my hands, the turmoil of Georgia returning is nothing compared to that of Mia leaving. Tears break the rims of my eyes, and I stay frozen, kneeling in place as the pain breaks me from the inside out.
Then something clicks. That is how I’ve always lived my life. Frozen in time, taking whatever comes my way and just dealing with it. I’m done. I took a leap being with Mia, and goddamn it, it was the best decision of my life. So, I’ll be damned if I lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.
