"You go ahead," I answered, putting my things into my bag at a snail's pace. "I'll be right behind you!"
When all my fellow students had left the room, I went down the stairs to Edwards.
He was still cleaning the blackboard.
Slowly, I approached him.
"Ms Spencer," he said without turning around. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I could see Mike from the corner of my eye as he pulled the door shut behind him.
This one had a window upstairs.
I cleared my throat.
"I lost my front door key over the weekend. "Did you... did you happen to see him?"
My tone sounded harmless. My heart was pounding like a fist against the inside of my chest.
Edwards put the sponge down. Then he turned to me.
Something flashed in his eyes when our eyes met.
I took another step towards him. We were now barely a quarter of an arm's length apart; the desk in his back.
"Where did you last see him?" he asked in a deep voice.
I buried my teeth in my lower lip as he pulled on his jeans to reposition them.
Only now did I notice the swelling in his trousers.
Even though we hadn't even touched each other yet.
I swallowed.
"I ... am not sure," I said softly and stopped close in front of him.
"Shall I have a look?" Logan growled and pushed his hand between my legs.
"I'm very thorough," he whispered and slowly drove up the inside of my thigh, tormenting with two fingers.
My shoulder leaned against his chest as he began to rub my centre.
"The window," I murmured breathlessly as he lowered and raised the pressure on my most intimate part again and again, just as he pleased.
I felt his erection on my stomach.
"You knew that," he growled. "Don't come towards me at my workplace anymore. My workplace is off limits."
Too quickly he pulled back his hand and put distance between us again.
"See you on Saturday," he said with a suggestive grin on his lips.
It took me a moment to regain my composure.
Had he deliberately stopped finger-banging me just before I came?
His gloating expression suggested just that.
"Have a nice day, Professor Edwards," I replied, without letting on how angry I was that he had denied me this orgasm.
But my anger was replaced by an even stronger feeling: desire!
I wanted him - my literature professor!
I wanted him to seduce, kiss, lick and penetrate me in every possible way.
Logan Edwards had kindled a previously unknown fire in me.
And I would do anything to keep him playing with me until every inch of me was ablaze.
"Don't be late," he said before I left the hall.
I turned around and looked at him.
"I will," I returned, like a good girl who knew no disobedience.
I was far too curious about what was waiting for me to feel the need to reply.
When I turned into the west wing, I almost collided with Benji.
I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I had not paid attention to him.
"Do you need another right-left turn or glasses?" he greeted me.
"Sorry!"
I gave him a friendly boxer on the hard upper arm.
"Where were you this morning?" I asked.
Benji smiled mysteriously and pulled a black stick from the inside pocket of his jacket.
"Showtime, baby!" he said with a triumphant glint in his eye.
I reached for the tiny piece that would draw Chloe Clarice Bell's life forever.
"What's on it?"
"More than enough," Benji replied, browbeating.
"You creep!" I pushed out.
It was no surprise that he had looked at it.
"Are you ready?" he asked, taking the loot again from my hand.
"Right here and now?"
I looked at him in astonishment.
I wasn't prepared for this.
"Of course!" he returned and grabbed my elbow. "What are you waiting for?"
That was the question.
I had already agreed. The sooner it was put into circulation, the sooner I would get what I longed for: an internship at Xantec.
"Okay, let's go", I replied and followed him into the computer room, at the end of the hall.
"The honor is all yours," Benji said after he had prepared everything to send the file.
I hesitated.
It was just a click.
My hand was on the touchpad - I had already mentioned that there was only the best of the best at the Thorn, wireless mice were a foreign word to spoiled students like us.
Something stopped me from lifting my finger.
"Come on!" Benji urged.
I sat up.
"You know," I began, biting the inside of my cheek. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea, I mean... maybe there's another way..."
I swallowed and looked at him unsteadily.
We'd done a lot of lousy things in our time. But this... maybe it went too far.
If Lu found out... or... James.
I couldn't figure out why I picked James Wyatt Cole.
He already despised me. Why did I care what he thought of me?
"Don't go getting cold feet now, B. The bitch deserves it!"
Benji's words sounded hard and ruthless. He'd do it anyway.
With or without me.
I expelled a noisy breath.
"I can't do this," I finally said.
But before I could do anything about it, Benji had put his hand on mine and pressed send.
"Sure you can."
He smiled gloomily.
My breath stopped.
"Asshole!" I hissed, pushing him back angrily.
"Don't be so fucking stupid! You wanted it just as much as me," I heard him call out as he stormed out. "We're cut from the same cloth, you and I! Remember that."
Benji's words still echoed ominously in me, when I was already sitting in my car.
What had we done?
What had I done?
My fingers were clutching the steering wheel.
Normally I'd have two more classes today.
But I couldn't be there when it happened!
I started the engine and drove off the Thorn site.
My cowardice was proof enough of the worst suspicion I had tried to hide from myself for years: at some point on my way from child to woman I had become a bad person.
Just a cake
I was not prepared for the storm of emotions that swept over me when I closed the door of my room behind me.
I felt dirty inside. And that was to say the least.
No sooner had I curled up on my bed than my cell phone rang.
It was Sky.
For a moment, I wondered if I should answer it.
But knowing my friend, I knew that she would keep trying until she reached me.
So I decided to rip the band-aid off as quickly as possible.
"Where are you?" she asked in a whisper.
Professor Higgins was on the schedule at the Thorn. His seminars were mostly pure hullabaloo, so it was not noticed when one or the other student was on the phone or did not appear at all.
"I wasn't feeling well," I said. "Headaches."
"Have you heard about Chloe?"
I took a deep breath.
Apparently long enough for Sky to get suspicious.
"You had nothing to do with this, did you?"
Her voice sounded accusatory and I couldn't blame her.
"Well," I started swallowing.
"B!", Sky spouted in shock. "That's -"
"I know," I cut off the word in a depressed tone.
There was no need for her to say it. I already knew that what I had done was inexcusable.
"This was Benji's idea, right?" she kept on drilling, even though she already knew the answer.
"Doe
s it matter now?"
I didn't mean to cut her off like that. But I just couldn't talk about it anymore.
At that moment, I wished once again that there was an eraser for life.
"You know I'm always on your side," Sky said, and I felt her disappointment between words. "I realize what you've been through."
I swallowed again.
It was pathetic to use the loss of my father as an excuse to destroy another person's life.
Only Sky, with her unspeakably big heart and compassion for God and the world, could muster that much understanding.
But the thing was, I didn't deserve it.
With one hand crossed in front of my chest, I drilled nails into my upper arm until it hurt, while I continued to listen to Sky.
"But this time, there -" she paused, and I could hear her formally making up the least hurtful words "... you went over the top! Benji can be bad, we all know that. What I don't understand is why you keep letting him get to you.
Tears filled my eyes. I winked them away.
"I don't know," I replied with resignation.
He's my best friend, added my heart in silence.
"I have to digest this first," Sky explained and I understood.
"See you," I said weakly and hung up.
***
I stayed away from the Thorn for two more days.
Lu didn't buy my menstrual cramps.
But I would rather have shaved my bald head than tell my little sister why I shied away from the seminars.
Shame was a feeling that crawled out of every pore, secreting a deadly poison that slowly and painfully suffocated you.
Of course I knew that I could not hide forever.
Rash had lied for me and told anyone who wanted to know, that I suffered from migraines.
I couldn't have asked Sky about it and I wasn't talking to Benji right now. And Madox... was minding his own business, as usual.
I was grateful to have at least one of my friends as a support, so my absence was not linked to recent events, at least not obviously.
Though it was as sure as eggs is eggs that there were whispers.
Benji gave me an ominous look as I got out of my car in the college parking lot on Thursday morning.
I ignored him and rushed towards the brick building.
I thought I heard a whisper of Chloe's name on every corner.
I couldn't even imagine what the girl I couldn't stand was feeling right now.
So it didn't really surprise me that she shone by her absence when the first seminar started.
Sky avoided talking to me. I did not blame her.
For the first time, it occurred to me that maybe she had actually been trying to make the most of her P-Fiends membership.
Unlike me, she had a spotless record.
The only thing you could say about her was that her family was filthy rich.
When she was challenged in our usual bet at the beginning of the semester, she had refused from the start and preferred to become a Madox slave* rather than having fun at the expense of others or gaining an unfair advantage.
(*I'd rather leave uncommented that her fling with Madox began at that exact time).
What I was getting at was, in retrospect, to want to have swapped with her only too gladly...
Sighing, I turned my eyes away from Chloe's empty seat.
As expected, Professor Edwards ignored me for the entire class.
It didn't bother me; to be honest, even his presence didn't bring me any sense of relief.
The moment it rang for the break, my mobile phone vibrated.
No key in the boat.
I hadn't thought of that at all.
Edwards was still in the lecture hall when the last students rolled out.
I wondered about the timing of his text.
Still, without talking to him, I walked past him towards the door.
"Ms. Spencer.
The deep sound of his voice went right to my core.
I slowly turned around.
"Yes?
I sounded like a shy schoolgirl.
Now / Pull yourself together, Blaire!
I just sat up and looked him right in the eye.
"Are you okay?"
He put a pencil on my desk and looked at me probing.
"You seem distracted."
Paula and Angelique were the last to leave the room.
Now the professor and I were alone.
I nervously brushed a strand of hair from my face.
"Busy," I lied. "Lots of exams."
I pressed the oversized handbag closer to my body.
My fingers literally clung to the thin strap that stretched over my shoulder.
"You look sad," Edwards remarked as the door closed with a loud clack.
"It's just the bags under your eyes," I replied frantically and unbiasedly. "I haven't slept well. Need a new concealer."
I pressed my lips together and forced myself to smile.
Edward's look caught mine. His expression was inscrutable.
"Come here," he said softly
The way he called me to himself gave me goose bumps every time.
"But I thought -" I began, while my feet were already moving, towards the man who had so completely captivated me.
"Shhh!"
He put his index finger on my mouth.
We stood close together; at just the right angle, so that anyone who wanted to could have watched us from the window in the doorway.
I looked up at him; his prominent chin seemed to cramp as he gently stroked me over the head.
"You'll tell me on Saturday what's bothering you." He paused and slipped his hand under my blouse.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth radiating from his fingers.
Gently, he moved his hand around my nipple. "Then, and only then..." Professor Edwards leaned over to me and pushed my chin up. "Will I enter into you with all that God has given me and fuck your soul out of your body."
My breathing quickened immeasurably when he kissed me.
I couldn't believe he did that in public, at his workplace. Especially when he had only recently made it clear to me that everything concerning us had to take place outside of Thorn.
His kiss was full of desire, yet soft and loving.
He wrapped me in a ball of cotton wool that shielded my heart from the sharp edges of reality.
I wanted to stay in it forever.
When he finally broke away from me, I missed him at that very moment.
"Don't you ever try to fob me off with a fake smile again," he growled and looked at me gloomily.
I stroked my mouth with my fingers, as if I could catch the kiss that way.
"I won't", I promised and licked my lips.
"That's the way I like you," he returned and pulled the corner of his mouth up.
Once again this man had managed in seconds to make my hormones go crazy. With just one kiss, he had aroused me so much.
And the best part was, for a moment, I didn't think about Chloe in his presence.
"See you Saturday," I said, waving a sly wave before I left the lecture hall.
***
And then came Friday.
I couldn't for the life of me say what had made me knock on James Wyatt Cole's door that day.
In all the years that had passed between us and the now, I had always thought of him on his birthday and the day before (the anniversary of his mother's death).
Yet it had never occurred to me to revive our old tradition.
Why just now?
I did not know. And yet I had spent the entire evening yesterday baking a decent cake for him.
My knees trembled the second time I pressed the bell.
Maybe he wasn't there. What do I know what he was doing for his birthday in the meantime.
Suddenly something was stirring behind the dark green glazed front door.
"Well, well, well."
Mr Cole Senior looked at me with his eyes wide open.<
br />
"Jesus Christ. You're a sight for sore eyes. "My dear, dear sir," he said with astonishment and gave me a hand.
"James, why didn't you tell me Blaire had become such a beauty?" he shouted into the hall.
Blood rushed into my cheeks.
"Nice to see you, Mr. Cole," I said sheepishly.
"What is it, Dad?" I heard James call out.
I swallowed and held the pie plate even tighter than before.
"Look who's here!" said Mr Cole and winked at me.
James appeared behind him. He was wearing a blue and white checkered shirt, half unbuttoned, revealing a tanned, extremely well-defined chest.
Holy shit!
He was also wearing a pair of tattered jeans that perfected his fabulous hot guy-next-door look.
"Hey!", I greeted him in a voice way too high.
I was nervous.
James' strange expression on my face only increased my tension. He didn't seem very happy to see me.
Maybe I was wrong to come here.
"Boy!", his father rebuked him with a boxer on his hardened chest. "Where are your manners? Ask the girl in."
Mr. Cole took my cake.
"I didn't want to disturb you, I said hastily, looking at James.
"Nonsense!" cried his father, who was already running towards the kitchen.
"Come on in!"
I pursed my lips together and looked at James questioningly.
He was visibly uncomfortable that I was here.
"You heard the old man," he muttered and held the door open for me.
"I really don't want to -" I stammered. But by then James pointed with a movement of his head towards the inside of the house.
"Okay," I said as I hesitantly walked past him. "But only for a moment."
James' scent crept into my nostrils, though I was careful to keep a sufficient distance.
"Thanks for the cake," he said in a low voice.
It was hard to imagine that this could be the man who had once read to me.
He had changed so much!
"No party at all?" I asked as I entered the kitchen.
On the table were two plates, a marble cake without candles and a pot of coffee.
James Dad had put the nougat cake I had brought on the sideboard and was about to hang a garland over the window.
I smiled.
At least that tradition was still the same.
Vicious Bet: Don't fall in love! (Sinners and Saints Book 1) Page 12
