“I didn’t know Gideon was your father, I swear. He hasn’t been seen in years, Callie.” The thought of Gideon not waiting for me in the Occulta Mirum makes my heartbeat weaken. Maybe he is dead after all.
“I thought being a mermaid wasn’t genetic?” I look at Orion with wide eyes. More questions bubbling to the surface of my mind.
“It isn’t, I promise you. It’s the Goddess’ calling. Nothing to do with lineage.”
“So we didn’t live in Tulsa from when I was born?” I look at my mother again, trying to put the pieces of my life together.
“No. We lived here until Gideon stopped visiting you. I could never have taken an opportunity to see his daughter away from him. After he left for good, I couldn’t bear the closeness of the sea. So I moved. Moved away from the possibility that I would see him again. I needed to start over. To adjust my expectations of what our life would be.”
“You told me he was dead. That he died.” I whisper slightly, feeling the strength in the lie now, rather than the sting of its betrayal. I look at her, seeing her clearly for the first time.
“I told you he was dead. I did lie to you. It was selfish, but how else could I have explained his absence without keeping some hope alive in you that he would come back?” She looks like she might cry at the thought and I wonder how I would feel, moving away from Orion with a permanent reminder of him clinging to my apron strings, asking questions.
“So how did you know I would be this way? You knew didn’t you?” I ask and she nods smiling.
“The day you were born I had a vision, a woman with lilac flowing hair telling me you would be taken from me young … but that I was not to worry as you would return occasionally and that you were going to be cherished and very important.” She remembers fondly and I wonder why she isn’t more upset.
“Atargatis …” I breathe her name, shock settling over me slowly.
“I think so.” Orion nods at the sentiment in agreement. He places a hand on my knee, trying to comfort me, but all I feel is numb.
“So it doesn’t bother you that you won’t get to see me much anymore?” I ask, looking down into the box further and my mother smiles. I can’t help but feel hurt at her ease with our parting. I had expected her to cry, scream, or maybe even call the police. I hadn’t expected full blown acceptance.
“I’ve had a long time; 18 years in fact, to come to terms with this, Callie … Besides, you are loved and will continue to be loved forever, as I was with Gideon. The biggest gift I could give you is to let you go.” She looks teary in saying this and I know that inside she is sobbing. I feel guilt at the idea of her finding this easy passing through my mind at all.
“If I could’ve stayed with Gideon … had him forever, I would’ve given up everything you are about to in a heartbeat. Now you’ve found your destiny … follow him.” She gestures to Orion and I turn to him and smile. His expression is just as stunned as mine.
“I don’t want you to be alone though mom, you need me too.” I reply softly and her expression creases.
“I have been rewarded for this sacrifice, Callie. I have another beautiful daughter and this one is for keeps.” She acknowledges and I smile, thinking about Kayla. I look back down into the box and I find more pictures similar to the one on the top of a thick waxy envelope, my mother and father smiling and posing, in some Gideon is a mer, in others he has legs but in all one thing is constant, and that is the love they clearly share. I shuffle the photos to one side and underneath I lift the envelope.
“A letter … for you.” She smiles slightly and I wonder how long she has been longing to give me this.
“Why didn’t you give me this before?” I ask, the question burning in my mind.
“He asked that I wait until you discovered your origins. But he did request that I give you that necklace on your eighteenth birthday.” My mom enlightens me as to the origin of my birthday gift. I look down at the necklace I had forgotten I was wearing, not sure how I should feel that I could have been wearing a tear that had once belonged to my father around my neck for the past month. I look next to the letter, wondering if I really do want to know what it says. I don’t think I can handle any more of this so called ‘enlightenment’.
“He said it can be taken with you … you know.” My mom indicating the envelope can be taken back to the hidden city with us. Orion grasps my hand tightly for a moment and I breathe deeply, feeling the thrill of knowing my origins calling, mixed with an encroaching sense of terror at finding something I don’t want to. Knowing what I know now about the nature of my dad, I’m still left confused as to why he didn’t make more of an effort. I look to Orion and he scoops up the wedge of crisp paper, placing it in the satchel that is slung across his shoulder. He kisses my cheek and my mom’s expression melts a little.
“It’s wonderful to see you like this, you look so alive.” My mom compliments and I grin, unable to stop blood flushing my cheeks pink under the curls that surround my face. I get up and I hug her tightly before remembering my vow and the little girl snoozing overhead.
“Kayla.” I say the word and my mom understands instantly. It is funny now, to think that Carl ever changed her the way in which he did, made her so much of a lesser version of herself. Orion stands behind me and places a hand on my back and I know what I have to do.
“Can you please wait down here?” I ask of him with a pleading look, Kayla doesn’t need to remember the last time she sees me that I am with a man, she has enough male villains in her story having had a father like Carl.
“Sure. I’ll be here.” He reassures and moves a hand up to my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. The place his skin trails across mine still creates an electric throbbing pulse leaving me wanting. I ignore it, not wanting desire to ruin this time with my family. I nod and he sits back down on the couch, I ponder this image for a moment, an Adonis, sculptured beauty, in my living room, how absolutely absurd it seems. I follow my mom silently up the familiar wooden staircase hearing the familiar creak of the second to last step before my mom turns to me.
“Oh by the way, what are you wearing?” My mother whispers, looking me up and down curiously, as I remember I am standing in the purple corseted, far too short, cocktail dress.
“Oh, Orion picked it out.” I mumble self-consciously.
“It’s nice he wants to show you off … the way he looks at you, it reminds me so of Gideon.” She sighs and I raise my eyebrows wondering how she ever became Carl’s wife. How could she ever have moved on, settled for anything less than the love of one of Atargatis’ immortals?
“I’m sorry … about everything.” I confess as we reach the landing and she turns to me, tears streaming down her face.
“Don’t ever apologise. This was never in your control. I just wish … I’d been there these last few years … I feel like the fool now, wasting the time I had with you.” She hugs me close and tears trickle down my cheeks too. I wish more than words that I could go back in time, make the most of my mom. I lean back and we giggle, trying to stifle the sound as we wipe our tears away and beam at one another, glad of the cathartic release.
“I love you.” My mom says and strokes her hand through my hair cradling my face.
“And I will always love you … as long as I live.” I vow it to be true, I never want my memories to fade to grey as Orion’s may have done; I will remember her. It hits me as I stand in the darkness of the hallway, engulfed in light shadow with the woman who has nurtured me all these years, what being immortal really means. It will mean seeing everyone I have ever known, get old and die. I recognise now, that through all the sorrow perhaps there is a worse pain than death.
“Ready?” My mom whispers, cutting my thoughts off and pushing Kayla’s door open. I nod breathing in and smiling at the memory of my little sister’s laugh. Once my mom walks across the room and turns on Kayla’s bedside light, I discover that we have been whispering for no reason. She is sitting up; knees hugged to her chest, eyes squeezed shut.
“Callie!” She exclaims and launches herself out of bed and into my arms. I hoist her up around my hip and wonder if she has gotten lighter, or maybe I have gotten stronger? She nuzzles her head into my chest and I see my mom indicate she is going to leave us alone for a bit. I pull the body of my little sister against me and sit down on the bed. She adjusts herself so she is sitting on my thighs and she looks up at me, popping her thumb into her mouth. I smile and watch, slowly losing my grin as tears begin to spill from her giant chocolate brown eyes.
“Hey, hey … hush now … it’s okay …” I soothe, stroking her hair as she pushes her face into my chest.
“I … didn’t … think … you … would … come … BAAAAAAAACKKKKK,” she bawls and I continue to hush her, pulling her chin up so her watery eyes meet mine.
“I did come back though, didn’t I?” I remind her and she nods, silencing her cries for a moment.
“Where did you go? Did you see daddy?” She asks, eyes hopeful and I realise that breaking this to her may be harder than I thought. I need her to understand, and I don’t want her lied to. I know from first-hand experience the damage this will cause in the long-run.
“No … But I did see a lot of amazing things … Hey can I tell you a secret?” I ask and in an instant her sniffles are completely gone and she is kneeling on my thighs, totally engrossed in my face.
“Please tell me, I won’t tell anyone, pinkie promise.” She says holding up her little finger. I take my own and curl it round, shaking to seal the deal. I gesture with one finger for her to move forward and she obliges, letting me whisper softly in her tiny ear.
“I’m a mermaid.” I say and she leans backwards with a crazed expression.
“Like Ariel?” She says, placing her pudgy fingers to her mouth, eyes wide with wonder.
“Yes, exactly like that!” I say, smiling at her.
“Where’s your tail then?” She says, looking down at my legs, acute and mystified as always.
“Well that’s the thing … I have to go back to being a mermaid, so you won’t see me much from now on … but … what if I promise to write you letters? Tell you all about my adventures?” She looks puzzled but slowly nods.
“Promise?” she asks with a stern brow much too serious for someone of four years old and I chuckle at her seriousness, trying all the while not to cry.
“Promise.” I vow and she holds up her little finger again which I promptly shake with my own.
“I’ll miss you.” I say, feeling sad as she lays her head on my chest.
“I’ll miss you too … everybody leaves. It makes me sad.” She admits absent-mindedly.
“Don’t be sad for too long, Kayla, you are going to have an amazing life.” I say and she shakes her head disbelievingly.
“Will I get to be a mermaid too?” she asks and I shake my head, mimicking her action.
“Awe I wanted to swim with a dolphin!” she says and I laugh at the absurd image … that is probably a normal day within my new life.
“If I meet one … I’ll tell it all about you.” I promise and kiss her hair. We sit in silence for a while. She lets me stroke her hair and I daren’t move long after I watch her lids droop and close as she is lost in painless sleep. My mom comes back up the staircase and opens the door.
“I think we’d best let her rest. What did you say?” She whispers through the dim light.
“The truth.” I confess, laying Kayla in her bed. She stirs a little but does not wake as I kiss her forehead softly and take a final glance at her beautiful, childish face before turning and leaving the room. My mom looks surprised but does not question my decision to tell Kayla the truth as we head back down the stairs. I see Orion waiting in the hall for me.
“You’d best be off.” My mom announces and in that moment I want to scream and cling onto the banister for dear life. “But before you go, wait here a second, I have something for you.” I wait in anticipation as she heads into the kitchen. Several minutes and a lot of rustling later she returns, something thick and white in her palm.
“This came for you.” She holds it out to me. She’s giving me my mail? I shrug and take it. “You’ll be okay, won’t you Callie?” She looks me in the eyes, almost praying I will put her greatest fears to rest. I try to give her comfort.
“I suppose.” I mumble and Orion grabs my hand from across the hallway, his touch reminding me that with him comes the fate of leaving my family. My mom looks as though she may cry once more and we move in for one last hug, tears fall fast and hard from my eyes.
“You keep Kayla safe.” I order and she nods, blinking through her sobs quickly.
“And you’ll keep my Callie safe?” My Mom looks at Orion and he nods leaning forward and embracing her with his large arms. I am slightly thrown aback at this physical display of affection, but watch as they release one another slowly. It is as though this physical display of affection warrants approval from my mom. Orion is beaming slightly, blinding white teeth bared in full Hollywood glory and I cannot help but feel my lip curve upward. I go to say goodbye but can’t manage the words. My mother, sensing the impending explosion of tears, quickly opens the door and we leave hastily out into the moonlight. We make it to my car before I break down and Orion holds me for a good ten minutes as I cry at the unfairness of it all. Why can’t I have it all: family, friends, immortal life, and this wonderful man who loves me so? Life is seemingly a bitch, that’s why. As I calm down, Orion strokes my hair rhythmically, placing small kisses on the top of my head as it rests on his chest from the driver’s seat. I look down at the letter in my hands, the paper damp with tears. I wonder what is contained within it, the crisp paper holding the last of the secretive nature of my mom. I tear open the back, and pull out a thick stack of papers.
Dear Miss Pierce,
We are honoured after a most successful interview, to offer you a place at Brown University where we feel you are suited most completely. We are impressed by your dedication to the area of biology, comprehensive knowledge and tenacious and enthusiastic attitude toward this field of study. We congratulate you and anticipate your arrival at our campus in September pending your graduation.
I can’t finish the letter, feeling my heart drop through the floor. I got in. I actually got in. I got in and it doesn’t matter. I let out a strangled wail and let the pages catch in the breeze, flying away into the cold night winds of yesterday, sobbing into Orion’s white cotton shirt. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” Orion whispers and I look up at the moon, it still hangs just below the highest point in the sky, the visit didn’t take as long as I expected, probably because there wasn’t as much explaining as I’d thought involved. The tears have run dry, leaving a sparkling stain on Orion’s lap.
“Go where?” I grunt irritated and hopeless.
“Just drive for now.” He whispers and I sit up, starting the engine and pulling away from my old life.
We speed through the streets, away from the neighbourhood in which I grew up, past the swings and roundabouts of my childhood and toward the outskirts of San Diego.
“Where to, Batman?” I turn to Orion as I pull my foot off the gas and we come to a crossroads. Trying to use humour to diffuse the anguish that has overtaken me.
“Batman?” he queries with a creased forehead and I laugh, trying not to snort in a most unladylike fashion.
“Don’t worry about it. Pop culture thing.” I tell him and he looks confused even more. I laugh at him. Taking my hands off the steering wheel and letting the car sit at the junction.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“Why not? You’re funny.” hysterical giggles rise from my belly out of the pit of despair, which came from abandoning everything I had once known.
“Because I’ll take you on the back seat.” that shuts me up, distracting me from the night’s events. My mouth turns to a sly curve; I enjoy looking at him, his bulging muscles l
ying across the white leather of my little red vintage. Dream man in my dream car. I had moaned before about not having everything I wanted, but maybe that was spoilt. After all, who gets everything they desire with no consequences. I appreciate him, feeling lucky as his glacial blue eyes bear down onto my satin covered body; I shudder needing him, my insides feel increasingly barren after leaving everything I had once known behind me.
“Okay.” I challenge him.
“Right here?” he raises the bar, licking his bottom lip salaciously. Hungry for my exhibitionism.
“Right here.” I say, but just as he reaches forward to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me across the gearshift, my real hunger gets the better of me. My stomach lets out a real, sorrowful gurgle.
“Hungry, princess?” he says.
“Not for food.” I need the comfort his lips afford; I need it like an alcoholic needs bourbon. I want the safety of his arms, the conviction of his touch to pull me through the desolation I was feeling at the departure of my once simple existence.
“I think the rabid wolf clawing to get out of your insides would disagree.” Orion sits back, letting his arm slide forward to his side.
“Hey, get back here!” I complain, trying to lean in, craving his saltiness. He places his hands up.
“I’m not touching you until you’re fed.” He informs me, a mask of cold control sliding in beneath his irises.
“But …” I request pouting, the emptiness echoing inside me.
“You’re all dressed for dinner, Callie, you look beautiful. Please let me wine and dine you, princess.” He strokes a single finger along my chin bone and I breathe him in, heady and seductive.
“Fine. I know a place.” I say, taking back control, feeling let down.
“I know a place.” he enlightens me.
“You? Know a place?” I raise my eyebrows. He didn’t seem like the kind to dine casually around San Diego.
The Kiss That Killed Me (The Tidal Kiss Trilogy Book 1) Page 25
