So the sea itself is what gives mer their power, well I suppose that kind of makes sense when you think about it. I can’t think of many things older in this world than the seas. I am also interested in the idea of beheading a merman or mermaid. I mean what kind of terrible creature has the power to even out manoeuvre a mer? I shudder at the thought and then picture someone de-scaling my gorgeous tail and shudder even deeper. I continue reading and find that the next paragraphs are dedicated to The Banished:
‘Though few have ever rivalled the power of the sea, there still remain a group who are in league with a power that is even greater than that of Atargatis. ‘The Banished’, consisting of those few mer who have become infected with the dark magic set loose by Poseidon in his rage, have aligned themselves with a beast known to most as Necrimad, giving them a link to the power responsible for death itself and thus allowing them to be equally as hard to kill as the mer themselves. The Necrimad, a beast created to contain the darkness unleashed by Poseidon, has been trapped in a dimensional prison, in the hope that the darkness he had unleashed would not continue to spread. He did not, however, foresee its power seeping in through the dimensional seams that became weakened by Atargatis’ time on this earth. Those who worship it are no longer referred to as mer but rather psirens, as they take on bizarre half-mer half-demon forms that have never been known to set foot on land. Each of them makes up for this handicap with a set of magical skills that they utilise with deathly accuracy and foresight. We cannot be sure how they established first communication with the demon Necrimad as we are most certain that the beast resides in another dimension quite unlike our own. But we do know that should he ever be freed into our own dimension, mass terror and genocide would most likely ensue. This is why ‘The Banished’ are ‘The Guardians’ and ‘Knights of Atargatis’ main priority even to this day, in the hope that Necrimad will never see sunrise or sunset on this earth.’
Below there is a picture of five mer, or what appear to be at first, until I focus more carefully on the detail of the black and white image. Where teeth should be, razor sharp edges reside and their tailfins are not like mer at all on closer inspection, but are rather some kind of concoction of other sea creatures that come from deeper depths. One of them has the lower body of a hammerhead shark and another looks like he may be a mix of some kind of eel and a sea dragon. The image taunts me, and even though the artist is not the most talented, I feel as though even after closing the leather bound volume with a slam and closing my eyes for a few moments to regain my peaceful state, the image of each psiren is firmly burnt into the back of my eyelids. I recall the images Orion input into my mind, and among the flashes, rapid and terrifying, I see their faces. I sigh and go over to Orion after placing the volume back on the bookshelf, with the others that are tightly packed together, to stop them wildly floating away in this underwater world. I touch him on the shoulder as I am brought back to the beauty of his playing after being so engrossed in worlds of demons, beheading, and death.
“Come to bed with me.” I whisper into his ear and he smiles slightly, turning and embracing me for a few seconds. He is immediately upright and at around the height he would usually be if he were standing and, instantaneously, I am in his arms and we are on our way into the bedroom. We lay together and he curls his tail around mine. I reach out to touch it and cannot bear the thought of anyone even scratching a single scale from its beautiful blue surface. I sigh and then look up into his eyes.
“Your tail is so beautiful.” I admire and he smiles stroking my own.
“As is yours, although you couldn’t understand why I thought it desirable not so long ago.” He teases lightly and gives me a dreamy look.
“I understand now. “ I whisper again as I snuggle down deeper into his chest inhaling his comforting scent. I close my eyes, feeling safe in his arms, as I let myself drift into the mer sleep which, beautifully enough, brings me so much clarity.
When my eyelids open once again, Orion is watching me as though he awoke just moments before, feeling me stir. I look up into his glacially blue eyes but cannot focus as the subject of my memories niggles within my chest. I rise off the bed, words eluding me as Orion sits upright.
“Callie?” He says it quietly, as though it is a thought rather than a question. I ignore him, the images from the last few days, fresher in my mind than ever, as I drift into the main room and find his satchel by the side of the harp. I rummage inside it and pull out the letter from my father. The paper is thick and waxy and on the front, in italic sloping handwriting, is my name with a long line slashed underneath it. I turn it over in my hands, at first I question whether or not I actually want to know what my father, who somewhat abandoned me, has to say for himself, before remembering that this niggling curiosity woke me from such peace as his face swam in and out of my earliest memories. I place a long nail underneath the seal, which is some kind of wax with a trident crest plunged into it and the paper lifts, allowing me to reach inside and pull out the paper within. A few sheets folded neatly, I open the letter and begin to read while I sit back into the leather sofa, heart beating like that of a hummingbird.
Dearest Daughter,
It is in greatest hope that I write this letter, in the hope that it will find you, in the hope that you finally know who and just how special you are, and also in the hope that shortly after, or before, reading this letter we will have finally met in person.
Firstly, I want you to know that I love you, I always have, ever since the night you came into this world, under the full moon. It was as though the Goddess wanted me to be the first one to hold you. I will never forget the night I walked up the garden path to your mother’s home only to find a note telling me she was at the hospital, and that you were coming. It was a wonderful two years after that. I would come to the shoreline behind some rocks that sheltered us from prying eyes and she would bring you to see me, you loved touching my tail and running about while your mother and I talked. It is now that you are wondering how I could ever give up someone like yourself? The truth is, it was a decision that myself and Patience, your mother, came to together. We knew that as you grew, you would have more questions and as you may know, children are not the best secret keepers. We also didn’t want you to spend your whole childhood waiting, as your mother did so well while we were together, for my return. It was my deepest regret that we were separated before you even really knew me or had any memories of my existence, but I promise this will soon be made right by me, as once you have awakened to your true form, I will be there. I am writing this hoping your mother, bless her, will keep her promises and hand this over to you shortly after you turn 18, which is when I predict you will meet Orion and fall in love. He is a wonderful man, perfect for you, and I wish you both happiness should I be prevented from reaching you. The tide is always changing, as are the directions in which our lives take us, but stick with Orion and you won’t go far wrong. I hope we will meet soon Callie, and I hope the time I have to wait for your real home-coming passes as quickly as those two years in which we made sandcastles and collected sea shells under the full moon.
All my love, your father,
Gideon.
I do not cry, I just sit, my soul aching deeply. I was loved, never abandoned really, just allowed to have the childhood anyone would want for their child. Then it hits me that my mom’s lies really were for my protection. I mean the truth would have made me look crazy for believing it, or angry at her for, as I would have assumed, lying to me further. I recall the number of times I thought of her as weak, but the strength she must have had to leave Gideon, as I now knew through my bond with Orion, must have been insurmountable. I hold the letter to my chest, as the questions begin to rise within me. My father, Dad, said he was going to meet me shortly after I changed, so where was he? Mid thought, Orion moves through the water and into the sitting room, glancing at the letter within my hands.
“What did it say?” He whispers, stroking my arm gently. I cannot bring myself to sp
eak so I simply pass him the letter and he reads it quietly for a few moments before sighing.
“Callie, I think I know what happened to your father.” He looks down into his lap before turning to me and taking my hands in his.
“Close your eyes.” He whispers slowly.
FLASH
I see Saturnus and my father Gideon laughing together. FLASH. Gideon is trying to explain something to Saturnus, desperately gesticulating with a sobbing female mer floating behind him. Saturnus orders Gideon to get out with a stern and singular finger pointing to the distance, away from the Occulta Mirum. FLASH.
I am back in the sitting room gasping for breath, tears streaming down my face. “What was that? What did you just show me? It was all jumbled!” I ask, desperate for answers.
“If I could guess, I would say your father was being exiled.” he replies.
“If you could guess? What’s that supposed to mean?!” I raise my voice getting angrier and angrier by the second, desperate to know of the truth.
“Well, I have been thinking about how I didn’t realise that Gideon was your father. I’ve been trying to remember the last time I saw him. I think that was the last time. I walked in on Gideon and Saturnus having some kind of fight. I didn’t want to get involved so I got out of there as fast as I could. That’s why it was a bit jumpy, what you saw. If I had of known it was regarding you, I would have stayed. But this was sixteen years ago. It’s all a little foggy.” Orion admits, rubbing the back of his neck with one arm.
“We need to go and see Saturnus about this. I need to know the truth.” I express and he nods gingerly, looking slightly afraid I may combust with desperation any second.
I find myself standing before the radiance of Saturnus in less than five minutes, his study surrounding me with my heart pounding. I feel the slits on my neck opening and closing as I suck in water, trying to keep my pulse steady and calm. I begin to wonder if maybe I’m letting this affect me a little too much. After all, I barely know my dad, but then again, he is my dad, I’m made up of half of what he is and I want to know him. Maybe it’s because I’ve always had a big question mark over my head about who I am, because I don’t know where I come from, or maybe it’s because we are all genetically engineered to care about our parents regardless of who they may be.
“So you want to know about your father?” Saturnus queries, raising a scarlet eyebrow, his skin giving off its usual ethereal glow.
“Yes, it is important to me. I’ve been wondering about him my whole life.” I respond and Orion squeezes my hand, which I barely noticed him holding.
“Very well. I will tell you what happened, but you must promise that you will not go looking for Gideon.” his emerald green eyes pierce mine and my insides tremble a little, his tattoos never looking more beautiful.
“Why?” I ask.
“The rules of exile are barely ever enforced, but they are very clear. Once exiled, any mer who go looking for an exiled party will not be welcome back into the Occulta Mirum again.” He replies, looking stern.
“It is for our own protection.” He adds, trying to make me understand, I stand faced with a terrible choice, would I rather not know what had happened and move on, or would I rather know the truth, but be helpless to do anything about that information anyway, and have it possibly eat away at me. I ponder this for a moment, each of us in the room suspended in the water and surreally still.
“I want to know.” I conclude, finally taking a breath out.
“Take a seat.” Saturnus gestures and Orion and I position ourselves on the deep green leather loveseat which stands against the sandstone wall. It’s was draped with deep coloured fabrics that made the study seem intimate and if nothing else, safer than the open water I am used to.
“Your father and his soul mate, Alyssa, were together for a long time, Callie, they were looked up to, as an example for the rest of our society. The thing you have to understand about our kind, well your kind now, is that one of the reasons Atargatis gave each mer one soul mate was because we have such a lonely existence, we keep each other strong and provide comfort throughout our lives which can, in theory, last an eternity. So then your father fell for that human.” He stops as I open my mouth.
“Her name is Patience, and she is my mother, not just ‘some human’.” I interject and he nods.
“I apologise, that was very crude of me.” He looks me hard in the eye as though he is not sorry at all. I pull an accepting expression and he continues.
“Anyway, then your father met your mother and, well, they fell in love, this is never supposed to happen among our kind, especially for one who already has a soul mate. When we found out, which we eventually did, we exiled him. His partner Alyssa killed herself, which as I’m sure you understand is also a great crime among our people. We cannot stand for the mer that live within these walls knowing that true love, and not just lusting, with a human is possible. It will only breed fear of loneliness and paranoia, leading to many more problems than it solves. Do you understand Callie?” He asks, tilting his red mane of hair to one side and I sit, pondering for a moment.
“But because he fell in love with my mother, my existence was made possible. Doesn’t that mean it was sanctioned by the Goddess?” I ask looking confused.
“Possibly Callie, but regardless, we cannot have any more mer losing faith in the Goddess and abandoning our cause. The Banished are strong enough as it is. You understand what it would mean if our soul mate status lost all meaning, don’t you?”
“Doesn’t that mean we would have the right to choose who we love? Not have our hands, or even hearts, forced by this destiny crap.” I ask, cocking my head, feeling fury stirring within me.
“Our life isn’t about choice, surely you should know that by now.”
“So you’re telling me if I didn’t want to be with Orion, I would have to leave?” I ask and Orion’s eyebrows shoot up.
“I’m telling you if that were true, it would be better for everyone if you did.” He enlightens me and I want to hit him, unfortunately he still has information I need.
“Where is Gideon now?” I ask, feeling a little numb.
“I couldn’t tell you. We don’t keep watch over those who leave us.” He admits and I don’t quite know how to feel. Do I feel angry at how casually he seems to see the loss of my dad? Or do I perhaps understand what he is saying about only spreading the fear that the other mer may lose their partners in eternity to human hearts? I think for a few moments before nodding my head.
“Thank you, Saturnus.” I say and Orion and Saturnus share a knowing look that I can’t help but feel is more than simply my acceptance of the tale he has told me. Still grasping his hand, I get up and Orion and I move fluidly through the water filling the empty spaces in the room as Saturnus opens the door we return silently, and with all this new information weighing on my chest, back to our home.
As we journey back through the city together, Orion looks at me questionably. “You aren’t just with me because I told you about our souls?” He looks worried.
“No Orion, I already told you, I don’t believe in that stuff. What I feel for you is real, whether you are the other half of my soul or not. Being with you is my choice. No matter what Saturnus believes.”
“So we’re okay?” he asks for my assurance and I nod.
“We’re okay, I can’t say being told that the only reason I’m accepted into this community is because I’m enforcing some ‘destined’ morality with you is what I want to hear. But my feelings for you are real, they aren’t myth, Orion.” I say it with conviction.
“Oh.”
“Just know this though, I won’t stay in this with you just because we’re supposedly ‘destined’ either. If I’m not happy anymore, I will leave.” I’ve said this before, but I feel it needs reiterating.
“I better keep you happy then.” He says the words, unsure but with an upturned lip. I wonder if I really could come up with the guts to leave him, expelling myself nomadic
ally out into the open ocean. I knock the thought back. I’m happy with him, that’s what matters right now.
“Good plan.” I smile as we head back home.
“Callie, wake up.” I hear the three words penetrate my recollections of the conversations with Saturnus about Gideon, my father’s exile. About the stupid misconception he had about the people of the city, about how they love blindly, without choice. I’ve been sleeping a lot recently, going over everything that’s happened, trying to find some peace.
“Mmm.” I open my eyes, connecting with the breath-taking depths of Orion’s.
“I have a surprise for you, princess.” He croons.
“Surprise? For me …”
“Yup …”
“Is it shoes … oh wait …” I laugh slightly to myself.
“It’d be slightly redundant if it was, don’t you think?” He teases.
“I’m a woman, Orion; shoes will never be redundant, even if I don’t have feet to put in them.” I smile to myself defiantly.
“Ah, I see.” He smirks with mock understanding.
“So if it’s not shoes, clam bra?” I ask with a lopsided sloppy grin, the nap has refreshed me, allowing my sense of humour to return.
“Clam bra?” he queries the term, mystified.
“Oh come on, don’t tell me you haven’t ever seen ‘The Little Mermaid’?” I chuckle and his mouth contorts with amusement.
“I’m looking at MY little mermaid, does that count?”
“I don’t think it counts until you’ve experienced the magic of a singing crab.” I comment, and he laughs with a deep rumble that shakes his pectorals up and down rhythmically.
The Kiss That Killed Me (The Tidal Kiss Trilogy Book 1) Page 31
