by TJWEST
She looks at me, smiles and murmurs softly, “I do understand, sweetie. I do.” And turns her head back to the ocean.
I really think she does understand because I believe she is hiding something too that she is not willing to share. I'm starting to feel a bond with this strange 'beauty queen'. Huh, go figure.
Amy and I get ready at my place. I kind of feel like a teenager again, getting ready for a dance. So silly I know, but I'm pretty jazzed about seeing some live music and being out at night. It's been such a long time since I've done anything like this, so another 'new smile' appears on my face.
“You look gorgeous!” Amy squealed.
I take a look in my view length mirror and stare at myself. Who is this person? Where have you been? I can't quite believe it, but I feel happy. I feel beautiful - I smile.
I look at Amy. She looks amazing in her black skinny jeans, leopard blouse and black heels.
“Thanks. So do you.”
Look at us! Having a BFF moment.
Once we finished getting ready we hop in my Porsche, (top up) and drive over to Reds.
It was hard to find a parking space, but we managed to find one. We go inside Reds and the place is pretty busy. I see a lot of guys hanging out after work, watching the sports channel and others taking advantage of the happy hour special. I almost feel a bit self conscious because of
the stares I'm getting. A lot of men giving me the eye is not the most pleasant feeling. It's okay. You're just not used to the attention, that's all. Just relax, I remind myself.
Amy hooks her arm into mine and leads me out to the patio. I feel the vibration from the bandalready and hear someone singing. Amy squeals in delight because she sees Mitch. I was ready to sit down until I recognized the man on stage. In a matter of seconds my life had taken another volatile turn - there was no going back.
This has to be some kind of joke. He's not really here. My mind is playing tricks on me.
His voice, the way his fingers strum the guitar. I know that voice. I know those hands. I know that face. I'd know it anywhere.
The beating of my heart accelerated and my breathing became erratic. I start to feel lightheaded. Time had simply stopped.
Oh, my God, What the hell is going on?
I start to feel my eyes burn with unshed tears.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
No. It can't be. It can't be him!
The song ends. He stops singing. He opens his eyes and instantly focuses on mine.
Oh my God, it's Matt.
CHAPTER 7
MATT
I stop singing. I open my eyes. My eyes land on this woman. I truly cannot believe what I'm seeing. Her vision becomes so clear to me. I must be hallucinating, right? This woman, who is staring straight at me, is the same woman I saw coming out of Reds the other day.
It's Marty. My God. My fucking God.
I gradually get up from the stage chair, and slowly walk toward her -our eyes never leaving each other. She has tears in her eyes. She's breathing hard - chest is rising up and down. She's in shock - I'm in shock. Our bodies are almost touching I can feel her breath. I reach up to her face - her beautiful, sweet face. This face that I have dreamed about for fifteen fucking years. Her eyes close and one thick tear comes rolling down her cheek.
I touch her cheek with my thumb, swiping the tear away, I whisper, “Marty. My God it's really you.” I don't notice anyone else around us. I know my friends are staring but I ignore them. She opens her eyes. Her gorgeous, glistening green eyes look into mine. I've never felt such love for anyone.
She replies back to me with a whisper, crying. “I can't....Oh, my God...Matt?”
My hand is still on her face. I smile. “Yeah, It's me. My God you're so fucking beautiful.” I want to kiss her lips - her red painted lips.
She squeezes her eyes shut, shakes her head and says, “No. I can't....No...I've got to get out of here.” She moves away from me and swiftly walks out.
I look back at my friends. They are still staring at me. “Guys, I'm sorry, but I gotta go.” I don't turn around or even want to hear what they are saying as I leave.
I've got to catch her before she disappears from my life again. I can't let that happen. Not in a million years will I ever let her out of my sight again.
*****
MARTY
I don't where I'm going. I'm not sure which way my car is. My eyes are blinded by tears. I find the nearest bench. I sit down and put my hands over my face. I can't stop crying. I hear my name being called. I know it's him. Oh God! I feel him sit near me on the bench. My face is still covered by my hands. I must look like total shit, with mascara running down my face. I don't want him to see me like this.
“Marty.” He says my name quietly - so sweetly.
I feel him rub my hair. Oh God, how I've missed his hands in my hair. He then kisses the side of my head. This can't be real. I must be dying again and he is appearing in my dreams.
I feel his body heat he's so close to me. Still rubbing my hair, my back. I don't want to look at him. “Please, Matt...Go..... I don't want you to see me like this.” I whisper.
“You know I can't...I've dreamt about this moment, for which seems like forever, to see you again. There has not been a day gone by that I haven't thought about you.”
His hand leaves my back. No! Keep touching me. I've missed your touch! My tears subside. I just breathe. I take my hands off my face. I'm not sure if I should look at him -I'm afraid I'll break down again. He hands me a tissue. Where did he get that? I don't care. I take it and rub my nose and my eyes. God, I must look like the dead!
I sit up and put my back against the bench. I finally look at him. He does the same. He gives me a small smile. His smile is enough to make me want to grab him and hold him. It's enough to make me want to kiss him and never let him go. I don't do any of that. I just can't stop looking at him; his beautiful blue-gray eyes. I see crinkles around them. He's aged - but he's aged in a good way. In a very good way. He's older, but more gorgeous than ever. Oh my God, he's breathtaking.
*****
MATT
“Hey beautiful, there you are.” I touch her cheek again. No matter if she's been crying or laughing, she is still so stunning. “You okay?”
She nods her head and says, “Yeah.”
I'm so damn happy right now I can't stop grinning. “I can't believe you're sitting right here. Sitting right next to me. It's fucking incredible.”
She shakes her head. “I don't even know what to think. I'm so....I'm so overwhelmed I don't know what to do.”
“You don't have to do anything, baby. We can sit here all night and I won't go anywhere. In all honesty I really don't know what to do either. It's so unreal, ya know?” I want to touch her face again. I grab hold of her small hand and place my other hand on top. I look down at her manicured fingers and her black stoned ring - so delicate. I want to kiss each finger. I restrain myself. She seems too fragile to do anything else. She licks her lips. Fuck I want those lips.
It's been fifteen years and all I want to do is kiss her lips? I'm such an ass!
I want to know why she's here. How come she's not back in Europe? Is her husband here? If so where is he? Does he know she's with me? Was he in the restaurant and I didn't even notice? Fuck! I'll probably get beaten up over this if he sees us together. I let go of her hand.
“No! Don't let go!” She says to me in a panicked voice.
“Hey, I'll never let go if you don't want me to. Never.”
“I'm sorry.”
I lift her chin and look into her eyes “No. Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about.”
“Where have you been? Why are you here?” Her questions come out all at once. “I thought you were overseas or dead! Tell me what's going on!”
“Sssshhh. Marty.” I take her into my arms and hold her. Oh my God, how I have missed holding her. She smells so sweet. Feels so soft and so good. I want to pick her up and take her back to my place. I
want to love her.
She pushes me back a bit, which I don't like. I want to keep holding her. “Why are you here?” She questions me again.
“I live here. I retired from the air force five years ago. I own that shop across the street.” I point.
“Oh my God! That's yours? I saw the sign the other day and it took my breath away for a minute. My God I can't believe it.” Tears start to form up again. “Our tree. God, our tree!”
My thumb wipes her tear away. “Yeah. How could I ever forget our tree? Those were the best days of my life - being under that tree with you.”
She tries to compose herself, wipes away her tears and takes a deep breath. “This is just so crazy. I never thought, in all these years, that I would see you here of all places! It's been so long, Matt. Seeing you singing, my God, you're doing what you love. You're doing what you have always wanted to do. It's unbelievable.”
I nod my head and stare into her eyes. “What I'm seeing right now is pretty unbelievable.” She stares back at me. Licks her lips again. Those lips and that tongue are going to be the death of me. I take both my hands and bring them to her face. I want to kiss her. I know she wants to kiss me back. I didn't get my chance because her phone starts to go off. I close my eyes and mumble to myself, “Damn.”
*****
MARTY
Oh God I think he was going to kiss me!
My phone beeps from an incoming text. Shit! It must be Amy. I ran out on her and she must be worried. Why should I care what she thinks anyways? We're not BFF's! “Sorry it must be Amy.” I dig my phone out of my purse. Sure enough it was her.
“OMG what the HELL happened? R u ok? Text me back!”
I text her back.
“I'm fine. Sorry I ran out. Will explain later. Don't worry about me.”
Amy immediately texts back. Ugh, I wish she would just leave me alone!
“is that guy matt wit you? How do you kno him?”
I text back saying I can't talk at the moment. I hit the off button and bury my phone in my purse. I take another deep breath and catch Matt looking at me again. Those blue eyes can melt just about anyone who comes into contact with them. I have no idea what to say to him. He touches my hands again - holds them. The way he wiped my tears away - Oh fuck I loved that! But I really have no clue as to why I'm letting him hold me. My brain is on edge right now. My heart is bursting right now.
Shit! I have to get out of here! I can't let him get into my heart again. I was so broken when he left. I'm still broken. Too much has happened.
I take my hands out of his. I already feel cold without them. “I need to go. I can't stay here.” I stand up.
He stands up. He takes hold of my waist, bringing me closer to him.“Whoa! Wait. Why?” He looks so heartbroken. The frown upon his forehead detains me from moving. “I have so much to say to you. Please don't leave.”
I close my eyes and exhale. Breathing is the only thing that I can control right now. “Please let me go. This whole situation is too much for me to handle. I'm feeling so confused and hurt. You have no idea what I've been through since the last time we saw each other.”
He has a grip on my waist. He's so strong. It feels so, so good!
“I don't want you to go. I want to talk. I want to know about your life - I want you to know about mine. There are things I need to say to you. So please, Marty, don't leave.” He begs softly.
He touches my cheek again. My knees go weak but his hold keeps me standing. He takes over my anxiety that I am feeling. I lick my lips. His eyes open wide and become dark as he watches them.
He takes his finger and rubs my bottom lip. “Right now, I really don't give a fuck if you're married or not cuz I really need to kiss you.”
Holy shit! His lips hit my lips.
They are insanely soft. So insanely warm. His tongue swipes my bottom lip. Our mouths open. He slowly bites my lower lip, making me moan. I bring my hands up to his face. His body closes into mine; tighter, stronger. My insides are burning. All I hear is our breath - breathing harder. Then I hear him murmur, “Fuck, Marty I've missed you.” His hands start exploring my back, my ass. Oh my God - his hands are amazing. His mouth his amazing. His tongue is amazing. My hands make it around his neck. I put them in his hair - So soft. So thick - He groans. Oh God we need to stop. This is going too far, but feels so good. I return a bite to his bottom lip - he groans again, which turns me upside down! I could do this forever, but this really needs to stop.
I force the kiss to end. We're both breathing heavily. His arms are still tightly wrapped around my body. My hands are still in his hair. His eyes are so intense - so smoldering. I feel his heart racing against mine. “I really need to go. I need to think.” My voice comes out shaky and breathy.My lips feel bruised, but oh so wonderfully bruised.
“I don't want to let you go.” The huskiness of his voice is so sexy. He's so beautiful.
“I don't want you to either, but this is a lot to take in, Matt.”
“Can't we just go back to your place and talk? I promise I won't do anything you're not ready for. Please. I just want to be near you. I want to look at your face. I want to hold you in my arms.”
Wow. Is he for real? What man talks like that? What man makes you feel like you're the only woman around? It's such a heavy feeling.
“As much as I would love for you to come back to my house, I don't think it's a very good idea.”
He closes his eyes and exhales. “Is it your husband?”
I blink. “What? No! No, Matt it's not. I'm not married. Not anymore.”
I see a gleam of happiness in his eyes. They crinkle when he grins. I just melted again.
“No husband? Baby, that's the best damn thing you could ever tell me.” He chuckles.
As much as I want to smile, because he's so fucking cute, I don't. I put my hands on his chest - his beautiful rock hard chest. “Matt. I need a night, okay? Please?” He closes his eyes and nods his head. His arms leave my body. I almost take back what I said, but I know it's the right thing.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” The hope in his voice, his eyes. Shit, it's so hard to say no to those eyes.
I nod yes. He smiles. That extremely, beautiful smile. Melting.
CHAPTER 8
MATT
Holy Hell, what just happened tonight? The only woman that I have ever loved was in my arms again! Christ, where did she come from? Why is she here? Why is she not married anymore? Not that I'm complaining.
Just thinking about her lips upon mine makes my heart beat faster. She felt unbelievable. She looked amazing; older, but my God, amazingly stunning; Her long blonde, highlighted hair; it landed in the middle of her back, with shorter strands layering in the front, framing her beautiful face. And her sexy ass body; feeling her rounded ass makes me hard just thinking about it again.
Fuck! I want her here. I want her in my bed. I want to cover my body on top of her luscious curves and take my time tasting her every inch. I want to hear her moaning and coming for me while I lick her precious folds.
Fuck! I can't sleep. I need to take a cold shower or I'm gonna go fucking crazy.
After showering I rummage through my closet and grab my box of old photos I’ve saved over the years. I reach for the picture of me and Marty; we were at the beach, cuddling, smiling - so young. Looking at her beautiful, soft features - radiant smile, I knew, without a doubt, she was the love of my life. Keeping the photo in my hand, I sit outside on my deck and continue to gaze at the picture. There is no way I can get through this night without thinking of her; thinking about how she looked when I first saw her from the stage. Thinking about how I found her on that bench in tears. Thinking about how she tried to push me away - but not wanting me to let her go. Thinking about how we kissed. Thinking about how she needed to be alone to think. Thinking about how I walked her to her car and held her one more time - giving her a kiss on her cheek.
“Come to the shop tomorrow? Let's say about ten? I'd love to show it to you.”
>
She seemed hesitant at first but said yes. It was torture having her leave my arms. Watching her drive away I was praying she wouldn't get cold feet and decided not to meet me.
I really hope that doesn't happen. She's back in my life and there is no way in hell I'll let her slip from it again.
*****
MARTY
I had to find it -I had to.
When I got home I raced upstairs to my room and went straight for my jewelry box. I buried my necklace. It's there, but buried - I find it. I sit on my bed, rubbing the beautiful silver tree with my thumb. I hadn't touched it since the day I took it off. It's still shiny. It's still a piece of my heart - a piece of my heart that was buried for fifteen years.
“Here, let me put it on you.” Matt offered, softly.
I was in tears, feeling him clasp the beautiful necklace around my neck. His warm fingers braised against my neck, giving me chills. I lowered my hair, turned back around, and met his gaze; they were full of love, and sadness. “Don’t ever forget me.” He said in an undertone.
I choked. “Don’t be silly! I love you, how could I ever forget you? We’ll be together again. I know we will.” I said, confidently, even though the tears were coming down in streams.
He softly brushed my tears with his thumb and said, “I will always love you.”
Now as I lay in bed holding the necklace, it is no surprise I am not sleeping. I can't seem to make the tears stop. I'm not sobbing but the tears are sliding down my cheeks onto my pillow. I hold the necklace against my chest while staring at the ceiling. I should be happy that Matt has entered my life again, right? But why does it hurt so much? Why, after all these years does he appear as if nothing had changed? Why does my heart feel so much love for him, but at the same time feel such betrayal? Doesn't he know the pain he caused me? What he meant to me? Didn't he see it in my eyes, how much I was hurting?
