by Mari Carr
“I think you should tell me not to get involved,” she said, hating the pleading in her voice.
“No. You’ve been hiding backstage for most of your life, Ailis. It’s time for you to step out of the shadows and claim your spotlight.”
“I hope that’s an analogy, because there’s no way in hell I’ll ever step on a stage—”
“Don’t play dumb with me, girl.”
“Fine. I get it. Stop hiding at the pub. Stop waitressing. Stop wasting my life.” All the things she’d had to listen to for the past year came spilling out of her hotly. “I love how everyone tells me over and over what I’m doing wrong, acting as if it should be the simplest thing in the world to fix all the shit. It’s not that easy, Les.”
He sighed, his eyes softening, making her feel like crap for her outburst. “It’s the simplest thing on earth, kiddo. You’re pretty good at fixating on the negatives. Maybe open your ears and listen to the positives. There are lots of people who love you who are showing you the way. More than that, they’re willing to help you get there. But you have to stop questioning everyone’s motives and doubting yourself.”
“I don’t…” She couldn’t finish the lie. Couldn’t say something that wasn’t true.
“If you wiped away all those stupid excuses about the pub singer, how would you feel about him?”
“I—” love him. She couldn’t say that aloud, couldn’t admit it. Not to Les, not to Hunter. Not even to herself. Because love fucked a person up. She’d loved Paul. Honestly. Sincerely. He’d ripped her heart out. He’d stomped all over her trust. They’d started out as just friends too and then she’d let them be something more. And that’s when she disappeared. Ailis stopped existing as her own person and Paul took over, deciding where they should live, talking her into that job at the marketing firm because her original career plan of managing tours would take her away from him too much. If Hunter won the competition, the same thing would happen. She’d start playing follow the leader again, going where he went, letting his life decide hers. She couldn’t do that anymore.
“It’s okay, kiddo. You don’t have to answer. I can see the truth in your eyes even if you can’t. I can also see the panic setting in. Take a deep breath and step away from it for a little while. Because you’re right. You and Hunter need to concentrate on tonight’s show. Get through that. The rest of this will sit a bit.”
“Nothing can come of it.”
“Yeah. We’ll see about that.”
“I’m not going to lose my head again. I promise.”
Les sighed. “I didn’t ask for that promise. Go ahead and keep kissing the boy. It’s good for you.”
What was going on with the men in her life? Les was every bit as overprotective as Padraig. Yet both of them looked the other way when it came to Hunter.
“Les—”
“Got a lot to do, kiddo. I’ll see you tonight at the show.” He didn’t say anything else. Instead, Les walked away and left her standing there staring at an empty hallway.
Hunter was waiting for her at the car by now. Part of her wanted to run the opposite direction. Her emotions were riding too close to the surface. Facing him would be too damn hard.
He wanted things from her that she couldn’t give. Could she?
She walked to the car, feeling numb, confused, frustrated.
Reckless.
Ailis opened the passenger door and climbed in.
“Want me to drop you off at your place to get ready for the show? I can pick you up in a few hours.”
She shook her head. “No. I want you to take me back to your place.”
Hunter ran a hand through his hair. “I think I need a break, A. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing we could do now that would help me be any more prepared.”
“I don’t want to practice. I want you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Ailis ignored the flames licking her face and powered through. “Sex.”
He frowned, and his reaction caught her off guard. Had she misread everything that had been happening between them? Even though he’d adhered to a mostly hands-off policy lately, always being on his best behavior, she’d caught glimpses of the way he looked at her. While she was no expert on the subject, she was pretty sure his expressions reflected lust. And then there was that invitation on the stage.
When he didn’t say anything, she reached for the door handle, desperate for escape.
Hunter threw the lock on the door from his side. “Now you want to have sex with me.”
Ailis wasn’t sure if an answer was required because he hadn’t really asked a question. “I think I must have misunderstood—”
“You didn’t misunderstand a damn thing. I want you too. So badly it hurts. You have any idea how hard it is to walk around with a hard-on in your pants day after day?”
“I’ve been hurting too.”
“I jack off every single day after you leave. I close my eyes and imagine those bright blue eyes looking at me. That silky red hair wrapped around my fingers. Your soft, full lips on my mouth, on my dick. I’m obsessed with you, Ailis. You consume every second of my day and then you sneak into my damn dreams when I’m asleep.”
He got it. He did understand. They were both driving themselves mad, longing for something they thought they couldn’t have. She’d told him she needed love with sex. But the truth was, she didn’t. They were both adults, attracted to each other. They had a genuine fondness for each other.
“So you agree it’s a good idea. We’ll go back to your place. We’ll do it, and then all these pent-up desires will go away and we can get on with our lives as normal.”
Hunter tilted his head. “You want a one-night stand?”
She glanced outside at the brightly shining sun. “I think in our case, it would be a one-afternoon stand.”
He shook his head. “No.”
It took Ailis a minute to figure out what he was talking about. He wanted this. He’d just admitted to it. “No?”
“It won’t be one time.”
Hunter was the king of one-night stands. She’d been his confidante for a solid year, and she knew for a fact he hadn’t taken the same woman to bed more than once in all that time.
“Of course it will.”
He crossed his arms, refusing to start the car, to put them on the road back to his place where they could blow off all this damn steam.
“No, mouse. If you go home with me this afternoon, it’s with the knowledge that we’re going to do this thing right.”
“I have no idea what that means.” She’d actually decided on the walk to the car that this afternoon was the perfect day to do this, because their time was finite. They couldn’t linger in bed afterwards because they had to get ready for the show.
“Okay. Tell you what. When you figure it out and agree, I’ll take you to my bed. Until then…”
He wasn’t going to accept her offer. “Until then?”
“We burn.”
She closed her eyes, trying to fight back the tears forming. “I can’t do this anymore, Hunter.”
“I know, baby. But I can’t do a one-time thing with you. I just can’t.”
She was tired of being rejected. What the hell was wrong with her? Paul didn’t want to marry her. Hunter didn’t want to fuck her. “Great. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. You only want me until I want you, and then—”
“Stop it, Ailis.”
She looked at him. “Stop what?”
“Stop acting like there’s something wrong with you. Paul was a tool who didn’t know what he had. He fucked up, choosing Rhonda over you. That’s not on you. It’s on him.”
“So what’s your excuse?” she spat out angrily.
“I’m not a fool. I know exactly what I could have with you. You want sex. That’s awesome. More than awesome. But I’m not going to rush into something just because you want to scratch an itch. When we sleep together, it’s going to be for the right reasons—and there won’
t be any regrets.”
“I won’t regret it.”
He cupped her cheek. “Says the woman who spent the last year swearing off sex without love. And then the last two months swearing off love.”
“It’s not like I’m a virgin, Hunter. You said it yourself. Sex and love don’t have to be connected.”
He grinned. “Not sure I’ve ever seen you so freaked out. You’re always so steady, so logical.”
She frowned. “I’m not freaked out.” Her argument might have been more convincing if she hadn’t screeched it at him.
“You’re scared to death.”
Ailis threw her hands up in frustration. “Of what?”
“Everything.”
She didn’t have an answer to that. Because in this moment, she was completely terrified.
Of everything.
“Please don’t say no,” she whispered. “Guys like girls who put out on the first date, remember?” She hoped her joke would alleviate some of the tension pulsing in the air, making her heart race, her chest tight.
He pressed his forehead against hers. “You’re my best friend, mouse. One of the best I’ve ever had.”
“That’s not much of a compliment, considering your other bestie was Paul.”
He kissed her quickly. “You’re turning into a regular smart-ass these days.”
“Whose fault is that?”
Hunter didn’t reply. Instead, he leaned back in his seat, facing the windshield. He made no move to start the car.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I’m trying to force myself to drive you back to your place.”
“First time I try to be impulsive and you shoot me down.”
He looked at her through narrowed eyes. “You’re not helping.”
She gave him the sexiest smile she could manage. “Wasn’t trying to.”
Hunter reached over and mussed up her hair, something he did on a fairly regular basis because he knew it drove her nuts. She batted his hand away.
“Take me home, you idiot. Maybe I can find some hot stranger at the pub to be spontaneous with.”
The look he shot her was pure male possession that sent a lightning strike of arousal straight to her pussy.
She put her hands up in instant surrender. “Kidding. Just kidding.”
“You better be,” he muttered, as he started the car.
The drive back to the pub was made in silence, which was a relief as much as it unnerved her. She couldn’t figure out what the hell had just happened. In the course of an hour, she’d lost her freaking mind.
When he pulled into a parking space in front of the pub, he put the car in park but didn’t turn off the engine.
She didn’t get out. Instead, she kept her gaze straight ahead, looking down the cobblestone street.
“You invited me back to your place tonight after the show,” she said after a few awkward silent minutes.
“I did, but, Ailis—”
“But you don’t want a one-night stand.”
“No. I don’t.”
“This would all be a lot easier if—”
“I’m not going to argue about that again, mouse. Just take the afternoon and think about it. Okay?”
“Okay.” She reached over to open her door.
Hunter grabbed her hand and winked at her, the picture of confidence, even though she knew he was nervous about tonight. “See you in a few hours.”
She suddenly hated herself for pulling this act of insanity on him just a few hours before what was likely one of the biggest nights of his life. She was an idiot. “You’ve got this, Hunter.”
He shook his head. “We’ve got this.”
She got out of the car, trying to ignore how good it felt to be included in a “we” after so long as a “me.”
7
“As you know, ladies and gentleman, two of our eight performers will be returning home tonight based on your votes. The accounting firm of Blake, Vale and Ogle is doing one last check of the results, and as soon as we have them— Wait. Wait just a moment.”
Hunter stood under the hot lights and wondered what was going to kill him first. The rapid-fire beat of his heart growing faster and faster until it exploded, or the stroke looming thanks to his sky-high blood pressure. Or maybe he’d just spontaneously combust on this stuffy, airless stage.
He glanced backstage and was only mildly mollified by the fact Ailis looked just as nervous as he felt. Her porcelain skin was paler than normal, and she was destroying the ends of the scarf she’d worn to the show, wringing the material so tightly there wasn’t an iron on earth that would flatten it again.
He’d stumbled a bit during his first number, fucking up some of the lyrics, overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in the crowd. However, he’d found his sweet spot by the second song, and he’d played off the energy in the room. The folks there had come for a good show and he had to admit, he felt like all of the performers had given it to them.
Even so, he’d been intimidated. A big audience for him was a busy night at the pub, which meant no more than fifty or sixty people. Ailis told him they’d sold nearly every ticket for the first night’s show, and Les anticipated the attendance would only continue to grow with each subsequent week as word of mouth brought more fans and the regulars returned to support their favorites. Hunter had already overheard some talk while he was waiting backstage for his turn to perform of moving the finale to an even larger venue, something Les had planned for in case the show took off the way he’d hoped.
God only knew how many people were watching this thing live over the internet. He glanced toward the cameras pointed toward him. He’d had to force himself to look at them several times during his performance, trying not to think about the fact there could be hundreds, thousands, sweet Jesus, millions of unseen people watching him.
The voting was done by a special app attendees and viewers downloaded to their phones.
“Alright,” the announcer said. “How exciting is this? To build the anticipation, we’re starting at the top and working our way down the field. So, who is safe and definitely returning next week? If each performer would step over here,” he gestured to the right of the stage, which was currently empty except for the six X’s someone had taped to the floor to mark the spot where the finalists should stand, “when their name is called.”
Hunter prayed he’d find himself on that side of the stage. The night of the audition, all he had considered was how huge this could be for his career, but as this past month progressed, he realized he wanted this as much for Ailis as himself. She didn’t seem to realize her innate talent as a manager. She’d worked every bit as hard as he had, and he didn’t want to let her down.
“In first place—and the competitor who is definitely returning next week—is Rory Summit!”
Rory had legitimately killed it during her performance. There wasn’t a person in the entire place surprised by her win.
Hunter stood stone-still, no longer breathing as the announcer moved Leah, Robbie and a talented pianist named Wes to the right side of the stage. They were all safe and coming back next week. Half the field was gone and Hunter was starting to lose hope. Not that he had expected to be top of the list.
“And the fifth-place performer who will be returning next week is Baltimore’s very own local pub singer, Hunter Maxwell!”
Hunter somehow managed to cross the stage on wooden legs. He made it. He’d advanced to the second week.
As soon as he found his way to his X, he looked backstage, wanting to find Ailis, wanting to see her face.
She didn’t disappoint him. She was in the midst of hugging everyone within arm’s reach, and he wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw her grab Les and tug his head down to kiss the top of the older man’s bald pate.
He chuckled at the sight, causing Rory to look over and wink at him.
When he glanced back, Ailis had finally calmed down enough to return her attention to the stage, to him. He’d never seen h
er smile so big, so genuine. His heart jumped and thudded harder than it had been just a few minutes earlier.
Sweet Jesus. What the hell had happened to her?
No. Wrong question. The more accurate one was what the fuck was wrong with him?
How had he missed this? Missed that beauty? That light that seemed to shine out of every part of her for so long?
It was as if the veil she’d hidden behind had finally fallen completely away, and now it took every ounce of strength he possessed not to run to her or pass out under the lights from the ever-increasing temperature in his body.
The announcer, Mike O’Shea, a local newscaster, added the last name to the list—Jenni St. James—which left Victor and another woman, Belle French, on the wrong side of the stage.
Hunter stopped listening to Mike’s chatter about it being a great competition and inviting them to return next week. Instead, he focused on a very bitter, very angry Victor as he stormed off the stage. When he passed Ailis, he turned and said something to her. Something that wiped the gorgeous smile off her face. Ailis frowned, and Hunter struggled to decide if she was angry or scared. He was too far away to tell.
He silently willed Mike to wrap it up, but the man was clearly enjoying his role as master of ceremonies. Finally, after another five minutes, he bid everyone a good night, and Hunter was free to walk over to Ailis.
It was on the tip of his tongue to demand to know what Victor had said to her. That bastard was cruising for another helping of his fist, but before he could open his mouth, Ailis was in his arms.
“You were fifth,” she cried out in delight. “Fifth!”
“That won’t be good enough next week,” he said.
She gripped him tighter. “Shut up. Don’t kill my happy buzz!”
He laughed. “Wouldn’t think of it. What did Victor say?”
