Nothing to Fear

by Claire Boston

  Hannah smiled at him and it felt like a win. “Hi, Ryan. Have you met Mai?”

  He shook his head and held out his hand. “No, but I’ve had one of your eclairs and it’s the best I’ve ever had.”

  Mai grinned at him. “Thanks. Nice to meet you.”

  “Lincoln tells me he’s organised a room,” Ryan said.

  At that moment a dirty white ute pealed into the car park. Kit got out and hurried over. “Sorry I’m late.”

  He raised his eyebrow. “Were you going that fast the whole way here?”

  Kit grinned at him. “Of course not, Senior Constable.” She linked her arm through his and said, “How about you show me how to take down a man?”

  He grinned at her obvious change of subject and let the matter drop.

  Fleur rolled her eyes, but Ryan caught a glimpse of displeasure on Hannah’s face. Was she jealous? She needn’t be because he wasn’t interested in Kit. Or Hannah.

  Inside the hall, an older guy walked over to them and grinned. “It’s the musketeers.”

  “All for one.” Kit let go of his arm and put her hand out in front.

  “And one for all,” the others replied, adding their hands to Kit and drawing them upwards.

  Ryan chuckled. They weren’t the least bit embarrassed. The man stepped forward with his hand outstretched. “You must be the new senior constable. I’m Brenton, the manager here. I’ve already set up the room for you.”

  Ryan shook Brenton’s hand. “Ryan Kilpatrick.”

  They followed Brenton into a room about half the size of a basketball court. It had a dozen gym mats already on the floor. “You can have an hour and then I need to pack it up for the yoga class.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.” Ryan turned to the women. “Let’s get started.”

  Briefly, he explained the areas of the body that were the most vulnerable to attack. “Your most effective tools are your feet,” he said. “If you can get loose and run, then you run, don’t fight back. Of course, if you disable them before you run, that’s good too.”

  “So, kick ’em in the balls and run,” Kit said.

  “Yep – groin, eyes or throat are the most vulnerable areas.” He went through the most common attacks, and getting Fleur to attack him, he demonstrated how to defend against them. As he showed them how to escape if they were grabbed from behind, Kit said, “The Calypso defence.”

  The women cracked up laughing, Hannah holding her sides as her laugh rang out clear and bright. It tugged at something inside him and it was all he could do not to smile in response. Instead, he raised an eyebrow in question.

  Mai cleared her throat. “Calypso is my ragdoll cat,” she said. “When you pick him up he goes limp like that.”

  Ryan chuckled. “Calypso it is, then. Now, I want you to pair off and then I want one person to attack the other. First grab their wrist.”

  They attempted what he’d shown them and he gave feedback when it was needed, keeping a close eye on Hannah. She was paired with Kit.

  “Come on, Novak, show me what you’ve got,” Kit dared as she held her.

  Hannah’s face was a picture of concentration as she slowly twisted out of Kit’s hold.

  “Not bad if I was your nanna,” Kit teased. “A snail is faster than you.”

  Hannah’s eyebrows rose. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you do better.”

  Kit raised a hand at Hannah and beckoned to her. “Come at me.”

  Kit’s taunts were working and Hannah became more and more relaxed as she worked through the movements. When he was sure they had it, he said, “OK, now you need to get away from me.”

  He gripped Fleur’s wrist, pulling her towards him. She immediately went into action, putting what she’d learned into practice and he was on his butt in seconds. He grinned. “Great.” He got back to his feet and attacked Kit and Mai, leaving Hannah to last. “Ready?”

  She nodded, though there was concern in her eyes. He grasped her wrist, and all her muscles tensed. She stared at him like a startled rabbit. “Come on, Hannah. Pretend I’m Kit.”

  “You’re not prettier than me,” Kit called.

  Something in Hannah’s eyes flicked and suddenly he was on the ground. He chuckled as Hannah high-fived her friends. Now, they needed to work on her freezing.

  He worked them solidly through the hour, making corrections, and ensuring he spent time close to Hannah, wanting her to get used to being near him. The final defensive move was one where the victim was pushed up against a wall. Once again, when they had the technique down, he took his turn attacking. It was probably one of the hardest positions to get out of, because there was little room to manoeuvre. Kit and Fleur both added their voices to their response, screaming at him so loudly that he winced and loosened his hold and then they acted. Both of their knees brushed dangerously closed to his crotch and he was more than happy to let go.

  Mai was smaller, but she was strong and fast. Before he’d fully backed her against the wall, she had ducked out from under him and was gone.

  “Hey, that’s cheating,” Kit said.

  Ryan shook his head. “No, it’s a good idea. Don’t let yourself get into a vulnerable situation if you can help it.” He faced Hannah. “Your turn.”

  She swallowed, her eyes wide.

  Ryan couldn’t let himself feel sorry for her – that wasn’t going to help her. He deliberately kept his gaze on hers as he advanced. Her green eyes were unblinking and there was fear in them. She took a step to the side as if uncertain, and he mirrored the step, moving closer. She stepped back, two fast steps and her arms fluttered with nerves. He didn’t let himself stop. She had to be able to fight. This was for her own good. She bumped into the wall and gasped, her whole body tensing. He smiled. “I’ve got you now.” He pressed both hands against the wall at her shoulder height, inhaling her floral scent, close enough to feel the heat from her skin.

  Behind him, her friends were calling out encouragement. “Gouge his eyes!” Fleur cried.

  “Break his nose!” Mai yelled.

  Hannah didn’t move. She stared at him like a kangaroo caught in headlights. “Hannah, are you going to do anything?” he asked.

  No response.

  Deliberately taunting her, he said, “You’re trapped. If you don’t move, I can do what I like to you – I could kiss you.” Still nothing.

  He didn’t want to be a bastard, but he had to get a reaction from her, had to get her to fight back. “Maybe you want this,” he whispered.

  Her eyes darted to his lips, and when she looked back at him, it wasn’t fear in her eyes, but desire.

  He couldn’t do this. This was all kinds of wrong. Before he could back off, Hannah attacked. Her knee came up sharply right between his legs, and her arms flung out, pushing him down.

  All the air left him as pain seared through his abdomen and his eyes rolled back in his head. He went down like a sack of shit, holding his crotch as he gasped for air.

  “Oh my God, are you all right?” Hannah was standing over him, her face concerned.

  “Give me a minute,” he wheezed. It was his own fault. He shouldn’t have pushed her so hard, shouldn’t have been distracted by what he’d imagined he’d seen in her eyes. So dumb.

  The girls all congratulated Hannah as he slowly got to his feet, bending over as the pain receded. “Good work,” he said when he was able to talk properly.

  “Thanks, Ryan,” Fleur said. “That was really useful. We should do it again.”

  He nodded. “Let me know when.” He’d invest in a groin protector.

  They packed up the mats and left the hall. Hannah was walking on the far side of him, not looking at him. He hated to push her comfort zone, but he needed to apologise. He moved closer. “You did well in there.”

  She flashed him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Thanks. Sorry about hurting you.”

  “My own fault,” he said. “I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. Besides, that’s what you were meant to do.”

/>   “I panicked.”

  He glanced at her. “You need to work on the way you freeze.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “I know.” It didn’t help that he’d been an arsehole, pushing all her triggers. It was inexcusable, especially considering what she’d been through.

  He needed to get his head read.

  Hannah was relieved to get into Kit’s ute and leave the others behind. They swung by Fleur’s place to pick up Joe, before heading out to Kit’s farm, stopping only briefly at Hannah’s shed to get some more clothes.

  She was such a moron!

  She hadn’t frozen when Ryan had backed her against the wall – at least not in the way he thought. She’d been mesmerised by his eyes, had hoped he would kiss her.

  Was she so messed up that she was aroused by being pushed up against the wall, Ryan’s musky scent invading her senses? That idea had scared the bejeezus out of her and she’d hurt him.

  Now, there was no way he’d kiss her again.

  She groaned.

  “What’s wrong?” Kit asked, glancing at her.

  Hannah’s face flushed. “Nothing.”

  “I thought today went really well,” she said. “You managed to get away from Ryan each time.”

  “I kneed him in the balls.”

  “Yeah, that was the point.”

  Hannah shook her head.

  “I’ve got to admit, it was kind of nice being manhandled by him.” Kit laughed.

  Hannah ignored the flick of jealousy. Kit was just playing around, and besides she was right, which was part of the problem.

  “Hannah?” Kit’s voice was concerned. “Was it too much for you?”

  “It was fine.” That was an understatement.

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  She couldn’t look at her friend. “It doesn’t matter.” It would only prove to Kit how damaged she was.

  “Sure it does. Tell Kit Kat what’s wrong.”

  Hannah couldn’t help smiling at Kit’s nickname.

  “Did Ryan do something inappropriate?”

  “No!” She sighed, giving in. Kit wasn’t going to let up. “It was too nice.”

  Kit frowned at her. “What was?”

  “Having Ryan pressed against me.” Her face was so hot she might combust.

  Kit laughed. “There’s no such thing as too nice.”

  Would Kit even understand? She dated regularly and was always full of tales. But Hannah wanted to talk to someone about all these conflicting emotions inside her. “Kit, the only person I’ve slept with is Justin.”

  “Really?” Kit’s tone was disbelieving.

  “That one time,” Hannah added to clarify.

  “Holy shit.” Kit slowed the car. “You were a virgin when he raped you?”

  She nodded.

  “Honey, it’s no wonder you’re so scared all the time.” She pulled over to the side of the road and faced Hannah. “Have you done other things with men?”

  Hannah shook her head. “Not since, and before … not much more than fondling and kissing.”

  “So Ryan feeling nice is a really big deal.”

  Tears pricked at her eyes as relief swept through her. Kit understood.

  Kit leaned over and gave her an awkward hug. “OK, so we need to think about this.” She pulled back on to the road. “I’m assuming you still like Ryan?”

  “Yes.” A whole heap more than was wise.

  “And has he given you any indication that he likes you?”

  She shrugged. “I wouldn’t recognise it even if he did. Plus, he’s been in police mode almost every time I’ve seen him.”

  “But you went on a date.”

  “As friends. He was doing me a favour. He only kissed me because he was almost hit by the car.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. It was a reaction thing, not attraction. He apologised profusely afterwards.”

  “Ugh.” Kit shook her head in disgust. “Maybe he was covering himself, maybe he didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

  “Or maybe he’s really not interested. I’m messed up, Kit. Why would any guy want me?”

  “Don’t give me that bullshit,” Kit said. “You’re one of the nicest people I know. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You just have a couple of intimacy and trust issues you need to work through.”

  “A couple?” Hannah snorted. “More like a lifetime.”

  “Yeah, OK,” Kit agreed. “So maybe you need to be straight-up honest with him. Tell him you like him, that you want to kiss him, but you can’t guarantee you won’t freak out.”

  Hannah grimaced. “Yeah, because that sounds appealing.” The idea of having the conversation with Ryan made her chest tight.

  “Well, as you said, he’s been in police mode when he’s been with you. Maybe he considers it a conflict of interest, or a dereliction of duty, or whatever they call it.”

  “Some kind of abuse of power?”

  “That’s it.”

  Ryan would be noble about that kind of thing. “If that’s the case, what do I do?”

  “You’ve got the perfect excuse to see him out of work hours,” Kit said. “He’s living in your cabin so you can drop by, or ask for some private self-defence lessons.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  Maybe Kit was right. Maybe this was her chance to fix what was broken inside of her. Maybe Ryan was her chance to get a normal life back.

  “Take it slow. Talk to him about something other than this weirdo who keeps leaving you gifts.” She pulled on to the road to her farmhouse. “Then when you’re ready, kiss him.”

  Kit made it sound simple, only it wasn’t. Not for Hannah. But she was going to try.

  There was another envelope tied with a red ribbon on the doorstep when Hannah opened the door to go to work the next day. Anger and fear flooded her body in equal portions. “Damn it,” she yelled and kicked at the envelope, missing it. He’d followed her all the way to Kit’s farm, he’d been watching Hannah yesterday afternoon.

  Kit jogged out of the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”

  Hannah had had enough of being scared all the damn time. The stalker was affecting all of their lives. Kit should already be out milking her cows, instead of here, waiting until Hannah left for work. She picked up the envelope and held it up to Kit. “This is what’s wrong.”

  “Shit. Is that one of the gifts?”

  Hannah nodded, ripping open the envelope.

  “Shouldn’t you call Lincoln? Don’t they need to take prints or something?”

  She was so mad she didn’t care. She tipped the contents out on her palm. Five rings.

  Five of her own personal rings, from her jewellery box at home.

  Her stomach swirled and she fought back the nausea, stumbling to the nearest chair and sinking down.

  The note read, I can take what’s yours.

  “That ring looks familiar,” Kit said.

  “That’s because it’s mine – they all are.” There was nowhere he hadn’t been now, nowhere she could hide. He’d invaded her most personal space.

  Fury welled up in her as she called Lincoln. “He’s been in my house.”

  It was time to fight back.

  The day didn’t get any better. Hannah had gone to work after she’d extracted a promise from Kit that she would call every hour and check in. Kit did have farmhands working with her, but there were times when she worked alone as well. Kit had agreed, clearly shaken that whoever it was had come out to the farm and hadn’t disturbed any of the dogs.

  Work had been flat out for Hannah, with guests arriving all day, barely giving her enough time to make a cup of tea between them. She was thankful for it. It meant she didn’t have time to dwell on the fact that the man had been in her house, had been to Kit’s. He knew where they all lived now. She wasn’t safe anywhere.

  Lincoln had dropped by the caravan park to get Hannah’s house key. When he’d finished processing Kit’s place, he was going to her shed to look for any evidence. He
’d been angry – rightfully so – when she’d told him she’d ripped open the envelope, and she’d apologised.

  Now, it was five o’clock and she was calling it a day. Her head throbbed, her eyes ached and she was desperately tired. She was supposed to call Lincoln, but first she needed a few minutes of peace. Whistling to Joe, and picking up a tennis ball, she locked up the office and headed towards the beach. A walk along the shore would calm her and it was still warm enough that there would be people surfing or swimming.

  The wind was brisk as she cleared the sand dunes and trudged down the path to the shore. Joe raced ahead, sniffing at clumps of dried seaweed and chasing the gulls.

  There weren’t as many people on the beach as she’d expected. A few surfers in the waves, though the surf wasn’t very good, a couple she recognised from the park and a man and his son building sandcastles. Hannah squinted and her heartbeat tripled. Ryan.

  With a joyous woof, Joe raced towards them. “Joe!” she yelled as visions of him trampling Felix crossed her mind.

  He slowed and came to a stop but didn’t come back. At her yell Ryan and Felix both looked up. Ryan lifted a hand in a wave.

  This was her chance to talk to Ryan. He was off-duty, but what the hell was she supposed to say? Nerves tickled her skin as she wandered over, giving Joe leave to greet Felix.

  Felix giggled in excitement as he gave Joe a big hug. “Hiya, boy.”

  Ryan’s hair was wet, full of salt and sand, and his chest was bare. She clenched her hands into fists to stop from reaching out to touch him. “Hi. I wasn’t expecting to find you here.”

  “Felix wanted to go swimming.” He raised his eyebrow. “Should you be here alone?”

  “I’ve got Joe,” she said. “And now you.” She swallowed. That sounded like she expected him to protect her. “I mean, you’re here so I’ll be fine.” Nope, not much better. She changed the subject. “There’s a path down to the beach at the retreat. If you take the other fork in the road it leads to the path and you won’t have to drive into town.”

  “Great. Thanks for telling me.”

  “Hannah, can I throw the ball for Joe?” Felix asked.

  “Sure.” She tossed it to him and watched him play with Joe for a moment. Then she remembered the sandcastle. “Sorry, I’m interrupting.” She took a step back.