“Shitshitshit,” I croaked as I turned and tried to position my body so the lady wouldn’t realize I’d polished off her door. The gnawed on chimney was impossible to hide. Goddess, I couldn’t even recall eating the damn chimney.
“You have chocolate on your chin,” the woman said.
She stood about five feet tall, had steel gray hair and vivid green eyes. She was definitely a witch, but she’d aged for some odd reason. I’d never heard of an old witch. Well, not true. There were tons of old witches, they just didn’t look old. We stopped aging around thirty-ish.
“I am so sorry,” I blustered wondering if I should get down on my knees. I’d just eaten a good portion of her house. I was sure an apology wasn’t going to cut it.
Wiping the chocolate off my chin, I awkwardly tried to smooth out the gaping icing holes that use to be a charming windowsill.
“Don’t know whether to zap your ass or thank you. I’ve grown tired of the chocolate door. Was thinking of changing it to caramel,” she said as she wiggled her nose and produced a three-foot long candy cane. Holding it in her gnarled hand she used it as a walking aid and moved closer to me.
“Honestly, I’ve had one hideous butt zapping today from the Goddess—which sucked ass. Pun intended. Maybe we could work out another form of retribution,” I suggested with a hopeful smile.
She tilted her head, stared at me for a long moment and then touched my hair.
“Is that your real color, girlie?” she questioned as she stepped by me and entered her door-less house.
“Um, yes. And I have a name,” I told her, knowing she’d probably need it to report me to Baba Yaga. I hung my head in shame and imagined spending more time in the magical pokey for this one.
“Yep, I heard it. Zeldoumannawanna. Worst name I’ve heard in all my years. Your mother must have hated you to saddle you with that one.”
I almost laughed at the irony of her nailing my relationship with my mother on the head, but thought better of it. It wouldn’t do to have her think I was amused at my horrible transgression of inhaling a good portion of her home. She could still give me a very deserved ass zapping.
“She did hate me, but that’s another story altogether. I really am sorry about eating your house. See, I’m pregnant with twin puppies, and your house is made out of cookies. Not that that’s an excuse,” I added hastily and then tried to peek over her bony shoulder. “Can I ask you a question?”
The woman raised her eyebrows, crossed her arms over her chest and waited. I took that as a yes.
“What’s your furniture made out of?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she replied with a cackle. “I’ve decided not to zap your sorry butt because you amuse me. However, you will return here for the next few days and help me re-bake my house.”
“Can’t we just do a little hoodoo and fix it up?” I asked.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come back and help her. It’s just that I’d have a difficult time explaining this one to Mac—and my dad—and my friends.
“Magic does not solve everything, girlie,” the woman snapped harshly. “Magic is a gift to be used wisely, not to get an irresponsible witch out of doing the right thing.”
She had me there. Crap.
Rocking back and forth on my feet, I tried to think of a gracious way out of it. There was no gracious way out of it. She was actually being pretty damn nice about the fact I ate her house. It was the least I could do to help her re-bake it. However, there were a few problems.
“Three things,” I said wanting to be up front and lay all my crappy cards on the table. “I can’t cook at all—truly, not at all. My familiars will eat cardboard and they can’t even smell my cooking without getting ill. Secondly, I’m on a carb and sugar free diet. Third, I have no freakin’ idea where I am at the moment so getting back here could be an issue.”
“One, you’ll learn to bake. Two, you could have fooled me with your diet since my door and chimney are missing. Three, you’ve been here so you can poof back anytime you want. Just picture it in your pea brain.”
I nodded as politely as possible, swallowing back the retort that was on the tip of my tongue. I was getting off fairly easy here. My smart mouth could set me back. “What time should I come tomorrow?”
“Noon. Swear on witch’s honor that you’ll return,” she insisted, making me very uncomfortable. However, I was in the wrong here, and she had every right by magical law to demand punishment.
“I give you my word on witch’s honor,” I told her.
She nodded curtly as if satisfied. And then waved her hands.
I thought she was waving goodbye.
I was terribly mistaken.
A fierce wind that smelled like fresh from the oven, just baked cookies whipped me up and hurtled me through the air like a rag doll. The little old witch’s power was so intense, I didn’t have a second to counteract it. Goddess, I never even saw the mini-tornado coming.
Dying for eating a house seemed a little harsh. If I’d just stuck to my new healthy eating plan though, none of this would have happened.
Trapped in a kaleidoscope of swirling color I cursed the lying little witch. She told me I could re-bake her damn house. Never, never, never trust anyone with an edible house. They were all fucking crazy.
I landed with a thud right in front of the bus much to the shocked surprise of my friends. In my hand was a basket filled to the brim with rainbow colored berries and not a hair was out of place on my head. I was both incredibly confused and grateful to the nut job with the cookie house. However, a heads up that the old bag wasn’t sending me to the Next Adventure would have been nice.
“Holy shit,” Sassy shouted, checking out my basket of unusual fruit. “Where did you pick those?”
“Um… on the trail,” I lied as everyone admired my find.
“Never seen these before,” Wanda said as she popped one in her mouth and groaned with pleasure. “Oh my! These are heavenly.”
“How about I come back tomorrow… or everyday this week and try to find them again?” I suggested.
It was lame, but it would get me out of having to hide my coming back.
“We’ll all come back!” Roger announced to an agreeable crowd.
“Yes,” Fabio agreed, clearly thinking it would keep me away from carbs. “Outstanding idea.”
Little did he know…
However, if the old witch was dangerous, I didn’t want anyone I cared for getting hurt. I’d eaten the house all by my lonesome. I was going to have to repair it the same way. If I shared my predicament, they’d all want to help.
Shit.
“How about four tomorrow afternoon?” I suggested casually, praying to the Goddess they’d go for it. It gave me the time to poof over and bake with the cray-cray witch, poof back home, and then take the bus out with my people.
“Four it is,” Fabio shouted joyously, giving me a loving, pride-filled glance.
Feeling lower than low for lying to my dad and everyone else, I slunk onto the bus. Of course Bob ate the yellow berries and I was yet again the champion for whipping up nose plugs. I even gave Bob one. He didn’t deserve it, but I needed something to make me feel like a good person.
Saving my friends from asphyxiation would have to suffice for today.
Chapter Seven
“I need you to get rid of the Ho Hos and Twinkies—all of them,” I told Mac firmly, as I held onto the edge of the kitchen counter for purchase. I desperately wanted to tell him I’d eaten a house, but decided I’d save that for another time. He’d get all overprotective if he knew I was going back to re-bake what I’d chowed down on.
Mac went ashen and backed away from me. “That’s a little drastic.”
“Yes,” I agreed, squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn’t see him do the deed. “I’m turning over a new leaf.”
“I thought you already did that,” Mac replied easily, but I could detect the panic in his voice.
“I did, but this leaf i
sn’t for me. It’s for Lucky and Charm. I’m no longer going to put bad things in my body. Of course after I blow the kids out, I’ll go on a Twinkie-Ho Ho binge that will make the Guinness Book of World Records.”
“Your way with words never ceases to amaze and appall,” Mac said with a chuckle, gathering me into his arms. “You can eat a Ho Ho every now and then as long as it’s not all you’re eating.”
His reasoning was sound, but I knew myself far better than he did. There was no stopping me at one Ho Ho—not while I was knocked up. Hiding the Ho Hos was the only way to go—not just hiding. I’d find them if they were hidden. They needed to be destroyed.
“How about this? Why don’t you eat them and then we can go parking and make out like teenagers. I’ll be able to taste them and making out leads to sex. It’s a win win for everyone,” I suggested hopefully.
“I like it, but I hate Ho Hos,” Mac replied as he went to the secret stash cabinet and removed the over processed, chemical ridden, manna from Heaven.
“How in the Goddess’s name does anyone hate Ho Hos?” I demanded so shocked by his admission, I didn’t realize he was putting the sweets down the running disposal.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged and grinned. “I don’t like them.”
“Wait,” I shouted as he went to put the last Ho Ho into the disposal. “Does your Bon Jovi like Ho Hos?”
A slow sexy smile spread across Mac’s lips as he tucked the lone roll of chocolaty delight into his shirt pocket. “My Bon Jovi loves Ho Hos.”
“Excellent,” I squealed as everything south of my bellybutton went into overdrive. “Get the motorcycle fired up. We’re going to the Floating Nookie Hut.”
“The what?” Mac asked, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying not to laugh.
“My tree house that you built for me,” I explained as I threw a bunch of props into a large shopping bag so we could play the x-rated version of The Little Mermaid or Sleeping Beauty. “I named it.”
“Of course you did,” he replied with a shake of his head and a chuckle. “Meet you in three.”
Mac sprinted out the front door with werewolf speed and I heard the motorcycle roar to life. The Bon Jovi Ho Ho was the last Ho Ho I’d have until Lucky and Charm were born. I was going to make that Ho Ho last a very long time. Mac was going to learn to love Ho Hos tonight.
And I was going to love teaching him.
“Holy hell,” Mac shouted on a gasp as I finished him and the Ho Ho off with great pomp and circumstance. “Are you sure you’re off Ho Hos for nine months?”
“Yep,” I replied with a very satisfied grin. That had been a total win. I got my Ho Ho and Mac got the blowjob of the century.
“Damn,” he said as he slid me up his sexy, muscled and very naked bod. “I suppose we can find other ways to have fun.”
His eyes were hooded and I giggled as I felt his Bon Jovi come back to life with his suggestion.
“You’re an animal,” I said, wiggling and getting as close as I could. Crawling inside him wouldn’t be close enough.
“Your point?” he shot back with a grin that set my girlie parts on fire.
“No point,” I said, straddling the most beautiful man in the world. “Just an observation.”
“Would you like to do more than observe?” he inquired, lifting my hips and placing me over his very happy camper.
“I could get on board with that,” I purred as I lowered myself and buried him inside my body.
Pressing my forehead to his, I tried to keep my breathing steady. We fit together perfectly and it only got better and better each time.
“How did this happen?” I whispered as I began to rock back and forth loving the feel of his body stretching mine.
“Well, I put my Bon Jovi in your Little Red Riding Hood and then… ” he started explaining clinically with a shit eating grin on his face.
“You’re a dork,” I said and then gasped as he raised his hips causing little stars to rip across my vision.
“I’m your dork,” he growled, pressing his mouth to mine and nipping at my bottom lip. “I’m your mate and the father of our children. And you are mine.”
“Goddess, that’s so hot,” I cried out as everything started to get serious.
Flipping me to my back while still buried deep inside me, Mac’s sapphire blue eyes sparkled with lust and his fangs dropped. Never in my thirty years did I think I would find pointy teeth sexy, but Mac could make madras pants and a Peter Pan collar appealing. My wolf was hotter than the middle of August in Hell. And he was all mine.
“I love you,” he said while slowly and very methodically moving in and out of my very willing and needy body.
“I love you more,” I whispered, cupping his beautiful face in my hands. “Did you know as the pregnancy progresses I’m going to get hornier?”
His whoop of joy made me giggle. His lips crushed mine and his leisurely movement was leisurely no more. He was all business now and I was all in. Unable to hold back my pure joy, my magic swirled around us. Glistening rose colored bubbles bounced around the room and a sparkling golden breeze caressed our overheated bodies.
As the speed of our love making increased, all rational though ceased as I joyfully met each powerful thrust. Mini orgasms took the express train through my writhing body as his fangs scraped the very same spot he’d claimed me.
Pulling his thick dark hair I tried to tell him what I needed without words. Words were impossible since all that was coming out of me were moans, pants and delighted screams.
“What do you want, sexy girl?” he asked hoarsely. His eyes were unfocused and he was holding on by a thread.
He hadn’t bitten me since our mating. I was very aware that he’d wanted to on several occasions, but I’d avoided it. The one and only time he done it we broke the bed and I got knocked up. I was still a little scared of getting knocked up again.
Wait. What the hell was I thinking? I knew my brain was addled with hormones and the fact that I was orgasming repeatedly at the moment, but surely I wasn’t losing brain cells. My reasoning made no sense whatsoever. I was already knocked up. I was fairly sure I couldn’t get any more knocked up than I already was. However, he was a wolf and I was a witch. Were there different rules here?
Shit.
“I want you to bite me, but only if you can guarantee that I won’t end up with anymore buns in the oven than I already have,” I gasped out, rolling my hips and arching my body toward his.
“Um… what?” he asked trying not to laugh.
“If you so much as chuckle, your Bon Jovi will be singing the blues—as in the very painful blue ball blues,” I hissed. I was mad and embarrassed, but my writhing body wasn’t clued in as it gripped him like a vise within me.
“No, baby,” Mac assured me. “You have all the buns in the oven you’re going to have this time.”
“What do you mean this time?” I demanded, wrapping my legs around his waist as a delicious tingling started low in my belly.
“I mean this time,” he said, lowering his sharp sexy fangs to my neck.
I wasn’t quite done chewing on the this time comment, but it could wait. I needed to see how much I liked Lucky and Charm before I agreed to The Captain and Crunch. Honestly, I was already wildly in love with my tiny marshmallow treats, but two might be enough. There was no telling how much therapy I’d have to pay for if I had four. I knew I’d screw them up one way or another, but it would be because I loved them too much.
The pop of my skin should have freaked me out, but all it did was send me over the edge. However, the fall was yet to come.
And then my world tilted on its axis. Mac’s bite turned my words into babble-ville. I wasn’t even sure what I was screaming. Glitter and bubbles filled the room. My body jerked and shuddered as Mac’s did the same.
The sounds coming from deep in his chest spurred on another more intense orgasm and I was pretty sure I heard the bed frame crack. It was all kinds of awesome—way better than Ho Hos.
“You know if we did this all the time, I wouldn’t even think about Ho Hos,” I said still trying to catch my breath as I floated back to reality.
“I like the way you think,” Mac replied, tracing my collarbone with his finger and planting little kisses all over my face. “However, it could get a bit awkward if we disappeared into the Floating Nookie Hut for nine months.”
“I see your point. Maybe when I have a really bad craving we can have a code word for I need to get laid now,” I told him with a silly grin.
“And what would this code word be?”
I thought hard for a moment as I breathed in his clean soapy scent and snuggled closer.
“Ho Ho,” I replied. “The code word for do me now is Ho Ho.”
“Works for me. I actually am kind of hungry,” he informed me with a panty melting half smirk.
“Would you like a Ho Ho?” I asked suggestively, yet kind of alarmed that I was ready to go again.
“I would love a Ho Ho.”
So we had some more Ho Hos.
And it rocked.
It rocked the bed completely in half and it rocked a mysterious hole in the wall.
Ho Hos were deliciously destructive.
Chapter Eight
“What’s going on?” I asked, staring in dismay at our magical meadow that appeared to be wilting in the early morning sun.
We’d slept on our broken for the second time bed and awoke at dawn’s butt crack. Mac was an early riser and the birds that shared the tree with the Nookie Hut were freakin’ loud. As it was December there were no flowers, but the thick dark green pines looked sad and droopy.
“This is what I’ve been looking into,” Mac said, fingering the sagging pine needles.
He took my hand and led me to the pond usually filled with brightly colored fish—it was dark and murky.
“Can’t you get in touch with the Earth?” I asked, concerned.
Mac was so much more than a werewolf Shifter. He was the King of his people and the Goddess had blessed him with an affinity for the Earth. Power like that in a mere Shifter was unheard of, but my wolf was no mere Shifter.
Magically Delicious Page 5
