I chuckled. “I think you have the wrong number, sorry.”
“Oh no. I definitely have the correct number.”
“Hmm … that’s strange indeed, because the only Lots Parker here is Lots of Orgasms Parker. Would you like to speak to him?”
“Only if he can answer my questions.”
“He can.”
“Good. Put him on then.”
“Lucky for you, you’re already speaking to him.”
“That’s funny, because he hasn’t answered my questions yet.”
“Well, Hume GoSafe Gala is an event held to recognise the efforts of particular citizens living in the Hume region who are part of a program designed to keep children safe as they travel to and from school. As for what a beautiful woman such as yourself should wear to such an event, hmm … I’d say something that can easily be removed at the end of the evening.”
I waited for her response, my chair rocking as I pushed my feet against the ground.
“I’m not laughing, Elliot.”
“You will be.”
“Oh, yeah? And why’s that?”
“Studies have shown that a sure way to laugh is when you try not to because it’s inappropriate to do so.”
She laughed.
“I rest my case.”
“Cliché much?”
“What? Resting my case? No. It’s actually more applicable, don’t you think?”
“I think you’re a smartarse that set this entire gala event up just to torture me further.”
“I’m truly offended and equally flattered that you think I’m capable of manipulating my mother into manipulating your mother into backing you into a corner with nowhere to go other than to an event in honour of my sister’s selflessness. I mean, wow, that’s quite an achievement in exploitation.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
There was more silence, this time longer.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. I just hate lying.”
I felt like telling her that was a good thing because she sucked at it, but I decided to let sleeping dogs lie for now. I didn’t want to argue with her beside it being quite an amusing activity. “I know you hate it,” I said, sympathetic to our plight. “Look, just think of it as two friends going to a dinner event together.”
“Pfft. Yeah, two friends who are required to perform public displays of affection.”
I smiled. “Minor detail.”
“Ha,” she retorted.
“You’re worrying yourself more than you need to.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“You are!”
“So does your sister know the truth? Does she know this is all just pretend?”
“No. I haven’t spoken to her. And to be honest, I’m a little surprised she hasn’t contacted me. I’ve no doubt Mum has already broken our engagement news to her.”
“Elliot, I’m really uncomfortable about all of this. Pretending in the presence of just our mums at the garden is one thing, but extending that act of deceit to more family, and friends … ugh, I just don’t know that I’m capable of it.”
“You’ll be fine. We’ll keep things simple and quick, I promise. And we’ll leave as soon as we are able to.”
She sighed again. “Okay. I guess I have no choice.”
“Not really.”
She did, but I wasn’t going to highlight that fact.
“So what time should I meet you, and where?”
I glanced at my calendar. “It starts at 6:00 p.m. And don’t worry, I’ll pick you up.”
“Isn’t it somewhere in the city?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t be silly. I’ll come to you. Text me your address.”
“I’m happy to pick you up, Danielle.”
“What’s wrong with your apartment?”
“Nothing. Why?”
“It seems like you don’t want me to see it? Are you a slob?”
“NO! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my apartment. It’s tidier than yours.”
“So I’m a slob?”
“No. I didn’t say that.”
“Just text me your address. I’ll meet you there at 5:30 p.m.”
She hung up. And all I could do was shake my head.
“Can I have your autograph please, Chris?”
I looked up from where I was standing behind the counter and noticed Chris by the entrance to the merchandise store. He’d barely even entered before a customer swooped, wanting his scribble on their playing guernsey. My mouth curled into an obnoxious smile. Chris loved when he was fan’d upon. It made him feel special. Adored. Famous.
“You certainly can, mate.” He took the young kid’s marker and removed the lid with his teeth. “Spin around,” he mumbled, helping the kid position the giant white number eleven on his back for him to sign.
Now shaking my head with amusement, I returned my attention to the membership hoodie order I was placing. It was approaching midday on Friday, and I was eagerly counting down the minutes to the weekend while simultaneously dreading them. Tonight was the night I would have to up the ante of my non-existent engagement to Elliot for the sole purpose of upping the freakin’ ante. Ugh. I had absolutely no idea why I agreed to accompany him to the gala. In fact, I had absolutely no idea how he managed to persuade me into doing all the shit that he somehow got me to do. Which wasn’t exactly a new occurrence, considering he’d done it when we were younger as well. The tree climbing. The long-distance bike riding. The storm drain hideout games … they’d all been instigated by Elliot.
Part of me wondered if he still blamed himself for us nearly drowning. He’d been his own judge, jury, and executioner in the weeks that had followed, to the point of not speaking to me. I’d been scared, remorse-ridden, and wallowing in my own guilt from terrifying my mother … and myself, for that matter. But, most of all, I’d been lonely. The only other person who’d understood what I’d been through, and who I could’ve freely talked to about it all, was Elliot, and he’d withdrawn.
At first, I’d thought Elliot blamed me for it all, because that was the only logical explanation for his avoidance. But I’d soon learned through the Chinese whispers of Mum and Helen that he was punishing himself for us being in the drain system in the first place.
Silly, selfless, sweet, Lots.
“Earth to Dani,” Chris said, as he stepped up to the counter. “You in there?” He lightly knocked on my head.
I swatted his hand away. “Yes. What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Adelaide?”
“Bus leaves in a few minutes. Just thought I’d poke my head in and remind you that the plumber is comin’ over at 7:00 p.m. You don’t need to be home. I just know how you are about Pugly and visitors.”
“Shit! Is that tonight?” I covered my mouth with my hand and quickly pondered a solution, realising it could actually be a blessing in disguise. It was the perfect excuse to get out of accompanying Elliot to the gala.
“Yeah. Why? What’s the problem?”
“Ah, nothing. It’s fine. It’s perfect.”
He leaned over the counter and helped himself to one of my Minties. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing. I had plans tonight, plans that were planned for me. Now I can get out of them.”
“If you smile any wider your face will rip.”
“Will not.”
He stole another Mintie. “So what plans are you ditching?”
“None of your business.”
“They involve pretty boy geek, don’t they?”
I rolled my eyes and bent down, pretending to look for something in a cupboard under the counter.
“He likes you.”
“Thanks, Einstein, but I know that already.”
“No, he really likes you.”
Glancing up through my lashes at him, I was just about to explain that Elliot and I were only friends and would always be only
friends when one of the Assistant Coaches opened the door to the store and barked for Chris to get his annoying arse on the bus.
“Gotta go, Duck,” he said, pushing off the counter and turning around.
I stood up. “Duck? Really?”
“Yep. Really.”
“You’re so original.”
“Yep. One and only, despite what pretty boy geek says.”
“He’s not a geek.”
“He is, but that’s okay. You should go out with him, Duck. Have fun. Stop being a quack.” He burst into laughter as he opened the door and looked back at me. “Get it? Quack?”
I did what I always did and flipped him the bird. Unfortunately, it was at the exact moment a customer walked in through the door, blushing as Chris held it open for her. I flipped my bird around until I was waving like one, and yeah, it only made him laugh more.
A few hours later, I’d prepared myself enough to ring Elliot and tell him the bad news. I’d even rehearsed it in front of the bathroom mirror during my lunch break. I was poised. Confident. Determined. Unimpressionable. I wasn’t going to be influenced by his influential ways. Not anymore.
Blowing a puff of you’ve-got-this-shit out of my mouth, I dialled his number. The last time I’d tried ringing his mobile, he hadn’t answered, so I’d rang him direct at work and got some strange sounding secretary instead. I didn’t want to have to talk to her again.
“You’re not getting out of it, Danielle, so if this is an ‘I’m sick’ call, suck it up.”
Sheesh. Does he know me that well?
“I’m not sick, Lots.”
“Good. Because telling yourself you’re sick is not an affirmation.”
He’s stupid knowledge of random crap had already thrown me off my game plan. I needed to just come out with my non-bogus bogus excuse anyway. “I’m sorry. But I actually can’t come. For real. I completely forgot that a plumber was scheduled to come by my house tonight.”
“Do you need to be there?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Ha! I’d prepared myself for this response.
“Because of Dudley. I can’t risk him getting out. It’s happened before.”
If I could’ve high-fived myself, I would’ve.
“Then bring him here.”
What? I hadn’t planned for that response, at all.
“Um … I …” Frantically looking around me, my eyes bounced from object to object, as if I’d find a solution somewhere in the merchandise store, as if a stapler or coat-hanger could provide the perfect alibi for my predicament.
They couldn’t.
Nothing could.
“I … ah … HE SHITS EVERYWHERE!” I blurted triumphantly.
“I thought we agreed no more lies, Danielle?”
“I’m not lying; he does … sometimes. I can’t guarantee he won’t shit all over your apartment. Honestly, I’d hate for him to lay a sloppy joe style turd on your carpet.”
Stumbling across my reflection in the mirror of the open change room cubicle door to my left, I noticed my hand was on my hip. Grr. He’s doing it again. He has me on the defence. Damn him.
“We can put toilet mats down and keep him segregated to the laundry.”
“No. We can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to put you out.”
“You’ll be putting me out by not coming tonight.”
“Ugh! Laundries are tiny.”
“Mine’s big enough for Pugly.”
“Hey! Don’t you start!” I snapped.
“Start what?”
“Calling Dudley Pugly.”
“I didn’t.” He almost sounded convinced.
“Yeah, you did.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very.”
Elliot was silent for a minute, and I think I even heard him whisper, ‘shit’.
“Sorry. Look, Dudley will be fine at my place. I promise.”
“I dunno, Lots,” I whined.
“Danielle, please! Please don’t bail on me. I’ve never wanted to take anybody anywhere, and for some strange reason, I’ve been really looking forward to taking you to this.”
Anybody anywhere? My cheeks warmed with embarrassment. Damn it. This isn’t going how I planned.
Guilt over trying to ditch him swirled in my stomach. “Fine.”
“Fine?” he asked, his tone hopeful. Relieved.
“Yes. Fine,” I groaned. “We’ll see you at 5:30 p.m.”
When Dudley and I pulled up to Elliot’s building, I had to duck in order to see the top of it through my windscreen. My guess was that it was roughly thirty storeys high, given that Elliot was on the twenty-fifth floor. So I knew it was at least that high.
Scanning the street front of the building for the ramp to the underground car park, I made out the keypad post and headed that way, stopping and punching in the code Elliot had given me. The steel gate lifted, slowly, before I continued to basement number two and parked in a spot marked ‘Guest.’
It was all very ritzy and lavish, something I wasn’t used to, which made me both nervous and excited.
“Lots wasn’t lying when he said he had lots of money,” I said to Dudley, as I unhooked his harness from the seatbelt.
He launched himself onto the ground, narrowly missing my evening dress, the only one I’ve ever owned. The reason I owned it was because Chris took me as his plus-one to the Brownlow Medal count one year; easily one of the worst nights of my life. I’d been the barnacle-covered starfish in a sea of stunning legs belonging to women who looked as if they belonged on Victoria’s Secret runway. A constant hush of jealous, competitive, snide remarks had blown over the ceremony like a whipping breeze. Oh, and it had also been the night Chris and I fucked.
I blamed it on the dress.
Oh NO!
“Dudley! Why did I wear this dress?” I screeched, digging my heels into the ground, which inevitably halted his eager steps toward the nearest concrete pylon.
I looked down the length of my body and froze, Lilac satin and chiffon swishing across the tops of my feet as I jerked the leash. It was a boobie dress. Gorgeous. But definitely a boobie dress, the lace décolletage dipping past my breasts. Heck, if I leaned forward any further, I could practically turn it into a vagina dress. Stupid, stupid idiot.
Frantically adjusting the wide-open space that displayed my puppies like Xmas tree baubles, I contemplated heading back to my car and locking the doors when Dudley dashed for the pylon he so desperately wanted to pee on.
“Shit, Dudley!” I stumbled in my sparkly silver heels I’d bought on sale at Myer and let him cock his leg and mark his territory. It was better here than inside.
You can do this, Danielle. This dress is not cursed. Just because it led to Chris-fuckery doesn’t mean it will do the same with Elliot. You’re wearing Spanx AND knickers. You can keep them on. If they stay on, no fuckery will happen, okay?
“Right. Spanx and knickers are staying on. They are not coming off. Ever,” I rambled, as I marched toward the elevator.
They’d come off at some stage, of course, just not in the presence of Elliot. We were friends, once best friends, and I missed that. I’d felt safe, happy and secure with him. I’d had someone I could rely on, share with, and never be afraid of losing because of sex or love. And that was a special thing. Sharing a bond with another without the threat of sexual hurdles was the best thing I’d ever experienced, except I’d lost it. I’d lost him. And all because he moved and I didn’t try hard enough to get him back. All because a green-eyed monster had clouded my vision, and by the time I was able to see through the verdant fog, it had been too late.
Blinking the tears that had formed in my eyes, the painful reminder of just how much I missed Elliot was a shock to my system, a tightening strain within my chest.
“Oh my God,” I breathed out, staring wide-eyed at my reflection in the mirrored panelling of the elevator cart. “I’ve missed him so much.
I miss him so much.”
My heart began pounding ferociously, knocking on my ribcage like a madman trying to break down a door. Eyeliner and mascara had smudged under my damp eyes, far exceeding what could be passed off as a smoky eye look, so I wiped it and sucked in a deep breath, which was when it hit me.
I want my friend back. He’s here … in my life! This is my chance to get back the best thing that ever happened to me.
My palms were sweating by the time I heard the elevator down the hall ding and its doors open, but when I heard Danielle’s voice shortly after, ushering Pugly along and trying to prevent him from pissing on my neighbour’s front door, my entire body clammed up.
For starters, I wasn’t a fan of dogs, especially ugly ones. And Pugly definitely deserved his nickname. So why I’d agreed to house him in my very clean and pet-free apartment while we attended the gala was beyond me. Secondly, I never invited anyone to my apartment, only my family, and on the odd occasion, my work colleague, Dan. But that tended to be for work related stuff, like when we were in the thick of a case together.
Sticking my finger under my shirt collar at the base of my throat, I loosened it just slightly. I hadn’t yet put on a tie because I was hoping I’d have one to match the colour of Danielle’s dress, which wouldn’t be too difficult considering I pretty much owned a tie of every colour. I even had one in cochineal, one of the rarest colours in the world due to its pigment being derived from the die of squashed beetles. Buuuuuut I doubted she’d be wearing that colour. Danielle wasn’t a cochineal type of girl. Her beauty was best paired with soft pastels that let her shine and be the star she was.
Why am I even thinking about this shit? Colours? Where’re your colourless balls, Elliot?
The light tap of her knuckles sounded against my door. I froze. This was it. Our first proper date, although she had no idea it was that. She’d never have agreed to come had I mentioned my thoughts about it.
Tucking my shirt into the waistline of my trousers, I walked to the door and quickly smoothed my hair back before opening it.
Plight Page 7
