“I will go back and I will try harder. I promise. But I can’t keep these kinds of secrets from you.” Unless it’s protecting the man I love. Shit. I did love him. And I would, until my dying breath, which might be soon given the look Grandpa was giving me in the rearview.
“Too much. Too much,” Bethany yelled. “Stop.”
He pulled off on the side of the road.
“Uh, good timing,” Bethany said as she bolted out of the car and lost pretty much everything she’d eaten for the last few days on the side of the road.
Gran’s eyebrow was raised, but she got out of the car to help my friend, which is what I should have done, but I couldn’t move. Every muscle in my body hurt, my brain the most.
“I swear, Grandpa. I will work harder. It was the finance class. It just… I know you’re disappointed.” The tears just kept falling. But it felt good. They could hit me with whatever guilt trip I had coming and then maybe we could move past this.
“I am disappointed,” he said.
God, that hurt.
“But not for the reason you think.”
What the hell did that mean?
Gran came back to the car with Bethany. “We better get these two home. There will be time enough to talk later on. We need to get some fluids into them before they get more dehydrated.” She handed me some of the tissues from the box she’d taken out to Bethany. “Wipe those tears away, young lady. We love you. More than anything in this world.”
“I feel a but in there somewhere.”
“No,” Grandma said. “Our love is unconditional, which is why we’re both disappointed that you didn’t feel you could tell us what was going on. That you thought you had to be unhappy for us. What have we ever done that would make you afraid of us?” She held up a hand. “Don’t answer that now. I want you to think about it. We’ll discuss it when you’re feeling better and have had some rest.”
She turned back around in her seat. There was a weird silence, except for the occasional soft, puffy snore coming from Bethany, who had passed out again.
I officially felt like the biggest jerk in the world. They were disappointed in me. Not because of my grades, but because I didn’t tell them the truth. All this time, I was worried they’d be furious with me. Dumbest thing in the world. While they’d been stern with my upbringing, they’d also been the most caring and loving people in my life. They did deserve the truth.
I’d made this into a stupid drama that it didn’t need to be.
“I love you guys,” I said softly.
Grandpa smiled in the review mirror, and Grandma reached back to squeeze my hand.
It would probably take a while, but we’d be okay.
I wanted to ask about Cole. About how he’d found us.
I pulled my phone out of my purse, but the battery was dead. I remembered the texts, and how he’d tried to find out if I was okay, and I’d been a total bitch about it. If he hadn’t hated me before, he did now. But that was probably for the best. He’d been trying to protect me, but I was doing the same for him.
…
It was hard. My first thoughts when I woke up later that afternoon were of him. And dear God, I needed him to hold me. To tell me everything was going to be all right. Perhaps everything would be okay—in a hundred years from now when I was over this heartache.
As we pulled up in front of the house, brushing my teeth became a huge priority. I was pretty sure fur was growing in my mouth. Fur tinged with a touch of skunk. Nasty.
“You girls get some rest. Let’s plan on dinner tonight,” Grandma said. She smiled, but that was a command and not a request. “I had Rosalee call and change your flight to give you an extra day.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
A few minutes later, I was standing under the shower brushing my teeth. It was the closest to heaven I might ever get. I’d plugged in my phone, and it was blowing up on the bathroom counter. But turning off the hot water was really tough.
Finally, I forced my hand to twist the knob, and grabbed a towel for my hair. I was bent over, wrapping it around my head, when I saw the scuffed boots.
I might have yelped a bit. And then my hand flew to my very bare chest.
“Are you okay?” Cole was leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed, his cowboy hat dipped low so it was tough to see his eyes in the foggy bathroom.
“Yes,” my voice came out a whisper. It had only been about fifteen hours since I’d last seen him, but my body was drawn to him. Everything in me forced my feet to stay on my side of the bathroom while my heart wanted to flee across the room and throw myself in his arms. I needed him.
And hell, he was gorgeous in his jeans and a white button-down. That was dressed up for him.
“Are you going somewhere?” I couldn’t help the curiosity. Was he going on a date? The very idea was a hot fire poker through my heart. I reached for the robe, needing the protection from the heat in his eyes.
“Auction. I couldn’t find you last night. I was worried about you.”
I pursed my lips together. I had to stay strong, and I had to protect him and Addy, even if it ripped my soul from my chest. “I’m not yours to worry about anymore.”
He blinked, and his lids narrowed. “You stopped caring about me, but I’m not able to turn it off as quickly.”
Well, hell. My stomach did that weird twisty thing that happened when I was near him. “That’s not true. I won’t ever stop caring. I just—”
“What?”
“I’m leaving.”
His arms dropped to his side. “I know.”
“I could have canceled, but there would have been too many questions. And…I decided I needed some space. Some time to clear my head.” I pulled the robe tighter around me. Time away to get over you. But I couldn’t say the words. “I shouldn’t have been so abrupt yesterday. I should have explained better. I’ve never done anything like this. I don’t know the protocol, or whatever. Everything was just getting too intense. And I know you think I’m being some kind of princess, and that I’m bored. It isn’t that. Not at all. But I have a lot to figure out, school to get through, and I realized the other day that I needed to protect myself.”
Let him think it was about me. That might be the only way I could get him to understand.
“From me? You know I’d never hurt you.” He stepped forward but then stopped.
“Not intentionally. I know that. But my emotions—I can’t keep this simple like you. What happens when I do go away to school? Are we supposed to do some long-distance thing? Have you met me? I have a few trust issues.” I cleared my throat. “And I’m young. You’re my first—uh, well, you know. How lame would it be if I fell for the first guy I orgasmed with?” I was rambling, but I couldn’t seem to stop. He had that I-could-throw-you-up-against-the-shower-stall-and-have-sex-with-you-right-now look. And I’d let him. I just wasn’t strong enough to deny him. If he came one step closer, it would be over.
But he didn’t. “You’re falling for me? Like, really falling for me?”
I shrugged. “I know it’s dumb. We have a it’s-just-sex contract. But that’s why I need to go. Get away. I’ll be honest; it’s more about protecting myself. It isn’t that I don’t want you. I do. Too much. And I see it getting really messy, and you sort of despise that kind of thing. You’ve got a lot on the line. So, this is easier. I need you to let me go.”
He stepped back, and my heart physically tugged. “This is what is best for you?”
I nodded, unable to lie anymore. Well, technically everything I’d said was true. But I was leaving for him, not for me.
“No more getting drunk and dancing on bars?” He gave me a tight smile. He was doing his best to keep things light.
I swallowed the ginormous frog in my throat. “Yeah, I think I’m done with that scenario. I may be done with alcohol for the next thirty years or so.”
“Good plan.” He stepped back again. “Is there a reason why you let me think you were on a date with another man las
t night?”
I shrugged. “Not a good reason. No.” Tears threatened, but I refused to let them fall. “I’m back to be the responsible Callie. Oh, and I told my grandparents the truth about school.”
Both his eyebrows went up. “What happened?”
“They were mad, but more that I didn’t have the courage to tell them. They’re open to me studying what I want, but there are more discussions about that ahead, or so I’m told.”
“Good. I told you they’d understand.”
“Yep. But if I’m going to get into the writing program before school starts, I’ve got to get busy. I have a bunch of essays to write, and they expect you to read most of the literature before class even begins.” I hadn’t even really thought about everything that had to be done. I’d been reading the books throughout the summer because I’d wanted to, but now…now I had to have a plan. It would be good—I’d lose myself in studying and traveling, and I wouldn’t leave myself time to hurt over Cole.
“Well, good luck with everything. Sounds like your life is back on track, and I’m happy for you, Callie. I’ve got to get to the auction. We’re heading to Kentucky, and I won’t be back before you leave. You be safe.” He turned.
This was it.
“Cole?”
He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Yep?”
I ran and wrapped my arms around him from behind. One last hug. Just one. I soaked up his warmth.
He tugged me around him against his chest and hugged me tightly. “I’m happy for you,” he whispered. “You’re doing the right thing.”
It didn’t feel right, but this was for the best. I nodded against his chest.
“I’m going to miss you, babe.”
“Same,” I said.
He let go. But before he moved, he kissed my forehead. Then he was out the bedroom door. It clicked lightly behind him.
I sank to my knees in almost the same spot I had the day before, and let the tears fall. No one could hurt him if we weren’t together. He was safe now. And he felt better about it because he thought this was all for me.
The feel of his lips burned on my forehead.
So this was what being in love felt like. I laughed and sobbed at the same time.
It sucked.
I’d been branded by Cole.
I wasn’t sure my life would ever be the same.
Chapter Seventeen
The farther I drove away from the ranch, the worse the ache in my chest. Walking away from Callie was one of the toughest things I’d done. I couldn’t risk her falling in love with me. That kind of thing just never worked out. I did care about her, but love like that wasn’t something I really understood.
This is why I never broke my one-date rule. Ever. I wasn’t in a place where I could make promises. And she was smart to focus on school. She’d been right about being young and trying to figure things out. No one understood going after dreams and the obstacles that sometimes happened. Not that I thought of Addy or my mom’s cancer as an obstacle. Or even Uncle Charlie. They were family. You did what you had to do to help out.
And I wanted to make sure Callie had the best life possible. That’s all that mattered now. I wasn’t giving up on school, and we both had busy times ahead. And I had to help Addy get through high school.
This obsession with Callie would wear off.
Before I realized it, we were in Oklahoma and had to stop for gas at a truck stop.
“I’m gonna grab some lunch,” Shorty said. He was the best with wild horses, which was why Mr. Llewellyn wanted him at the auction. Mr. L was flying in the next day to meet us. “You want a sandwich or something?”
I shrugged. “I’ll get something once I finish fillin’ up. You go ahead.”
I wasn’t hungry. My gut was all twisted up. I kept seeing that look on Callie’s face as she was telling me she was falling for me. As if it ripped her up inside. That was the last thing I wanted. Never hurting her, that was the plan. But I couldn’t control her emotions any more than I could my own.
For a minute, while we’d been standing there, I’d thought about being cruel. Yelling at her for getting all emotional. But, hell, that wounded look she’d given me—I just couldn’t. This was best. She’d get over it with a little bit of time.
Would I? The idea of her making love to someone else was enough for me to want to punch a dent in the truck.
“Helps if you turn the pump on,” Shorty said before climbing back in the truck.
Shit. No telling how long I’d been standing there staring into space. I turned it on and filled up the tank. I checked the doors on the trailer before heading in to grab some food and a drink.
Then there was that comment about her falling for the first guy she’d had sex with. According to her, technically, I was the second, though that other bastard had had no idea what he was doing.
But the idea of another man’s hands on Callie gnawed at me all the way to Kentucky. Wasn’t my problem. Wasn’t my girl. But damned if the idea didn’t piss me off.
She was mine, body and soul.
“Motel is up on the left,” Shorty said.
Fifteen hours and four states later, and I still couldn’t get her out of my head. I pulled up, glanced across the street, and saw the bar. “How about we check in and then grab some beers?”
“Sounds like a plan,” Shorty said, climbing from the truck.
Wasn’t long before we were at the bar, beers in hand, eating bad French fries with too much salt. The place was basically a hole in the wall, but it had alcohol, and that was all that mattered.
Shorty sat on the barstool, facing out toward the small dance floor where an old couple was holding each other tightly while they danced to some Elvis song. “I had a girl once,” he said.
“Dude, I’ve been out with you on Saturday nights. You’ve had a lot of girls.”
He chuckled. “Yep, but only one who really mattered. I was a dumb shit back then and didn’t understand what I had.”
Last thing I wanted to talk about was Shorty’s love life. “How old are you, like twenty-five? I’m sure there are other women out there.”
“Nah. That’s where you’re wrong. There are lots of women, but there’s usually only one who can grab your heart and twist it into a knot. One whose image is the first thing you see before you open your eyes in the morning, and usually the one who fills your dreams at night”
“What, are you a poet now?” I took a long pull of my beer. If he was going to chat, I might as well get drunk.
“Just sayin’, there are some women worth fighting for, and sometimes we’re too stupid to see it. I let mine go. I’d hate to see you do the same. Was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
“Shorty, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
He snorted. “Man, you must think the rest of us have shit for brains. All you have to do is watch the way the two of you look at each other. A few times, I thought the barn just might burn down around you there was so much heat.”
Crap. Had we been that obvious? “You must have me mistaken for someone else. Still don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“Play it close, if you want. I’m just sayin’, rich girl or not, she cares about you. And you care about her. If you let someone like that go, you’re gonna have regrets.”
“Shorty the philosopher.”
“Maybe I’ll write a book.”
“I think you have to know how to read before you can write a book.”
“Aw, man, ain’t no reason to be cruel ’cause you got your heart broke.”
I rolled my eyes. “Heart isn’t broke.” I chugged the rest of my beer and ordered another.
“Right. Okay. But just so you know, you’re an idiot. She’s a good girl with a good heart. I’ve known her since we were kids. She ain’t never been nothing but a nice girl.”
Yes, she was, which was why she was better off as far away from me as possible. There was no reason why she should mess up her life for me.
And it would get messed up. What were we looking at? Maybe a few more weeks of sex? Her heart was involved, so that definitely created problem. Best to make a clean break, just like she wanted.
Yep, this was the right thing to do. My gut twisted again. Then why the hell was I so miserable?
…
By the time I had to go down to dinner, I’d managed to pull myself together. I wasn’t really looking forward to the confrontation with my grandparents—and it would be a confrontation—but I had it coming. It was best to get it over with so we could all move on.
I’d even put on makeup to cover up my tear-stained face. I’d slept for a couple of hours, which had helped. I’d even managed to take my test. I was a little worried about the grade, because if ever I’d been distracted, it was today. I still had that empty-gut feeling. I just didn’t know if it was from the alcohol the night before, or the fact that I’d walked away from one of the best things that had ever happened to me.
And he was. No matter what anyone else thought, Cole was good for me. He’d helped me be more comfortable and confident with myself. It was weird, since most of the time I thought he held all the power, but the truth was he’d given me the ability to find that within myself. I owed it to him to let him and Addy have their lives. To keep my asshole soon-to-be-ex-friend, James, from ruining their lives.
“Excedrin Migraine helped mine,” Bethany said as I sat down next to her.
“What?”
“You were squinting. I figured the bomb that was last night went off in your brain as well. The Excedrin was the only thing that eased it even a little. And I tried pretty much everything.”
“I took some Blowfish. But I might hit the headache drugs if eating doesn’t get better.” Except the idea of food made me nauseous, and my heart felt like it’d been run over by a tractor—or three.
“Well, you two look no worse for wear,” Grandpa said as he pulled out the chair for my grandmother.
“Oh, honey, leave the poor girls alone. We’ve discussed the fact that none of us is perfect.”
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