She’d tried to argue. To ask why it was okay for him to run off with a younger woman, but not for her to date a younger man. ‘It’s not my fault society doesn’t accept things that way round.’ He’d stared at her, as if seeing her for the first time. ‘I don’t understand what’s got into you. You’re a mother, Maggie. You’ve always been a good, responsible one.’
And ouch, that had hurt, even coming from a man who’d been so irresponsible he’d practically abandoned his daughters since the divorce.
The thought of subjecting the girls to potential gossip, though… It made her feel sick. Were attitudes still so backwards that it was okay for a man to date a woman ten years younger, but not the other way round? She wanted to dismiss the idea, but hadn’t she had her own misgivings on the subject?
Seb had noticed the change in her when she’d gone back inside, the distance she’d erected between them, because apparently Seb was an open book when it came to his feelings. His smile had gone from easy to strained, his expression from happy to worried.
That was the part she regretted. Not explaining to him why she’d got her knickers in such a twist that afternoon. God knows what he must be thinking of the way she’d blown hot and cold.
And it was that final thought that made her pick up her phone and dial his number.
‘Mags.’
Alarm spiked at the sound of his voice. Usually so warm and easy, with a dash of sexy, it slipped over her like brandy sauce over a Christmas pudding. Now though… now it sounded awful. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘No.’ Some background noise, maybe traffic, and then the clunk of what had to be a car door. ‘Sorry, I’ve got to go. It’s Dad.’ A harsh exhale. ‘He’s had another heart attack.’
The bottom fell out of her stomach. ‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Do you need me to come with you?’
She heard the sound of his engine starting. ‘Thanks, but Alice and Sarah are meeting me at the hospital. I’ve… I’ve got to go.’
‘Yes, of course. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.’
‘I will.’ Silence, long enough for her to wonder if he’d just forgotten not to end the call. But then he spoke again. ‘Thanks.’
Her heart squeezed. ‘I’ve not done anything.’ Except be a cow to you yesterday, which you didn’t deserve.
‘For offering to come.’
‘I meant it. Whatever you need.’ She hesitated. ‘Can I call you later? Or you call me? I want to know how he is.’
‘Sure. I’ll phone you.’
The call ended, and she leant back in her chair, her heart aching for Seb, for Sarah and for Alice. For their mum, who’d always greeted Maggie with a warm smile on the few occasions they’d met. A smile very much like Seb’s. After pinging off two messages to her friends, offering any support they might need, she eyed up the sandwich in front of her. And knew she couldn’t eat it.
The girls had just gone to bed and Maggie was sitting on the sofa with her phone in her hand, pretending to watch a programme on how to cook the perfect turkey. She didn’t care. The girls would be happier with a plate of sausages wrapped in bacon, anyway.
When her phone vibrated, she snatched it up.
‘He’s gone.’
The anguish in Seb’s voice caused a painful squeeze on her heart. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Yeah.’ She could hear only his breathing, and knew he was struggling to keep his emotions inside. ‘Turns out his heart was too weak from the first one to survive this.’
She was at a loss to know how to help. ‘Where are you now?’
‘Still at the hospital. We’re going back to Alice’s. She insists we need to eat and none of us are in the mood to tell her it’s the last thing we want to do.’
Maggie could imagine her friend taking charge, doing what she thought was right. ‘A bit of normality for a while is a good thing, Seb. And I’m sure Rebecca and Edward will be a good distraction for your mum.’
He heaved out a sigh. ‘Probably you’re both right. It’s just the thought of sitting around like nothing’s happened, eating when Dad’s lying in the fridge of a mortuary… Fuck.’ She heard him drag in a few hoarse breaths. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise. If you want a punch bag, a sounding board, just someone to talk to, you know I’m here.’
He didn’t reply, and it made her worry. Had the way she’d left things yesterday, the brief kiss on the cheek she’d given him, which now seemed horribly dismissive, had they made him doubt he could come to her? Made him doubt she cared?’
Finally she heard his voice again. ‘Alice wants a word.’
There was a muffled noise and then Alice’s voice. ‘Hi.’
Maggie could hear her friend start to cry, and it started her off. ‘Alice, I’m so sorry. How can I help?’
‘Can Edward and Rebecca come back to yours with Hannah for the next few days, until school breaks up? Mum’s in coping mode already and said she’ll pick them up as usual, but I don’t want her to have to deal with that added pressure right now. Plus there’s things that need doing, like registering his death, making funeral arrangements.’ She sniffed. ‘Oh God, this is awful, just awful.’
‘Of course we’ll take care of your kids. They can have tea with mine and I’ll drop them back or you pick them up, whatever works for you.’
‘You’re a star, thank you.’ Maggie heard Alice blow her nose. ‘Right, better go.’ A pause. ‘Don’t think I haven’t noticed that Seb was the one to call you tonight, mind. Not me, not Sarah, but Seb. We’ll have that conversation sometime… sometime.’ Another sniff.
‘Sometime when you’re not blindsided by grief,’ Maggie added softly. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Seb paced his mum and dad’s… fuck, his mum’s… living room floor. The Christmas tree stood in the corner, the cheery baubles a poignant reminder of what a truly crappy time of year it was to lose anyone.
It had been three days since his dad had died, and Seb didn’t know what to do with all this anger, this emotion bubbling away beneath the surface. He wasn’t this guy, the one who needed to punch something, or to scream at the top of his voice. Yet now it was all he wanted to do.
That or lose himself in the arms of a woman who could make him forget everything but the satin feel of her skin, the soft curve of her breasts.
Cursing, he smacked a hand against the wall. That option wasn’t open to him.
If you want a punch bag, a sounding board, just someone to talk to, you know I’m here. Maggie had made it clear he could turn to her, at least as a friend. Yet how could he leave his mum?
‘Seb, darling.’ He lurched upright as the woman herself appeared in the doorway. Looking pale, older than she had a few days ago, yet bearing the same steely resolve she’d had ever since his dad’s first heart attack.
‘Shit, mum, did I wake you?’
‘You think I can sleep, with my son wearing out the living room carpet?’
Guiltily he halted. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry.’ She walked over to him and hugged him tight. ‘I’ll be okay, you know. I won’t fall apart if you go back to living at Sarah’s.’ She looked him in the eye and smiled. ‘Or if you go and visit that woman you’re seeing.’
‘I’m not.’ The lie – or was it a lie? Hell, he wasn’t sure any more. Still, it didn’t sit easily. So he took his mum’s hand and tugged her gently down on the sofa next to him. Then proceeded to tell her all about Maggie, without mentioning her name.
‘How do you know she won’t want to see you, if you don’t ask?’ She squeezed his hand. ‘You’re the child I’ve always thought was most similar to me. The one who acts first, thinks later. Who lets his heart rule his head. Who dives into things feet first, because where’s the fun in creeping in slowly?’
The emotion that had been so close to the surface these last few days threatened to overflow. ‘I’m meant to be taking care of you.’
‘You think you aren’t doing that?’ She touched his face, her loo
k so full of fondness he almost couldn’t breathe. ‘You’ve shifted round your roster so you can help with the funeral arrangements, you’ve organised Sarah and Alice to be here when you’re not. You’re staying with me so I won’t feel alone, sleeping on a mattress on the floor because the spare room is filled with junk, and the sofa’s too small for you.’ Her voice caught. ‘But you need support, too. And I’ve a feeling this woman is just the one to help you.’ Slowly she rose to her feet. ‘Your dad always said the best cure for being unable to sleep was a jot of whisky so I’m going to pour myself a glass and take it to bed.’ She smiled gently at him. ‘I’ll be out like a light until morning.’
Half an hour later, Seb found himself on Maggie’s doorstep, his hand hovering over the bell. It was half past ten. Too late to be calling unannounced. Yet this burning need to see her was so acute, so sharp, he’d not dared message first, in case she said no.
Fumbling for his phone, he called her.
‘Seb? Are you okay?’
He didn’t know how to answer that. Physically he was fine. Emotionally, yeah, emotionally he was like driftwood, tumbling around in the stormy sea.
‘Seb?’
‘I’m…’ Crap. He cleared his throat and started again. ‘I’m on your doorstep.’
Silence.
His heart jumped into his throat and Seb slumped against the wall, feeling the bite of the December cold. ‘It’s okay,’ he spoke into the phone. ‘You don’t need to let me in. I know it’s late, and I—’
He nearly jumped out of his skin as the door opened. Maggie stood there dressed in an oversized fluffy dressing gown, her grey eyes giving him a quiet assessment. Then she held out her hand.
Wordlessly he took it, drowning in so much emotion he felt incapable of speech.
‘Do you want a drink?’ she asked as she closed the door behind him.
He shook his head.
‘To talk?’
Again he shook his head. Christ, this was such a bad idea. He didn’t know what he wanted, except to quieten his churning, tortured thoughts.
Eyes brimming with compassion, she kissed him gently on the mouth. ‘Come with me.’
She led him up the stairs, and into her bedroom. Turning off the light, she slipped his coat off, then set about undoing his jeans. It wasn’t sexual, more the deft movements of a woman who knew what he needed, even though he was unable to express it. When he wore only his boxers and T-shirt, she pointed to the bed. ‘Lie down next to me.’
They both slipped under the duvet, and Maggie put her arms around him, bringing his head to her chest. It felt so right, like for the first time in days he had a chance to breathe, yet something niggled.
‘If I’m here because you feel sorry for me—’
‘You’re not.’ She brought her hands to his face, angling it so he was forced to look at her. ‘God, Seb, I care for you, I ache for you and what you’re going through. You’re here because I want to help.’ She bent to kiss him. ‘Let them out,’ she whispered. ‘All those thoughts that are driving you crazy, let them out, so you can start to heal.’
‘I can’t.’ God knows, he’d tried to talk to Sarah, but one look at her grief-stricken face, her sorrow-filled eyes, and he’d known he couldn’t say what was on his mind.
‘You can with me,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m not going to judge you. Whatever you have to say, I’ve said worse about my own father.’
Whether it was that, or the way her hand stroked a soothing pattern up and down his arm, he wasn’t sure, but the floodgates opened.
‘I’m so angry at him.’ Ashamed, he rolled away from her, onto his back. ‘I know that sounds terrible, but I can’t believe he went and died on me before I’d made peace with him. The last conversation we had was about the blasted dance competition, for God’s sake. He had a go at me for not promoting it properly.’ Tears stung his eyes and Seb squeezed them away. No fucking way was he crying in front of this woman who was always so together. Except around her ex.
‘I expect he enjoyed sharing his wisdom.’ Maggie smiled. ‘There’s nothing parents like more than imparting knowledge. Just ask Penny. I drive her mad.’
He could see that, but there was more than the petty annoyance of a dad who thought he knew best. As Seb stared into her still grey eyes, he screwed up his courage and spoke the words he’d never dared utter. ‘I never made him proud, Mags.’ His breath caught on a sob. ‘I was never what he wanted.’
That was it. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the damn tears rolling down his cheeks. Embarrassed, he turned away, but she wrapped her arms around him and drew him back to her.
Then she kissed him. Not a chaste kiss, or a sympathy kiss, but a proper kiss. One that stirred his blood, that reached inside him and curled around his heart. In seconds they’d shed their clothes and as he rolled on top of her, her arms clutching his shoulders, her legs wrapped around him, as he slid into her heat, enveloped by her, his mind finally cleared of everything but the feel of this incredible woman.
Chapter Twenty-One
Maggie woke to a note on her pillow.
Sorry, had to go, wanted to be at Mum’s when she woke. I’ll phone. And thanks. You helped more than you can know. S xxx
She’d never known a man allow himself to appear as vulnerable as Seb had yesterday. Her experience with Paul, with the boyfriend before him, with her patients, was that men kept their emotions tightly guarded. Heaven forbid they show a weakness. Such macho bullshit because, as women knew, talking, letting your innermost feelings out, was important. The way Seb had opened up to her, the way he’d talked long into the night, had revealed a maturity, a self-awareness and, yes, a strength she’d not given him credit for, before now.
Why had she worried about this age gap, when it wasn’t the date on the birth certificate that counted? It was the age a person acted. The way Seb was handling his grief, supporting his mother – they were the actions of a mature, well-adjusted man. And the more Maggie saw of this man, the more she found to like and admire.
It was why, when Alice came to pick Edward and Rebecca up later that day, Maggie invited her friend in. ‘Would you come and have a quick drink with me? I’d like to talk.’
Alice raised an eyebrow, but followed her in and waited patiently while Maggie poured the tea. Glancing at the kids, who were settled on the orange sofa watching TV, she led Alice to the sitting room.
‘Seb and I… We…’ She inhaled a deep breath, grasping at the words she’d rehearsed but now remained stubbornly out of reach. ‘He was here last night.’
Alice’s expression gave nothing away. ‘When you say last night, you mean last evening, or—’
‘Last night. All night.’ Heat scalded her cheeks. ‘Damn it, Alice, you know what I mean.’
She nodded, taking a sip of her tea. ‘How was he?’
Maggie couldn’t contain her surprise at the question. ‘That’s what you’re interested in? You don’t want to know what he was doing here?’
Alice waved her hand dismissively. ‘Oh, we’ll get to all that, but for now.’ She frowned, a cloud crossing her face. ‘We’re all taking Dad’s death hard, but Seb seems to be struggling with more than plain grief. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been a bloody rock, planning funerals and sorting Dad’s things out with Mum during the day, then working at the centre in the evening. Sarah and I, we tried to help, but he said his work was more flexible than ours, and because it suited us, we selfishly agreed.’ She bit into her lip. ‘But that doesn’t mean we’re right to burden him with it all, and I’m worried how tired he’s looking. How those bright blue eyes seem dimmer now.’
Maggie chose her words as carefully. ‘I think Seb’s taking it so hard because he feels things were unresolved between them. He didn’t get to say the things he wanted to say to his dad.’ She paused. ‘Or hear the things he would have liked to hear.’
Alice looked at her long and hard. ‘Does it make me a bitch that I’m pissed off my brother has confided in you and not me?’
/>
‘It makes you human.’ Maggie found she couldn’t hold her friend’s gaze. This was what she’d been afraid of. And if it came to having to choose between keeping her friends and exploring this thing she’d started with Seb? She really didn’t know which way she’d fall, which was terrifying because her friends were permanent. They’d been there before Seb, they’d be there long after he’d gone. Seb was a temporary madness.
Alice sighed, putting down her mug. ‘I suspect I know what the issue is with Seb. Dad’s always been so bloody hard on him. He thought Seb was drifting, wasting his life by travelling. He couldn’t understand him, because he’s so different from how Dad was, and how me and Sarah are. Seb’s not driven. He doesn’t plan life out, isn’t organised, everything is always last minute.’
Maggie shot her a look. ‘Is this your unsubtle way of warning me off?’
‘No.’ Alice gave her a wry smile. ‘It’s my unsubtle way of saying I wouldn’t have put you and Seb together. He’s so different from Paul.’
‘You think I’m looking for a repeat of my last disastrous relationship?’
‘Oh God.’ Alice briefly put her head in her hands. ‘You’re right, and I’m totally bollocksing this up.’ She sighed before lifting her eyes to Maggie’s. ‘Just be careful, yeah? You’re both very special to me. I don’t want either of you getting hurt.’
‘I know.’ Maggie hesitated, then decided to take a leaf out of Seb’s book and open up to her friend. ‘Everything you say is true, but the thing is, when I’m with Seb I don’t feel like me. I feel like a better me. A less rigid version. A week or so ago I got drunk on a school night. Last Sunday, when the girls were out with Paul, I didn’t do the laundry, didn’t clean the house, as per my usual routine. You know what I did? I had sex. Glorious, mind-blowing, life-affirming sex. And more than once.’
Strictly Come Dating (The Kathryn Freeman Romcom Collection, Book 3) Page 18
