‘Umm.’ Maggie stared down at her coffee, avoiding Alice’s eyes. Around them she could hear the sound of over-excited kids, the chatter of exhausted parents, glad to put up with poor coffee and plastic tables, just to escape their children for a while.
‘You have told him it’s your birthday?’
A guilty flush stole over her cheeks. ‘Why would I tell him that?’
‘Because you’re dating? Because he’d want to know?’
And that’s where the guilt came from. A man who’d wanted to take her tobogganing the moment it snowed would definitely want to help her celebrate her birthday.
‘Maggie?’
Drawing in a breath, Maggie raised her eyes to Alice’s. ‘I’ll be thirty-eight, Alice. Your brother is twenty-seven. If this wasn’t happening to me, I’d be laughing at how cringeworthy it was.’
Alice studied her. ‘Has he said anything to suggest he’s bothered by the age gap?’
‘What? No! He’s been…’ She briefly closed her eyes. ‘He’s amazing. We’re different.’ She laughed. ‘We’re so different it’s not true, but the age gap isn’t a problem. Most of the time I’m not even aware of it.’
Alice gave her an understanding smile. ‘Until a birthday comes up, and makes you think.’
‘Exactly. I mean, what am I doing? If you’d told me a year ago I’d be dating a man ten years younger, who spent most the last year living on a pontoon over the Barrier Reef. Who treats life as a giant game, the sole purpose to be enjoyed. Who’s only in this country temporarily, and will no doubt leave as soon as the whim takes him.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m crazy to be doing this.’
Alice reached for her hand. ‘I thought you were having fun, Maggie?’
‘I am.’ Deep in her chest, her heart squeezed. ‘I really am.’
‘So relax.’ Alice toyed with her cup, seeming to think before she spoke, which was rare for her. ‘I don’t know what Seb’s plans are. He came over to help with Dad, and now Dad’s gone.’ She trailed off, her expression sad. ‘Knowing Seb, he’ll want to make sure Mum’s okay before he goes anywhere though, so I think the word “whim” is a little harsh. Did you know he’s still living with her because he doesn’t want her to be alone in the house? That’s got to be tough, being back in his old bedroom again. Especially as it’s now a junk room and he’s had to sleep on a mattress on the floor.’
Maggie felt a lump jump into her throat. ‘I didn’t know that. And you’re right to defend him.’ She took a sip of the awful coffee. ‘When I first met Seb, I thought he was shallow, if I’m honest. I mean he was good-looking, and funny, and lovely with the girls, but he was easy to slot into this box marked “Alice and Sarah’s brother”.’
‘Yeah, our annoying brother.’ Alice looked at her quizzically. ‘And now?’
Maggie swallowed. ‘I realise I was way off the mark. He has this almost child-like exuberance, so it’s easy to assume he doesn’t feel things deeply.’ Yet she’d seen him at his most vulnerable, heard him admit why he’d left to go travelling. ‘Now I know he’s more complex than that. He does feel deeply, does get hurt. And I’m worried neither of us will come out of this affair unscathed.’
‘So stop. Nip it in the bud.’
Crushed was the only way Maggie could describe how that made her feel. To not have him to look forward to. No more kissing after dance lessons. No more holding his hand. No more afternoon sex. No more seeing this fun, carefree side of herself she’d forgotten existed. ‘I don’t think I can.’
Alice’s expression softened. ‘If it’s any consolation, I believe Seb feels the same way.’
Maggie didn’t know whether it was a good or bad thing when Penny interrupted them, tugging at her arm. ‘Mum, Tabby’s at the top of the monster slide you said not to go on. You have to tell her to get down. It’s too high.’
Alarm shot through her and Maggie lurched to her feet and ran behind Penny towards the slide. When she got there though, she found her youngest daughter grinning hugely, legs dangling over the top of the impossibly steep slide. Immediately her mind flashed to Seb, and she wondered if he’d looked just as fearless when he’d been seven.
Ignoring the panic churning her insides, she smiled up at her daughter. ‘Do you want to go down?’
Tabby nodded. ‘Pleeeeeeeease.’
‘Are you sure?’
Tabby didn’t hesitate. ‘Yes.’
Heart in her mouth, Maggie nodded. Then listened to Tabby’s delighted squeals as she zipped down.
It was only later that evening, when Maggie sat in front of the television, the girls having gone out like a light, she realised Alice hadn’t raised the subject of going out again. It was a good thing, she told herself. Thirty-eight wasn’t a birthday to be celebrated. It was one to let quietly slip by.
Seb dragged the carrier bags out of the boot and locked up the Fiesta, glancing up towards the house. The light was on in the kitchen, which hopefully meant Maggie was still up.
What a bugger he’d had to work late tonight. If he’d known, he could have swapped shifts, he could have… He exhaled heavily. Yeah, if he’d bloody known, he’d have done a lot of things.
Juggling the carrier bags, he went to press on the bell, but then froze. Damn it, yet again he was arriving at her house unannounced. Despite his promise after the tobogganing debacle, he’d not thought to message her.
He could message her from the car. Then kill time by driving around for ten minutes.
Satisfied with his plan, he began to head back down the drive.
‘Seb?’
Her voice made him jump, and he turned to find her silhouetted in the doorway. ‘Hi.’ He gave her a bright smile, which must have looked as wild as it felt because she frowned.
‘Are you okay? I heard the car pull up, but you seem to be heading in the wrong direction.’ She bit down on her lush bottom lip. ‘Unless you changed your mind about seeing me?’
‘No, God no.’ Walking back towards the door, he stepped inside and gave her a sheepish smile. ‘Can we start again?’ Dropping the bags to the floor, he brought his hands to her face and gave her a kiss. ‘Happy Birthday.’
‘Ah.’ Her eyes searched his. ‘You came to wish me happy birthday?’
She still looked confused, and it was hard to blame her. ‘I came to cook you a birthday meal, but I was halfway up the drive when I realised I hadn’t asked if I could come round, so I was heading back to the car to message you.’ He gave her an awkward shrug. ‘And then drive around a bit, hoping you’d say yes.’
Her gaze dropped to the bags, and up to him again. ‘You’re here to cook for me?’
And now, noting she was dressed in her pyjamas, a big hoodie over the top of them, he felt even more foolish. ‘When Alice told me it was your birthday, it seemed like a good idea.’ He trailed his thumb across her mouth, enjoying her sharp intake of breath, and the way her lips parted for him. ‘She said you weren’t up for going out, but birthdays are milestones in your life, Mags. They need to be celebrated.’ He bent to kiss her. Just a brief touch of their lips, but enough to make his heart leap. ‘I thought if you didn’t want to go out, I could bring the celebration to you. But I had a late shift, and now I realise it’s so late you’ve probably already eaten.’
‘Seb, I don’t know what to say.’ For an awful moment he thought she was going to tell him to go home, but then she reached for his hand. ‘I can’t believe you’ve come here,’ she waved at the carrier bags, ‘with food.’
‘Is it okay that I’m here?’ He thought it was, by the way she clutched at his hand, but he didn’t want to make a misstep. Not again.
Her face broke into a beautiful smile. ‘Is it okay that a gorgeous hunk of a man has turned up on my doorstep wanting to cook me a birthday meal?’ Laughter tumbled out of her. ‘God yes, it’s more than okay. I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself, wishing I hadn’t been such a moody cow and said no to Alice. I couldn’t even face eating any of the tea I made the girls.’
&nbs
p; Happiness flowed through him. ‘Then come and sit in the kitchen and watch me make you a chicken Pad Thai.’
Her eyes widened. ‘Good God, who are you?’
He laughed, dropping another kiss on her beautifully soft lips. ‘I could keep up the mystique, but when the next meal I make you is also a chicken Pad Thai, and then the one after that, you’re going to twig that it’s one of the few things I can cook. Courtesy of a five-month stay in Phuket.’
‘Next meal.’ She smiled. ‘I like the sound of that.’
So did he, he thought as he emptied out the contents of the bag and set to work chopping up the chicken. Maggie watched, nursing a glass of wine. She’d poured him one too, and he sipped slowly at it, unsure if he was going to have to drive home.
‘Why didn’t you want to go out?’ he asked once everything was sizzling in the pan. ‘Are you usually so reluctant to celebrate your birthday?’
‘Not usually, no.’ Avoiding his gaze now, she stared down at her wine glass.
‘So why this year?’ He prompted. When she remained quiet, he stepped to stand in front of her, turning the stool so she faced him, and bending so she had to look at him. ‘Mags?’
‘I’m thirty-eight.’ Her voice caught. ‘A few months ago, if you’d asked me if I minded being nearly forty, I’d have told you not to be daft. I’ve never had a thing about age.’ Finally she met his eyes. ‘But that was before I started dating a twenty-seven-year-old.’
‘You think it bothers me, how old you are?’
‘No, I don’t.’
He relaxed his shoulders. ‘Good.’
‘But I think it should bother me.’ She rubbed at her face. ‘Paul told me I was embarrassing myself. Worse, that I was embarrassing the girls.’ He watched as she swallowed, her voice shaking, ever so slightly. ‘While I hate to listen to anything he says, I wonder if he’s right.’
Irritated, Seb pulled her to her feet, and then lifted her onto the island so they were eye to eye. ‘Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?’ He couldn’t shake off the feeling that this wasn’t about his age, but about who he was. And that wasn’t a man who wore a suit and drove a BMW.
But she didn’t duck from his gaze, and when she answered her voice was firm and steady. ‘Of course not.’
‘Then why on earth are you paying any attention to a guy who’s so stupid he actually let you go?’
For a few humming seconds she didn’t say anything. But then a smile broke out across her face. ‘I don’t know.’
He heaved out a breath, staring into her beautiful clear eyes. ‘When did Paul say that to you?’
‘The day he came to pick the girls up after we’d…’ She trailed off, a slight blush on her cheeks.
‘Been intimate?’ He teased.
Laughing, she buried her head in his chest. ‘I don’t know why I worry about my age. Around you I feel like a blushing schoolgirl again.’
He smiled, thinking back to that day, and to how close he’d felt to her, only to have that ripped away the moment Paul had arrived back on the scene. ‘I remember you being distant with me after you’d spoken to him.’ He’d been hurt, but also jealous, driving himself crazy with thoughts that seeing Paul had reminded her who she really wanted. ‘I thought maybe you were regretting what we’d done.’
‘Absolutely not.’ Her arms wrapped around his neck, and he edged closer, breathing her in. ‘I don’t know what this is, where it will take us, but I know that when it’s over I will remember it for the rest of my life.’
When it’s over? His heart stuttered. Was she already planning an end, when he was starting to see a future? ‘I didn’t realise we had an expiry date.’ He meant it to sound jokey, but he guessed he was feeling too upset to carry it off because her gaze snapped to his.
‘I’m not telling you something you don’t already know. You’re the one who’s heading back to Australia.’
‘Am I?’ He touched his forehead to hers, something shifting in his chest. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, Mags.’ It was part of his problem, he’d never known. ‘But I do know that just because I am casual, you shouldn’t assume I can only do casual. At least not with you.’ Ignoring the sizzling pan, he stared deep into her eyes. ‘I’m falling for you, Mags.’
Instead of pleasure, he saw fear. Worry. ‘This is meant to be fun, Seb. Dating doesn’t have to be deep and serious,’ she repeated his words back to him. ‘It can be fun and frivolous.’
He remembered saying it, yet it seemed a million years ago now. Before he’d lost his dad, before he’d started to realise exactly what he’d found in Maggie. Not just a beautiful face, a dry wit and a sharp intellect, all of which absolutely did it for him. There were also the attributes that others didn’t always see, because they lay deep beneath her surface. There was her calm, and her strength. Her compassion – he’d never forget the way she’d been there for him in his darkest hour. Then there was the hidden surprise; all that simmering passion she kept so well controlled until she had a few drinks, or lost herself on the dance floor. Or in his arms.
But he was racing ahead, and Maggie was taking small, cautious steps. Of course she was, because unlike him, she’d been here before, and she’d been badly let down. He needed to reel himself in, stop wanting to gallop and enjoy walking for a change. Gently he kissed her. ‘Sorry. Fun and frivolous. It’s still my specialty.’ It was all he’d ever known, all he’d ever wanted, up till now. How ironic that this time he was the one wanting more, and being told no. It was a dose of his own medicine, and it tasted bitter.
Slapping on a smile, he dug out the candles he’d bought, lighting them and placing them on the island. After serving out the meal, he sat opposite her, raising his glass. ‘To reaching the grand old age of thirty-eight.’
This time she laughed off the age, as he’d wanted her to, because seriously, what did it matter which year was on your birth certificate? It mattered how a person felt inside, and he wanted to help her feel young and carefree.
‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ she asked a moment later, noting he’d barely touched his wine.
‘Because I’m driving.’
‘Oh.’ Disappointment flooded her expression.
‘I don’t have to drive back tonight,’ he added quietly.
The air hummed between them and he watched, heart thumping, as she reached for the wine bottle and filled his glass. ‘Then don’t.’
Because he needed her to be certain, he pushed. ‘Are you sure?’
‘It’s my birthday.’ A hint of mischief entered her eyes. ‘I think I should have fabulous sex on my birthday.’
Everything inside him tightened, and he reached for his glass. ‘I’ll drink to that.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
It felt as if Seb was determined to prove his boast, that he was the master of fun and frivolous. Yes, they went to dance lessons every Wednesday, and yes, when he came over to rehearse he did it with full concentration. In between dancing though, he was pulling out all the stops.
For example, last weekend, she’d received a phone call after his shift on Friday. ‘I’m off tomorrow and I want to take you all ice skating.’ He’d paused. ‘That’s if you don’t have any shoes to buy.’
The girls had loved it, especially when they’d seen how wobbly he was at first. ‘Crap, I remember skating being a lot easier than this.’
Maggie, who’d taken the girls ice skating every Christmas since they could walk, had smiled smugly. But she’d loved it too, every moment, from seeing him happily make a fool of himself, to having his hand discreetly hold hers as they’d watched the girls have a second go.
In between the fun, there was the passion. There had been another Sunday afternoon spent in bed, while Paul and taken the girls out. And a steamy session in the car after dance lessons one Wednesday, when he’d taken a detour down a dark, unlit country lane, parked in a lay-by and told her. ‘I’ve spent the last two hours with my hands on you, not being able to really touch you. I need to do that now, befor
e I explode.’
She’d never felt so… Heck, she was only admitting it to herself, so she could be honest. She’d never felt so sexy. Perhaps she’d never even felt sexy, before now. Paul had wanted her, in the early days, but that desire had come at carefully ordered times: Friday and Saturday night, when they were in a bed. It had been sedate, safe. He’d never made her feel like he had to have her. That he was desperate for her. Beneath Seb’s heated gaze thoughts of her wrinkles, her stretch marks, her it-will-ever-be-flat-again stomach, melted away. As did her natural caution.
What hadn’t melted away was her fear about where this was taking them. When she lay in bed at night, the last thing she saw was Seb, his expression earnest, his eyes intense. I’m falling for you. It wasn’t part of the plan, not for either of them, and it frightened her to think feelings were becoming entangled with the fun and the sex.
Yet when she thought of putting a halt on things, on going back to the life she’d had before she met him, the world appeared dull and lifeless. With no Seb, where was she going to get this buzz, this feeling that she could take on the world?
Turning into the youth centre car park, Maggie pushed the thoughts to one side. She was looking too far ahead, trying to plan something that was impossible to tie down like that. Look what had happened to the carefully constructed plans she’d made with Paul. They’d had children far earlier than intended, not gone on any of the holidays she’d longed for. And the happily ever after had crashed and burned.
Walking to the main hall where she’d found Penny and Tabby the last time she’d been here, Maggie pushed open the double doors. Immediately everyone inside turned to look at her, and Maggie felt the first flutter of nerves.
She wasn’t here as Dr Maggie Peterson. Or simply Maggie. She was here as Seb’s… damn it, they hadn’t even discussed what she was supposed to be. His friend? His dance partner? Whatever it was, she realised that she cared what this group thought of her, and that was sobering.
Strictly Come Dating (The Kathryn Freeman Romcom Collection, Book 3) Page 21
