Waiting for Her

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  “Bri,” I breathe out her name, stumbling like a moron to get out of my chair. The effects of two shots in less than a few minutes time hitting me more than I care to admit. Surprisingly, I have a low alcohol tolerance. With my size, one would think I’d be able to handle a lot of liquor. Not so much.

  “Hi, Grady.”

  The sound of her voice causing my heart to speed up triple time.

  I haven’t heard it in years.

  Except for in my dreams.

  Or nightmares, depending on the night.

  And it still hits me direct in the gut.

  “What am I missing?” I hear Drew murmur behind me only to be shushed by the girls.

  “Um. What…” I trail off, clear my throat, look down at the dirty bar floor, shake my head and look back at her, standing up in the process. She takes a small step back to allow me room. She’s a little thing. Only about 5 feet tall. When we were dating, I would have to practically bend in half to kiss her. A lifetime ago. My chin meets my chest when I tilt my head down to her. “What are you doing here?” I ask, finally finding my voice.

  She looks away quickly before returning those eyes that always drew me to her. I never could resist her shining emerald eyes. She simply had to flutter her long lashes at me, and I was putty in her hands. “Um, I heard about this incredible band and wanted to check them out since…” Her voice trails off as she glances at the table of my friends and family uncomfortably.

  She’s back in town, is what she failed to finish saying.

  She swallows and closes her eyes.

  I lick my lips, blow out a breath, and wait for her to open them back up.

  “Wait. A. Minute.” Cole’s voice breaks through our stare down.

  “Bri?” Mia sneers. Or as close to sneering as she gets. “What the hell are you doing here?” I turn in time to see her waddle her pregnant body out of the chair, shove Cole’s hand away from her shoulder and come to stand in front of me, effectively pushing Bri away a few steps considering Mia’s, well, she’s not little at the moment.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize everyone would…”

  “Realize what? That we would be here to support Brandon?” Mia crosses her arms over her chest and taps her foot.

  I press my lips together to keep from laughing.

  Mia’s hardly a threat, but she’s also protective of me.

  I place a hand on Mia’s shoulder and she twists her head to peek at me. She raises her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side, narrowing her eyes at me in a silent challenge for me to let her be.

  “Easy, mama bear,” I murmur.

  Bri looks down at Mia’s protruding belly then in Cole’s direction. She smiles faintly, her eyes glossing over slightly. I doubt if anyone else noticed, but I’ve always been a little more in tune to Bri than anyone else.

  “Mom mentioned you were expecting. When are you due?” she asks quietly.

  Mia lifts her chin, probably determined not to answer her because she’s a stubborn little shit, but Cole pipes up.

  “Two weeks.”

  “Congratulations.” She smiles but it’s sad.

  “Yup. We got married, too,” Mia says, a hint of snark in her voice, raising her hand to show her ring finger.

  “Mia,” Cole murmurs a quiet warning.

  “Yes, I heard that.”

  Of course she’d heard. Her entire family was there, celebrating with us. I’d swallowed down the hurt all day, enjoyed the moment of celebrating with my brother and Mia. Pushed away the jealousy I felt toward him and Mia, who’d also been friends before they started dating. It had been a little over two years at that point since she had walked out on our relationship. Walked out of my life.

  Part of me had wondered if she’d show up at the wedding.

  A bigger part of me held out hope it would happen. I missed the hell out of her and as pathetic as it may make me sound, I was still waiting for her to come back to me.

  That night, more changed for me than only getting a new sister.

  With Bri’s stepdad working for our dads, who own a construction company together, it’s not as if we’re strangers. Our families don’t just know each other, we’re connected in every way that matters. Which leads me to believe she knew Mia and Cole were expecting, too.

  “You missed a lot,” Mia reminds her, hurt and anger lacing her voice.

  In another time, Bri would have been one of Mia’s bridesmaids. It was a hole that was missing on the special day that everyone felt, not just me.

  I was always waiting.

  Waiting for her to come back.

  Waiting for her to come to her senses.

  Waiting for her to love me enough to fight.

  “I did,” she nods her head sadly. “I wish I hadn’t.”

  Me too.

  I can’t take my eyes off her.

  Can’t believe she’s here.

  Standing in front of me.

  Still looking too beautiful for her own damn good.

  Life, man. What a mother-effing bitch it is.

  “Yeah, well. It’s done,” Mia snaps. Bri breaking up with me didn’t hurt just me. That hurt and pain extended far and wide.

  “Mia,” Bri whispers. Raising her eyes from where they’ve been fixated on the floor between us, she looks directly at me, rather than Mia. My gut clenches when our eyes lock, afraid she’ll see the hurt still living inside me. The sound of a chair scraping along the floor behind me startles me, breaking our stare down. She turns and starts to reach out a hand to Mia but pulls back. Rather, she lifts a hand and twists a finger through the thick strands. I used to be obsessed with running my fingers through her hair A flash of déjà vu hits me when I remember she would always mess with it when she was nervous, especially in front of a crowd of people. “I’m so sorry I missed it. I have no excuse. I won’t pretend any of what I did was okay.”

  “You’re right. It wasn’t. But like I said, it’s done,” Mia says dismissively.

  She doesn’t accept Bri’s apology, but I know Mia. She will eventually. The only reason she’s holding a grudge right now is because she thinks I need her to and because she’s more hurt than she’s letting on.

  If Bri wants forgiveness, she’s going to have to earn it.

  “So. You’re back?”

  Bri takes a step in my direction, and I see realization hit Cole’s features.

  He points a finger at her then me. “Wait. Is she the one?”

  Out of the corner of my eye I see Drew’s head going back and forth like he’s at a tennis match, but I ignore him. I should introduce them, but I figure they’ll get to know each other soon enough.

  Irritation suddenly settles in my veins. Being this close to Bri used to provide me with a sense of calm. “The one, what?” I growl, staring down at the girl I once thought was my forever.

  “The one doing the article,” he explains. Cole’s not stupid. He knows she’s a reporter and who she works for. Her showing up after all this time obviously isn’t a coincidence.

  I pause a few beats, breathe in deep as her eyes, so expressive and beautiful, blink up at me. “Yeah,” I admit, my heart in my throat. “She is.”

  Bri

  Guilt burned deep in my gut and a sharp pang of regret pierced my heart. Even with the age difference between Mia and me, we’ve always been close. Dating brothers will do that. Not to mention, our stories were similar. Best friends before we crossed the line to more. Only she didn’t make the biggest mistake of her life at the first sign of trouble.

  I could blame it on the fact that I was only nineteen.

  But really, I was an idiot.

  And selfish.

  So very, very selfish.

  For the first twenty-four hours after I found out I was assigned the article featuring Grady, I felt nauseous. Then, like the sun was shining in my life for the first time in years, I felt hope.

  Hope that I could find forgiveness from the one who got away and, if I’m lucky, forgiveness from people who I on
ce considered family.

  Did I come here tonight hoping I’d see Grady?

  Of course I did.

  I’m not an idiot.

  Brandon is Mia’s twin brother and from what I’ve heard, she rarely misses a show. Which means Cole rarely misses a show. And as much as he’d hate to admit it, I still know Grady. I know he just finished coaching his first week of college football.

  He’d want to unwind. He’d need to relax.

  And he’d want to be around the people he loves.

  I may have lied earlier when I made it sound like this was the first I’d heard of Brandon’s band. Okay. I did. I lied.

  When I found out Brandon was in a band, I kind of became obsessed with following them. Not because I’m a creeper or because I had a thing for anyone in the band. Or because they had a connection to Grady, one I desperately longed for. But because their music isn’t just good. It’s good. Like, they could be signing record deals, good. The fact he’d kept it hidden from the rest of his family shocked me, considering how close they are. But then again, maybe that’s why. From what my mom told me, he wanted to break away from family expectations and have something for himself. Can’t really blame him.

  So yeah, I came to watch the band play because it was the first time I’d been in the same city they were playing in.

  But I hoped to see Grady.

  And the rest of the family.

  I watch as Grady swallows hard, shifts uncomfortably on his feet. He stares down at me while I tilt my head back to see him. I always cursed how short I was. Until I started realizing how it felt to be cradled in Grady’s arms. I felt safe, protected, and it might make me sound a little pathetic, but I liked being so small compared to him.

  Even in high school, I knew he’d only get more attractive the older he got. I didn’t realize how much more attractive. Everything he was at twenty is… more. His dark blond hair is a deep shade of brown, his shoulders broader. The cut of his jaw sharper. He crosses his arms over his expansive chest. I can’t help but notice the corded muscles in his forearms, the bulge of his biceps, the way the balls of his shoulders bunch up like they’re trying to burst through the fabric of his t-shirt.

  “Are you for real right now?” Cole asks.

  “Yeah,” he admits to Cole, eyes not leaving mine. Then, like a storm brewed up, his blue eyes darken and narrow. “She’s doing an article on me. Isn’t that nice?” he says in a tone I’ve never heard from him before. At least not directed toward me. It scares me a little, not out of fear of him hurting me, but of how much I hurt him.

  The rest of the family stays quiet while he continues his stare down.

  “See, if we were together, she wouldn’t have to do the story. She’d know it all. Hell, she wouldn’t even be allowed to do the story because she’d be a part of it,” he scoffs. “But, lucky for her, she wasn’t around. Not when we won the bowl games. Not when I survived the accident that almost killed me.”

  I flinch, and for a moment, he relaxes his rigid stance slightly.

  “Grady,” Cole murmurs, placing a hand on Grady’s shoulder trying to interrupt but he shrugs him off.

  Cole has always been the typical oldest child. Level-headed and always had an air of calm about him. When we were kids, it was always Cole who would bring reason to any situation. But right now, it seems Grady isn’t interested in Cole’s older brother advice.

  I swallow down the uneasy feeling bubbling up inside. He steps forward, and I inhale, taking in the scent I’ve missed surrounding me for the past six years. He’s so close, I can see the golden flecks in his eyes. The same eyes that used to look at me with a love that’s never been matched by anyone else. Now they only look at me with contempt. “No, Cole. This is great. Just great. Perfect, actually. Now she can see everything I accomplished without her. Because that’s exactly how. She. Wanted. It. Isn’t that right, Bri? You didn’t want any part of me. Maybe you never did.”

  “No,” I whisper with a shake of my head, dying a little inside hearing how I made him feel.

  I bailed.

  And I’ve never tried to make him understand the whole story.

  “Could’ve fuckin’ fooled me,” he growls. “You benefit from it now, don’t you?”

  I rear back, feeling like even without touching me, he slapped me. He couldn’t possibly think… “Grady, I never asked for this assignment.”

  “No? It just fell in your lap, is that it?”

  “Actually, yes. Southern Michigan State told my editor they needed someone who knew the program and who they could trust not to do some weird exposé on you.”

  “And that’s you, huh? I’m supposed to trust you now?”

  I nod and swallow hard. “I deserve that, but yes, you can.”

  He stares at me, his eyes seeming to soak in every inch of me. Much the same as I’m doing.

  “Can we just… talk?” I ask, shifting on one foot. I tuck a chunk of hair behind my ear and his eyes trail the path my fingers take.

  “I think we’ll have plenty of time to talk over the next, what is it? Six weeks?”

  I rub my lips together and blink slowly.

  “I… yeah. Six weeks,” I repeat in defeat, my shoulders slumping.

  Resigned, he bites out, “Thanks for coming, Bri. It was good of you to support Brandon. We’ll make sure to let him know you stopped by.”

  I flinch.

  Gutted.

  I look around the small area when I hear Brandon’s voice carry over the microphone.

  “What’s happenin’, ladies and gents?”

  A sense of home warms my heart hearing Brandon say words he’s used for as long as I can remember. We used to tease him when he called people ‘ladies and gents,’ but he never cared.

  The crowd cheers and Grady’s family reluctantly turns their attention from the two of us to the stage.

  Grady spins on his heels, turning his back to me while he faces the stage.

  Dismissed.

  “Tonight, we’re celebrating!” More cheers and hoots are heard all around me as everyone focuses on Brandon and his bandmates on the stage.

  He smiles at the crowd and raises his hands in the air, indicating he needs everyone to quiet. Brandon flips his guitar around from his back to his front, strumming a few chords and looks directly at Grady who’s already shaking his head adamantly. A shit-eating grin covers Brandon’s face and he nods. “Join me in congratulating my boy!” He points directly at Grady who now has his head in his hands, playfully slumping lower and lower in his seat. Brandon chuckles before continuing. “He’s just completed his first week coaching the shit out of a bunch of punk Warriors and he’s going to lead us to a winning season. Ain’t that right, Grady?”

  I watch as Cole jostles Grady’s shoulder. His head gives a little shake, probably from a twinge of embarrassment, but when he shifts, looking over at his brother I can see his mouth curve up in a genuine smile. Drew, who I know is his assistant coach because I’m a Warrior football stalker, elbows Grady, looking at him with admiration. My nose stings as I feel a rush of emotion flow through me.

  I missed it all.

  “Grady’s like a brother to me, and damn, I feel all proud of how he’s growing up.” Brandon wipes a fake tear from his cheek and clutches his chest. Laughter resonates all around me but all I can think is me too.

  Except the brother part.

  I don’t have a single sisterly feeling toward Grady Ryan. I may have, a long, long time ago, but those got squashed as soon as I was old enough to recognize him as more. It was the night of our sophomore homecoming dance and another boy in our grade kept asking me to dance. I kept telling him no, but it didn’t seem to matter to him. Grady caught wind of what was happening and grabbed my hand, tugging me into the middle of the dance floor. I still remember the way it felt with his arms wrapped around me.

  I’d never felt nervous around Grady before so the butterflies flying around in my stomach was new to me. I felt so safe and protected. I knew he was stro
ng, but my teenage hormones took flight when my hands wrapped around his biceps and I felt it for the first time. I remember thinking he had just sniffed me, so I looked up at him. He wrapped me tighter to him, my nose pressed against his chest and we swayed side to side. Being cocooned in his scent, I knew I’d never be able to look at Grady the same way again.

  I startle at the sound of Brandon’s voice shouting over the crowd, bringing me back to reality. “This one’s for you, my brother.” Brandon’s eyes twinkle as he lifts a bottle of beer off a bar stool next to him. “May your season lead to Warrior Victory!” he shouts with a smile bright enough to light up the entire stage before the goofball starts singing the Warrior fight song, everyone joining in immediately.

  We’re in a bar two blocks from campus.

  It’s Warrior country.

  Grady glances over his shoulder, his eyes connecting with mine. We stare at one another before someone steps in front of him to presumably say hello, breaking our eye contact. I shrink back a few steps, not looking at where I’m going, and bump into a body. I turn to apologize only to see the face that’s haunted my nightmares since I saw the picture.

  Kennedy Johnson.

  Nicest, prettiest person I have tried to find reason to hate.

  The woman he met through a stupid dating app his dumbass friends had him sign up for.

  The woman whose picture was thrown in my face by the one person who I loathe more than any other.

  I came home that day, tears in my eyes and looking for sympathy. Only my mom looked right at me and asked what I had expected to happen. Wondered if I thought Grady would never date another girl. Asked me how it made me feel and what I would think if he wasn’t just dating someone else, but marrying her.

  After I had my first legitimate panic attack, I asked her what she knew.

  I needed the truth. It was the only way I could continue to move forward.