“We could use a few more of the keepsake boxes if you have the time.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Danki. See you Monday.”
“I’ll be there.”
Abram walked back to shut the barn door but instead found himself wandering inside. He had some time to work on another small project and looked over his stash of wood. He pulled out the pattern he used for the little boxes Amish women used to store the pins for their kapps and keepsakes and, from what he heard, Englisch women used for jewelry.
Kapps. It reminded him of Rachel Ann’s kapp he’d returned to her earlier. Amish men never saw an Amish woman’s hair uncovered unless they were married or their fiancées let them see it.
Once again he found himself wondering how Rachel Ann came to lose her kapp. An unaccustomed surge of jealousy swept over him as the thought struck him Michael might have gotten to see her hair down.
Disgusted with himself, he set the pattern down and left the barn. Restless, he went for a walk in his fields, his favorite place to think and reflect. They were barren now, resting for the season. Maybe it was time for him to stop looking in Rachel Ann’s direction. He believed God set aside a woman for a man, and because he’d fallen in love with her he’d decided she had been chosen for him.
But it was evident from Rachel Ann choosing to date Michael and to be interested in Englisch life she was not only not in love with him—she wasn’t even looking at the man who lived next door.
He kicked at a root protruding from the earth. When a crop didn’t grow, you changed plans and planted something different. He was twenty-one now, and his farm was doing well. Other women had let him know they were interested, but he’d never pursued them because of how he felt about Rachel Ann. If he wanted a wife and a family, it was time to do something different.
He stood there in the middle of his fields, hands on his hips, and stared out at the road. Cars and buggies shared the road, all going somewhere on this Saturday afternoon. Tomorrow was Sunday—a church Sunday. If he remembered correctly, there would be a singing in the evening. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d attended one. This time of year he didn’t have the excuse of too much work to do on the farm . . .
And he no longer had on the blinders that made him see only Rachel Ann.
6
Rachel Ann chewed on her fingernails all the way to the hospital. She kept worrying over the night she went for a drive with Michael and didn’t know how to stop herself from obsessing over it. It had kept her from being able to eat all day and made her so distracted at both jobs several people had asked if she was okay.
Then she walked into Sam’s hospital room and her knees went weak.
The bed was empty.
She stumbled to a chair and sank into it. She couldn’t breathe. Sam couldn’t be . . . he couldn’t be . . . she couldn’t even think the word.
A nurse started to walk past the room, glanced inside, and stopped. “Something wrong?”
Rachel Ann waved at the bed. Tried to talk but she couldn’t.
“Sam’s just having another CAT scan downstairs,” the woman said. She walked in and bent to give Rachel Ann a hug. “Breathe, honey. Sam’s still with us.”
She concentrated on forcing air into her lungs, but all she managed to do was hyperventilate.
“Calm down, he’ll be back up here in just a few minutes. I’ll go get you a cup of water.”
“Thank you.” Rachel Ann watched her hurry out of the room and shook her head. Seeing the empty bed had been as bad as seeing Sam hit by Michael’s car.
“You’re shaking,” the nurse said when she returned with the water.
She took a sip of water and shrugged. “I shouldn’t have jumped to such a conclusion.”
“It happens more than you think.”
She left, and Rachel Ann sat and watched the clock. Ten of the longest minutes she’d ever experienced ticked past before Sam was returned to his room. He looked so small in the bed. So still. She knelt by the bed, put her head down, and wept.
“Rachel Ann? What are you doing?” Her mother stood in the doorway looking stern. “Are you sick? I didn’t want you to visit—”
“I’m not sick,” she said, lifting her head. “I got scared to death walking in and finding Sam gone. They took him for a test and I didn’t know. I thought he was dead.” She heard her voice rising, becoming shrill, but she couldn’t stop herself. “I thought he was dead!”
She burst into tears—great big hiccupping sobs she couldn’t stop.
Her mother put her arms around her and patted her back, but it just made Rachel Ann cry harder. “Rachel Ann, you must stop! You’ll make yourself sick!”
“What’s going on?” she heard a familiar voice ask.
“She can’t stop crying.”
“Rachel Ann? You’re not feeling any better?” the nurse asked her. She looked up at Martha. “Looks like anxiety to me. I’ll be right back.”
The nurse returned with a wheelchair and helped Rachel Ann into it.
“I’m not sick,” Rachel Ann managed to say. She clutched her chest. It hurt to breathe. “Where are we going?”
“ER.”
“I’ll go with her,” she heard her mother say as the nurse pushed the chair out of the room and into the hall. “Leroy, you stay here with Sam.”
The ER bustled with activity, but the nurse got her right into a small exam room. “Anxiety attack,” she said tersely to another nurse. “She’s having some chest pain and difficulty breathing.”
They helped her onto a gurney, stripped off her dress, and got a hospital gown on her, all the while taking her personal information. The oxygen they hooked up immediately began to relieve the tightness in her chest and make it easier to breathe.
She felt embarrassed they were making a big fuss over her when she felt she should have been able to calm herself down. Her misery must have shown because the nurse who’d brought her down patted her arm.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, dear,” she said. “This has been a stressful time for all of you. I have to go back upstairs, but you have them call me if there’s anything I can do for you.”
Rachel Ann nodded. “Thank you.”
“I have a few more questions for you, and then the doctor will be in to see you,” said a nurse who pulled her laptop computer on a rolling cart closer. “Are you single? Married?”
“Single.”
“Are you pregnant?”
She froze, and her gaze shot to her mother who was reading a chart on the wall. “No,” she said quickly.
The nurse paused and her fingers went still on the keyboard. Her eyes narrowed as she glanced at Rachel Ann’s mother, then she asked a few more questions about her symptoms.
A man came in pushing a cart. “I’m here to draw some blood,” he said cheerfully.
“I’ll go see what’s holding up the doctor,” the nurse said. “Mrs. Miller, would you mind stepping outside for a few minutes while Ben here does his job? The room’s a bit small.”
Her mother nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.
The nurse looked at Rachel Ann with kind eyes. “I sent her out so you can have some privacy. It’s vital you’re honest with us about whether you could be pregnant. We don’t want to give you anything that could harm your baby if you’re pregnant.”
“I don’t know if I am,” Rachel Ann said miserably.
“When was your last period?”
“Three weeks ago.”
The woman frowned. “So you think you got pregnant recently?”
Rachel Ann blushed. “I don’t know. I was with my boyfriend last week . . . I was stupid, I had a beer and . . .”
“I see.” Her face cleared. She patted Rachel Ann’s hand. “It’s too early for a pregnancy test, so I’ll make a note for the doctor not to give you anything that could affect a baby just in case, okay? Think about purchasing a pregnancy test to use in a week or so if you miss your period. Then, if it�
�s positive, make an appointment with your doctor, okay?”
She nodded and tried not to wince as her blood was drawn. Her mother returned to the room after the technician left, and then the doctor came in. She examined Rachel Ann and ended up diagnosing her with an anxiety attack just as the nurse had said.
“Sometimes our bodies just can’t handle any more stress and this happens,” she said, looping her stethoscope around her neck. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m going to give you something for it, and you’ll be fine.”
She turned to Rachel Ann’s mother. “How are you and your husband holding up?”
“We’re fine,” Martha said. She sat primly, her hands folded in her lap, her shoulders held stiff and straight. Rachel looked away from the disapproval on her face. Mamm didn’t approve of being emotional in public.
“Well, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us,” the doctor said.
Rachel Ann took the pill a nurse brought in and swallowed it with some water. It was the last thing she remembered until the nurse shook her shoulder and woke her and told her they were discharging her.
Their driver was waiting in the ER parking lot. Rachel Ann’s parents helped her into the van, and she slept all the way home.
* * *
“I haven’t seen you at a singing in a long time, Abram.”
He turned from helping himself to a brownie during the break and found himself looking down at Sarah Zook.
“Gut-n-owed,” he said. “I’ve been busy.”
She pushed her wire-rimmed glasses up her nose and glanced around. “Is Rachel Ann here? Did you bring her?”
“No, why do you ask?”
She shrugged. “You’re neighbors.”
He couldn’t help feeling relieved. There was no way he wanted anyone to think he’d harbored a secret crush on Rachel Ann for years.
“I miss seeing her. She was at church, but she and her parents rushed off right away afterward. And she’s been working so much.”
Abram heard the wistfulness in her voice. “Keep trying to see her. I think she’d appreciate it. She could use a friend right now. It’s been tough on her with her brother in the hospital.”
“I will.” She smiled at him. “You’re a good friend to her.”
“We’ve lived next to each other all our lives.”
“That’s not it. I heard what you’ve been doing for her and her family.”
He shrugged. “It’s our way. I haven’t done anything special.”
“If you say so. I see you like my brownies,” she said as he picked up another one.
“They’re great.”
“I’ll make you some more and bring them by your house next time I stop by to visit Rachel Ann.”
He studied her, wondering if she was talking to him because she was interested in him or if she was just making conversation. Singings were one of the activities where couples paired off—one of the reasons why he hadn’t attended many. He didn’t need to go looking for a woman because he’d always only had eyes for one—Rachel Ann.
But the more he talked to Sarah, the more he came to think she was just a nice young woman who wanted to talk to him. She’d been a year behind him and Rachel Ann in schul and so shy she barely spoke. While some of the other maedels wore dresses in brighter colors, she always wore browns and grays and reminded him of a quiet little mouse.
Others were drifting away from the refreshments and looking like they were about to start singing again. Abram had enjoyed singing the hymns, but tonight he was enjoying it even more talking to Sarah.
“Sarah, would you like to go for a drive?”
Her cheeks pinked and her eyes sparkled behind her lenses. “It would be nice. I came with my brother. Let me go tell him I’m getting a ride with you.”
Sarah might have seemed shy, but once they were in the buggy and it was just the two of them traveling the dark roads in the buggy, she talked about everything from working with her parents on their farm to the upcoming holiday, to how David Zook had gotten a broken leg from being kicked by his horse.
The conversation turned to Rachel Ann.
“I never had any desire to experiment with the Englisch world like Rachel Ann,” she said as she stared out the window of the buggy. “I know you probably think it’s because I was too chicken, but I just wasn’t interested in life outside our community.”
“Why would I think it was because you were chicken?”
She turned to him and laughed self-deprecatingly. “Most of the time people don’t know I’m in the room. I’ve always been like that.”
“I knew you were in the room.”
She shot him a quiet smile. “You’re just being nice. You’ve always been like that.”
“Nice sounds boring. And I’ll take quiet over being around someone like . . . well, I won’t say who or I’ll lose my nice label.”
She laughed. “I know who you mean. I saw her talking to you several times this evening.”
“Sarah, did you come over to rescue me?”
“I might have.”
They were traveling down a stretch of road unlit by streetlamps, but he could hear the smile in her voice. He grinned. She might be shy, but she had a sense of humor. He wondered why other men hadn’t taken the time to look past her shyness and see there was something special about her.
He was truly sorry to have the evening end. “We’ll have to do this again.”
“That’d be nice. Gut-n-owed, Abram.”
“Gut-n-owed, Sarah.”
As he pulled into his drive, he realized he’d had a good time. He unhitched the buggy, led his horse into its stall, and watered it. When he stepped outside, he saw Rachel Ann and her parents were coming home.
He frowned. Something was wrong. Leroy and Martha were helping Rachel Ann from the van. She seemed unsteady on her feet. He wondered if she was sick. She’d seemed fine earlier when he had seen her.
“Do you need some help?” he called over, but Leroy shook his head.
Abram went inside and found his mother sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea.
He lifted his brows. “You weren’t waiting up for me?” he asked incredulously.
She laughed and shook her head. “Nee. I just felt like a cup of tea before bed. The water is still hot if you want one.”
He preferred coffee but didn’t feel like firing up the percolator or settling for instant. So he poured a mug of hot water and sat at the table dunking a tea bag in it until the liquid was nearly black.
“Oh, for the days when caffeine didn’t keep me awake,” Lovina said. “There are some peanut butter cookies in the jar if you want.”
“I had two big brownies at the singing,” he said. “They were almost as good as yours.”
She gave him an arch look. “Who makes brownies almost as good as mine?”
“Sarah Zook.”
“Nice girl.”
Abram nodded. “Ya. We went for a drive afterward.” He drank half the tea and made a face. He just didn’t care much for tea.
He yawned, then got to his feet. “Going to bed. See you in the morning.” He bit back a smile at her look of disappointment when he bent to kiss her cheek. He knew her so well—she wanted to talk more about Sarah. Maybe he shouldn’t tease her like this . . . but he couldn’t resist.
At the doorway he turned. “We’ll talk more in the morning.”
She grinned and tossed a dishcloth at him.
* * *
“I’m so glad we could come together today,” Sarah whispered to Rachel Ann as they climbed the stairs to the Zook house.
“I can’t stay long,” Rachel Ann told her. Amish weddings went on all day, and there was no way she could bear sitting here trying to look like she was having a good time. “I want to go visit Sam.”
“Just stay as long as you can.” She sighed. “It’s so good to see you again. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you,” Rachel Ann told her and meant it. All she’d done
since Sam’s accident had been work, visit Sam, sleep, and start the whole process all over again.
She watched with Sarah as Emma and Isaac said their vows before their friends and family. Sam’s accident had meant she had to tell Emma she couldn’t be one of her newhockers, her attendants.
Rachel Ann remembered how Isaac had been a little wild during his rumschpringe, cutting his hair in an Englisch style, driving around in his buggy with a sound system blaring hard rock. Emma had confided she was beginning to believe she and Isaac wanted different paths.
And then something had changed. His best friend had fallen off a roof they were working on, and it changed Isaac. It made him think about things, he’d told them. He joined the church, and now he and Emma were being married
Emma had never looked happier, and Isaac beamed as he sat beside her at the eck, the corner of the wedding table, and the wedding meal was served.
Rachel Ann turned to Sarah. “I need to go now.”
“Can’t you just have something to eat first?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You look like you’ve lost weight. Just eat a little something. Then maybe—” she hesitated. “Do you think I could go with you and see Sam?”
“You know he’s not awake.”
Sarah touched her hand. “I know. I’d like to go and just be there for you, Rachel Ann. You look like you’re about to fall apart.”
Rachel Ann sighed. “I already did.”
“What?”
“I’ll tell you about it later. Allrecht, I’ll eat something, and then I’d love it if you come with me. I’ve missed seeing you, too.”
She forced down some of the baked chicken and roasht and some of her favorite creamed celery. One bite of cake was all she could manage—the frosting was so sweet it was sickening to her.
“Well, look who’s here! How did you manage to drag her here, Sarah?”
Rachel Ann looked up and saw Abram smiling down at her. No, he was smiling down at Sarah. Hmm, she thought. Interesting development.
“I could only come for a little while. We’re about to leave. Sarah’s going to the hospital with me to see Sam.”
“I’d like to give you a ride, but I promised to drive several people home.”
One True Path Page 6
