She looked back at Abram and found him watching her. Disconcerted, she almost wished he had pulled out his cell phone and busied himself with it rather than concentrate his attention on her right now. She felt so . . . exposed. But he had never made it more important than spending time with her. “What?”
“I—”
Their server brought their salads, interrupting Abram. He waited for her to set them down and leave then looked at her again. “Everything allrecht?”
“Ya, the salad looks gut.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I told you last night I thought something was bothering you, and I still feel the same way looking at you tonight.”
“Why do you say that?”
“When you’re worried about something you get this cute little frown and your attention wanders. And you won’t look at me.”
She stabbed a fork in her salad and began eating. “I’m fine. I told you last night. Eat. This is gut.”
He sighed and shook his head. After a long moment, he began eating.
Rachel Ann cast about for a safe topic to talk about. “Sam was decorating a Christmas drawing for you when I left. He was using lots of the glitter you bought him. Lots.”
“Glad he’s enjoying it. He’s quite a special kind. I hope we have one like him one day.”
She froze, her fork halfway to her mouth. The salad suddenly became tasteless. “Don’t let Mamm hear you say so,” she said lightly. “He’s been so cranky lately because he wants the cast off. She might offer to lend him to you.”
“You’re not going to finish that?” he asked, gesturing at her salad. He grinned when she pushed it toward him to finish.
Their spaghetti and meatballs came. Rachel Ann forced herself to eat a little, but the meatballs seemed to bounce around with the butterflies in her stomach. She finally set her fork down and nodded when the server stopped to ask if she wanted a box to take the food home.
Abram looked at his plate. “Nothing left for me to take home.”
“There seldom is,” she said, forcing a smile.
“Want dessert?”
She shook her head.
“Mamm was baking a cake when I left,” he told her as he pulled out his wallet. “Chocolate. Nothing better than her chocolate cake. I’ll have a piece when I get home.”
He asked for the check, and after he paid they climbed into the buggy and began the ride home.
She turned to him. “Abram, I have something I need to tell you.”
* * *
Shocked, Abram stared at Rachel Ann. “What?”
“You heard me,” she said, her voice shaking. She let out a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to date anymore.”
“I thought we worked out our problem.” Confused, he tried to take her hand, but she shook her head and shrank away from him.
“We did.”
“Then what—?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I decided I don’t want to get married. Since we date someone we think we might want to marry, well, then there isn’t any point in our seeing each other that way.”
“Oh?” Abram felt an unexpected surge of anger at how matter-of-fact she was being, when it felt like she’d just reached inside his chest and pulled out his beating heart.
“I’m sorry, Abram,” she said gently, and he could see tears in her eyes. “I don’t mean to hurt you, but I think there’s someone better out there for you than me.”
“This isn’t about Sarah, is it?”
She shook her head. “I just don’t want to get married after all.”
It was a good thing his horse knew the way home. Abram was in such a state of shock he was glad he didn’t have to concentrate on directing him home. When the horse slowed and turned, he was disconcerted to see that they were home.
“How can I fix this if you won’t tell me what’s wrong?”
“I did tell you. You just don’t want to hear it.” She pressed her fingers to her mouth. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I know how you like to fix things, but you can’t make someone want to get married, Abram.”
They sat there in the buggy in front of Abram’s barn. Ned pawed the ground, eager to be unhitched, and led into his warm stall for the night.
The noise startled Rachel Ann. She looked around and seemed surprised they were home. “I need to go. Gut nacht, Abram.” She slipped out the door and ran to her house.
Abram didn’t know how long he might have sat there if Ned hadn’t lifted his head and neighed at him. He climbed out, un-hitched the buggy, and shook his head as the horse hurried to his stall.
“Sorry,” he said. “My girl just broke my heart.” He pressed his face into Ned’s neck. “I wish you could talk. Maybe you could tell me what just happened. Did I push her too hard to get married? I thought she felt the same way I did. I thought she was the one God set aside for me.”
He walked out of the barn, shut the door, and stopped to stare up at the heavens. “Why?”
Hearing no answer, Abram shook his head and let himself into his house. He saw a light burning in the kitchen. His steps slowed. He loved his mother, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.
“Abram?”
“Ya.”
His mother sat at the kitchen table, stationery spread out in front of her. “You’re home early.”
“Rachel Ann couldn’t stay out late. She has work early in the morning.”
“Help yourself to a slice of cake. It’s your favorite.”
“Not hungry. I’ll have some tomorrow.”
“Do you want some tea? The water’s probably still hot in the kettle.”
He shook his head. “Had coffee at the restaurant. I think I’ll go on to bed. Kind of tired.”
She held out her hand, and he took it and squeezed it. “See you in the morning.”
On impulse, he bent and pressed a kiss to her cheek. If nothing else, tonight had taught him how quickly things could change.
“Is something wrong? You look upset.”
Abram shook his head. “I’m fine. Just a little tired.”
She nodded. “You’ve been working hard helping the Zooks.”
“Ya.”
He climbed the stairs to his room and got ready for bed.
He was still awake hours later when he heard the van pull into the Miller drive to pick Rachel Ann up for her bakery job. Slipping from bed, he peeked out the window hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He wondered if she had slept last night, comfortable with her decision, or if she’d tossed and turned as he had. Even though he was upset with her, he didn’t wish her any ill.
He climbed back into bed and stared at the ceiling, going over and over the conversation he’d had with Rachel Ann earlier, then the one the night when they’d argued. Rachel Ann wasn’t a flighty, impulsive person. He knew she cared for him. What could have happened to make her decide she didn’t want to date him any longer?
* * *
She’d done it.
Rachel Ann felt sick to her stomach every time she thought about the way Abram had looked when she told him she didn’t want to date anymore . . . just another way of saying she didn’t want to get married in the future.
He’d looked stunned.
She hadn’t meant to blurt it out, but how did you break up with someone? It was for the best. Abram wanted kinner, and she couldn’t have them. She had seen how unhappy couples who couldn’t have a kind were. How could she do it to him—to them?
Of course, she’d thought about telling him her news . . . for about one minute. Who wanted to have someone insist they still wanted to marry you because he felt it was the right thing to do. She didn’t want his pity. She wanted—she felt tears rushing into her eyes. Nee, she couldn’t break down here in the bakery. Linda worked out front, but you never knew when she would walk back here to ask a question or get something just out of the oven.
So she blinked back the tears and told herself to stop being a crybaby. She’d done enough cryi
ng over Sam. She had to find a way to get through this. To be happy somehow. A few minutes later she was glad she had gotten herself under control when Linda walked back to tell her she had a visitor.
“A visitor?” Surprised, Rachel Ann stared at her. The timer went off and she jumped.
“I’ll get them out,” Linda told her. “Mmm, Snickerdoodles. I might have to have one of these with a cup of tea.”
Rachel Ann wiped her hands on her apron and walked out to the front of the bakery. Saul stood gazing into one of the glass bakery cases with a look of wonder.
“What a selection,” he said when Rachel Ann approached him. “I’m trying not to drool all over the glass case.”
She laughed. “This is a surprise.”
“Elizabeth said she wanted something sweet. Now that the morning sickness has worn off, she’s hungry a lot. I offered to get her something from here. Give me a dozen of the cinnamon buns and four of the gingerbread cookies. She liked the cookies last time she got them.”
“You’re a gut mann.”
“It gave me chance to ask you for a favor.”
She looked up from the box she was filling with the rolls. “Schur. What is it?”
“You say yes so quickly. It might be something bad.”
She laughed. “I doubt it.”
“I need to make an overnight trip, and I don’t want to leave Elizabeth by herself. I thought I’d see if you could spend the night with her.”
“I’d love to.”
“Great. We’ll stop by Stitches after work and pick you up. Unless you need to go home and get anything.”
“Nee, I’ll borrow a nightgown from Elizabeth. I don’t work tomorrow, so I don’t need another dress.”
He lifted his head and sniffed. “What do I smell?”
“I just baked Snickerdoodles. They’re cooling in the back.”
“My favorite. Can I get a dozen of those?”
“Schur.” Rachel Ann got the cookies and boxed them, then packed everything into a shopping bag.
Linda returned to the front of the shop and regarded the shopping bag and money being exchanged.
“Stop by anytime, Saul,” she said with a chuckle.
“You’re the best in town,” he told her.
“Just the town?”
“Lancaster County.”
“I was just joking,” she said. “We are not supposed to have hochmut.” She lowered her gaze modestly, but when she lifted it her eyes sparkled mischievously.
“See you later, Rachel Ann,” Saul said as he lifted the bag and strode for the door.
She made a quick call to her driver to cancel her ride home, left a voicemail on the phone at home for her parents, and went back to work.
The afternoon passed quickly, full of customers coming and going, leaving her little time to think about what a detour she’d taken last night in her relationship with Abram.
A sleepover sounded like a nice change. It would be fun to spend the evening with Elizabeth and not chance running into Abram.
Rachel Ann stood waiting by the shop door at quitting time.
“It’s not your usual ride,” Leah remarked as she stood making out the day’s deposit at the front counter.
“I’m going to spend the night with Elizabeth while Saul goes out of town. Have a good evening.”
“Are you sure we’re not taking you away from anything tonight?” Elizabeth asked her when she climbed into the van.
“I’m sure.”
Elizabeth slipped her arm through Rachel Ann’s. “Gut. We’ll have a girl’s night.”
“What do you do on a girl’s night?” Saul wanted to know.
“That’s for girls to know and boys to find out,” she told him pertly.
The driver stopped at Saul and Elizabeth’s home and waited while Saul went inside for his overnight bag. Rachel Ann went on into the kitchen and started a kettle of water boiling so the couple could have privacy for a good-bye kiss.
She had mugs of hot water sitting on the table when Elizabeth joined her. Elizabeth settled into a chair and dunked a decaffeinated tea bag in hers.
“I’d have been fine by myself,” she told Rachel Ann.
“You’re probably right. But this way Saul doesn’t worry, and I know you don’t want him to worry.”
Elizabeth sighed. “Aren’t you clever?” She stirred sugar into her tea. “I know he’s worried about me since I got pregnant, but the doctor has assured us even though I miscarried once it doesn’t mean I will again.”
“Gut. Now, what shall I make us for supper?”
“I should cook. You’re my guest.”
“I want to. What do you feel like having?”
“Something simple. How about grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup? And those gingerbread cookies Saul bought for dessert.”
“Sounds good on a cold night.” Rachel Ann put the soup on to simmer while she heated a cast-iron skillet for the sandwiches.
“I let Saul take the Snickerdoodles with him.”
She glanced at Elizabeth. “Kind of like the guy, huh?”
“So how are you and Abram doing?”
The question caught Rachel Ann by surprise. She took her time adding several pats of butter to the skillet, then added slices of bread in when the butter melted.
“Rachel Ann?”
She laid cheese on the bread, topping it with another slice of bread before turning to look at Elizabeth. “We’re not,” she confessed. “I broke it off last night.”
“Why on earth would you do that? You were happy last time we talked. What happened?”
Rachel Ann bit her lip as she used a spatula to flip the sandwiches. She found bowls, ladled the hot soup into them, and set them on the table. A check of the sandwiches showed that they were a nice golden brown on both sides. She put them on plates, cut them into sections, and served them. “Things just weren’t working out.”
“But—” Elizabeth subsided when Rachel Ann bent her head and started saying a prayer of thanks for the meal. She joined her, and the minute they were finished she put her hand on Rachel Ann’s. “Come on, talk to me. What happened?”
She sighed. “I—went to the doctor and got some upsetting news.”
Elizabeth turned pale. “Not—cancer?”
“Nee, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she rushed to say. “You know what bad periods I have? I finally saw a doctor, and she said I have a condition that will probably mean I can’t have kinner.”
Elizabeth’s hand splayed protectively over her abdomen. “Are you sure?”
“The doctor believes so. She wants to run some tests.”
“So it’s why you broke it off with Abram?”
She nodded. “Abram wants kinner.”
“I don’t understand. You told him and he didn’t react well, so you broke it off?”
“Nee. You know Abram. If he knew, he’d still want to marry me. I couldn’t do it to him.”
“So you decided for him? How is that fair?”
“He deserves to be with someone who can give him kinner. He has a farm he’ll pass down to a sohn or dochder like his dat passed it down to him. You of all people should know how important kinner are. I remember how devastated you and Saul were when you miscarried, how you worried you might not get pregnant again.”
“Doctors aren’t always right. If God wants you to have a boppli, you will. And there’s always adoption.”
“He deserves to have kinner of his own. He just talked the other day of how much he’s looking forward to having them.”
“Do you love Abram?”
“Ya, but it’s not enough—”
“It’s everything,” Elizabeth insisted fervently. “Saul showed me how important I was to him when I miscarried. Don’t you think you owe Abram the truth?”
Rachel Ann shook her head. She picked up her spoon and dipped it into her soup. “Kumm, eat your soup while it’s hot.”
16
Pleasantly full of soup and sandwi
ches and cookies, Rachel Ann and Elizabeth sat up talking for hours in front of a blazing fire in the living room.
“This is nice,” Elizabeth said with a sigh.
“You should go to bed. A mommy-to-be needs her sleep.”
“We can sleep in tomorrow. We don’t have to work.”
“You don’t have to be at the store?”
“Saul asked the twins to work,” Elizabeth said as she leaned back on the sofa. “He was afraid I’d overdo if he wasn’t around.”
“He’s probably right.”
“Hey, whose side are you on?” Elizabeth tossed a throw pillow at her.
“His.”
“He’s a gut mann,” Elizabeth said meditatively as she stared at the fire. “A little over-protective, but the miscarriage scared him. And me.”
“And those who love you.” She gazed around the room, dimly lit by fire and half a dozen little votive candles flickering here and there among fragrant evergreen boughs piled atop the mantle. “You’ve done a wonderful job making a home.”
“Danki. The place needed a lot of work when we moved in. Every room had to be painted. Saul and Isaac had to rip out a lot of rotten wood.”
Rachel Ann ran her hand over the back of the sofa they were sitting on. “I love this.”
“The sofa’s been in the family for years. I learned how to upholster to save money buying a new one.”
She thought of her own limited sewing skills. “I’m impressed.”
“Any talent I have in upholstery was born of necessity. Fixing up this old house was expensive. But it felt like home the minute we walked into it.”
Elizabeth reached for the tote bag sitting on the floor near her feet. “I should be working on Saul’s Christmas present while he’s not around.” She dug in it and pulled out the sweater she was knitting. For a few minutes the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the clacking of her knitting needles.
Rachel Ann thought about the present she’d bought for Abram from Elizabeth and Saul’s store. Now she doubted she’d be giving the funny little carved frog to Abram for Christmas. She didn’t imagine Abram would want to exchange presents with her now they weren’t seeing each other.
“Are you allrecht?”
“Schur.”
One True Path Page 16
