by Lila Felix
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Copyright Rebel Writer Productions, LLC 2014
This novella takes place after AnguiSH but before the Epilogue.
Ash
His socks slid against the kitchen floor towards me. His backpack flailed around and smacked the kitchen counter.
“Coffee,” he demanded in haste.
“In your cup. Go!”
He skipped around, pulling on his shoes while stuffing an apple in his mouth. Then he readjusted the pack and the door slammed behind him.
This was our life now. Breaker was in school full time. I was in school full time. And LSU had a personal vendetta against our relationship. I had full days on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Breaker had full days on Mondays and Wednesdays. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, I interned at a veterinary clinic.
Thank goodness it was our last semester. I didn’t think I could take being on this roller coaster anymore. Seconds later, the door burst open. I smiled, facing the window above the sink knowing what he’d forgotten.
Built arms wrapped around my waist. His hips pressed into mine. A groan barreled from his mouth.
“It’s only February. How are we gonna last out the semester like this? I barely see you anymore. And when I do, I’m in such a hurry that—well, apparently I forget things. “
I leaned my head to the side to give him better access and he took advantage, nipping and softly sucking at my neck.
“I have to go—really this time.”
“I know. But Friday night, you’re mine.”
He chuckled against my face, “Ash, I’m yours every night.”
“Yeah, yeah, now go before you’re late.”
“Ok, I love you. You know that right?”
I shrugged, “Prove it.”
He pressed me further into the counter, “I love it when you challenge me.”
“Go!”
One more peck and he was out the door. I swirled the rest of my cold coffee into the sink and washed out my cup. I stayed at Breaker’s house more than I did my own apartment. My apartment and my roommate hadn’t seen my face in days and Stephanie was getting a little ticked off at me. Ozark wasn’t really happy about it either. I constantly was accused of ignoring my friends for Breaker. And it was all true. But I only got so much time with him.
Plus, Ozark and Stephanie were way into public displays of affection and—eeew.
After gathering my laundry and personals from Breaker’s room, I made the drive home. I decided to spend the day studying while doing my laundry. I shoved the key into the door and pushed it open with my bag. Stephanie was on the couch in her bra and underwear, eating chocolate ice cream and crying at something on the TV.
“What the hell happened,” I demanded.
Mind you, the only thing out of the ordinary in this scenario was the crying. Seeing Stephanie eat ice cream in her underwear was just regularly scheduled programming.
“Ozark cheated on me.”
“He what! I’ll kill him.”
“I don’t understand it. Last freaking week he told me he loved me. I didn’t say it back. Maybe that’s the reason he did it. With his TA of all people. She’s a hag.”
“So report him. He’s not supposed to be fooling around with his TA.”
She cut me a look that made me shrink back, “I already did. Ozark came over this morning freaking out. They apparently can’t prove anything since both of them deny it, but I know.”
I dropped everything and sat on the couch. Now, here’s the thing about Stephanie. I love her, no doubt, but she can be a bit dramatic. I will gut anyone who messes with her, but I also know she’s one step away from winning an Academy Award.
“I’m so confused. Did Ozark admit to you that he cheated?”
She threw her spoon into the cardboard carton and scoffed, “Do you think he would actually admit it?”
I needed to tread this line carefully or there’s a chance I would have ice cream all over me.
“Tell me how you know.”
“Ugh, you should’ve seen the emails.” She uses the spoon now as a point maker, “The emails. Oh God, the emails. Oh, Ozark, you’re so smart. I didn’t even think of conducting the test time like that. Wow, Ozark, you are so talented. You would make a great professor one day.”
The whole thing is filled with face contortions and voices. It’s enough to make me wish I’d stayed at Breaker’s.
I cleared my throat, “Sounds sexy. I mean, you should probably submit that story to Playboy.”
Cold, creamy chocolate hit me in the face.
My mouth really needed to learn its place.
“Really? Ice cream in my face?”
I got up and went to the kitchen sink to wash it off. As I splashed water on my face, I could hear her in the kitchen with me. She clanked a spoon in to the sink and then slammed the freezer door.
“He just denies it. But I know! A woman knows.”
“Maybe you’re mistaken. I can’t imagine Oz cheating on you. He loves you too much.”
She flipped me the bird, “Whatever, Ash. Not all of us can have the perfect relationship.”
And….scene.
I reminded myself to contact the Academy.
Later on, I called Ozark and we agreed to meet for lunch. I went early after starting some laundry and brought my books to get a little studying in. There was no way I could study with Steph banging and stomping around the apartment. The waitress brought me coffee and I managed to get in some studying before the waitress came back and tapped me on the shoulder.
“Ma’am, I’m not trying to alarm you, but that guy has been watching you and looking awfully suspicious for the past half hour or so. Do you want me to call the police?”
I looked up and saw the one person I would ever willingly allow to stalk me. Breaker broke out in a smile. Then he looked to the right and waved over someone—Ozark. The waitress got the picture and brought another chair to our table as she witnessed our exchange and saw the boys coming towards me.
“What the hell,” I said as Breaker kissed my temple.
“Oz was afraid you and Stephanie were gonna castrate him or something. He called me in for backup.”
“Hey, I’m here to try and help. Now Stephanie, she’s a different story. How’d you get out of class?”
Breaker shrugged, “I can miss a class here and there to help a friend. Anyway, Astronomy is boring as hell.”
I closed my books, “Ok, so tell me why my best friend chucked ice cream at me this morning.”
Oz told us the whole story, which summed up, told me Stephanie is a trust-less goober—which I kinda already knew. He did admit that he thought the TA had some kind of crush on him, but he’d never pursued it and never intended to.
He told me that he loved Steph
anie, but wouldn’t put up with her crap anymore.
I assumed Oz would make some grand attempt at getting her back, but unbeknownst to me, this wasn’t the first time my bestie had accused him of cheating and he was sick of it. He’d never, in his words, given her any reason to suspect him of cheating and he’d never entertained the idea.
“Honestly, we just spend so much time apart. We have different lives. But those things would work themselves out. But I can’t be with someone who is constantly insinuating that I’m cheating on her. At this point, even if she wanted me back, I wouldn’t take her back. The other day she accused me of flirting with the girl at McDonald’s, you know Lauren, that works at the drive thru.”
Breaker laughed, “Um, that’s not a woman.”
The boys high fived, “Exactly—that’s my point. I mean, if you’re gonna accuse me of doing something at least get it right. Shit.”
Thank God I hadn’t told Steph I was coming to meet Oz. She would’ve drilled me and then I’d have Ben and Jerry face again.
He left shortly after. We never ate anything, just listened to him plead his case. And the thing was, I believed him. Stephanie wasn’t much of a truster. Never had been.
I’d be the first to throatpunch him if he had cheated, but that wasn’t the case.
“How about I cook for my girl tonight?”
“She sounds like a lucky girl.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. What do you say?”
That was Breaker James—always making sure we got at least a little time in here or there.
“I think I’m gonna pass. Stephanie will be crying tonight. Her pissed off phase should be over any minute now. I guess I have to sit with her in our underwear and eat more ice cream.”
He stopped all motion except for his eyes, which wandered around. I could say one thing about Breaker, he never lost his perviness.
“Huh.”
“Stop!” I slapped his bicep.
“Hey, easy on the gun, baby. I was thinking about the ice cream.”
“Yeah, sure you were. I’m so glad your pervy phase never died.”
He grabbed me around my waist, “You weren’t complaining last night.”
“I’m leaving. Call me tonight.”
He shrugged, “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.”
“You ass.”
“There you go, talking about my ass again.”
I grabbed my books and pecked him quickly before he could grab ahold of me.
Stephanie wasn’t home when I got there. Instead there was a note with a shoddy apology saying she was going out. I tried to call her but she didn’t answer.
I texted Breaker to tell him I was available for dinner but he didn’t answer either. I should’ve been disappointed, I really should’ve. But instead, I was elated. Breaker James was Mr. Nutrition. He would never say anything to me about what I ate, but I saw the looks he gave me while I ate pancakes next to his steel cut oats and almond butter. I could feel his way too healthy eyes on me.
I called the Chinese place and ordered the most unhealthy chicken and rice known to man along with a two liter Pepsi.
Breaker would’ve laughed at me.
After eating, I cleaned up and polished off the ice cream Stephanie used to soothe her burns. I made it halfway through the Bourne Supremacy when Breaker texted me. He said when I cancelled he decided to go to study group instead. I answered ‘OK’. Later on, as I lay in bed, Stephanie still wasn’t home, and Breaker called.
Breaker
“Breaker, did you have the answer to the discussion question? We can’t really figure out what to write.”
I’d been out in space. I couldn’t help but compare how Oz and Stephanie’s situation was close to ours, in logistics only. Ash would never accuse me of cheating, and I would never think of it. But the thing he said about them not spending very much time together hit a nerve.
I needed my girl—more time with her—more of her.
And just like she’d heard my thoughts, Ash texted, letting me know she wanted to have dinner.
“Breaker, are you okay?”
I broke free of my thoughts and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. The girl who was talking to me, Lindy, was really pushy. She made the veins of who I used to be throb and pulse. She made me uncomfortable. Her voice was what Ash always claimed hers was.
Annoying and screeching.
God, I miss my girl.
Even though I just saw her that morning, some days, I just missed her. And truth be told, sometimes I missed those days when it was just me and her in my prison of a home. I missed having her all to myself and I missed having nothing to do but take in the sight of her curves.
Instead of answering the squawk, I grabbed my stuff and bolted.
I didn’t want to smother her by going over to her apartment, but I did call her as soon as I was settled at home.
“Hello,” she answered, sounding sick.
“Are you okay?”
She groaned but didn’t speak.
“Wait, let me guess Mexican and cake?”
“Ugh, no, Chinese and ice cream.”
“Need me to bring you some Tums? You sound like that Chinese might make a second showing.”
“Gross, Breaker. I just want to go to sleep.”
“Ash?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you more today than bikini day.”
She giggled, “I love you more today than lights in the library day.”
I hung up with a smile on my face. We both needed that reminder. We needed to be reminded that we loved each other past the agoraphobia and the panic attacks. As lame as it sounded, I needed to be reminded that she loved me today more than she did when I was sick. Well, I’m still sick, but I’m getting better every day. Just like I love Ash more every day.
I continued to be afraid. It was something I worked on constantly in therapy. And no matter how much I could rationalize myself through the fearful thoughts, the doubt still swung from a rope at the back of my mind.
Will she still love me when I’m normal?
Will she get tired of the fact that I’ll never be normal?
See? Thinking too much.
I met Navy the next morning for breakfast. My sister had become my best friend again. She told me about Mom and Dad. Mom had passive aggressively complained about not visiting her as much.
“I need to get over there. She’s still a little overbearing.”
She rolled her eyes, “Don’t I know it. Since she considers you fixed, she’s trying to find me a husband now. I’ve become her project, thanks a lot.”
“I’m sorry for getting well. Speaking of husbands, have you worked on the design yet?”
She beamed and pulled a notebook out of her purse. Navy was in school for art and design. I’d asked her to do a very special project for me and she jumped at the chance.
“Look,” she shoved the notebook at me across the table. “I came up with several designs.”
I was in awe of her drawings, but one in particular caught my eye. It was simple, a round cut diamond with an orchid on each side of the diamond.
“It has to be this one,” I pointed to the design.
“I figured—you two and your orchids. Why is that?”
“Everyone is afraid of orchids. They think they’ll give them too much water, or not enough. So they pass them by. Ash never passed me by. The rest of the world thought I was fickle and out of reach. She never did. And everything she does is just right for me.”
Navy stuck her finger in her mouth and made a gagging motion.
“So, do I need to take this to the jeweler?”
“Nope. I know a guy, actually. He’s making several of my designs into jewelry. I’ll take care of it.”
“Thanks.”
Later that day, I got an email from a girl in one of my classes—the same one from the study group. She said she needed help and the TA recommended me to help since he was already booked up. I responded that we could meet at the librar
y and then didn’t worry anymore about it. I texted Ash to see if she wanted to have dinner and she accepted.
Navy had taught me how to make a mean spaghetti. Even Ash admitted that it was better than hers. She got in a little after seven, which was later than I expected her.
“I had to go home and pack a bag.”
I cocked my hip out, “That’s a little presumptuous, don’t you think? What kind of guy do you think I am?”
“Um, the kind that likes to make out with me when I wear a certain pair of pajamas.”
“The purple ones?”
“Yeah.”
“Ahh…damn.”
She was spot on. I had absolutely zero self-control around those purple pajamas. Why? Because technically, I think Ash was the only person on the planet who actually considered those pajamas. In my opinion, they were tame lingerie. And the tame part was on her end, because there was nothing tame about the way she looked in them—nor my reaction.
“In that case, you can stay. I made spaghetti.”
“Yum. I need some home cooking.”
“Come on,” I dragged her to the table and served her dinner. She wasn’t talking much. I knew it was about Stephanie. Ash was the most loyal person on the planet and when the people she loved hurt, she did too.
“Just spill it.”
She rolled spaghetti around her fork as she began speaking, “I talked to Stephanie this afternoon. She swears he was cheating. And then I tried to talk her down from it and I let it slip that we’d had lunch with Oz and she flipped out. She called me a traitor and even accused me of never getting over Oz. She said some crazy shit. I mean really, I wasn’t ever into Oz.”
“How could you be, you were already halfway in love with me.”
She blushed, “Exactly.”
“If you need to go make up with her, I’d understand. You’ll be worried about her all night.”
“Nah, I just need a distraction and she needs time to cool off. She’ll be fine.”
My phone buzzed and I ignored it. I still hadn’t gotten used to the phone thing. The only person who texted me before were my parents, sisters and then Ash. Now that I was out of the house and being sociable, the whole world expected me to be a texting fiend.
I’d rather be staring at Ash.
I threw the phone on the table, not even caring who it was.
