Zach shifted in his seat. “I’m doing what I should have done in the first place. I’m getting Alex out of here. A friend of mine has a house out on Long Island that he’ll let us use for a bit.”
Zach glanced at her, she supposed to gauge her reaction. Why couldn’t he have told her that? She had no objection to getting the hell out of Dodge, except for the fact that it didn’t make tactical sense. If Williams wanted to find her, wouldn’t he look for her elsewhere if she wasn’t at Zach’s?
Adam nodded his approval. “What do you need from me?”
“I want you to know where we are and the loan of a car. I spoke to Craig this morning. Two decoys will be picking up mine and going back to the house. If Williams acts with his usual urgency, he should make a move tonight.”
“No problem. I can have Barbara drop me at work.” He stood. “I’m sorry to have been so gruff before. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
Alex didn’t doubt that. But she did notice the warmth with which Adam hugged her good-bye and wished them luck.
When Adam left to help get his brood out the door, Alex turned to Zach. “Why couldn’t you tell me what your plans were?”
Zach turned to her. “It’s not that I couldn’t ...”
But he hadn’t wanted to. “You thought I’d object.”
“There was the possibility.”
And by getting her out of the house he eliminated the possibility that she’d turn stubborn and refuse to leave. In a way she couldn’t blame him. They’d tried to get Vernita Williams to accept protective custody and now she was dead. Alex might be stubborn, but she wasn’t crazy.
“You shouldn’t have worried. What’s the plan now?”
“Once the undercovers get here, they’ll take my car back to my place. We’ll head to the Island in Adam’s car.”
That sounded simple enough. They stayed out of the way while the others brought Williams down. It would have been simple if she didn’t sense in Zach a desire to be the one to catch him himself. She didn’t know if that was due to his cop’s ego or to some macho protective thing, but she acknowledged either feeling as valid. Why shouldn’t he want a hand in bringing Williams down? Half the cops in the city were champing at the bit for that opportunity.
Even so, she wouldn’t mind some time alone with Zach, however long it lasted. She’d be deluding herself if she didn’t acknowledge she’d fallen in love with him again, that is, if she’d ever really stopped. But she wasn’t foolish enough to convince herself that a bit of passion and a few hasty promises constituted a future for them. Not a second time.
She had no doubt Zach wanted her physically and she didn’t question his desire to protect her. But she’d seen the look in his eyes when she told him about her father. He’d tried to explain that away, but she wasn’t sure she bought it. He’d been hurt to realize how Sammy had manipulated him, and worse, that she’d been a party to it. He said he wasn’t angry with her, but she wasn’t sure she could believe that, either. Or maybe the situation they found themselves in was so far from normal it was impossible to gauge what felt right. Maybe a couple of days alone would provide a little perspective.
As they drove from the Bronx to Long Island, that’s what Alex hoped.
Zach’s friend’s house turned out to be little more than a cottage on the beach in a small fishing village toward the middle of the island. Living and dining rooms were one large space on the first floor with a loft bedroom overhanging part of the downstairs. It had an airy feel with light-colored paneling, beige furniture, and lots of windows.
Zach set the bags down beside her. “What do you think?”
Early afternoon sunlight filtered in through the windows lending the space a homey glow. “I like it.” Her stomach rumbled. “I’d like it a lot better if we’d thought about mundane things like food.”
“Not to worry. My friend called a neighbor to do a little shopping for us. What do you feel like eating?”
They eventually settled on a frozen pizza, put it in the oven, and sat on the sofa to wait. Zach slung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. He kissed the top of her head. “How are you holding up?”
Alex shifted so she could see his face. It occurred to her that he’d asked her that question more times in the last two days since she’d made her revelation than he had the entire rest of the time they’d been together. Did he see her as some sort of fragile thing now that he’d seen her break down? She hoped not, but she suspected he did.
She hit him on the arm. “I’m fine and I will continue to be fine as long as you don’t burn that pizza.”
That was a lie; they both knew it was. But he seemed willing to let it slide for the most part. “You just look beat, that’s all.”
She did feel that way, beat up by life and recent events. “So maybe a nap is in order after lunch.”
“That sounds like a plan.” He brought one of her hands to his mouth, kissed her palm, and placed it on his chest. “I could use some shut-eye myself.”
For a long moment, they remained like that, neither of them speaking. She remembered the awkwardness of that long-ago car ride when neither of them could find anything to say to each other. This was different. This felt right, comfortable, an embrace of affection rather than a sexual one. She snuggled closer to him, laying her cheek against his chest. Then the timer on the oven went off.
Zach disentangled himself from her and went to get the pizza. He came back with it balanced in one hand and a couple of beers in the other. He’d tucked a couple of plastic plates under one arm. He seemed to pause for a moment as he walked toward her, and she worried about his apparent hesitancy.
“What did you forget?” she asked as he set the tray with the pizza on it on the coffee table in front of her.
“Napkins. The beer is all right?”
She made an exasperated sound in her throat. So that’s why he’d hesitated. At that moment he’d remembered her freaking out on him the other night. How could she explain to him that it wasn’t really him or the wine? She didn’t regard him in any way as she did her father. If her migraine had left her a little more lucid, she never would have reacted the way she did. Her conscious mind had already decided to keep its mouth shut; her subconscious hadn’t agreed.
“It’s fine,” she said finally. She took the bottles from him and set them on the table, then did the same with the plates.
Once he retrieved a stack of napkins from the kitchen, Alex served each of them a slice. The pizza was good, flavorful and warm, but she barely tasted it after a couple of bites. Her attention centered on Zach. She didn’t understand him. To her mind, he was one of the good guys, a dedicated, if slightly burned out, cop, a man who had always been kind to her. Even now, he’d let her cry when she wanted to and hadn’t urged her to talk when she didn’t want to. He’d held her so tenderly just a moment ago that it meant more to her than any other embrace they’d shared.
To the outside world he presented a confident, affable front, but underneath lurked a well of self-doubt, the depth of which she was only coming to understand. She also knew that some of that distrust she’d placed there herself. It hadn’t occurred to her that he’d been as affected in his own way by what happened between them thirteen years ago. At the time she’d thought he’d already moved on.
But remembering the night of the family dinner and also the reception they’d received that morning from Zach’s brother, she knew she wasn’t the only guilty party. She’d wondered before why he allowed the family dynamic to remain intact, the one that cast him as the bad guy, which as far as she could tell was undeserved.
She set her plate on the table and tucked her feet underneath her. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”
“No,” he said, but she could see the wariness in his eyes.
“Why do you let your family think the worst of you?”
He shifted to face her more fully. “You mean because of what happened with my ex-wife?”
That was only part of it, bu
t she nodded.
“If you’d ever tried to unconvince either one of my brothers of something they’re sure of, then you’d know what a waste of time that is.”
“That sounds like a cop-out answer to me.”
He took a swig from his bottle. “What else do you expect from a cop?”
Actually, she had expected resistance from him, but she answered, “I was hoping for a little honesty.”
“You want honesty? Okay, let’s start with you. Why do you care so much? Whatever happened, happened a long time ago.”
There was no belligerence in his tone, only the implication that she was curious for idle reasons or out of a psychologist’s need to analyze, nothing more. “Maybe your marriage ended a long time ago, but it seems to me your family is still making you pay for that, or maybe it’s for some other reason. All I know is that when we walked into your brother’s house this morning, he assumed it was for some frivolous reason, despite the case you’re working on and the fact that you had me with you.”
“Adam’s got a lot on his mind.”
“I don’t doubt that he does. So I wonder why he bothered to call me, ostensibly looking for you, mind you, at a time when you were sure not to be at home, and try to pepper me with all sorts of questions about our relationship. If I’m not mistaken, I think he was trying to scare me off.”
A thunderous look crossed Zach’s face. “What did he tell you?”
“Nothing I was interested in hearing. I hung up on him.”
Zach snorted. “He must have loved that.”
Frankly, Alex couldn’t have cared less what Adam thought. As a family, the members’ allegiance should have been to one another, not some stranger they barely knew. Or maybe in a strange way Adam’s interference had been for Zach’s sake in that he hoped to save Zach from the mistake of mistreating another “nice” girl, which she was sure was how Adam viewed her.
But she hoped Zach realized she’d been honest with him. “Your turn,” she said.
“You want to know what happened? Here it is in a nutshell. It was the first family dinner that I showed up without Sherry. No one said anything until the Brothers Grimm cornered me in Adam’s study to ask what happened. I said we were getting a divorce. Of course they asked why. Not wanting to go into the whole deal I said, ‘Infidelity.’ Of course, they assumed it was mine. I wasn’t exactly the poster boy for commitment before I met Sherry, and neither of my brothers would have found it believable that she stepped out on me.”
So he’d let them believe whatever they wanted. “What really happened?”
He took a long pull from his beer, but already she sensed in him the resignation to tell her. “I walked in on them. Her and some guy who had just transferred into the squad I was working. She was still in bed while he was putting on his clothes. He seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see him. Apparently she hadn’t told him that she was married or to whom she was married.”
Alex’s breath hissed in through her teeth. She could imagine how Zach had felt walking in on that scene. “What did you do?”
“I walked out saying I didn’t want to see either one of them there when I got back. I think if the guy had known about me, I might have blown his head off. But I knew Sherry had used both of us. I had a habit of calling her when I was on my way home. She knew I was coming and if she’d wanted to avoid a confrontation she would have rushed the guy out of there. She wanted me to find them together.”
And she must have counted on Zach’s having being more circumspect than to shoot first and ask questions later. A big chance in Alex’s opinion. Her behavior was as juvenile as that of Alex’s niece, seeking to gain Zach’s attention by flagrantly breaking the rules.
“Was she gone when you got back?”
“No. She was sitting on the sofa drinking a glass of wine. The first words she said to me were, ‘Now that I have your attention, can we talk?’ At that point I didn’t think there was much to say.”
He took one last pull from his beer and set it on the table. “The truth is, I wasn’t paying attention. If she was unhappy I didn’t really know about it until that day. I knew she resented me working so much, but how many cops’ wives don’t? In retrospect, she probably did send up signals—her clinginess and growing dependency. But the truth is, we never should have gotten married in the first place.”
“Why did you?”
“Her family was pressuring her to get married. I was old enough that the idea of having someone to come home to appealed to me. But in reality we had little in common beside what went on in the bedroom. That’s not enough of a basis on which to build something that’s supposed to be permanent.”
She supposed not, though plenty of people had tried. “You didn’t try to work things out?”
“What would have been the point? We didn’t belong together. Besides, I knew she hadn’t just been trying to get my attention. That I might have been able to forgive. Her picking someone I had to see every day was designed to hurt and humiliate me, since word of her infidelity was sure to make it around the station. The only saving grace was the other guy was so embarrassed that he never said a word to anyone and eventually transferred out.”
She touched her hand to his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” Both for the past and for making him relive it in the present.
“Don’t be. I wasn’t exactly blameless, myself. My response to all this was to lose myself in a half dozen women’s beds, partly to convince Sherry I wasn’t coming back, but mostly for selfish reasons. You know, a whole male ego thing.”
He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm. “Do you feel better knowing that about me?”
She bit her lip, surveying his face. He expected some kind of judgment from her, but she had none to give. So he had things in his life he regretted. What grown-up didn’t? But she realized then why he let his brothers behave as they did. He saw it as fitting punishment, not for the sins they thought he committed but the ones for which he blamed himself.
Damn. Why was life so freaking complicated? She supposed she wouldn’t have a job if human existence was something easily survived. But she was tired of talking. If he wanted to know what feelings his confession sparked in her, she’d show him. She leaned up, cradled his face in her palms, and brought her mouth down to his.
Twenty-six
Zach’s arms closed around her, pulling her down to his lap as the kiss deepened. It was the first time they’d kissed like that since they’d been together in the hotel room, and he was ravenous for her and not just in a physical way. Her listening to his past without judgment touched something inside him that had nothing to do with sex, but managed to fuel his desire for her anyway.
Her tongue rubbed against his, tasting spicy from the pizza and cool from the beer. He captured it and sucked on it, causing her to moan into his mouth. God, he wanted her, but there was something they needed to settle first. Reluctantly, he pulled away from her. “Baby, there’s something I need to say to you first.”
She blinked and looked at him. Her hair was tousled and her eyes had already darkened with passion. “Can’t it wait?”
He chuckled, glad to know she was as eager for him as he was for her. “No, it can’t.” While he was playing True Confessions, he wanted everything out, everything in the open so that nothing stood between them. “I want to apologize for acting like a horse’s ass the other night when you told me about Sammy.”
She shook her head. “I don’t blame you for being angry with me.”
That surprised him. He’d been enraged that night, but never had he suspected she believed it was aimed at her. “Baby, I wasn’t angry with you. I was angry with myself and your father. No matter what you think, I know Sammy was no saint. I knew he was a great cop and a good partner, but he was a lousy father. The one thing I thought I knew in this world was that I had protected you from him as best I could. That was a lie.”
“I did my best to hide that from you. I didn’t want you to think less of me.”
She rested her head against his shoulder. “Then why haven’t you touched me since that night? I needed you.”
It pleased him to hear her admit that. “Because, at first, I didn’t want to touch you in anger, to take out on you what I could no longer take out on your father.” He didn’t elaborate on the previous night. He hadn’t been sure what she’d wanted so he’d left her alone. If she’d given him any hint that she needed him in that way, he wouldn’t have denied her. But then she’d thought he was angry with her for keeping things from him.
For a long moment, neither of them said anything. It wasn’t a comfortable silence in that she started to stir against him and his hands, of their own accord, started to explore. Alex lifted her head and looked up at him. “Zach?” she whispered.
“What is it, baby?”
“Touch me now.”
He didn’t hesitate. They came together in a tangle of arms and legs, mouths and tongues, touching, caressing, wild. He couldn’t get enough of her taste, her scent. And when she rolled a condom on him and guided him into her body, his whole body shivered. It was like being consumed by a fever. His body perspired more and his breathing became more shallow the deeper as she took him into her body.
He rolled over, pulling her on top of him. With one hand at her hips he helped her set their rhythm. He stroked his other hand over her breasts to capture one nipple and roll it between his fingers. She moaned and her back arched. He pulled her down to him then, close enough that he could take one nipple into his mouth and then the other. She bucked against him, driving him further toward the brink.
He opened his eyes half-mast and looked up at her. She was as far gone as he. He grasped her hips and thrust into her, over and over, as she gasped his name. Her nails dug into his shoulders as she came, her back arched, her head thrown back. He pulled her down to him, unable to hold back any longer. He groaned his release against her neck.
Body of Lies Page 27
