by Staci Hart
She looked up at me, her brows knit together, voice soft, uncertain. “I … I’m sorry to barge in on you, it’s just that my bag was stolen at work today, and I didn’t know where else to go. I couldn’t call West, and I didn’t have any money or my phone or anything, and I just didn’t know what else to do.” The word trailed off, and she took a shaky breath.
“It’s all right, you don’t have to apologize. Come in.” I guided her in and closed the door, glad to have something tangible I could do to help her, glad she was all right, if not cold and scared. “Let me get you a towel.”
She followed me to the linen closet in the hallway, and I pulled out a fluffy gray towel. I handed it over, and she took it with trembling hands.
“What can I do?” I asked gently.
“I … don’t know.”
“Do you want me to take you home? Or you can shower here, and I can dry your clothes?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“I can’t help you if I don’t know what you need.”
Maggie looked up at me with eyes so big, so bright, so full of pain and fear and sadness. I realized then that this wasn’t just about her bag or the rain. It was about Maggie.
She leaned toward me, calling me without speaking a word.
I stepped into her, slipped a hand into her soaking hair and searched her face.
“Tell me what you need, Maggie,” I whispered.
But she didn’t answer, just reached for me, closed the distance between us as she drew in a breath and pressed her lips to mine.
That kiss told me she needed me. And there was nothing left to do but give myself to her.
So I wrapped her in my arms as if they could save her, kissed her as if I could replace her pain with my love.
My hands roamed down her back, and I picked her up, carried her to my bedroom and laid her down, our lips never parting. Her hands scrambled for the hem of my shirt and peeled it off, and I did the same, unhooking her bra and tossing it away. I looked down at her stretched out on my bed, laid my hand on the flat of her stomach and dragged it down to the button of her jeans.
I unzipped them. I peeled them off. My hungry eyes roamed her shivering body, down to her panties, soaked from the rain, transparent.
“Please, don’t stop,” she begged.
I couldn’t deny her. I kicked off my pants and underwear, stripped off her panties and crawled up her naked body, my hot skin against her cold, dragging my lips up her stomach, her breasts, her neck. My knee slipped between her thighs, and the moment I lay against her, the shivering stopped. She wrapped herself around me as I flexed my hips, pressing her into the bed, my lips against hers demanding and accepting, giving and taking.
She trailed her hands around to my ass, dragged her nails across my skin, around my hips.
“Please,” she breathed, her eyes sparking with emotion.
I met her urgent mouth as she pulled me into her, rolling her hips. I knew what she wanted — I wanted the same — and I shifted, resting my crown at the very edge of her. When I flexed, I couldn’t breathe, just looked into her eyes, slipping in slowly until there was no space between us.
Her eyes closed with a sigh as I pulled out and slammed back in. She reached for me, pulled me down to meet her lips. And I kissed her, and she kissed me, with frantic breath and a broken heart. I felt everything — her heart, her body — and I took her and gave myself to her, claimed her and surrendered to her with every motion.
Her breath quickened, her body flexed, and then she came with a gasp, pink lips stretched, brows drawn, eyes pinned shut. I was right behind her, my hand gripping her thigh as I thrust into her again.
I buried my face in her neck as she wrapped her arms around mine, wishing I could stay just like that forever.
Her breath hitched, and I pulled away to find her crying. My hands were in her hair, my eyes searching her face, my heart aching in my chest.
“Don’t cry. Please.”
“I’m sorry.”
I thumbed her cheek. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Maggie. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“I shouldn’t be here.” She looked away.
“Why?” I moved her face to look at me again.
“Because this isn’t fair to you.”
“I don’t care. You needed me.”
She shook her head. “I needed your help. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
A tingle worked down my neck. “Do you regret it?”
She didn’t answer.
“Do you regret me? Answer me, Maggie.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Her voice broke.
I rolled off of her, heart on fire as I picked up my pants and pulled them on, whirling around to face her. “You said you needed time, and I told you take it. I told you I’d be here for you, and I will. But I didn’t ask for this. You came here. You took what you wanted, and right now you’re looking at me like you’re ashamed of me, of us.” My muscles trembled, tense and taught. “You’re killing me, Maggie, and I can’t pretend that everything’s fine. Not right now. Not after that. I love you, can’t you see that? I love you and I need you. But I refuse to just be another mistake you’ve made.”
Her cheeks were red, lips flat as she blew out of bed and snatched her jeans off the ground. “You don’t love me.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel.”
Her face was hard when she turned around. “Everyone knows you don’t fall in love, Cooper … that was the whole point. It was the only reason why I agreed to this in the first place — you don’t feel. That was why this was supposed to work. No feelings. No strings. What happened to that?”
“Don’t throw that at me, Maggie. Don’t hide behind some bullshit rules that you invented to make yourself feel better for wanting me.”
“Screw you, Cooper.” She pulled on her pants and snatched up her clothes.
I stepped toward her, chin down. “I know you’re afraid of me, of this. You’re lying to yourself, and you’re lying to me. You want me just as much as I want you.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel.” She threw my words back at me and stormed out of the room, pulling on her shirt and shoes as I followed her through my apartment.
No way was I letting her walk away that easy. “Do you think this is some sort of game to me?”
She kept walking. “Track record, Cooper.”
“And you honestly believe that I put you and them in the same category? That I feel for you what I feel for them?”
She reached the front door and turned on me, face hard, eyes steely. “How the hell should I know? I’m just another girl in a long line of girls. You can tell me I’m different until the end of time, and I don’t know if I’ll ever believe you. You don’t love me. You don’t love anyone but yourself.” She shook her head at me. “This was a mistake. The whole thing was a mistake, and I should have known better.”
There it was. The truth. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak as bitter cold blew through me. I watched her for a moment, trying to breathe. There was nothing left to say.
I swallowed hard. “You should go. Bobby’s downstairs — he’ll take you home.”
She watched me, emotion passing across her face. “Cooper—”
“Just go, Maggie. You said it yourself. I’m just a bad decision you made. A mistake. A distraction. I don’t mean anything to you, so just fucking go.” I opened the door.
She took a breath and stepped into the entryway. I closed the door just as she looked back over her shoulder.
My hands trembled as I walked back into my apartment, paced from one end to the other with my mind spinning so fast, I couldn’t catch a single thought.
She didn’t trust me. She didn’t believe me.
I didn’t know how it was possible after everything, after all the change in my heart and mind and life. I couldn’t comprehend how she didn’t see it. How something that was so true to me could be lost on her, the one person who I needed to und
erstand.
She had changed me on the molecular level, and she had no idea.
In my entire life, she was the one thing that I was certain of, and I’d do anything to keep her. She was scared and confused, but I wasn’t. I knew exactly what I wanted, and it was her.
I would spend the rest of my life trying to convince her that I wasn’t a mistake at all. I’d convince her that she was the only girl in that line of girls. I’d convince her that I loved her far more than I could ever love myself.
I had to tell her. I picked up my phone, pulling up her contact before I realized her phone was missing.
“Fuck.” I muttered and paced back through the room. Bobby. I pulled up his contact and called.
“Hey, Coop,” he answered.
“Is she with you?”
“No, I’m still outside,” he said, confused. “She never came down.”
I ran a hand over my face, wondering where she’d gone. “I’ll be right down.”
Seconds later I was headed out the door. The doorman said he put her in a cab and sent her home, and I thanked him before trotting through the lobby and out the back door. And then we drove to her as I stared out the window, thinking of all the things I needed to say, hoping I wouldn’t find West there.
I wasn’t afraid of him.
I wasn’t afraid of anything but losing her.
Maggie
The tears didn’t stop in the elevator or as I climbed into a cab, not as I rode through the park with the sky on fire as the sun set. I’d stopped trying to wipe them away. More always came.
What have I done?
It was the question that rolled through my mind in a loop.
I shouldn’t have gone there, not in the state I was in. I shouldn’t have slept with him, but in his arms, I was safe, even if just for a moment. It was a mistake, but not like it sounded. It was a mistake because I’d hurt him.
He told me he loved me. He said it with his voice tight from his pain, his face bent in emotion. He said the words, and I threw them back at him.
I pushed him away because he was right. I hurt him because I was afraid.
Fucked up. Broken. Smashed. I couldn’t be trusted with his heart. I couldn’t even be trusted with mine.
The cab stopped in front of my building, and I paid him, thanking him quietly before climbing out. I walked to the building feeling like my world had stopped turning, though everyone else went about as if things were fine, normal. I climbed the stairs and knocked on my door.
Lily answered, and her face fell when she saw me. She pulled me into the apartment.
“Maggie, what happened?” She looked me over. “Where’s your stuff? Why are you wet?”
“I …” I squeaked.
West stood when he saw me, flew across the room, held me by the arms and ducked down to look me in the eye. “What happened, Mags? Are you all right?”
I nodded, but my face twisted as I tried to hold in a sob, any composure I had gone. He tucked me into his chest, and I felt Lily’s hand on my back.
“Where are your things?” he asked gently.
I took a breath as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. “They went missing at work.”
His body tensed. “Someone stole them? Dammit, I knew that job was going to be dangerous for you.”
Lily’s voice was soft. “Not now, West.”
He let out a breath and squeezed me tighter. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I’m sorry this happened.”
I looked over at Lily, feeling her questions. I gave her the slightest nod, and she closed her eyes for a brief moment.
“How did you get home?” West asked and let me go.
“I walked.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” His dark brow was low, and he shook his head.
“Because I knew you’d lose your mind.”
“You make me sound like a tyrant.”
I gave him a look.
His face softened with his voice. “If you need me, call me. Don’t walk home again with no money, no phone.”
Someone knocked on the door, and shock shot through me as I spun around, staring at it like it might explode. It was him. I knew it, and when Lily looked at me, I knew she knew too. Her eyes darted to West before she walked to the door and pulled it open.
Cooper was a burning man, the pain on his face unmistakable. His eyes found mine, and my heart stopped dead.
“Cooper?” West asked, confused. “What’s up, man?”
But his eyes were on me, and mine were on him. I shook my head.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
West looked down at me. “Talk about what? What’s going on?”
“You shouldn’t have come here.” My voice trembled. Our eyes were still locked as panic rolled through me.
“Please. You have to hear me out.”
The tears were back, burning my eyes. “You told me to leave, so I did.”
“I was wrong.” He walked into the room and toward me like nothing could stop him.
But there was one thing that could. West stepped in front of me, cutting Cooper off. Lily flanked West, eyes wide and bouncing between the two men.
West’s jaw was set. “I said, what the fuck is going on?”
Cooper finally looked away from me. “I need to talk to Maggie.”
West folded his arms across his chest. “What about?”
“Let it go, West.” He looked to me. “Come with me, please.”
His shoulders were square, body tight. “She’s not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell this is all about.”
Cooper’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not your decision to make.”
Lily touched West’s arm. “Guys—”
The tension crackled between Cooper and West, and I was the only one who could defuse it. I had to defuse it. I put out a hand and stepped forward. “Stop it, both of you. I’ll come with you, Cooper.”
West glared at me. “Why?”
Cooper shook his head and tried to step around. “Jesus, West. Just let her go. She’s a grown woman.”
My eyes were full of tears, and West turned on Cooper, laying a heavy hand on his chest, his voice low and full of warning. “What did you do to her?”
Cooper’s voice edged on frantic. “How do you know it was me who hurt her and not the other way around?”
“Are you …” West looked at me, confusion flickering across his face. “No. You two aren’t …” He looked back at Cooper, muttering, “You fucking wouldn’t. You’d never …”
Cooper shook his head, eyes open and honest, brow bent. “I love her, West,” he said as if the words would absolve him, save him.
My heart broke. West’s calm broke. Everything happened fast and slow somehow. The flash of West’s arm as he cocked a fist and released it like a spring. The flash of blood on Cooper’s face. The flash of Lily’s hair as she ran to get between them. And through it all, I couldn’t move, just stood rooted to the spot, watching it all happen.
West strained against Lily, who put all her weight into his chest. “Fuck you, Cooper, you son of a bitch. I can’t fucking believe that you would do this. This one fucking thing I told you never to do. One thing. Get out. Get the fuck out, or I swear to God, I will bury you.”
Lily glanced frantically over her shoulder. “Cooper, go. You shouldn’t have come, not like this.”
But Cooper was watching me, his eyes burning with anguish, chest heaving and nose bloodied. “You have to know how I feel about you. I’ve only ever told you the truth. I’ve been trying to prove myself to you every day — prove to you that you can trust me. That I won’t hurt you. Time is the last thing I want to give you, but I will because that’s what you need, because that’s what you asked me for. If fighting for you means that I have to stay away, then I’ll leave. But don’t question my feelings for you. Don’t ever question that.” His voice faltered.
I wanted to run to him. I wanted to run away from him. But I couldn’t bring my feet to move.
He looked
back to West. “I would never do anything to betray you, and you know it, West. You know that.” His eyes found mine again. “Don’t let this be the end, Maggie.”
“Go, Cooper. Now.” West growled, fists clenched at his side.
“I’m sorry,” he said to both of us.
“I don’t want to fucking hear it.”
Cooper’s jaw flexed, and he nodded, looking to me once more for a moment that seemed to stretch on longer than it was. And then he turned and walked out the door.
West spun around, turning his fury on me. “What the fuck, Maggie? Why? Why Cooper? You had all of New York to choose from, and you picked the one guy who we all knew you couldn’t trust. Fucking Cooper.”
I took a breath to speak, but West closed his eyes, waved a hand as he turned away.
“You know what? I don’t even want to know.” He stepped toward the door and muttered, “I’ve got to get out of here.”
Lily touched his arm, but he shook her off.
“You knew about this, didn’t you?”
She opened her mouth, the apology on her face clear. He stopped her before she spoke.
“You did. Goddammit, Lily. Goddammit.” He shook his head at us, hurt. Betrayed. And then he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
Lily turned to me with tears in her eyes. “Fuck.” She said under her breath. “Why did he come here? What happened?”
I took a shuddering breath and tried to explain. “My bag was stolen, and I had nothing. I couldn’t call West, you know? So I went to Cooper’s, and … I … I said some horrible things to him and then he told me to leave, so I did,” I rambled, the tears falling again.
Lily sat down at the table and dropped her head into her hands. “We fucked up.”
I just stared at the door, regretting everything. “No, I did.”
20
BORN TO RUN
Maggie
I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW of the plane the next morning, across the tops of the clouds, down at the ground that stretched out in patches cut by roads and rivers. It was hard to grasp just how far away things were, grasp the scale of it all from so high. Everything was distorted by distance, making it feel more familiar than it was. What looked like a tree was really a copse. What looked like a house was a neighborhood.
