by Clare Revell
****
Meredith stood in the ladies room, dabbing water on her cheeks. She should have put a compact or mascara in her bag, but at least she no longer looked like a panda. She just looked a mess. Nothing she did would hide the fact she’d been crying.
The door opened. “Meredith, I’m sorry. I was rude, no, actually, I was a right cow and I shouldn’t have been. I didn’t mean…”
She dabbed her face dry with a paper towel, ignoring Caitlyn’s reflection in the mirror. “It’s nothing you haven’t said a hundred times, and he was asking about the job anyway. It’s…so embarrassing. I was sacked.”
Caitlyn laid a gentle hand on Meredith’s arm. “The thing is, what happened in Brussels wasn’t your fault. And the sooner you accept that, then the sooner you can get your life back.”
“Then whose fault was it?” Meredith spun around. “Was it the conductor’s or maybe the audience or the rest of the violinists for missing the cue? I messed up, lost it, and ruined the whole performance. Me. No one else.”
Caitlyn shook her head. “You are stronger than you realize. For one thing you’re out of the house. I’d just lock myself in my bedroom and never dare leave the room again. You’re amazing and I’m proud to call you a friend. And you have a gorgeous date out there waiting for you to rejoin him for dinner.” She opened her bag. “Here let me fix your makeup.”
Meredith stood still, but when the eyelash crimper appeared, she turned away. “No, enough. Are you sure tonight wasn’t a mistake?”
“No way, it’s absolutely the bravest thing you’ve done in weeks. Jeremiah is nice…besides, you can’t just leave me alone. I may be good at multitasking, but I think maintaining a conversation with two blokes is beyond even me.” She paused. “Renew the passport and we can have that trip to Switzerland we’ve been promising ourselves for years. Go skiing in the mountains or something.”
Meredith hugged her. “OK, OK, I give in. I’ll renew the passport. A trip away with you sounds fun.”
Caitlyn hugged her back. “I’ll pick up some brochures after Christmas. Let you know the best deals I find.”
The music changed, strains of Prokofiev filled the room. The walls around her faded. Images clouded her mind. Screams. Not only one voice. There was hers, and someone else, her mother…a baby…her father shouting…a gunshot…and eyes…teeth….
“Merry?” Caitlyn’s voice broke the fog. “What—? I’ll get help.”
Left alone, her chest tightened with the familiar sensation of panic. Meredith reached for her phone with trembling hands. It fell to the tiled floor with a clatter. Her knees weakened and she clutched the edge of the sink for support. Each breath was an effort. Her head swam. Darkness and panic beckoned, calling her name. “Meredith…”
3
Knocking echoed from a distance. Someone grabbed hold of her, pushing her back against the wall. There was another voice in the darkness. Was it calling her name? She heard something about a bag. Was that what fitted over her nose and mouth? She tried to push it away, but it was held firm.
A voice told her to breathe. A pair of dark eyes came into focus. His voice wavered, back and forth; one moment clear, the next muffled. “Look at me, Meredith. Breathe deep, slow it right down.”
Finally, things calmed and she pushed the bag away, embarrassment rocking her to the core. Why couldn’t the ground just open and swallow her? Jeremiah had once again come to her rescue. This was getting to be a habit. And while she didn’t mind a gorgeous bloke being there when she needed one, she didn’t want him to get the wrong impression and think she couldn’t take care of herself.
His hands were gentle on her arms, then brushed her hair from her eyes. “Better?”
Meredith nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
“I’ll get you some water and you need to sit down. I’ll be right back.”
She gripped his sleeve. “Don’t leave me.”
If she were alone, even for a minute, it would happen again. Everyone laughing at her as the room swallowed her whole, and she’d be lost.
“This is the ladies room. I shouldn’t be here.” Jeremiah paused. “If you feel you’re able to move, we could sit outside somewhere.”
Meredith nodded. His arm folded around her and she leaned into him, taking comfort and strength from his presence.
He guided her into the great hall and over to a chair. Then he hunkered down beside her in the long hallway. He caught the eye of a waiter and signaled. “Can we have a glass of water for the lady, please?” He kept a hand on her wrist, almost as if he knew the importance of keeping her grounded. “Just keep focused on me, nothing else matters.”
She managed another nod, aware that she wasn’t very good company. She wouldn’t blame him if he wanted nothing more to do with her. A glass of water pressed into her hand.
“Drink this. Do you have any meds?”
“In my bag,” she whispered.
“May I?” He waited for her to nod, before unzipping her bag and rummaging through to find the pill bottle. “How many?”
“One.” She took the pill and swallowed it with a mouthful of water. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He slid the bottle back in her bag and rested his hand lightly on her arm. “I’m just glad I could help.”
“I am so sorry, but I need to go home. I can’t stay any longer, not now.”
“And I’d take you, but you know what they say, the first rule of panic attacks is…”
“Don’t run,” she sighed. “But that’s easier to say than to do.”
“I know.” His gaze caressed her. “But I’m right here and no one else knows but Caitlyn. Besides you need to eat something. At least stay for dinner and the first dance. If you still want to leave after that, I’ll take you home.”
Meredith looked up at him. “OK. Thank you. You are a true gentleman.”
Jeremiah squeezed her hand. “Ready to go back?” As she nodded, he helped her to her feet. His hand rested on the small of her back, his touch warm and gentle as they walked back to their seats in the crowded dining room.
Panic hovered at the edges and for a moment she thought it would surge and overwhelm her again, but Jeremiah seemed to know.
“I’m right here,” his voice whispered in her ear, as he tucked in her chair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Ty glanced over as Jeremiah sat. “We asked them to keep all our meals until you got back, Jeremiah.” He signaled the waiter.
“And if we hadn’t come back?” Jeremiah grinned over at his cousin.
“We’d have starved.” Ty retuned the grin. “No, actually, we’d have pigged out and eaten all four of them.”
Caitlyn glanced at Meredith. “Are you OK, Merry?”
“She’ll be fine,” Jeremiah said quickly. His foot rubbed against Meredith’s, assuring her he was still in her corner.
“I freaked out, like I did before.”
“You didn’t freak out,” Jeremiah corrected. “It was a panic attack. I’ve seen them before, and I know you’ll be fine.” He leaned back in his chair as the food arrived. “This looks good, thank you.” He glanced at Meredith. “Just focus on the food and my voice. Pretend we’re the only people here.”
“You can do this.” Caitlyn urged. “Just dinner with friends in a very posh restaurant to celebrate Christmas.”
Meredith turned her head and Jeremiah’s brown eyes, so filled with concern, held her gaze. A lovely light brown, like the smooth milk chocolate she preferred, and velvety like his voice, his touch.
“You’re not alone,” he told her.
“You’re braver than you think.” Caitlyn squeezed her hand.
She nodded. “OK.”
His smile lit his eyes and he winked. “And if you want to eat my sprouts, I’d be eternally grateful.”
Meredith half-smiled and glanced at her plate. “I’ll swap you my carrots.”
Jeremiah chuckled. “Done.”
A few seconds later, the sprouts and carrots had changed pla
tes. She poured gravy on her meal and closed her eyes to say grace. She made sure she mentioned how thankful she was for Jeremiah, although she was yet to call him by his name at all. She also asked for strength to get through the rest of the evening. She opened her eyes and picked up her knife and fork to cut her meat.
“So, according to this card, I’m meant to ask you what your favorite color is and why.”
She glanced up at Jeremiah, once more grateful he was there. “I’m not sure I have one, actually. Although I am rather fond of sunrises, so I guess it’d be sunrise.” She noticed his grin. “Yes, I’m a rebel. What about you?”
“Green—like the forest.”
“Have you always been a ranger?”
He shook his head. “No.” He chewed for a moment, then resumed cutting into his meal. “I went to uni, studied nursing.”
“That’s how come you knew that trick with the paper bag. And about meds.”
He nodded. “Guilty as charged, I’m afraid.”
“Nursing is a long leap from forestry.”
“It isn’t something I like talking about, but I will tell you. Later.”
Meredith nodded, understanding instantly. Some things were best left buried.
****
Dinner over, and the pudding plates cleared away, Jeremiah turned his full attention to Meredith. Despite her brilliant smile, she still seemed ill at ease, as if expecting the panic attack to come back. Perhaps if he told her a little of one of the demons that haunted him, it’d show her she really wasn’t alone. “May I have that dance you promised me before I take you home?”
“As long as you don’t mind having your toes stepped on.”
He stood and helped her up. “Well, I can’t dance, so it could be your feet you need to worry about. But I promise I won’t leave your side.” He was rewarded with a laugh. “You should do that more often,” he said, leading her to the dance floor. He slid an arm around her waist and began to dance.
“You asked why I gave up nursing. Well. I worked on PITU—that’s the children’s intensive care unit. Stressful didn’t cover it. I know I wasn’t the only member of staff who went home and cried over the kids we couldn’t save, while on the ward we were comforting parents and doing the best we could.”
She looked down. “Oh, wow. What changed for you?”
“Things got too personal. One of the kids from the church I attended…” He sucked in a deep breath. “So I decided a change of career might be for the best.”
“Why not simply change departments? Do something other than children?”
He shrugged. “The forestry job came up and here I am. Change of scene, change of pace until I decide what to do long term. Although it might just be working in the outdoors. Actually, I love it here in Paradise. The air is so clean and fresh, and although it’s a town, it’s small enough to give me the privacy and space that I crave. It’s a slower pace of life than what I’m used to.”
She nodded. “That’s why I’m here. I have a room in a boarding house in town. My grandparents love chatting to me when I visit. Both they and Caitlyn seem to think I’ll snap out of it, but just the thought of playing the violin again makes me feel sick.”
Jeremiah pulled her closer. She felt right in his arms, as if she belonged there. They moved in silence across the dance floor for a moment. Two souls moving as one.
“Meredith?”
She looked up. Up being the operative word as she only reached his shoulder.
“This may be presumptuous, but I was wondering if you’d like to see me again. We could go and see a film or go for a walk. On Friday evening, perhaps?”
Something flickered in her eyes as she nodded. “I’d like that.”
His hand brushed the side of her face. “So would I, but I think right now we should get you home.”
“Please.”
“Let me go and tell Ty we’re leaving.”
“I need to let Caitlyn know. She gave me a lift.”
“I’ll tell them both.”
“Thank you. I’ll get my coat and wait on the front steps for you.”
Jeremiah nodded and felt almost bereft as she let go and headed across the room. He made his way over to where Ty and Caitlyn danced. “I’m taking Meredith home. I’ll call you.”
Jeremiah turned and his shoes tapped on the tiled floor as he headed to the cloakroom. He retrieved his coat and slid into it. He glanced over at the door as loud voices carried on the cold air.
Meredith and another man stood outlined against the darkness. He was tall, with dark shaggy hair. His intense gaze and tight grip set alarm bells ringing in Jeremiah’s mind.
Wolfe. He’d been hanging around the forest, trailing Meredith. Was he finally making his move?
Well, not on my watch, mate.
Jeremiah reached Meredith’s side in three long strides and laid a protective hand on the small of her back. “Sorry I kept you waiting. Everything OK?”
The man held her arm. And the look in his eyes was one of love.
Jeremiah held out a hand and spoke with caution. “Hey, I have to protest. I’m Miss Stranraer’s date for the evening.”
The man let go and shook hands. His touch was cold, the backs of his hands hairy. “Are you leaving already? The dancing has barely begun.”
Jeremiah slid his arm from the small of Meredith’s back to around her waist, pulling her close to his side. “It’s a little stuffy inside, so we thought we’d take some air. If you’ll excuse us.” He guided Meredith down the front steps and into the chill night.
“The car park is the other way,” she said.
He hastened to reassure her. “I know, but your admirer followed us and we’re being watched. So we’ll take a stroll, enjoy this cold night for a few minutes and find my truck once he’s lost interest.” His breath hung in the still air. Above them, stars dotted the sky, while snow crunched under their feet.
He stood still and pointed out several of the constellations to her.
“Look at this sky. It’s incredible. You can never make them out in town because of all the street lights.” Meredith looked back to where a figure stood a hundred yards or so behind them.
Jeremiah kept his hand on her back. “Another reason I enjoy working in the forest.”
She looked at him. “Thank you for getting me away from him.”
“You’re welcome. He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“No. Nothing like that. He didn’t do anything other than try to stop me leaving, I’m not sure…it’s almost as if he knew me and I him, but I have no idea where from.”
Jeremiah knew he couldn’t tell her what he knew, although it wasn’t nearly as much as he’d like. “Maybe he’s a fan of your music. Been to your concerts.”
“I don’t see how, besides we don’t get fans hanging around the stage door. It’s not like I’m a soloist with massive album sales. I’m part—was a very small part of a very big orchestra.”
“Which one?”
“The L.S.O. London Symphony Orchestra,” she explained.
He stared at her, taken aback. “Wow. You must be good.”
“I used to be.” She fell silent as they walked.
“I recognize him. His name is Wolfe.” Jeremiah said thoughtfully. That much at least he could say. “He likes walking around the woods. I just don’t know where else I’ve seen him.”
“Church maybe.”
“Possibly. Although it’s a small chapel where most people know each other by name.”
“Precisely why I go to the bigger church where I can go in and out and not speak to anyone,” Meredith said. “Gramps says I should go to the small one they attend. Which, thinking about it, is probably the same one you do.”
Jeremiah smiled wryly. “I could take you Sunday morning if you wanted to see what it’s like.”
“Wouldn’t that give everyone the wrong idea?”
He stood still and looked at her. “You mean give them the idea that we’re seeing each other?”
&
nbsp; “That’s a quaint way of putting it.”
“I’m a quaint man according to my mother. But I was under the impression, given the fact we’re going out on Friday…”
“A lift to church would be good, thank you,” Meredith said finally. “I should at least see what it’s like. Grannie raves about how wonderful it is all the time.”
“I should get you home.” He led her to the truck and unlocked the door. “Not very glamorous, but it’s far easier to negotiate the forest in this, than in the little sports car I drove around town.” He held the door open for her and then closed it. A reflection stared back at him over his shoulder. He surveyed the area as he rounded the truck, but there was no one there.
Meredith glanced at him as he slid inside and shut the door. “You live in the forest. Is there any truth to the rumors of the creature my grandparents seem to believe lives there?”
Jeremiah did up his belt and started the truck, unsure what to say. After all, that was part of the reason the forestry commission insisted on him living in over the winter months. “It’s a forest,” he said finally. “It’s full of creatures.”
“I guess…” She narrowed her eyes. “Should I take that as a maybe?”
“No comment.” He touched her hand briefly, and then returned it to the steering wheel as he drove out of the car park. “But as for the rumors, pay no attention to them. Even so, I’d stay out of the forest after dark.”
“You sound like Gramps.” She leaned back in the seat. “Sometimes having a cop in the family can be a good thing. Other times it can be the biggest pain imaginable.”
He drove for a moment, sure he saw someone in the mirror watching them from underneath the street light. But the next time he looked, there was no one there.
4
Meredith stood on the bed in her small room in the boarding house, humming along to the carol playing in the background, and strung tinsel across the ghastly portrait of the pirate with long flowing hair standing on the deck of his ship. The painting was hideous and she’d often taken it down, but every time she did, her landlady put it back up. Maybe tinsel would improve it somehow.
She tilted her head. Then again, maybe not. The pirate caught her gaze again. He was nowhere near as good looking as Jeremiah. She tugged at the tinsel so the curve hung over the pirate’s face. That was a huge improvement.
