I darted over, grabbing her hand.
“I’m here. What do you need?”
The nurse was gone. No doubt Dad had sent her packing.
“Where are you going with your father’s keys?”
So she hadn’t been sleeping after all.
“I’m going to run Lenny home.”
“That’s the girl, right?” she said with a faint smile and tired eyes. It was like she barely remembered her.
I nodded. “That’s the girl.”
“I knew she’d see what a catch you are.”
“You were right. You’re always right. But I need to get her home. Her parents…”
Mom nodded. “Hurry before your father wakes up.”
I bent and kissed the top of her head. “I will. I love you, Mom.”
She squeezed my hand as if that was all the strength she had left. My chest squeezed and the thought of losing her hurt worse than my brother dying. I scrambled out of the room, forcing back my emotions. She didn’t need to see me upset.
By the time I got to Lenny, she was pacing the room.
“Let’s go.”
“What?”
“I’m going to drive you.”
She followed me downstairs without question. She also didn’t question my instructions for her to be behind the wheel as I pushed the truck down the drive. I’d told her I didn’t want to wake Mom, which was partly true. The real reason was I didn’t want to wake Dad.
I followed her directions to her house and leaned over to kiss her goodbye as we parked at the curb. Only her front door opened and angry parents glared at the truck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back.
“I’ll probably be grounded. But I’ll see you at school Monday.”
I nodded, watching her walk away. Something in my gut twisted, and I had an urge to go and toss her over my shoulder and bring her back to my place.
Instead, I drove the short distance home. Worried about how much trouble Lenny was in, I pulled up and parked in the spot I’d vacated earlier. When Dad barreled out the door, I realized my mistake.
He yanked the door open and dragged me out.
“You little shit. I didn’t give you permission to drive my truck.”
I longed for the day when he would fear me. But as it was, my hits felt like they bounced off steel. His fist to the side of my temple was his go-to punch and had me seeing stars. The kick to the ribs wasn’t anything new either. I tried to become a ball as his blows rained down on my back, causing unimaginable pain where I assumed my kidneys were. I heard shouts off in the distance as my vision began to fail.
The screaming words he hurled at me hadn’t registered as I wondered if this time I would die. My only regret was that I hadn’t told Lenny what I truly felt about her. I was falling for her like I fell down the rabbit hole of darkness.
There was no explanation for my behavior my parents would accept. But as I sat in my room without a computer or a phone for the weekend, I wondered if I had come home with Ox, would I still be in trouble? Something during my parents’ rant suggested not as much.
During my parental weekend incarceration, I had time to think about Debbie’s betrayal. I should have seen it coming. There were little things over the last few years that suggested we were growing apart, but it still hurt.
Intermingled with the betrayal was the remembrance of being with Kelley. Sex had been so much more than I expected. In fact, I got the tingles every time my thoughts went there. I honestly couldn’t wait to do it again, with him. And what the hell? He’d been the last boy I’d ever thought I would give my virginity to. And the deed was done, and I had no one to tell. That little fact made my thoughts circle back to Debbie.
By Monday, I was so relieved to go to school and out of the house I practically skipped through the halls. Then again, I hadn’t seen the outside of my room more than to use the restroom and eat. I was aching for human contact.
Only, Debbie standing by my locker wasn’t the human contact I wanted.
I had no choice but to face her if I planned to get my books for my first class. When I went to take a step, a dark shadow crossed my path.
“Babe.”
I glared up at Ox and noticed for the first time that he wasn’t as cute as I thought he was. He had squinting eyes and thin lips. He paled when compared to Kelley, not that it mattered. I wouldn’t have chosen Ox no matter how good he looked.
“Don’t baby me.” I pulled his ring from my pocket and held it out to him. “You can give it to Debbie if you want.”
I dropped it in his palm and stepped around him. He stopped me with one beefy hand.
“Lenny, she means nothing to me. She was just willing to give it up.”
Years of friendship had me instinctively glancing in Debbie’s direction. Her jaw had gone slack and her skin a pasty white. She fled a second later.
“You just pissed off your new girlfriend.”
Ox didn’t even turn to see Debbie running down the hall in the opposite direction. “I don’t want her. It’s you, Lenny. I was drunk, and she offered. What the fuck does it matter anyway? It’s not like you’re ever going to give it up. So why do you care if I screw someone else?”
Clearly he’d been hit one too many times on the field.
“Did you actually just hear yourself? You slept with my best friend.”
He laughed as a crowd gathered around us. “That’s where you’re wrong. She’s not your best friend if she’s fucked me.”
There was no denying that logic. “You’re right. But you’re wrong about something else. I would give it up to someone, just not you.”
I didn’t bother to go to my locker. It was too close, and I didn’t want any further confrontation with him. As I made my way to my class, I searched long and hard for Kelley, but came up empty.
During lunch, I ate alone quickly before heading to the library. The only reason I went to the cafeteria was to see if I could find Kelley. It sucked he didn’t have a phone, not that I had one either. If not for my mother’s fear of school shootings, I wouldn’t have mine on me. But it did nothing with no one to call. I had no way of contacting him, and I desperately wanted to see his face. If only to confirm that our night together had meant something to him.
I scoured the halls after school, daring to get a tongue lashing when I finally headed outside to Mom’s waiting car. Still, I hadn’t seen him. He must not have come to school. After I handed over my phone, she gave me a lecture about timeliness. I pushed her voice to the back of my mind as I hoped he was okay and I would see him the next day.
The afternoon and evening sucked eggs with nothing to do outside of homework and my thoughts. The longer I had to think without seeing and talking to Kelley, the longer my thoughts drifted into uncharted territory. Had I been good enough? Did he like being with me? Was he done and going to move on to his next conquest? Had he left like he said he always planned to do?
Tuesday only brought an unwanted conversation.
“You can’t ignore me forever.”
I didn’t bother to look over at Debbie. Part of me wanted to smash my locker door in her face, but that would only get me in trouble.
“I can try,” I said sourly.
“I can’t believe you’d let a boy get in between us.”
I slammed my locker door and gave her a lethal glare. “I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend.”
“It’s not like you were into him anyway.”
Her logic was just as faulty as Ox’s. They deserved each other.
“That’s not what matters. It’s trust. Like him or not, everyone in school knew we were together. Of all the boys to choose.”
“It’s not like that, Lenny.”
“Oh, it is. You wanted what you couldn’t have.” There, I’d said it.
Her eyes narrowed, and I knew I’d pissed her off. “Not all of us want to stay virgins all our lives.”
“Was it everything you’d hoped it would be?”
I didn’t ca
re who overheard our conversation.
She glanced away. For a moment, I thought shame crossed her face.
“It wasn’t,” she choked out. “After you left, he got dressed and ran after you. We’d barely started before you showed up.”
Did she think I would feel sorry for her?
“Sounds like you got what you deserve. That’s what happens when you slut your way to losing your V-card,” I snapped back.
“Slut—” she started to say. Then it was like she put something together as her features smoothed out. She cocked her head to the side. “And that’s the thing. You were gone from the party, but no one claimed to have driven you home. And you know who else was missing? Kelley.”
“How do you know that?’ I asked in haste, giving myself away.
Her grin was wicked. “His friend Joel came looking for him. Said he saw him run after you. And funny thing is, I got this call from your parents in the morning. They wondered if you were with me. So tell me, how was fucking Kelley?”
Tongue in cheek, I refrained from saying better than your night. Instead, I said, “The thing is, my life is no longer your concern. And what I did or didn’t do is none of your business.”
I started to stalk away as her cold words hit me in my back. I managed not to stumble as she called out, “I bet Ox would be real interested in that info.”
School sucked the rest of the day and the rest of the week. Kelley was a no show, which only made me wonder if he’d gotten what he wanted and left town. Since I was under lockdown, I couldn’t go to his place and confront him.
After the final bell rang on Friday, I spotted Joel and Trina whispering in a corner. They looked cozy, but I was desperate for answers. So I trotted over to them.
“Hey.”
They turned to face me as one and it was cute to find Trina blushing. With that girl’s reputation, I didn’t think she was capable. But there I went judging. Hadn’t I learned that rumors were sometimes far from true?
“I was wondering if either of you have seen Kelley?”
They faced each other and for the briefest moment, I feared what I saw in their faces. Joel spoke first.
“Here’s the thing…”
Blinking, my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room. That was information enough I wasn’t back home or in the room above the garage. For a second, I thought I might be on the pullout in Mom’s room until a figure came into focus.
“There you are. How do you feel, hon?”
I wanted to ask where I was, even knowing the answer. I wanted to know how I got to the hospital. Instead, my voice came out scratchy and incoherent.
Give it a second. She disappeared and returned with a cup that held a straw. “Why don’t you drink something first?”
My throat burned, so I didn’t refuse. The cool water coated my throat, giving me the opportunity to voice my questions.
“You’re in Mid County Hospital. And I think I should contact the doctor.”
“My mom…is she here?”
It was a long shot. Mom barely moved on her own these days.
The older woman patted my hand. “Your mom is here. Let me get the doctor.”
Before I could stretch out my hand to stop her, she was gone. I tried to sit up, but a wave of dizziness flattened me. If Mom was there, I figured she’d be in to check on me soon. Maybe she’d finally given my father the boot.
Only Mom didn’t show. And maybe an hour had passed when a doctor breezed through my door, all busy like with a clipboard in his hand.
“Ah, Mr. Moore, how are you feeling?”
Before I could answer, he flashed a light across my eyes, blinding me.
“Not very talkative,” he said after only a few seconds of silence. “You took quite the fall. Lucky for you, you only bruised a few ribs as we found no fractures. It’s the concussion we’re worried about. Your dad said you fell down a long line of stairs, which explains why you are here.”
So that’s how he played it. I said nothing because I couldn’t. As much as I hated the bastard, Mom loved him for reasons I would never understand. I needed to talk to her before I went spilling my guts.
“Is my dad here?”
I hoped like hell he wasn’t. But I needed to know. Mom wouldn’t speak freely if he were in there. I hadn’t wished for my brother in a while, but in that moment, I longed for his miraculous return.
“He’s with your mother.”
“Are they coming in?”
He sighed heavily, and I didn’t expect his next words.
“Your father has given me permission to speak with you. Your mother has suffered a complication to her illness.”
“She has MS.”
“Yes. But she has the rare form of Multiple Sclerosis called Marburg.”
“She told me, but what does that mean?”
“It’s a rare form of the disease that progresses quite quickly. It’s surprising that your mother was able to get out of bed to try to get to you. But stranger things have happened when mothers are confronted with the desire to save their children.”
That was all good, but I wanted to understand what was going on. “Is she okay?”
He sighed again, only warning me his news wasn’t good.
“My understanding is that your parents were aware of her prognosis and moved here for more assistance.”
“You’re not answering the question.”
“She isn’t my patient anymore. After she was admitted, she was assigned a doctor who specializes in that area. What I can tell you is that this form of the disease is usually terminal. And most patients don’t live for more than a year or two after onset.”
“I need to see her.”
I tried to scramble off the bed, but I was stopped by firm hands.
“We want you to see her as well. But let’s do this right. I’ll get the nurse to get you a wheelchair and take you to her.”
“I don’t need a stinking wheelchair,” I said, managing not to curse.
“You are in no condition to walk that far. Don’t worry your mother by walking in looking like a zombie.”
He was right. I didn’t want to worry her. So I nodded and lay back. “I’m not going to wait another hour to see her,” I declared.
“I’ll get the nurse in here, stat.”
He smiled to himself, but I didn’t get the joke. I watched him leave as my mind spun with all the information. She’d explained that her MS was different. Why had I been so self-involved that I didn’t find out more? Had I wasted so much time chasing girls than spending time with Mom?
When the nurse arrived, fear lanced me. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I was wheeled into the room.
I was rolled up to the bed and given instructions to use the call button if I felt like I would pass out or needed assistance of any kind, including help with my trip back to my room.
My focus was on the still figure in the bed. If not for the beeping of the machines, I might have thought her dead. I clutched at her hand that peeked out from under the covers. She didn’t stir. When my head dipped, I said a silent prayer to a God who’d never answered me before.
I glanced up and around the room and noticed my disheveled father passed out in a chair in the corner. Love him or hate him, there was a part of him that cared deeply for Mom. The strange connection they had for each other, I didn’t get. But I knew Mom would want him there.
My fist balled and if I’d been on my feet, I might have cold clocked the bastard. It wasn’t less than he deserved. My luck, he’d press charges, and I would be locked up like a criminal with no way out.
“Kelley.” My name wasn’t more than a whisper carried on a breeze.
I met Mom’s open eyes. “Mom.”
Her lips curled and something in my chest eased.
“You’re okay?”
I shook my head yes. “I am. But I’m worried about you.”
Her eyes softened.
“Don’t worry about me. You finish school and make something of yours
elf for me.”
I nodded vigorously. “I will, but why are you saying this? You’ll be fine.”
As if she hasn’t heard me, she added, “We should have stayed in Galveston so you could play the ball you love. I’m sorry about that. One day, you’ll be famous for that.”
“Mom, don’t talk like you’re dying. I need you.” A tear rolled down my cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was sooner? How am I supposed to go on without you?”
But my questions come too late. “I waited to see you and know you were okay. I love you,” she breathed out. Her eyes closed, and I thought she’d gone to sleep. Only minutes later the beeping noise went flat like I was in a TV drama.
Everything happened in surreal time. I’m pretty sure I shouted as other voices from nowhere filled the room. Dad jumped to his feet and rushed over to Mom’s other side. I was wheeled back, losing my hold on her limp hand as bodies circled her bed. I heard the word clear several times, but I could only see a sliver through the wall of people trying to save Mom. Only, they stopped after what felt like seconds in the unreality state I found myself in.
I don’t remember the last time I cried. But I felt the wetness on my face as tears streamed down unimpeded. It felt like I had open heart surgery right there as I watched the only person I love leave me.
When they called out the time, I was numb. I had nothing to live for until I remembered my promise to her. Football was key. The one thing I had left. It was my ticket out of the hell I was living. That would be what sustained me.
Everything that came after was a bad dream.
The sky should have been cloudy. Instead, the sun beat down on us as we stood with my aunt and her husband at a cemetery watching Mom being laid to rest. No one comforted me as I fell to my knees unable to stand under the crushing weight of loss. Mom had left me with my bastard of a father and indifferent aunt. What would happen to me now?
Chasing Butterflies Page 12
