“I fucked up with Rory and I’m trying to figure out how to fix it.”
“And you think neglecting your training is the answer? Especially when you’re just months away from the off-season and workouts.”
“I can’t focus on playing basketball right now, Dad. I need to make things right with Rory. I don’t want to lose her again.”
“I like Rory,” Dad started, and I glanced at him. “But she was a distraction when you two were children and I see she still is now. Maybe it’s for the best that your relationship fizzled out, Zeke. Now you can focus on what’s important.”
I closed my eyes, taking in several deep breaths. I knew my father only wanted the best for me, but it wasn’t for him to decide what that was.
“Look, Dad, I know how you did things when you were playing and that worked for me for a little while. Rory isn’t a distraction. None of this means anything if she’s not by my side. That may make you see me as not being as committed as you are, but I don’t care. I won’t choose anything over her again. I made that mistake when I was a kid, with your urging, and I lost so many years with her. I’ve regretted that this whole time, so now that I have a chance to make her mine for as long as I can, I’m not giving that up for a damn thing.”
My dad stared at me and I stared right back. Having my father’s approval has pushed me to do things I shouldn’t have done. I wanted him to be proud of me. But I was almost thirty years old. It was time for me to live my life for me. I had to do things that were going to make me happy and proud of myself. Love wasn’t going to stop me from getting back to the pros or distract me when I got there, so that meant it wasn’t something I was going to deny myself because my father did when he played.
“Okay, Son,” Dad said. “I’m sorry if I overstepped. I want you to have the world and if that includes Mallory, then I support you.”
I relaxed, a small smile stretching my lips. Dad grinned too.
“I’m so damn proud of you, Zeke. I only want what you want. You told me getting one more shot at the pros was what you wanted so it was my job to push you towards that. I’m sorry if it felt like I only cared about that.”
“I know you don’t only care about basketball, Dad. I appreciate the push and support. I just have to do this.”
“So, tell me how you fucked up anyway?”
I laughed, all the tension bursting and I asked him if he wanted something to drink.
“Sure,” he answered.
I grabbed us a couple of bottles of water and settled back on the couch, recounting what happened between me and Mallory.
I spotted Stacy as soon as she stepped inside the Speakeasy. I watched as she looked around for me and the host spoke to her. Her eyes found me and she said something to the host before heading my way. I’d been so anxious for this meeting that I’d arrived here a half an hour before Stacey and I were supposed to meet. I stood when she got close and pulled her chair out for her. Stacey thanked me as she sat and placed her purse on the floor beside her.
“How long have you been here? And tell me the truth.”
“I feel like you’re my in to getting Rory to hear me out,” I said instead of answering her question.
“Only if I believe your reason for why you did what you did,” Stacey fired back. “It’s not looking good for you, Zeke.”
“Will you give me the chance to explain myself and why I did it?”
“That’s the reason I’m here. I know Ror isn’t ready to hear what you have to say.”
I’d been afraid of that. Maybe I should give her time to calm down and try approaching her once a suitable amount of time had passed. That’d be the reasonable thing to do, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. My time in Colebury was running out, and I didn’t want to leave without having tried to reconcile with Mallory.
The waiter came over, and Stacey gave him her drink and food order, and I asked for a refill on my water. I wasn’t hungry.
“Just tell me what happened. How did you even become Coby and why did you masquerade as someone else for so long?” Stacey said once the waiter was gone.
“I didn’t know it was Mallory when I started talking to her on the dating app,” I said.
“Good to know.”
“I didn’t find out until our date. I saw her through the glass window, and I knew I couldn’t go inside, Stace. Rory made it clear that I was still her least favorite person after Daniel. The distance had done nothing to change her mind about me or cool her anger when it came to me. It wasn’t my plan to keep talking to her as Coby, but when I ran into the two of you at the Bean after I stood her up, the idea came to me. I knew I was still on her shit list and she wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t know how else to get her to soften her stance against me and give me a chance.”
The waiter returned with Stacey’s meal, drink, and a pitcher to refill my water glass. She stopped the waiter before he could leave. “Are you sure you don’t want anything, Zeke? They have delicious burgers, and their wings are to die for.”
“I’m good, Stace. I don’t have much of an appetite. I may order something before we leave.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile and told the waiter he could go. “So, you stood her up, and you were going to let it go after that?” Stacey ate some of her pot roast pie that smelled amazing, but I really couldn’t eat right now.
“I was. I guess I thought I could pursue her in person, but I didn’t know how I was going to do that.”
“Yeah. Mallory isn’t big on dating and romance, so I’m not sure she would have ever been open to anything with you.”
“Which is why I kept talking to her through the app.”
“And you didn’t know it was her at first?”
“No. I probably should have thought it was her, but I had no clue when we first started talking,” I answered. “Rory has never gone by her middle name, so I never would have thought she’d use a nickname from it.”
Stacey was chewing and held up one finger for me to wait. Once she finished, she spoke. “That’s true. I used to call her bitchy alter ego ‘Tasha’ which is why she uses it for her dating profile,” she stated. “I can understand that, and I’m sure Ror will too. But what I don’t get is why you didn’t come clean after you two started dating. You admitted to all these things and cleared the air about everything but didn’t bring that up.”
“I feared she’d react the way she has. I didn’t want to lose her. The more time I spent with Rory, the more I realized how much I wanted her. She’s as important to me as basketball and having to live my life with just basketball wasn’t something I wanted to face. But I was planning to tell her last weekend. I realized it’d dragged on too long. She was feeling guilty for seemingly having feelings for two different men.”
Stacey studied me for a long, uncomfortable moment. “I believe you. I know how unforgiving Rory can be sometimes. I can’t say for sure how she would have reacted even if you’d come clean in the beginning. I can see that she likes you a lot, and she can be so damn stubborn sometimes. She just needs a little nudge.”
“You’ll help me?” I asked as hope bloomed in my heart.
“Yep,” Stacey said. “But you’re going to have to do a big, gushy, romantic gesture to get her attention and to get her to give you a chance to talk to her.”
“I don’t mind doing whatever it takes to win her back.”
“Good. Now let’s think about what you can do.”
Stacey and I started brainstorming ideas to get Mallory to hear me out. When we left the restaurant an hour later, we had a plan that we both hoped would work.
33
Mallory
I pulled my hoodie over my head. I checked my phone for new messages, but there weren’t any from the person I hoped would send more. Zeke. I knew I shouldn’t be hoping for a message from him, but I did, and I felt dejected and sad that he’d stopped trying to reach out. Was he done and had decided this was all too much for him to deal with? Up until Tuesday night, he’d
been calling, texting, and sending messages on social media. But the last few days it’d been radio silence from him.
I stuffed my phone in the front pocket of my hoodie before grabbing my satchel. I was tired of moping around the house and was taking my chances at the Busy Bean. I’d been a little distracted lately for obvious reasons, and I hoped getting out of the house and around people would help me focus better. When I stepped out of the house, I immediately turned to lock the deadbolt and noticed a piece of paper taped to it. I turned the key, locking it before I pulled it off the door.
Tasha Rory: Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up on writing.
Coby Zeke: Really? Why would you say that? I thought you loved to write.
Tasha Rory: I think I said that wrong. I mean give up the dream of publishing my books. So much pressure comes with publishing and when a book doesn’t do well, it feels like a reflection on me. It hurts, and I wonder if maybe I should take a step back. Maybe I’m not good enough to be a writer. I see all these other people who started around the same time as me and they’re doing great. I guess I’m just feeling down today because this book just won’t reveal its secrets to me.
Coby Zeke: I read your first book.
Tasha Rory: You did?
Coby Zeke: I did, and I enjoyed it. I’m not even a big romance reader, but I could see the book was well-written, entertaining, and so real. I could feel your heart and soul through the words you picked, Tasha Rory. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to put yourself out there like you do every time you publish a book, but I do know you’re brave. I know you’re good enough to be publishing your books, and I don’t think you should give up. Don’t deprive others of your words because of self-doubt. You’re amazing, and I know one day you’re going to look back and be happy you didn’t give up.
Ace, I crossed out the names because even though they were different, it was still us. I fucked up, Ror, and I’m so sorry I did. But when I was talking to you as Coby, it was always my words and feelings and always the truth. I meant every word of this, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to explain myself. - Zeke
The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow. I blinked a few times to clear the moisture and stuffed the paper into my satchel as I walked to my car. There was another piece of paper in the door of my car. It was another message that Zeke and I had exchanged on the dating app. And again, he’d crossed out our screen names. I pulled open the driver’s side door and climbed inside. I read the message exchange and then his note at the bottom. Again, he was begging for a second chance. A chance to tell me why he did what he did. The conversations I’d had with Stacey and Adam were prominent as I put on my seatbelt.
I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do. No matter that I’d pushed our history to the back where it belonged, he still deceived me. I gritted my teeth as more stupid tears leaked out of my eyes. Almost a week later and I was still crying over him. It took me a moment to compose myself. Once I did, I started the car and backed out of the driveway. I didn’t bother with music since I wasn’t in the mood for it right now.
When I walked into the Busy Bean, everyone’s attention was on me. Carlie was grinning. I narrowed my eyes at her, but she only grinned wider and nodded her head towards the back of the café. My heart immediately sped up as I followed where she wanted me to look but disappointment replaced that bit of hope. It was my table, and it looked like it was covered with crap. As I got closer to the table, I saw that two others had been dragged over and they were all covered with papers. I could see they were our messages. And all the ones I could see had handwritten notes on them.
That hope was trying to take flight again. I sifted through some of them, my heart swelling. There looked to be dozens of pieces of paper covering the surface of the three tables. Zeke had taken the time to print them all out and change our names—by hand—to our real ones and added personal notes to all the ones I could see. I looked around for Zeke, but I didn’t see him. Everyone else seemed invested, though. There was one paper in the middle of the table that wasn’t one of our messages. It was a handwritten note with a request and plea.
Ace,
I know I don’t deserve it, but if I could have five minutes of your time to plead my case and explain everything, it would mean the world to me. If after five minutes, you want me to leave you alone, I will. Also, if you are even willing to give me the time, turn around.
Zeke
I read the note again. Someone cleared their throat behind me, and I whipped around to see Zeke standing there. I swallowed hard, willing myself not to cry. No one has ever gone through so much trouble for me. He could have decided I wasn’t worth it and given up, but he hadn’t.
“Will you give me those five minutes, Ace?” Zeke asked.
I nodded. We took our seats at the table. Everyone went back to what they’d been doing, but I could tell they were trying to hear what we would talk about. I kept my lips pursed because I had a feeling that if I tried to speak right now, I’d become a blubbering mess.
“I’m sorry, Rory. I’m sorry for lying to you,” he said. “I should have been upfront with you from the beginning. If I could go back and do things over, I would. I was going to tell you last weekend. I was trying to find the right time to do so.”
“Why weren’t you upfront with me?” I asked quietly.
“I wanted a chance with you,” he answered. “I wanted to be able to talk to you, and in the beginning, that was the only way to do so. But I also gained valuable insight into the kind of person you are now, and I was able to show up where you were. That’s why I did it in the beginning. When you started warming up to me in real life, I knew I still needed Coby to help me because you still weren’t letting me in. After our date, I didn’t contact you through the app again. I only went back to using it because you wouldn’t talk to me, Ror. Once we made up, I realized you still weren’t comfortable telling me certain things, so I kept our online relationship.”
I digested what he’d said. I guess I could understand why he did it. I had no interest in talking to Zeke when he first came back in my life. Those encounters somewhat warmed me up to him but having Coby to talk to helped a lot. I remembered when he tried to ghost me.
“I felt like I was being unfaithful to you when I was talking to Coby. My feelings for him changed, and I guess now I know why,” I finally said. “I also feel like you manipulated me, Zeke. You used your persona as Coby to get me to do things.”
He opened his mouth but closed it. His eyes cast down as he tried to gather his thoughts. “That wasn’t my intention, Mallory,” he finally said. “I wasn’t trying to manipulate you into doing anything. I was desperate not to lose you. When you were pulling away, I tried everything I could think of to get you to talk to me, but you wouldn’t, so I used Coby. I’m so sorry you feel that way. I know what I did was wrong regardless of my excuses and explanations.”
“I wish you would’ve just told me.”
“I know. I do too. I hated that you were struggling. I noticed the shift in you when it came to Coby and could see the guilt you were dealing with. That’s when I realized I needed to come clean. I’m sorry I put you through that, Rory,” he said and paused before saying, “I love you, Ace. The thought of losing you was too much for me to bear. I couldn’t figure out how to tell you the truth and keep you. I was stuck.”
I couldn’t stop the first tear from leaking out as I heard him say he was in love with me. His five minutes were up, but I didn’t care. The rational part of my brain was telling me to cut ties with Zeke and move on. My heart and that mushy side of my brain were saying give him another chance. No one was perfect, even me. Life was messy and there was a chance that you’d get hurt along the way. People were going to make mistakes, but if you never gave those people a second chance—or as many chances as you had to give them—then you were going to end up alone and miserable. Yes, I’d been hurt a lot, and it sucked. It sucked to be disappointed and on guard because of that fear, but I’d ha
d people give me second chances when I messed up. I could do the same with Zeke, because I didn’t know if I could handle walking away.
I hated that he lied to me, but it wasn’t the worse offense someone could commit. No matter how hard I fought it, I’d fallen for him, and I wasn’t willing to lose him. I didn’t want to miss out on any more years I could have with Zeke.
“Can you promise not to do something like this again?” I asked.
“On my life,” he answered without hesitation.
“Can you also promise that we’ll talk everything out? We’ll be honest with each other no matter how hard the topic.”
I could see hope blooming in his whiskey-colored eyes. “Yes. I can make that promise, Ace.”
“Then, I guess I have no choice but to forgive you,” I said. “Damn you for being so amazing and easy on the eyes.”
Zeke laughed, standing up and coming to my side of the table. He pulled me up and into his arms. I laughed through my tears as the other patrons at the Busy Bean applauded. I put some space between us, tilting my head up to look at him. His eyes sparkled with happiness and love. I never thought the man I’d fall for would be Zeke.
“You know I love you too, right?” I stated.
“I do now,” he said and pressed his lips to mine.
I was very aware that all eyes were on us, so I broke our kiss, hugging him. My mouth was near his ear. “Maybe we should get out of here so we can talk some more.”
He was grinning when I pulled back to see his face. “Stacey dropped me off, so we’ll have to take your car.”
“She was in on this, wasn’t she?”
“You know she was,” Zeke stated. “Stacey only wants you to be happy, and so do I. I promise I will do everything in my power to never intentionally hurt you again, Ace.”
Doubletalk (The Busy Bean) Page 25
