by Marie Meyer
“Thanks for coming with me.”
“Jillibean, I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Plus, you won’t be back for a while, so I have to get all the time with you that I can.”
“I’m going to miss you.”
The corners of his mouth pulled down. “I already miss you.” His voice was somber…why? He’d been my biggest supporter when I’d made the decision to go away to school. I figured he’d be glad to get rid of me, so he could focus his time on Erin and the band. Melancholy Griffin wasn’t what I expected.
By the time we got into town, the sun hung low on the western horizon. I pulled into the student union parking lot so I could check in and get my dorm key. Griffin and I unfolded ourselves from the car and stretched. Before we walked up the steps to the union, Griffin gave his bike a once over. Since I planned on keeping my car at school, Griffin needed a means of transportation back to Illinois; hauling his bike had been the easiest and cheapest solution we had come up with.
“So, how does it feel? You made it. You’re officially a design student,” he said, opening the door to the Resident Life Office.
“A dream come true.” I stood, looking around, taking it all in.
As a little girl, I’d always dreamed of going to design school. At the ripe old age of five, I realized I wanted to design my own clothes. I remembered my mom taking Jennifer and me to church on Sundays. I had sat on the floor of the church and used the pew as a desk. By the end of the service I had usually sketched twenty or thirty different designs. Mom had saved most of my drawings, but when my parents died and Jennifer and I were forced to move in with Grandma and Grandpa, I wasn’t allowed to bring them. My grandparents didn’t have much space and they only allowed us the barest essentials. My earliest creations most likely ended up as compost in the local landfill.
Now, thirteen years later, despite all the heartache and pain of my childhood, I was standing in the Resident Life Office of a prestigious Rhode Island design school, that much closer to realizing my dreams.
The RLO was a flurry of activity. With the onslaught of new arrivals, it was a good thing office hours had been extended. Looking up at Griffin, I sighed. “I’m going to get in line. It might be a while.”
“No problem. I’m going to find something to eat. You want anything?” Griffin asked.
I shook my head. I was too excited and nervous to eat.
After thirty minutes of paperwork, I had my dorm access card and my room key, and Griffin had a full stomach and adequate time to smooth things out with Erin.
“Things okay with Erin?” I asked. As we walked to the car, I stowed my paperwork and dorm key, while I dug my car keys out from the bottom of my purse.
“She’s all right. Thinks it’s a little weird that I came with you, but that’s okay.” He shrugged.
Shit. I had gotten him in trouble. It felt like a brick had dropped into my stomach. I didn’t want to screw things up for him. I looked up from my purse. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to come.”
Griffin halted his footsteps and put his hand on my shoulder, making sure I stopped, too. With the hand on my shoulder, he turned me to face him. “Jillibean, when haven’t I been through a life-changing event with you? Did you honestly think that I wouldn’t be here for this?”
I shook my head. Tears stung my eyes. He pulled on my shoulders, drawing me into his strong embrace. It took all of my strength not to cry. I refused to spend our last six days together in tears.
“Don’t worry about Erin. She’s fine.”
“I just don’t want to be the one to screw things up between you two.”
He pulled away enough to see my face. “You aren’t. Okay?”
I nodded.
He smiled. “Let’s go see how big your new closet…um, place is.”
“Very funny.”
“I thought so,” he said, shrugging.
My car crested a hill and Victor Hall, my dorm, came into view. Victor stood like a proud sentry on the north end of campus. The rear parking lot was deserted. Most freshmen would be arriving within the next few days, but classes didn’t actually start until September 11th (just my luck). The second I’d found out that residence halls opened on August 30th, I was ready to pack up my shit and skip town faster than a toddler hopped up on energy drinks.
* * *
The low-flying airplane roaring overhead startled me from a nightmare. The walls rumbled and my breathing hitched; I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. Griffin lay beside me, still fast asleep. The green, digital readout on my alarm clock said it was September 6th, 8:30 a.m. Griffin was leaving today.
I knew he needed to get back home. With the fall semester starting at the State University, Mine Shaft was booking shows at frat parties every weekend. Griffin couldn’t afford to be gone, and I didn’t think his bandmates appreciated his absence any more than Erin did. He’d gotten a bazillion text messages from them while we’d been out last night. Selfishly, though, I talked him into staying at least until today, the day my roommate was moving in. I didn’t want to spend even one night alone.
I slipped out of bed quietly, careful not to wake Griffin. My head hurt, but for the most part, I wasn’t in bad shape considering how much I had drank last night. Griffin and I had decided to celebrate his last night in Providence by putting our fake IDs to good use. I popped four ibuprofens and my antidepressant, grabbed the things I needed for a shower, and closed the door behind me.
* * *
When I returned to my room, Griffin was packing his duffle bag. “I’ve been dreading this part since we left Illinois last Friday,” I said, tossing my toiletries and wet towel into the closet.
“Me too.” He pulled me to his side and hugged me tightly. He ran his fingers over the wet strands of my hair before he let go. “I am going to miss you so damn much,” he said.
This time I didn’t hold back the tears.
“Come on, Jillibean. This is too fucking hard when you’re sad. We’ll talk every day. Especially this coming week.”
“Promise?” I choked.
“Have I ever deserted you on that day?”
“No.”
Griffin and I walked down to the parking lot. “I miss you already,” I whispered. Tears slid down my cheeks. I threw my arms around him.
He smiled and kissed my forehead. “I miss you too.” Letting go, he stepped closer to his bike, straddled it, and ripped the engine.
He stretched his hand to me. “We’ll get through this together.”
“Promise?”
“Forever.”
I stepped closer and hugged him again. With my face pressed to the crook of his neck, I asked, “Where’s your helmet?”
“You know I don’t like those things,” he replied.
I shoved away from him. “Damn it, Griffin. You better start wearing a goddamn helmet.”
“I’ll buy one just for you when I get home.” He pinched my chin between his forefinger and thumb, giving me his most innocent smile.
I batted his hand away and glared at him. “Damn right you will,” I said.
“I gotta go, Jillibean. I’ll check in all day. Keep your phone close.”
Tears streaked down my face. “Okay.”
“Have fun this year. You’re going to rock those design classes.” He hugged me one last time before he gunned the throttle and pulled away. “Bye, Jillibean!” he yelled over his shoulder.
“Get a helmet, Griffin!” I yelled back as he disappeared around the corner. Why did it feel like my heart had just been ripped from my chest?
Chapter Four
September 11th. My first day of classes. Of all days, why did this one have to be the first?
I walked through the quad on my way back to Victor Hall and saw the flag at half-mast. I couldn’t escape this day…ever.
My phone chimed with an incoming text message from Griffin.
I’m with you, Bean, he wrote.
Promise?
Forever. I’ll call you later
.
After reading his text, I felt slightly better. I typed my response and hit send. Certain to be the highlight of my day.
I unlocked the door to my room, dropped my backpack by the closet, and did my best impersonation of an extra on The Walking Dead, shambling over to my bed. Not five minutes later, my roommate, Sarah Theissen, came bursting through the door.
“Oh, hey,” she said, caught off guard. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were back.”
“It’s okay.” I didn’t make any effort to remove my head from the pillow.
Sarah shut the door, flung her bag onto her bed, and started rummaging through her closet. While swiping hangers from one side to the other, she asked, “Are you okay?”
“Fan-fucking-tastic.”
That got her attention. Her aggressive clothes-mining expedition ceased. She turned around and stared at me.
“Uh…okay? That didn’t sound encouraging. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I sat up, trying to hide the sadness weighing on my heart. “I’m sorry. Just a rough day.” If I pretended everything was fine, maybe she wouldn’t push for more of an explanation.
During our correspondence over the summer, I’d only briefly mentioned that my parents were no longer living. I never gave her any details, so I couldn’t blame her for not knowing how difficult today was. I wished Griffin were here. He knew.
Sarah grabbed a pencil off her dresser. Twisting her black and blonde ombre hair into a bun, she shoved the pencil into the knot at the back of her head. “Okay then. I have the perfect cure for a shitty day. The Phi Psis are having a party tonight and we’re going.”
“On a Wednesday?” I asked.
“Yeah, a welcome back party.”
“Uh…I don’t think so. I’m not really in the mood for a party.”
“Nonsense. A party is exactly what you need. My boyfriend is meeting us there. Who knows, maybe you’ll find a hottie for yourself.”
I rolled my eyes. “Uh…no,” I protested. The last thing I wanted was to be fixed up. There was only one man who appealed to me, and he wasn’t interested, so I was destined to be single forever.
She cocked her head and frowned. “Jillian, all you’ve done is mope since I got here last Friday. When we talked this summer, you couldn’t wait to get here and live it up. What’s wrong? What happened to that girl?”
That girl had had to start college on September 11th.
“Fine. I’ll go.” If only to stop her from asking more questions I didn’t feel like answering.
“Awesome. I’ll text Brandon.” Sarah went to her bed and started rummaging through her purse. Pulling her phone free, she tapped out a quick text.
“Okay, my fashion-forward friend, we need to get ready.” She patted the mattress and stood up, holding her hands out to me. Walking toward my bed, she grabbed my hands and pulled me off the bed. “That’s my girl. Help me find something to wear?” She smiled sweetly. She was a pretty cool roommate. I counted myself lucky; I could have ended up with way worse.
An hour later, Sarah was rocking a black mini-dress. I’d ruched the bodice on the side that didn’t have a sleeve. The simple alteration helped accentuate her tiny waist. The dress’s snug fit and short length also made Sarah’s tanned, flawless legs look stunning. With her long hair loosely curled, the black color at the crown of her head faded to a pale yellow, very striking against her dark ensemble. Standing next to her, I felt short and severely underdressed in a simple royal blue tie-back halter and black skinny jeans. Oh well, I wasn’t really in the mood to party anyway. If nothing else, at least the bright blue streaks of chalk I’d put in my hair made me look like a rock goddess.
Sarah dug her candy red stilettos from the closet, slipped them on, and admired my handiwork in the full-length mirror attached to our door. “Jillian, you are brilliant.”
“Whatever. All I did was add a few stiches on the side with a needle and thread, not too difficult.”
“Come here.” Sarah waved me over to her side of the room. “We need a picture before we leave.” Sarah was a photography student. She’d been snapping pictures since she’d gotten here last Friday night. It seemed that she saw the world through a constant viewfinder.
Once Sarah was satisfied with the shots she’d gotten, we grabbed our purses and left the room with discarded piles of clothes and shoes to clean up later.
* * *
The Phi Kappa Psi house didn’t disappoint. The booze flowed freely and music pounded at ear-splitting decibels. In actuality, it was the perfect way to forget today’s date.
“Sarah!” a voice called over the noise.
Sarah and I turned around, looking for the person who’d shouted her name. Seeing him in the distance, Sarah waved her hands above her head and yelled back, “Brandon, over here!”
Brandon pushed his way through the crowd toward us. Coming up beside Sarah, he bent down and kissed her. “Hey, babe. How long have you been here?”
“Maybe five minutes? Right, Jillian?” She looked at me and smiled.
“It hasn’t been much longer than that,” I agreed.
Extending his hand toward me in a friendly gesture, I placed mine in his and gave it a firm shake. “So, you’re the roommate Sarah’s been talking about all summer?”
“That would be me. I’m Jillian, nice to meet you,” I replied.
“You’re the fashion designer?” he asked.
“Yep. What’s your major?”
“Architectural Engineering,” he said, putting his arm around Sarah’s waist. He smiled broadly and pushed his thick-framed glasses up on his nose.
“Wow.” I looked at Sarah and smiled. Not only was Brandon gorgeous, with his pale blue eyes and neatly trimmed hair, he was smart, too.
“I can see Sarah spends her days talking about me.” Brandon pinched her side and she giggled.
Sarah squirmed under his arm, batting him away playfully. “Oh, Brandon,” she mocked in a fake southern drawl, “what would I do with myself if I couldn’t talk about my beau all day long?” She pantomimed waving a fan in front of her face.
I laughed. Their comfortable interaction reminded me of how Griffin and I were. “Don’t worry, Brandon. I vaguely remember her mentioning something about a boyfriend when we talked this summer.”
“I’m sure she did.” He rolled his eyes, but I could tell he was just playing with her. His affectionate smile negated the feigned annoyance I heard in his voice.
“You two dated in high school, right?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m one of those girls,” Sarah said. “I followed my high school sweetheart to college.” She looked up at Brandon and batted her eyelashes.
“And there’s nothing wrong with that,” I added.
“I like her.” Brandon said to Sarah, smiling at me. “You would not believe how much shit Sarah’s parents gave her about ‘following’ me here.”
“Tell me about it,” Sarah said.
Brandon took Sarah’s hand. “Come on. You girls need a drink.” He led us through the crowd. Sarah looked over her shoulder and smiled, making sure I was close behind.
Brandon pushed the back door open and led us out onto the deck, where the kegs were. A large crowd was gathered around the alcohol, making it difficult for all three of us to work our way through. “Wait here, I’ll get your drinks,” Brandon said, before he disappeared into the mass of people.
“Sarah, he’s great,” I said once he was out of earshot.
“He is.” She beamed.
“How long have you been together?”
“We started dating during my sophomore year of high school. He was a junior.”
I nodded my head in approval. “That’s really awesome.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked. Griffin immediately popped into my head, but I was pretty sure he wasn’t the kind of boyfriend she was referring too.
“Yes,” I hesitated. “But not in the romantic sense. Do you remember me mentioning my best friend, Griffin?”
&
nbsp; “Kind of.” She furrowed her brow, trying to recall our conversations from the summer.
“Griffin Daniels. He lived next door to my grandparents. When I moved in with them, he and I were pretty much inseparable.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s the one in the band, right?”
“Yeah, Mine Shaft. He’s the lead singer and he plays the bass guitar.” I smiled. I loved bragging about him.
“Do you have a picture? I want to see this rock god best friend.”
I pulled my phone from my back pocket and touched the button to illuminate the screen. The picture of Griffin and I at my high school graduation shone on the screen. Griffin’s older sister, Ren, had used my phone to snap the picture. Griffin looked straight ahead and I was on his back. When Ren instructed us to say “I is educated,” Griffin smiled and repeated her phrase while I ignored her and planted a kiss on his cheek instead. This picture was my favorite and instantly became my wallpaper setting. It made me smile every time I saw it.
I passed the phone over to her. “This is Griffin?” she asked, grinning at me strangely.
“Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Holy hell, Jillian, he’s freaking hot.”
She handed my phone back and I looked at the screen. Griffin always did have great hair. Black waves fell across his forehead in an artful mess that only a guy could get away with. I tilted my head, examining the picture. With his black leather jacket, messy bedhead, and stubbled jaw, he had looked rather sexy that night.
The screen went black and I slid it back into my pocket.
“Hey, who does my girlfriend think is hot?” Brandon said, walking up behind me.
“No offense, Bran, but Jillian’s friend is smokin’.” Sarah said, patting Brandon on the back.
Brandon handed me a cup. “Thanks,” I said, taking it from his hand.
He handed Sarah hers. “Sarah’s eyeing up your guy, huh?” he asked, taking a sip of his drink.
I took a sip of my beer and shook my head. “Oh, he’s not my boyfriend,” I said.
