by Ann Hunter
It’s what she’d been waiting for since the first time she’d seen Venus Galaxies run on the track. Forever free on the back of a fast horse. Approved had given her a taste of it this past summer, to gallop untethered beneath an open sky.
“When do we start?”
***
Brooke sat in front of a small vanity mirror in her bedroom, fixing a clip on earing to her ear lobe. She tossed her hair, and scrutinized her reflection. Did she look okay?
She rose and pursed her lips at herself. Laura had been kind enough to do her makeup, something she usually did when they attended school dances. While Laura really liked to dress up, Brooke kept it subtle and natural. She hoped Dejado liked it.
She wondered if her mother were here if she would ask Do you like yourself?
She walked from vanity to the front room to wait for Dejado. Pop sat on the couch watching a cop drama on tv.
He looked up at her slowly, and she could see a funny shift in his eyes, like he was seeing a ghost. She wrapped her arms around her middle and bowed her head shyly. “How do I look?”
Pop’s face softened momentarily, then went stern again. He lifted a beer bottle to his lips and returned to his show. “Fine.”
“Just fine?” Brooke asked.
He took another drink. “I don’t like you seeing that boy,” he said dryly.
Brooke rolled her eyes. “Relax, Pop. It’s a cheeseburger, not a marriage proposal.”
“That’s what your mother said,” he muttered. His voice got lower. Brooke barely heard him. “Ran off with the jerk and left me with you.”
Something inside Brooke snapped. “I’m sorry, am I back in your good graces? Because the last I checked, I was making adult decisions with adult consequences.”
She opened the door, and leaned in the doorway, letting the cool February air ease the heat out of her. She had to be bigger than this. She had to show Pop she could be mature and let things go.
He shrugged like he didn’t care, like none of it mattered. “Didn’t think you liked critter.”
“I don’t,” Brooke said. She drummed her fingers against the door frame. “But I like him.”
Dejado appeared around a corner just then and waved to her. Brooke shut the door. “Night, Pop.”
Brooke and Dejado settled for a pizza place in Murray. Brooke liked how he held doors for her and told her she looked nice. She was normally the messy pony tail, dusty chaps and jeans kind of girl, running in circles on Thoroughreds. Being noticed in a way not related to those things was awesome.
They sat in a booth with dim lighting, behind a washy lull of voices in the room at similar tables. After they ordered a half cheese and pineapple, half meaty pizza, Dejado leaned forward. She kind of hoped he’d tell her again how nice she looked, cuz honestly, she was getting a little drunk on the feeling.
“I was worried for you and Mags, so I’ve been looking around. I found a place in Paducah. Clearbrook Farms.”
Brooke was a little puzzled. It took her a moment to process the unexpected news. “That’s one of North Oak’s main rivals.”
He gratefully smiled up at the waitress who refilled his water glass, then turned his gaze back to Brooke. “It’s not an ideal location, but it’s something. You’ll be closer to Churchill Downs. Closer to your dream.”
She thought about what it might mean to board at Clearbrook. Would Pop and North get more upset, like it was some kind of betrayal? Even though it was a complete catch twenty-two. And Paducah was a whole hour from North Oak. How was she going to do her morning chores, rides, school, and work with Mags?
She leaned her cheek against her hand dismally. “I wish I could keep her at North Oak.”
Their pizza arrived, and Dejado picked up a slice. “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”
“Are you always this eloquent?”
He grinned, mouth full of meaty pizza. “Yes.” Then he washed down his food with another sip of water. “And I love your filthy American food.”
TRAINING ALEX
“Have you thought about how Hillary feels?” Carol asked as the bus pulled away from school.
“Eh?”
“Like, I know when my mom’s had a long day at the hospital, she really likes it when I’ve made dinner for us. Maybe you could try that?”
“Make… dinner?” All Alex could picture was Hillary’s epic meat loaf, and Alex didn’t know if she could handle that.
“It doesn’t have to be fancy or anything,” Carol added. “My mom’s grateful for mac’n’cheese. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.”
Mac’n’cheese. Alex’s nod grew in confidence. “Okay, yeah.” She could do that. How hard could it be to boil some water and dump in noodles and powdered cheese?
“Thanks, Carol,” she said with a smile.
Alex dropped her backpack by the front door, one hand stuck in her pocket. Between school and coming home, her nerves were fried.
Hillary moved about the kitchen, pulling pots and pans from the cupboards for dinner. She muttered under her breath, but Alex couldn’t make out what she was saying between all the pot clanking.
Hillary’s face squeezed, making the lines around her mouth and eyes more pronounced. Something was bothering her. Had she finally noticed the bow missing? Alex held it tighter, then let it drop to the bottom of her pocket. She kicked off her shoes, and took one of the pots from Hillary. “Let me.”
Hillary shook her off, seeming more agitated, but Alex tried again. “Please let me make dinner. I can handle it.”
Hillary huffed and locked eyes with Alex. Alex tucked her lip, hoping she wouldn’t ask about the bow. She wanted to reach for it now, to reassure herself once again this family was what she wanted.
“Are you sure?” Hillary finally asked.
Alex nodded, fingers itching. Mac’n’cheese. She could do this.
“Alright,” Hillary conceded, but didn’t seem any less bothered.
Alex took the pot to the sink and filled it with water, then placed it on the stove and started the gaslight. “See?” She forced a smile. “Easy.”
Hillary squeezed the bridge of her nose and nodded tiredly. She turned to head upstairs. “I’m going to check on Laura, and then lay down for a while.”
Alex adjusted the pot on the stove, calling to her, “Just lay down. I’ll check on Laura too.”
A bubble of excitement formed as Hillary disappeared, and Alex reassured herself again that she had this one in the bag at last. She rifled through the cabinets in search of the mac’n’cheese boxes. Two should be enough to feed the four of them, right? She pulled the boxes down, opened them, and dumped them into the pot.
She jumped when the cheese powder packets fell into the water and scrambled to fetch them. The water had warmed quickly, and she yanked her hand back, cursing under her breath. Alex got a slotted spoon from the drawer beside her and fished the packets out. They were a little wet, but not worse for wear.
Alex took a deep breath and studied the pictures on the back of the box. Boiling water, check. Noodles in the pot, check. She reached for the egg timer and set it for ten minutes. That should give her enough time to check on Laura.
Rubbing her hand, she ran upstairs to Laura’s room and poked her head in. Laura looked like she was sleeping, with covers pulled close to her ears, and eyes shut tight. Alex pulled the door shut quietly and went back down stairs only to find the pot boiling over. She rushed to it, hissing, “No, no, no, no.”
The bubbles receded as she turned the temperature down, but when she went to stir, the noodles stuck to the bottom of the pot. “Dammit.”
In a bit of a panic, she ripped the cheese packets open and dumped the powder in, but it only caked to everything, and didn’t look anything like the picture on the front of the box. Smoke started rising from the bottom of the pot as she tried to figure out where she’d gone wrong in the instructions.
Alex grabbed the pot and practically flung it to the back of the stove. “S
crew it!”
She braced against the counter, groaning. “I’m so basic, I can’t even cook mac’n’cheese.”
What was she going to do now? They’d all be wanting dinner in a little while, and she couldn’t even make mac’n’cheese without messing it up. She drummed her fingers.
Pizza.
She moved to the fridge to pull the magnet with their favorite pizzeria’s number, and started dialing from the phone on the wall. With the phone pulsing after the number, she jammed her fist into her pocket and fidgeted with the bow.
“Hi? Yeah, I’d like to order three pizzas, please. Oh, and a bottle of Coke.”
She told the guy on the end of the line what they normally got, it was easy to remember the order.
“Pay?” She hadn’t even thought of that. She rubbed the bow between her fingers, fidgeting. How would she pay for it? “I’ll pay at the door.”
She gave them instructions to get into North Oak, trying to remember what Cade usually told them, and the order was done. She hung up the phone and leaned against the fridge in relief.
Alex wondered what else she could do until the pizza came. How could she help Hillary? She kept rubbing the bow between her fingers and knuckles. She should probably try to clean the pan with the burnt mac’n’cheese.
Staring into the depths of the sticky, orange mess, she wondered what Carol would say. Alex thought she had failed, but Carol would probably say something about Edison and ten thousand ways how not to make a lightbulb.
Alex opened the trash can in the corner, dug the mac’n’cheese from the pot, and attempted to scour out the rest in the sink. All was not lost. Pizza was on the way.
Thirty minutes went by a lot faster than she anticipated, and soon the pizza delivery person was knocking on the front door.
“You order three pizzas and a Coke?” the delivery guy asked.
Alex nodded, reaching for the boxes.
“That’ll be fifty dollars.”
Alex’s eyes widened. Holy crap. How was it that expensive? She didn’t have fifty dollars. “One sec.”
She shut the door with the pizzas sitting on the kitchen table. She couldn’t just leave the guy standing there. Or could she? Her gaze zipped around the kitchen. Where was she going to find fifty bucks?
Alex’s eyes locked onto Hillary’s purse hanging from the coat rack by the front door. Was it stealing if it benefited everyone? She swallowed hard and dashed toward it, looking through the contents for a way to pay. Luckily, it looked like her debit card doubled as a credit card.
Alex opened the door and handed the plastic to the delivery person. He ran it through a device that took the payment, and handed back the card.
She couldn’t shut the door fast enough. Alex put the card back where she found it, then leaned against the door, staring at the pizzas.
She’d done it. She’d made dinner, just like she promised.
She smirked. “Totally got this.”
No dishes in the sink, no mess to clean up. Hillary could relax. Alex took a deep breath and exhaled, hoping this was a step back into Hillary’s good graces.
Alex looked to the top of the stairs to see Hillary standing there.
“Who was at the door?”
Alex made a grand motion to the pizza boxes. “I made dinner!” She grinned. “Ta-dah.”
Hillary came down the stairs slowly. “How did you pay for it?”
Alex opened the top box to see Hillary’s favorite pizza. “Look, it’s like magic.”
Hillary repeated her question more slowly. “How did you pay for it?”
Alex swallowed, taking a step back. “I used your card.”
Hillary frowned. Her voice tightened. “How much?”
Alex rubbed the back of her neck. “Fiiiiifty…ish.”
“We needed that money for groceries, Alex.”
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“You should have asked.”
“You were sleeping. I didn’t want to— ”
“Now we’re going to have to go without some of the basic things we needed. Did you stop to think of that?”
Alex clenched her fists and screamed. The drilling. She couldn’t take the drilling. Why couldn’t she do anything right?
She circled around the table and left the house, slamming the door behind her.
Her feet took her down the front steps faster than ever before. She let them lead her onward, not caring where she went.
No matter what I try, no matter what I say, it isn’t good enough. I’m not good enough. I dunno. Maybe I don’t belong in this family after all.
Alex stopped and stared down the lane where, at the end, North Oak’s dark gates beckoned.
Maybe I should run away. Maybe I should have done it months ago. They’d be better off without me.
“And she still doesn’t notice,” Alex huffed to Carol the following evening, unable to focus on studying for their English exam. She paced her room, not caring if Laura or Hillary overheard her. “I don’t mind doing stuff for the family, for Laura. She’d do it for me. But dammit, I just want Hillary to wake the hell up and see that I’m doing it. I’m part of this family too.”
Carol tilted her head. “Do you realize how ridiculous you sound when you swear?” She crossed to Alex and squished her cheeks until her lips puckered like a cartoon fish. “Everytime you swear, I’m going to do this to you, so you remember how ridiculous you sound. You know how much Hillary hates it.”
“Cwap,” Alex said. “Dum Mit.”
“You see?” Carol grinned.
Alex made a fart noise. “Stairs fumding on shore vore-ed.”
“What?”
Alex squished Carol’s face the same way. Carol giggled at how silly they looked, until Alex licked her between the eyes. Carol wrinkled her nose, but her funny smile held. “Ew.”
“Fat’s what I’m go-wing to do evwy time you squish my vase.”
Carol let go.
Alex rubbed her jaw. “By the way, your forehead’s good now.”
“I promise not to squish your face again, if you promise to try to curb the potty mouth. You want to belong in this family and make yourself a better person? I’m going to help you do it.”
“Thanks.”
Carol shut her book and slipped it into her bag. “You know what I think you really need?”
Alex shook her head. Her heart thump-thumped when Carol smiled.
“I think we need to do math. Let’s go get Approved and Thorne.” She slipped her arm through Alex’s, and they headed out to the barns.
Alex was grateful her lesson horse, Approved, was well behaved for their impromptu ride. There was something about sitting deep in the saddle that made all her stress melt away.
In the last of the daylight, gazing from beneath the bare branches of the great oak at the farm’s north end, Alex looked at her best friend. Already pink from the chill in the air, the sunset hit Carol just right, igniting this rare sort of electric blue color in the edge of her lavender eyes.
And Alex wondered how she’d ever lived without her.
***
“So I’m going to teach you to exercise ride the way I learned,” Brooke said. “Once you’ve got a handle on basics, I’ll put you up on Mags.”
Alex followed her to the indoor arena, wondering who’d she would get to learn to race on. With so many horses at North Oak, it was hard to know them all by name. She imagined Joe or Hillary would, though. They probably loved them more, too.
“Today you’re going to meet Speedy.”
“Let me guess.” Alex muttered, “He’s really slow.”
Brooke pushed open the huge doors of the arena. “You could say that.”
A haybale with a racing saddle strapped to it waited in the center of the arena. Alex’s face scrunched. “Where’s Speedy?”
Brooke hiked her thumb in the hay bale’s direction. “You’re lookin’ at ‘im.”
Alex circled the bale, not sure if she should still be excited
. She figured Brooke would put her on a safe horse, but this was a joke. “What about one of those equicizer things I see on the racing tv channel? Don’t we have one of those?”
Brooke pulled a racing whip from her back jean pocket and handed it to Alex. “Baby steps.”
Alex groaned softly and took the whip. She swung over Speedy and sat, slipping her toes into the stirrups.
Brooke walked around her. “This is a game of balance. Lean too far forward and you’re in the horse’s way. Too far back, and you’re falling flat on your rear.”
Alex checked her saddle, not used to the stirrups being this short. The muscles above her knees complained.
“What you’re going to do is keep your heels down, and your toes in. You don’t have to drag your heel as much in racing like you do regular riding. Now push yourself up, and keep your back flat.”
Alex rose in the stirrups, bent over, using her fists to brace herself on Speedy when she tipped too far forward. Her calves cried out with heat in this new, awkward position.
Brooke continued to circle her, keeping an eye on her form. “That’s your basic gallop stance.”
“It kinda sucks,” Alex grunted through gritted teeth.
“That’s just the tip of the iceberg.” Brooke pressed down on Alex’s lower back, trying to get her to even out. Alex flinched away, but it automatically sorted her out.
“Now for a breeze, where we go really fast, you’re going to crouch directly down. I like to think of it as crawling into an eggshell. Your back is a little more rounded, but still flat, and your hands are moving with the horse.”
Alex lowered herself until she almost touched the saddle, like the way she’d seen the other exercise riders do in the mornings. Her thighs screamed. She scrunched her face so the beads of sweat rolling down her forehead wouldn’t get into her eyes. “This is really hard.”
“Did you think it would be easy?” Brooke brought Alex’s arms to an angle as though she was holding reins. “You’ll get used to it as your legs get stronger. If horse racing was easy, everyone would do it.”
Alex ducked her head, thinking of Carol and trying not to swear. “Suuuuuuck. Suckity, suck, mother sucker…”
