by Robin Mahle
“I’d like to ask you, Mom, if something happened to me when I was a child; if maybe those dreams are really memories, at least, to a degree.”
Deborah brushed the crumbs from her placemat into her palm and onto the plate. She then proceeded to dab the corners of her mouth with her napkin and placed it neatly onto the table. She continued to straighten and organize as if Katie had said nothing.
Irritated by her mother’s lack of response, Katie raised her voice. “Mom! Can you please answer me?”
Her mother’s gaze burned deeply into Katie’s eyes. It was as if this was a moment that Deborah had sought to avoid for Katie’s entire life and she was desperately trying to figure a way out. But Katie would not release her; she held onto that gaze as if her life depended on it.
Finally, it broke. Deborah cast her eyes down, pushed her chair back, stood up, and left the room.
Katie was stunned. She watched her mother walk out of the kitchen in disbelief.
“What the hell is going on?” she said to an empty room.
Katie dropped her head into her hands, feeling defeated. A few moments later, she heard Deborah’s footsteps and looked up. Her mother held an accordion file. There was no writing or markings of any kind on the folder. Deborah laid it down on the table.
They both stared at it. Katie’s heart was racing at the unknown contents of this file.
“Mom, please tell me what’s going on,” Katie pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper. The passing seconds felt like hours until, finally, her mother spoke and began pulling out the contents of the folder.
“After your father opened his business in town when you were very young, we were so excited. The move from Sacramento was tough, but we knew this was the perfect place to bring up our little girl; such a beautiful and safe neighborhood.”
Katie looked at the papers her mother placed on top of the folder; news clippings, typed papers and photos. The first thing she spotted was a newspaper headline: Missing Girl Found on Side of Hwy. She reached for the article and pulled it towards her.
“Thank God that family stopped when they saw you. They were on their way to a camping trip in the Redwoods.”
“That was me?” Katie’s voice trembled. Her eyes rapidly scanned the newspaper clippings spread out before her as her mind tried to reconcile what she was seeing. Missing girl! Local girl still missing; Community rallies around parents of missing girl. Her throat tightened as she struggled for breath. Her stomach churned from the dizzying effect of the words she was reading.
“Yes. You were missing for three days and they found you.” Deborah’s voice was steady, but her eyes grew red and welled up with tears.
Somewhere in the back of Katie’s mind she couldn’t really believe something had happened to her; that there must be another explanation for the awful dreams. But, there it was, in boldface type.
“Did I wander off and get lost? What happened?” she asked.
“You were taken from us, Katie.” At this, Deborah seemed to lose what little restrain she had of her emotions.
The words echoed in Katie’s ears. Disoriented, she had to close her eyes to steady the thoughts and images. This can’t be happening. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t I remember?”
“When that family found you, they said you only knew your name, not how you ended up on the side of the road. But they knew who you were because it had been all over the news. They took you to the nearest police station and we were called straight away.” Deborah squeezed Katie’s hand. It was the first time in years her mother’s touch felt so genuine. “The police said you were okay, but I couldn’t be sure until I saw you. When your dad and I arrived at the station, there you were; dirty clothes and hair, some scrapes and bruises, but you were there, alive.” Tears spilled down Deborah’s cheeks. “We took you to the hospital to have them make sure you were all right. But, you didn’t seem to remember anything before they found you. You didn’t know how you ended up in the woods. The doctors said that it looked as though you took a hit on the head and maybe that was the cause for your memory loss. Nobody knew for sure. But since you couldn’t remember anything, it was decided that it was in your best interest not to force the issue. We were so grateful God returned you home.”
Katie sat motionless as her mother recounted the events and could only focus on the report from the Rio Dell Police Department. When she was finished, the only sound in the room came from the ticking of a small kitchen clock that sat perched on the windowsill.
Katie finally broke the silence. “Why didn’t you tell me when I was old enough to understand?” This amounted to a betrayal in her mind. What parent could keep this from their own child?
“It was just too difficult.” Deborah released Katie’s hand and lowered her head. “By that time, you were becoming withdrawn and we thought telling you would only make you pull away more. We all changed and we didn’t know how to get back to normal. We should have gone to counseling, but your father wanted to pretend that none of it ever happened. He never wanted to talk about it, but I needed to. I had to bury it deep inside because he just couldn’t bear it. It affected him in ways I couldn’t comprehend. I tried to hold our family together and it was exhausting. My little girl wasn’t the same and I felt helpless to do anything about it.
Your dad worked more and more, you were home less and less, and so what was left for me? All I could do was offer my help to others. It was the only way I could handle it. If I couldn’t help my own daughter, my own family, maybe I could help others.”
Katie turned away, unable to look at the woman before her. “So, you and Dad decided just to leave well enough alone? Not to bother getting help for me, or for us as a family? You want to know why I was never home?” She turned back now, ensuring Deborah caught every word. “Because Sam’s parents treated me as if I was their daughter.” Katie leaned back. “Did they know what happened to me?”
“No. They moved into the neighborhood when you were eight. We were a much smaller town back then and everyone who knew what happened knew not to talk about it. Everyone wanted to put the whole thing behind them as much as we did. So much negative attention was brought to the community. It was painful for everyone.”
“I can’t listen to any more of this.” Katie’s chair scraped hard along the floor as she stood up.
“Katie, wait, sweetheart, please! Your father will be home from golf soon and we can sit down and talk as a family! Please don’t leave.”
Katie swung around towards her mother. “Why isn’t he here now, Mom? Didn’t you tell him I was coming home? He decided to schedule a golf game rather than see me? Don’t pretend Dad gives a shit.” Katie stormed out of the front door.
Deborah ran to catch her daughter. “Katie, please come back. You don’t know what this has been like for your dad.”
She was already in the car and slammed the door shut. Quickly speeding out of the driveway, Katie had no idea where to go. The knuckles on her hands turned white from the grip of the steering wheel, working to keep from swerving off the road. How could this be happening? Everything she thought she knew about her life was a lie. Everyone around her had lied to her for so many years. The only people she could trust were Sam and her parents. They had always been there for her.
Katie had driven all the way through town before realizing she had to tell Sam. The grocery store up the street would do and so she pulled into the parking lot, slammed the gearshift into park, and cut the engine. Her head fell against her hands and she began to sob, quietly at first, until finally everything came pouring out of her. Why didn’t they try to get her help? There were too many questions that still needed answers.
Katie grabbed her cell phone, called Sam, and proceeded to tell her what happened.
“Just stay there, Kate, I’m coming to get you. You shouldn’t be driving right now.”
“No, please don’t. I just need to calm down and I’ll be all right.”
“You just found out something terrible, Ka
tie. You’re not going to be all right for a while. Now please, let me come and at least sit with you until you figure out what you want to do. I’m only 15 minutes away.”
“Okay, Sam. I’ll wait here.”
Katie stared out of the driver’s side window at the tall pine trees. She imagined the six-year-old version of herself standing along the roadway, scared and alone. How had she ended up there and why couldn’t she remember? The last dream she had at Dr. Reyes’ office was of her running through the woods, away from him, away from the giant. Katie had no recollection of anything after that.
It wasn’t long before Sam pulled up and got in the passenger seat next to Katie. She hugged her so tightly that Katie went limp in her arms, buried her head, and cried.
“It’s okay. You have every right to be angry and you just need to let it out.” Sam stroked her hair as Katie tried to regain her composure.
She took a deep breath and sat back up, wiping her eyes with her shirtsleeve. “Can you believe this, Sam? What the hell were they thinking not telling me something like this? What kind of parents would do that?”
“I’m sure they thought they were protecting you. Can you imagine what it must have been like for them not knowing if you were dead or alive for three days? My God, I couldn’t imagine that and I don’t even have kids. They must have thought the best way to keep you safe was for you not to have to relive it. I don’t know. Things were different then. It was probably a lot easier to keep something like that quiet so you would never have to know.”
“Until now.” Katie took a tissue from the box on the dashboard and dabbed her eyes. “I don’t know why this is happening to me now. Why I even started having those dreams.”
“Can you think of anything that might have triggered them?” Sam asked.
“Dr. Reyes thought that it was just my mind’s way of coping with stress.” Katie stopped short, her eyes widening.
“What? What is it?”
“Oh my God.” She put her hand over her mouth.
“Katie, what is it?” Sam prodded.
“A few months ago, I was watching a news story about a little girl who had been abducted while she was playing in the woods behind her home. I think she must have been like eight or nine, maybe. The family lived in Eureka; I think it was. Everyone was searching for her, police, volunteers, but no one has been able to find her. I don’t think they’ve found her yet.”
“We hear about those kinds of stories all the time, Kate. Why would that one have triggered the nightmares?”
“They showed a picture of the little girl and Spencer commented on how much she looked like me. And I looked into the eyes of that girl, her little school picture, and I saw it too. It hadn’t occurred to me until just now, but I think that was around the time they started.”
Katie’s cell phone rang, startling both of them. It was her mom. She looked to Sam for confirmation.
“You should answer that.”
With trepidation, she picked up her phone. “Yes.”
“Katie, honey, your dad is here and he’d like you to come back so we can all talk about this. Will you please come back?”
She pulled the phone away from her ear and covered it with her hand. “My dad’s there now and they want me to come back to talk.”
“You should go. You all need to start to heal and get past this.”
Katie put the phone back up to her ear. “Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She ended the call and looked at Sam, not entirely sure she should go back.
“It’s the best thing for you, Kate. Just get everything out in the open.”
“You’re right. I’ll give you a call when I’m heading back to your house.”
“No rush. This is obviously far more important. I’ll see you later tonight.” Sam began to get out of the car.
“Sam?”
She turned around towards Katie.
“Thank you.”
“You’re my best friend, Kate.” Sam closed the door and got back into her car.
7
THE FRONT DOOR was open when Katie arrived back at her parents’ home. She pulled open the screen door and walked into the kitchen. Both Deborah and Katie’s father, John, sat at the kitchen table with the folder and all its contents laid out in front of her. Katie noticed clippings of articles about other missing children.
“Katie, would you please sit down?” John asked. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier today. Your mother and I had no idea you had been having trouble with any of this and so this took us quite by surprise. Your mom called me in hysterics after you left and I came home right away.
“I certainly didn’t mean to make you call your golf game short, Dad.” Katie immediately regretted the comment.
“You are understandably upset and have every right to be, but before you lash out any more, I’d like to tell you about what happened when you went missing.
“That summer, there had been stories of missing children around northern California on the news. Of course, this was long before all that internet stuff, so mostly only the Sacramento news covered it. But the local communities stepped up and started searching for the children.
“Three had gone missing in a three-month span, all within about 100 miles of each other. The police had very few leads on the case. The children were between the ages of five and eight. Two had been taken while they walked home from school. The youngest, five, was taken from his bed in the middle of the night.
“We honestly hadn’t thought much more about it because the abductions were happening pretty far away from us here. But that all changed the day we got the call from your school.” John swallowed hard and Katie knew he was struggling to find the words to continue.
“The last time the teachers saw you, you were playing on the swings. When it was time to go in, they couldn’t find you. Back then, there weren’t iron gates and security cameras around schools like there are today, especially in our small town. It was very easy to slip in and out, unnoticed. The best the police could figure was that he was parked up the road, came walking down towards the playground, and somehow convinced you to walk over to him. You were only six, for God’s sake.” John cleared his throat and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
“The police did what they could and tracked down every lead they had, which weren’t many. They assumed the cases were linked, but could never find any hard evidence. If they were, you were the only one to survive. The other children were never found.”
This was too much, too hard to hear. Katie trembled in her chair, chilled to the bone. Her entire body felt faint. The look in her parents’ eyes, full of regret and pain. Shock had begun to set in.
“About a year later, up in Portland, there was another similar case.” John continued. “The police up there contacted our Rio Dell police and asked for help, but they couldn’t connect the dots. That was the last we heard of any of this. You never said anything about any bad dreams or had any recollection of the abduction.
“Your mom and I tried to move on and give you a normal life. But as you got older, you pulled away from us for reasons we… obviously… tried to ignore.” He looked to his wife. “We worried every time you left the house until you went off to college; so much so that I couldn’t stand it. It was everything I could do to hold myself together.”
John quickly wiped away the tears again. “I know I wasn’t the best father. I pulled away just as much as you did. Your mother and I should never have kept this secret from you. Maybe if we’d just gotten it out in the open.” He took Deborah’s hand and looked her in the eyes. “If we’d just told you sooner, we’d have been able to get through it.”
Katie quietly rose from her chair, walked over towards her father, and wrapped her arms around his big round shoulders. It all became clear to her: his drinking, her mother’s need to help others. Their family had been torn apart by this and, unfortunately, she had ultimately suffered the most.
“I love you, Dad, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry this h
appened.” She fell into his lap, holding him like she had never held him before.
“None of this is your fault, Katie. Don’t you ever think that. I should have been there to protect you. That was my only job; protecting you and your mom.” He squeezed her tightly, no longer able to stop his tears. “I wanted so badly to kill the son of a bitch who took my little girl.”
Katie sat up and tried to pull herself together. “Wasn’t I able to at least give some sort of description of him? Couldn’t I have helped at all?”
“Honey, you were six years old,” Deborah started. “When they found you, you were scared and exhausted. You didn’t remember anything except that you had been in that forest. They found a scarf tied around your neck and figured whoever it was must have kept you blindfolded anyway. I was so grateful to have you back I didn’t care. I just wanted you home with me, so I wouldn’t let them prod you anymore after that.”
“The scarf,” she whispered.
“What do we do now, sweetheart?” Deborah asked.
“I don’t know, Mom. I just don’t know.”
Katie decided to stay with her parents that night and phoned Sam to be sure it was okay to keep the car. Her flight left mid-morning the next day, so she would have time to get back to drop it off, if Sam could still take her to the airport.
She would have to call Spencer and check in. She hadn’t spoken to him since arriving yesterday. He would be worried. But there was no way Katie would tell him about any of this; not on the phone. He was already afraid of what she would find. There was no point in making matters worse. It would have to wait until she was home.
Katie doubted sleep would come easily tonight. She found herself lying in the same bed she had slept in for most of her childhood, unable to settle the thoughts racing through her mind. A single recurring thought passed through for most of the night. Who was this person that abducted her and was he still out there?
The next morning, Katie said goodbye to her parents. Her mother promised to help her get through this and would do whatever it took to heal their relationship. John couldn’t find the words to comfort his daughter and Katie knew it would take time for him to forgive himself. It would take time for her to forgive them both.
