by Robin Mahle
* * *
Katie was right on the money. It was ten o’clock when they checked in at the hotel, well more like a motel, really. Trinidad wasn’t exactly known for its five-star accommodations, but it was just for one night.
“Here’s your room key, Ms. Reid. And this one’s yours, Mr. Avery. You two have a pleasant night.”
They were both exhausted and headed straight to their rooms. The single-level motel sprawled out into a u-shape and in the center was a pool. It was a little hard to see in the dark, but Katie thought it looked a little worse for wear. The idea of stepping into it was the least appealing part of the journey so far.
“I’ve got to go this way,” Katie said, turning left at the end of the corridor.
“I’m over here, I think. I’ll catch up with you in the morning. You’ll be all right to get to your room?”
“I think I can handle it.” She grinned. “Good night, Marshall, and thank you for everything.”
“Good night.”
* * *
Katie woke up before the alarm she’d set for 6 a.m. The early summer sun was peeking around the blackout curtains in her room.
Trinidad was a small town, much like Rio Dell. In fact, there were several small communities around Eureka. She sometimes missed the rural feel of northern California. Life was supposed to be simpler around here, but what she was about to face on this day was a far cry from simplicity. Not to mention how strange it felt waking up in a hotel room alone. She didn’t often spend nights away from Spencer. She could probably count on one hand how many nights she’d spent without him over the past few years since they moved in together.
Katie reached for her cell phone on the bedside table and spotted a text message from Marshall. “You wanna get breakfast or pick up something on the way out?” How long had he been awake? She wondered if he ever slept at all.
“Let’s grab a coffee and bagel on the way out. Or would u prefer donuts?” she texted back, snickering.
“Very funny. We’re leaving in 30, meet u in lobby.”
Now she would have to rush to get ready. That’s my punishment for making fun of him, she thought.
* * *
“I think we’re getting close, Kate. Chief Wilson said you were found near milepost 620, just north of Westhaven.” Marshall pointed to a turnout just beyond the mile marker as he drove.
She had travelled this road before, but had never known of its significance. Katie grew chilled the closer they got.
Marshall pulled off the side of the road. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
The forest looked beautiful and peaceful as she stared into it, not at all like the distorted trees and sky and rocks her dreams portrayed. Still, this didn’t seem real. Her memory of the event was still so vague, so surreal that finally being here didn’t feel anything like she had expected.
Once she stepped out onto the damp earth, her shoe left an imprint. She expected a flood of memories to wash over her, but there was nothing.
In front of her was a metal guardrail, which she stepped over with ease, out ahead of Marshall. He was a few steps behind and she could hear twigs snapping with each step he took until he finally stood next to her.
Katie gazed out among the giant redwoods. The scent of the forest triggered a brief flash of something she hadn’t recalled before; the flowers, particularly the violets. The beautiful yellow flowers spread across the forest floor. It hardly looked like a place that held such deep, dark memories.
“Where would you like to start, Kate?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just go for a walk.”
They started into the woods in silence. The only sounds came from the animals that called this place home. The enormous trees were surrounded by flowers and shrubs. Katie was amazed by how much was able to grow in their shadow. Her dreams made the forest appear much more ominous. The jagged rocks sliced through her feet and the dead branches littered on the ground; black, as if they’d been burned in a fire.
It looked much more beautiful now. The birds chirped and butterflies flew around her legs.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. It just looks like a forest. I couldn’t tell you if this was the place or not.” Katie threw her hands to her hips.
“I’ve got the map of the search area the chief emailed you. This should help point us in the right direction.”
Katie glanced at the grainy image. “My God; they searched everywhere, didn’t they?”
“It looks like it. They would have used dogs to pick up scents and probably analyzed the shoeprints as well. It’s a very remote location to have held you captive. I don’t see any homes anywhere near here, or on the drive up. Didn’t you say you thought you were being kept in a cellar or something?”
“I think so; I’m not sure. It could have been a basement or a storage area. I just remember that it was cold. My feet were cold when they touched the concrete floor.”
“It may have been in his home. He may have lived nearby, but I’m sure they would have checked out the locals. But then, you could have run for miles to get here. Can you remember anything else?”
Katie sat on the damp forest floor, resting against a tree. She closed her eyes and imagined the dreams; running, falling, screaming, but still there was nothing new; nothing that gave her any clue as to the identity of the man.
She dropped her head into her hands. “What am I doing here? I don’t remember anything except for the nightmares. Why am I trying so hard to remember something so terrible?”
“So we can catch the bastard,” Marshall replied. “You and I aren’t all that different, you know. I knew that the moment I met you.” He sat down next to her. “Look, Kate, I can’t imagine what this must be like for you, but I do know how much you want to be able to unlock your past.
“I gotta be honest with you; what your parents did, keeping this from you. Well, let’s just say they made it much more difficult on you. Maybe if you had known earlier, you could have come to terms with it. But, having found out because of some nightmares, seeking help from a therapist; I don’t know. I think this could have all been avoided, but nonetheless, here you are today. You want justice for yourself and all the other kids who were taken from their families, including Isabelle.
“Just do what you can here, and if you get something, great. If not, maybe this will be the final step in your acceptance of what happened. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop helping to find the other sons of bitches out there. In the short time I’ve known you, I’ve watched you blossom like these flowers.” He pulled a yellow flower from its stem. “What did you say this was? A violet?”
“A Redwood Violet,” Katie replied.
“That’s what you are. You’re able to bloom in the darkness and shadows, just like this flower. Like I said before, I’ll find a place for you in the department if you want. It isn’t easy, this line of work, but you can help others and yourself. Believe me, I know a little something about that.”
“I appreciate that, Marshall. Thank you.” Katie forced herself up off the ground. “Come on; let’s keep going. I’m not ready to give up just yet.”
“I know.”
They continued on the path, studying the map Chief Wilson sent over. They must have searched a two-mile radius. Everything looked the same. Tree after tree, passing a few empty trails along the way, spotting a few blackened twigs that sparked a momentary flash of recognition, but quickly faded.
“I’m sorry, Marshall. There’s nothing here. We’ve been walking around for two hours and I just can’t remember anything more.”
“That’s okay. I have a feeling, now that we’ve had a good look around that you probably weren’t here for too long. I suspect you were being held somewhere nearby, but we’d have to dig pretty deep and see where the chief’s investigation left off. You wanna get out of here?”
“Yeah, I’m done. I’d like to see the chief before we head back to the airport, if you don’t mind going out of our way a little
.”
“Not at all; we’ve got plenty of time.”
* * *
Neither one said anything more during the forty-minute drive to Rio Dell.
This was the end, she thought. No more leads, no more memories. It was over. What a waste of energy. Marshall was right; she should put her time to better use and go to work with him. It wouldn’t be as a detective, of course. She didn’t have the background or the degree. But, inside the department, there were plenty of opportunities for her to work alongside him.
“We’re here.” Marshall pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine.
She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and hoped he hadn’t seen, but he must have because he quickly looked away.
Marshall stepped out of the car and waited for Katie. When they entered the station, Chief Wilson was at the front desk. She knew he was expecting them.
“Well, how’d it go?” He directed his question to Katie.
“I’m sorry we troubled you, Chief. It didn’t help.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Katie. I wish there was more I could do for you, but as you know, my hands are tied.”
“I understand, Chief. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time with this already. I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“If it’s all right with you, Kate; I’d like to have a quick word with Detective Avery.”
Katie looked at Marshall, suspicious of the Chief’s intentions. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ll wait in the car.”
After several minutes, Detective Avery emerged from the station and headed towards her. She watched him approach, his face revealed nothing of the conversation. When he got in, she expected him to tell her what the chief had wanted, but he said nothing, only started the engine and pulled away.
“You mind telling me what that was all about?” Katie quickly realized he wasn’t going to divulge anything voluntarily.
Marshall stared at the road in silence, but Katie wasn’t about to let this go. Her eyes were burning a hole in the side of his head.
Finally, he spoke. “He thinks I wasted your time and that you have been through enough.”
“I see. Did you tell him that I wanted to come back here? That I wanted to try my damnedest to see if any of it would jog my memory?”
“Kate, he doesn’t want us to continue down this path out of fear we might find something he missed.”
“What do you mean? I don’t think he missed anything. I just wanted to go where they found me. Get some answers.”
“I know; and I know what it means to you to get answers. But, I can see that it eats away at him, just like it does me when I want to solve a case, but it just doesn’t work out how you plan. He told me how difficult your investigation was. The other children involved. He believed the disappearances were linked, but just couldn’t get the proof.
“He spent so much time and resources his department didn’t have that eventually, after the media died off, his captain said that was enough. But he didn’t stop. It took its toll on his marriage, but he continued. It wasn’t until your mother told him she didn’t want to continue to relive it every time he had a hunch that he finally stopped.
The chief really wanted to believe you had something when you told him about the necklace, but then the DA shot him down. There’s not much you can do about that.”
Katie watched the trees pass by in a blur as they drove down the highway. “So, what do we do now? Do I just go home and go on about my business?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what you do, Kate. Go on about your business of helping other victims’ families find answers. Keep them from going through what you and your family went through. Get married. Live your life.”
“I just don’t know if I can do that, Marshall. I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep without the nightmares.”
“I believe that will pass, eventually. You even said they were coming less frequently. Maybe continuing with your therapy will help.”
“Maybe.”
The sound of the tires on the road filled the car in absence of further conversation.
* * *
It was late Saturday night when Katie arrived back at home, weary from the journey, both physically and emotionally.
She forced a smile as Spencer greeted her. “Welcome home, babe. How was the dress hunting? Did you find one you liked? I’m surprised you decided not to stay until Sunday.”
Katie realized she couldn’t lie to him anymore. She would have to accept whatever consequences would come, but she wouldn’t lie. He deserved better than that. “Do you think we could sit down and talk for a minute?”
A look of concern appeared on his face as he sat down on the couch. “What’s going on, Katie?”
She squeezed his hand and steadied her tone. “I went home, but not for the reason I told you. I went back to the place where they found me. I had hoped that maybe, if I was actually standing there, I would be able to remember something, but nothing came to me.”
What had been concern was now turning to anger. This was it; the moment she dreaded, but she had brought on all by herself.
“You lied to me?” Spencer released her hand and stood up, pacing the room, breathing deep, heavy breaths. “Why would you lie to me? Didn’t we just have a long conversation about this? I thought you were ready to move on. For God’s sake, Katie, have I not been there for you through all of this and you repay me by lying?”
“I’m sorry, Spencer. I knew you’d be upset. I know how much you want to get past this.”
“I thought you did too!”
“I do, I swear. That’s why I went. I had to see for myself if there was anything there. Anything at all I could remember. Detective Avery said it can help sometimes, going back to the scene, help victims remember things.”
“Detective Avery? Was he there with you? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Yes. He was helping me. I didn’t want to go alone.” She thought it best to leave out the fact that it had been his idea in the first place and that she’d secretly been working with him for the past few weeks.
“And so you thought it best to lie to your fiancé, go out of town with another man, and have him help you? Jesus. I knew something was going on. How could I be so stupid?”
What response had she expected? If she lied about her intentions, why was it so unbelievable that she might lie about her relationship with Marshall? Still, she thought he knew her better than that. “Spencer, I’ve told you before, nothing is going on with him. What kind of woman do you think I am? I would never cheat on you.”
“Well, certainly not the kind of woman to go flitting about with another man on the pretense that he was helping you.”
“He was helping me! God, I knew you wouldn’t understand. That’s why I wasn’t even going to tell you at all.”
“So why are you telling me now?”
“Because I don’t want our marriage to be built on lies. I’ve had enough lies to last me a lifetime. Everyone in my family has lied to me my entire life!”
He almost started to laugh. “Our marriage? You think we’re still going to have a marriage?” Spencer stormed off into the bedroom.
After several minutes, it became apparent he wasn’t coming back out. She walked softly down the hallway and into their room. He was packing a suitcase.
“What are you doing?” Her heart fell into her stomach.
“I can’t deal with this anymore, Katie. I thought I knew you, but clearly, I don’t. It scares the hell out of me how easy it was for you to lie like that.”
“Easy? You think any of this has been easy for me?” She stood next to him now and placed her hand on top of his suitcase. “Stop, okay? Please stop.”
“You’ve turned into someone I don’t recognize anymore. I caught a glimpse of who you used to be when we talked a few weeks ago, but now I can see that it was just a fleeting glimpse. You’ve become obsessed with this. You changed your job… you lied to me.” He turned away and lo
oked at the picture on his nightstand. “You see this? This is what we used to be. Happy. I saw this coming. I supported you as much as I could, but it just wasn’t enough, was it?”
“I know this has been hard on you. Please don’t give up on us. I will get through this. I just had to do this one last thing; one last try to figure out what happened to me. Can’t you understand that?”
“Katie; I don’t believe this was the last thing. I don’t believe you’ll stop until you find what you’re looking for.” He pushed her had away from his bag. “I just don’t think I can hang around until that happens because it may never happen. I don’t want to live out my life with someone who is always searching for something, no matter what the cost to others.” Spencer zipped up the bag and threw it over his shoulder.
Katie’s eyes swelled with tears. There was nothing more she could do to make him stay. “I’m sorry I did this to you…to us. I wish to God none of this ever happened.”
“So do I; goodbye Katie. I hope you find the answers you need and that it will bring you some peace.”
She watched him walk away. Life as she had known it for the past seven years was over.
18
KATIE CALLED IN sick the next morning. Her eyes were red and swollen, having found no comfort in her tears during the long hours of the night. She couldn’t call anyone, not even Sam; especially not Sam. Wasn’t she the one who warned her that this would happen? Detective Avery, too, but Katie didn’t listen. He warned her not to take this too far. But at least he understood why she had to continue, even if he knew it would come to this.
The wedding would have to be called off. Whose side would their friends choose? Spencer would surely not reveal the reason for the breakup; he was a good man and he would not put Katie in that position. But what did any of that matter now? She lost the man she loved and was no closer to finding the man who stole her from a loving family, which was forever changed.
It was too exhausting to think about. Katie lay down on the couch and finally drifted off to sleep.
