April leaned over him just to feel his weak but warm exhalation against her cheek. She carefully shifted his hair aside and used the backs of her fingers to stroke his temple.
A nurse came in the room and dimmed the lights. “It’s time to say good night,” she said as she adjusted the drips on Josh’s IVs. “Even though he’s in a coma, he could be aware of everything that’s going on, and we need to give him time to rest.”
April nodded and then leaned over Josh. “I have to go now,” she whispered, “but I’ll be back as soon as I can tomorrow. I love you so much, Josh.”
It was physically painful to walk away from him. The overflowing waiting room made her dizzy after the solitude of Josh’s room. There were so many conversations going on, so many pairs of eyes.
Vera appeared at her side and guided her to an alcove near the emergency exit.
“How is he?” Vera asked.
April choked back tears, and Vera rubbed her shoulder. “It’s okay,” she said. “I know it’s scary to see him like that.”
She nodded, and Vera handed her a tissue.
“I was so frightened for you up there,” Vera said. “Especially when you weren’t answering the radio. We could see you in the telescope, all slumped over.”
“I thought he was dead,” she said. “I didn’t know until I got down that he survived.”
“Oh, honey. You’ve already seen too much for a lifetime.” Vera hugged her long and hard. “Just so you know, he told me all about you two.”
April looked at her, alarmed.
“It was at dinner last night. I’d already suspected, though.” Vera gave a reassuring smile. “It’s hard to miss with the way you two look at each other.”
April couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. “I’m so sorry,” she said.
“For what, honey?”
“I shouldn’t have let it happen. It was unprofessional. I shouldn’t have crossed that line.”
“Oh, sweetheart, pooh on unprofessional. Look at the footage you two were producing together! And I hope you know you couldn’t have stopped it if you tried. It’s obvious Josh cares about you more than anything in this world. And that’s saying a lot for a man who’s been alone for so long.”
“You know about his family?”
“Vic told me once, before he died. So I could keep an eye on Josh after he was gone.”
“Do you think I should I call his family?”
“I already did.” There were tears in Vera’s eyes now. “His father hung up on me.”
April didn’t understand how a human being, his father, could be so ruthless.
“I know,” Vera said. “It’s unfathomable. Just know that Josh always had Vic. And me.”
It was, indeed, a huge relief to April.
“Josh had a rough patch after the first time he climbed the Sorcerer,” Vera said. “He was out of money and looking for work, but Vic convinced him to stick with climbing. Josh found a job at the gas station in El Portal, which kept him close to Yosemite, and it wasn’t long before another sponsorship came along. Then he tackled Thorpe’s Wall over in Switzerland, which proved he wasn’t just a flash in the pan.”
“How did you feel about Vic climbing? Weren’t you ever afraid for him?” April asked.
“You would have to know Vic. Before rock climbing, it was mountaineering. Before that, he was a competitive cyclist. He was always pushing himself. He thrived on that kind of thing and, boy, he was good at it. I always thought of it this way: How can I be afraid for someone who is doing what makes them happiest? You have to let it go and let them live.”
April thought of Josh alone in his hospital bed, and she started crying again. Vera wrapped her arms around her.
“I love him,” April whispered.
“He’s going to be okay. I know it,” Vera said. “Just wait and you’ll see. He’s going to be just fine.”
…
At first, April had faith in Vera’s assurances, but as the days ran together and turned into a week, she started to doubt. Other than the bruises fading, there hadn’t been any change in Josh’s condition. Where there was once euphoria, there was now the deep-rooted dread that things would soon be turning south.
She stood vigil at Josh’s side, grudgingly rotating with Danny, Madigan, Theo, Lars, Vera, and Josh’s closest climbing friends to keep up appearances that she was no different to him than anyone else. Theo returned to Yosemite to bring back a load of clothing for everyone, and Vera rented two hotel rooms for the Walkabout crew, where they took turns sleeping when they weren’t at the hospital.
As soon as Theo brought April’s laptop back from Yosemite, she looked up Josh’s real last name. He had been omitting a lot more than just a name. The DeVincenzis were filthy rich. In that picture of his family on the Strip, the casino they were posing in front of was their casino, and they owned a second casino-hotel in Henderson. That designer polo in his pile of shirts probably hadn’t been a thrift-store find, and it was no wonder he’d looked so natural in a tux. Obviously, he hadn’t really needed help with his bow tie at the gala.
There were other businesses in the DeVincenzis’ Las Vegas empire, as well as an alarming number of news stories over the years about investigations into their operations. That would explain his family members’ fear of disobedience.
April generally avoided the hospital waiting room, where Josh’s climbing friends were gathered. The climbers were friendly to her—the camerawoman who had the close-up view of the fall—but they talked about Josh all the time, and it was too hard for her to listen to. The stories of his death-defying climbs and almost-fatal expeditions were troubling but not nearly as much as the stories that illuminated who he was as a person. Stories of his kindness, of him going out of his way for his fellow climbers. Stories about his patience and spontaneity.
In these stories, he was alive, but a few feet away in his hospital bed he remained as still as ice.
Instead, she had her own sanctuary at the hospital: the Walkabout van in the underground parking lot. There, she was using all the footage she’d hidden from Danny and the guys to make a short film for Josh. She was recreating her own vision of him, and of them together, one that matched what was embedded in her soul. The sound track was an extended cut of their Jackal Legs song.
Today, she was working on the final segment, which would be him jumping into Flying Sheep Lake. The raw footage from that day was over an hour long, and she’d never had reason to watch the whole thing. Now, any new second of footage of him was invaluable.
She started her media player and settled into her chair to watch. As Josh stripped out of his shirt and walked toward the lake, she felt exactly how she had in the moment. Back then, Josh was still an enigma. She had been so attracted to him, but she’d also hated him for being a jerk. If she hadn’t been feeling guilty for him catching her asleep that day, their entire story would have been different.
On the screen, Josh made his picture-perfect leap into the lake, and then it was her turn. She watched herself swim into the frame, sputtering and splashing. As she climbed out of the water, she was facing Josh, and also the camera, which she had forgotten was running. Her connection to him and the joy in her smile was obvious, even though she had hardly known him then.
She watched them lie together on that perfect, soft carpet of mossy grass. Her arm was draped across her stomach, and it relaxed and slipped to the side as she fell asleep. Josh slowly rolled to his side and watched her while she slept.
Wait a minute.
They had barely known each other then.
On the screen, Josh studied her face and then scooted closer.
For the whole week after, she’d doubted there was any way he could possibly have feelings for her. What he told her after the gala, he hadn’t been exaggerating. It had been mutual all along.
She stopped the clip and replayed it in slow motion. After he scooted closer to her, he touched one of the loops of her wet blond hair. He drew his hand back carefu
lly and made a cushion for his head on the ground, where he presumably also fell asleep.
She thought of him sleeping against her that last night in his truck. She missed him so much. He had to wake up, because she was dying inside without him.
Someone yanked the van’s back door open. She jumped. It was Madigan, and she was caught red-handed with slow-motion footage of her in a skimpy jog top and a shirtless Josh lying entirely too close to her.
She scrambled to minimize the clip. Her face was burning hot. He might as well have caught them having sex.
“All I’m going to say is that he’s a very lucky guy.” He gave her a sly smile that didn’t quite mask the hurt in his eyes. “And now that he’s awake, there’s only one person he’s been asking to see.”
Chapter Thirty-One
April bolted through the parking garage and danced on the balls of her feet as she waited for the elevator. Inside the hospital, she forced her legs to keep to a walk. She was breathless with exhilaration and shining like a beacon. The closer she got to Josh’s room, the brighter her light.
Climbers filled the waiting room, buzzing with the news. April confidently pushed past them to Josh’s door, where Vera rotated out as she entered.
Josh’s beautiful brown-green eyes locked on her immediately. She lunged to embrace him. He gave a good-natured groan, and she softened her grip on his battered body.
She leaned back to get a good look at him. His expressions were off with the lingering swollenness, but it was still him. His smile was huge. Her Josh was back.
She leaned in to kiss him chastely on the cheek, and he turned his head so their lips met instead. All the panic and worry from the past week melted away. She sat on the bed next to his relatively unharmed leg and picked up his hand. “I am never letting go.”
“Is that a promise?” he asked.
“I promise on my life.”
He grinned.
“What do you know?” she asked. “What do you remember?”
“Well, I know that it is Saturday. And that you are my girlfriend, April Stephens, future Academy Award–winning filmmaker.”
She blushed.
“I also recall that we had a date scheduled in Tuolumne that I rudely stood you up for.”
“Josh!”
He smiled, but his eyes were heavy. The exertion of being awake was already catching up. She saw with renewed perspective the extent of his injuries: the lumps of his battered arm and leg beneath the blanket, the black scabs on his scratches, and the bruises that were dark swirls of eggplant rind and crushed raspberries.
She looked into his eyes. “I love you, Josh. I have, always, but I was afraid to tell you.”
“Always since when?” he asked.
“Since that day first day at the lake, on the grass. Basically, as soon as you decided to be nice to me.”
There were voices approaching in the hall. She slid off the bed and into the visitor chair. The climbers from the waiting room filled his room and the hallway behind the window. Josh was exhausted, but he held it together for them, smiling and nodding to his friends. It was clear that for every family member he’d lost, he’d gained two more within the strong and loyal rock-climbing community.
The climbers were quiet at first, but the volume quickly rose as they edged closer to his bed and tried to talk to him all at once. The nurse swooped in and broke up the scene but allowed April to remain in the chair.
Josh’s eyes closed as the nurse fluffed the pillows behind him. As soon as the nurse was gone, April sneaked her hand under the blanket and found his. As he slept, she grew afraid he had slipped back into the coma. She held onto this fear for nearly an hour, until his hand twitched and his eyes floated open. Through the haze of painkiller and drowsiness, he smiled at her, squeezed her hand once, and drifted back to sleep.
…
Later that day, Josh sat up in bed. The next day, he had his first meal, a chocolate milkshake. April was there with him when the doctor detailed the extent of his injuries and described his long recovery process. It was her shoulder he held during physical therapy three days later, the first time he stood on his good leg.
Even though Theo, Madigan, and Vera knew about her relationship with Josh, the rest of the crew and Danny didn’t, so they continued sneaking their kisses, and hand-holding only happened when they were alone. It was an unspoken assumption that when Danny and Madigan joined Theo back in Yosemite this afternoon to start filming with the other climbers, she would stay on to help Josh until he was out of the hospital.
She walked down the hospital corridor with a decaf iced tea and a lime-green Loftycake for Josh. He had a physical therapy session this afternoon when he would practice walking with crutches and his immobile casted leg. The doctors were waiting for his internal bruising to heal, but he was otherwise making great progress, and he expected to be released by the end of the week.
Josh’s door was open, and Lars was in there with him. She hung back in the hallway to give them some space before going in.
“…there’s that unscoped wall down in Uruguay. I wouldn’t mind getting down there and doing some FAs.”
She frowned. That was not Lars’s voice, it was Josh’s. FA meant first ascent. As in, rock climbing. As in, uncharted realms of hazards unknown.
Josh was going to climb again? After all that had happened? She pressed herself flat against the wall so they couldn’t see her.
“When do you think you’ll get back on the Sorcerer?” Lars asked.
Josh was going to redo the route that had almost killed him? No! She set the drinks on the floor and ducked into the stairwell at the end of the hall, doubling over the banister to try and catch a breath.
He had almost died. And still, he was going to keep doing it?
She leaned on the railing and stumbled her way down the stairs.
He said he loved her, but he wasn’t going to stop climbing.
The panic was morphing into fury. Before she reached the ground floor, it burned through her veins like acid. She blinked in the bright sunlight outside and made a beeline down the street to the hotel. Her hands shook as she slipped the key card into the lock to the room where her bags were.
Madigan came out of the other room. “Back already?” he asked.
She pushed her door open. “I forgot something.” Without turning around, she stepped inside.
She closed the door, but he blocked it with his foot.
“April, what’s going on?”
She grabbed her duffel bag and shoved clothes into it. “I need to go home for a while.” She swiped everything from the bathroom counter into the bag and zipped it shut before pushing past Madigan into the hallway.
She punched the elevator button impatiently, fully possessed by the acidic anger boiling in her stomach.
“April!” Madigan yelled.
She thought about Josh right before they’d rappelled Flying Sheep Buttress together. She had been nervous. He’d told her he’d never let anything happen to her.
But you would! You will keep doing what will kill you and leave me burning here, alone, in my own personal hell on earth. You would let that happen to me!
The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. She lunged into the elevator and pounded on the button to close the doors.
Madigan flung his arm across the sensor, and the doors slid back into the wall. Despite the look of hate she was giving him, he stepped into the elevator with her. The fact that he also looked furious made her rage burn even hotter.
The doors opened, and she walked outside toward the taxi stand, but he stepped in front to block the way.
“Something happened with Josh,” he said. “And you’re just going to run away? I can tell how much you mean to him.”
“I don’t mean anything to him at all, really.”
She reached up to flag one of the waiting taxis. Madigan yanked her arm down.
“Whatever it is, you will work through it,” he said. “Do not walk away from him right
now. He needs you.”
Men and their heroes. Neil Armstrong. Michael Jordan. Josh Knox.
“You should be happy about this,” she said as a taxi rolled to a stop in front of them. “I don’t know why you are suddenly on his side.”
He opened his hand in reaction, and she escaped his grip just as the taxi pulled up to the curb. She threw her bag in the backseat and jumped inside. She tried to shut the door, but Madigan was holding it open. He was hurt but also angry.
“April, this may surprise you, but I care about you even aside from my own personal gain. And Josh is a friend. I knew him long before I met you. You are not yourself right now. You are not in control. I’m trying to stop you from doing something that you will regret.”
“He’s going to keep climbing,” she snapped. “Did you know that?”
Madigan stared at her. Now there was a trace of pity in his eyes. “He’s a professional climber,” he said quietly. “I never thought he wouldn’t.”
He let go of the door, and April pulled it closed.
At the airport, she bought a ticket to Tucson that cost more than she had made during the internship so far. A text arrived from Madigan before she went through security.
Rethink this, April. You don’t have to run. After all that has happened, this could destroy him.
She deleted it immediately. Josh might never forgive her for leaving, but at least he wouldn’t be able to die on her a second time.
Chapter Thirty-Two
April relaxed as the stoplights spaced out and the city lights gave way to suburbs, then ranches. She cracked the window and breathed deeply of the desert air. She was almost home.
The taxi dropped her off at the gate, and she walked up the long, steep driveway. The night was black and still, but the heat from the day lingered in the air. When she reached the top of the hill, there was still a pink-gray tinge along the horizon left over from the sunset.
Her mom was on an overnight shift at the hospital, and the house was quiet. She didn’t bother turning on lights until she got to her bedroom, where she dug through her nightstand for an old prescription of sleeping pills, took them without water, and then collapsed on her bed.
Lessons In Gravity Page 24
