She paced the room, willing her phone to ring. Five minutes passed. She called Theo, who picked up right away. “Theo!”
“What’s going on?”
“I called Josh, but he hasn’t called me back.”
“They released him yesterday.”
Her heart panicked. “Where is he?”
“He’s here in the park. Madigan drove him back, but I don’t think he’s sticking around for long.”
“How long?” Her voice was desperate, but she didn’t care.
“I don’t know.”
“A day? An hour?”
“They got in late. He’s probably asleep right now. He still needs to pack up this morning, and he promised he’d meet with Danny at ten.”
She rushed into her father’s office, where she’d left her laptop and searched for plane tickets. There wasn’t anything out of Tucson until the afternoon.
“How upset is he? About me?” she asked.
“We haven’t talked about it directly, but I’d say very.”
No! She couldn’t lose Josh like this. If only she could explain to him what happened to her father. Perhaps he would never forgive her, but at least before he disappeared, he’d understand and know that there was someone who loved him, unconditionally.
Overhead, the big red model of the Stearman biplane swayed on its fishing line. She stared at it, then snapped the laptop closed.
“I can get there in five hours,” she said to Theo. “Can you help stall him?”
“Aren’t you in Tucson?”
April ran into her room and threw clothes into her backpack. “I’m leaving. Right now. Try to stall him. Take his keys if you have to.”
“I’m not going to physically restrain the guy.”
“I’m not joking, Theo. Please don’t let him leave before I get there. I’ll take your dishes duty for the rest of the filming.”
“Well, in that case, I can’t say no.”
“Can you find Madigan and tell him what’s going on? But whatever you do, don’t tell Josh that I’m coming.”
She hung up with Theo and called Hal. “I need a huge favor.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Mind if I drive?” April asked Hal as she threw her bag in the back of the Mooney Rocket.
“When was the last time you got in a plane, girl?”
“My license is still valid.” He’d already done the outside walk around. She pulled the chocks and climbed into the left seat.
Hal handed her the flight plan, which she skimmed and then started preflight checks. Even though it had been more than three years, she followed along the preflight checklist, clicking switches and checking instruments like she had just flown yesterday.
She started the engine, and the plane roared to life. She checked her wings and made her calls to ground as she putted past the row of hangars.
The runway stretched long and straight in front of her, tapering to a pinpoint where it met the sandy desert. She’d always loved this view and the anticipation of the acceleration to come. It was like staring down the straightaway in one of her hundred-meter races in high school track, only here she could run so fast that she would lift up into the air and fly.
“You sure you remember what you’re doing?” Hal asked.
Yes. She truly did, and she was ready for it.
She checked the magnetos and the propeller and waited for the high-pitched roar to even out. After a quick glance at her gauges, she entered the runway and made the final call to ground. She released the brake, and they were barreling down the runway, faster and faster. The end was nearing and the speed was right. She nosed the plane up and it gave in to the lift, its wheels rising off the pavement like a heavily loaded honeybee.
A morning inversion made them drop as they gained altitude, but the plane recovered quickly. When they reached cruising altitude, April turned the plane to the first course on the flight plan.
It was a great relief to be in the air and on her way to Josh in her dad’s fastest plane. She felt bad that Hal had had to cancel lessons, but not terribly so, as flight students were always canceling on their instructors. Besides, her dad used to take impromptu trips like this all the time.
They cruised up to Prescott, then eased the course westerly toward Las Vegas. All that lay between her and Josh was the sparsely populated desert of the Great Nevada Basin. And she was flying! It seemed like no time at all until the peaks of the Sierra were rising ahead on the horizon. She smiled to herself and nosed the plane up for the gradual gain to pass over the mountains.
Her landing at the Mariposa airport was rusty but not bad. She parked the plane at the fixed base operator to refuel. She tried to give Hal some money but he refused.
Across the street, there was an elderly couple coming out of the convenience store. They looked like tourists.
“Gotta run,” she said to Hal. “Thank you so, so much for helping me get here.”
“Any time, April. Come by for longer next time you’re home.”
She bolted across the street to the couple now getting into their sedan.
“Excuse me,” she said. “Are you going to Yosemite?”
“Yes,” said the man.
“I hate to ask,” April said. “But I’ve gotten myself into a predicament and don’t have a way back to my campsite. Do you think I might be able to catch a ride into the park with you?”
The couple exchanged glances, and the woman nodded. Perhaps they had a granddaughter her age and felt sorry for her.
She hopped in the backseat with her bag, hoping that if Hal was watching, he would assume that she knew these people. She did her best to be a pleasant passenger, asking where they were from and sharing trivia about the park, but the conversation did nothing to distract her from the fact that Grandpa was driving forty-five miles an hour and they hadn’t even hit the curvy part. She was losing all the time she had gained flying fast from Tucson.
Her panic grew as the minutes on the clock rose higher. If she didn’t get there soon, she would miss Josh. It was a far-fetched idea that Theo could actually stall him in the first place. Josh would want to get out of there as fast as he could. What if he was already gone?
After an eternity, they arrived in the valley, and the couple dropped her off in front of the search-and-rescue camp. She was aware of the familiar smell of pines and chatter of squirrels, but she could take no pleasure in either.
Halfway through the camp, she spotted the grille of Josh’s truck in its usual spot. She slowed when she reached the last row of tents and rounded the corner carefully.
There he was, standing at the tailgate. He was markedly thinner, balancing on one crutch while struggling to maneuver a plastic bin with his good hand. Tears streamed down her face.
She walked toward him. He looked up but turned away as soon as he saw who it was. He riffled though the bin in front of him, refusing to acknowledge her, even when she was at the tailgate next to him, close enough to touch.
“I’m sorry, Josh. I’m so sorry.”
Hostility permeated the air around him, making her weak.
“There’s something I never told you. My father was a stunt pilot. And I watched him die. Almost three years ago. In a crash at an air show. I lost it when I heard you tell Lars you were going to try the Sorcerer again.”
Josh kept his eyes forward, but at least he had stopped digging through the bin. His good hand, which was still covered in scratches and bruises, rested on the edge while he considered her words.
“I’ve always vowed that I would never get involved with a guy who risked his life for a living, but somehow I fell in love with you anyway.”
He shifted, and she paused, afraid he was going to walk away, but he was just easing the weight on his crushed leg. She was all too aware that what she had done to him was much worse than any of the physical injuries to his torn-up body.
“My mom thinks I have PTSD from seeing my dad’s crash. I blacked out as soon as you fell. I didn’t see your para
chute open. I thought you were dead, Josh. I didn’t know you were alive until I got down to the meadow.”
Still, he refused to look at her. She had lost her dad and now she was losing Josh.
“I know what it feels like to have you die,” she told him. “I didn’t think I could go through that again.”
He shoved the box the rest of the way into the truck. “I didn’t know where you’d gone. You just disappeared.”
He wobbled, and his crutch fell to the ground, sending up a loop of dust. She reached to steady him, but he swiveled away like her hand was a branding iron. She watched helplessly as he fumbled for the crutch in the dirt below the truck.
“I thought you’d been attacked or something,” he said. “But then I found out you’d left on purpose.”
He lifted his eyes, slowly, like they were made of lead. His skin sagged against his newly prominent cheekbones. He looked at her in exactly the way he used to look at other people’s camera lenses, like he was waiting for her to steal his soul.
“You promised you would never leave,” he said.
She looked at the ground in the most terrible kind of shame.
“I told you everything about my family,” he said. “How could you just leave out what happened to your dad?”
He looked at her, waiting for a response. She didn’t think he could bear the truth, but if there was any hope of regaining his trust, she had to be absolutely and completely honest.
“I didn’t tell you about my dad because I thought it would mess with your head on the climb.” She forced herself to keep eye contact despite her shame. “Because if I told you, you’d figure out that I never intended to let this go beyond the filming.”
He looked away so fast that he almost lost his balance. Even if he could find it in his heart to forgive her, she didn’t know if she could forgive herself.
“I resented my dad for flying. I resented him for dying. For choosing his airplanes over seeing me graduate from college. For choosing a new tail slide sequence over walking me down the aisle someday.”
She gripped the edge of the canopy. “I watched my dad’s plane fall from five thousand feet and explode on the ground. I got so close to the wreckage that they hospitalized me for smoke inhalation. For a long time, I was one bad therapy session away from the insane asylum.”
New tears rewetted the ones that had dried on her cheeks. “I had to get some space. I had to figure everything out. Not just with you, but with who my dad was and how what happened to him was affecting me. I truly understand now that you would not be the person I’ve fallen in love with if you didn’t climb. You and climbing, you’re a package.”
He adjusted his crushed leg. He wouldn’t look at her. He might never look at her again.
“You have to believe me, Josh,” she pleaded. “I want to be with you even if it means I have to lose you all over again someday.”
He traced the IV tape remnants on the back of his hand, his face giving away no emotion.
What more could she do? There had to be some way to show him how much she regretted it. How much she loved him, how much she needed him.
The movie she had made while he was in the coma. She dropped to her knees, digging through her backpack for her flash drive.
“Here,” she said, holding it out to him. He made no move to take it.
“I made a film. Of us. When you were in the hospital.” She laid the drive on his bed. “If you don’t believe me, this will tell you everything. It’s the .avi file with your name.”
Finally, he looked at her. His eyes were despondent. Her heart split in two.
“I believe you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s too late.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
She stood frozen as Josh struggled into the cab of the truck with his casted leg, begging with her eyes for him to not start the engine. That he would stop the truck. That he would glance at her in his rearview mirror as he drove away. That he would turn around and come back.
Nothing.
She was panicking on the inside. Ruthless copper wires wrapped tighter and tighter around the muscle of her heart until she turned a corner and was out of sight.
He was gone. For good.
The void of his emptiness sucked harder and harder until it imploded, cracking her ribs wide-open.
She raced through the trees behind the search-and-rescue camp and partway up the boulder-strewn hillside where she and Madigan had once practiced top outs. Her heart ached with a fierceness she would never survive. She would never love anyone as much as Josh.
How could she have done this to him? Josh was out there in the world, totally alone. Josh, who was in such pain that he couldn’t even get in his truck without flinching and sucking in his breath. All those internal injuries that needed rest. He was gone…off to god knew where in his truck-house. She’d never find him again. He’d never speak to her again. She’d never know that he was okay.
…
“Okay, that’s enough now.” Theo stood right in front of her. He clapped his hands twice like she was a dog. “You’ve been back here two hours. Let’s go.”
She was too startled to speak.
“So I was right about him being pretty upset? I probably would be, too,” Theo said. “You left him without an explanation when he was lying in a hospital bed.”
And Theo didn’t even know the half of it. She started crying again.
“Oh, jeez.” Theo sat down next to her. “Okay, Hollywood, let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m a terrible person. That’s all there is to it. And now he’s gone…” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “…forever.”
“Yep. That happens sometimes.”
“I love him. Loved him.” Yes, loved him. She had to accept that she and Josh were past tense now. She was never going to be able to stop crying.
“Oh, man.” He gave her a hug. “I know it’s hard. You probably don’t believe me, but I do know. You have to find a way to make it through.”
“I made a huge mess out of this internship. There’s no way I’m ever going to get a job now.”
“Is this about the employee conduct thing again? Danny knows that you guys were dating.”
“Madigan told him, didn’t he?”
“He had to. You kind of went missing, remember?”
“What did Danny say?”
“Something about how he should have made me be Josh’s buddy at the gala instead of you.”
“Oh.”
“You know, I don’t think he really cares. It was kind of an exceptional circumstance, don’t you think?”
“I guess.”
“Well, this should cheer you up. Danny has been giddy ever since Madigan told him you’re a pilot. You know, to help explain about your disappearance. Why in the hell didn’t you tell us that before? So rad. Anyway, in the series we’re doing this winter, we’re going to be doing a ton of aerial filming and drone work. Let’s just say, I’d bet all the beer in our campground that you’ll be getting a job offer quite soon. A pilot-filmmaker? You’re going to have the most amazing career.”
Finally, it was the words she’d dreamed about but never thought she’d hear. And she’d never considered what an incredible asset her pilot’s license would be in film, because she’d never thought she would fly a plane again. She couldn’t bring herself to care about any of it. None if it mattered now that she’d lost Josh. She’d rather just go hide out back home with Kids Are Wee.
“So are you okay? Let’s walk back. We’re having a crew meeting soon with Ernesto and Russell, and you can meet Scotty Knight and a couple of the other climbers who got in yesterday.”
It was nice of Theo to come find her. The pep talk was a good distraction. But she was certain the minute he stopped talking, or that she was left alone, she would crumble again.
“Sorry, Theo. I don’t know if I can.”
“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you take another half hour, a
nd if I don’t see you in camp by then, I’m coming back and we’ll walk down together?”
She nodded.
Theo made his way down the rocks.
He was right. She had to pull herself up and get to that crew meeting. But she didn’t know how she was going to manage it. Josh, he was so real and all around her in this place, yet gone. Her whole life was gone.
Her phone buzzed with a text.
Josh: I’m in the meadow.
She leaped up. “Theo,” she yelled. “Josh texted. I’m going to go meet him.”
He gave her a thumbs-up and kept walking.
…
Josh was sitting on a foam backpacking mattress in their interview meadow, facing the Sorcerer. She slowed to a walk, her stomach sick with dread.
His posture was crooked and strained from his back injury and casted leg. It was only a short walk from where he’d parked on the side of the road, but she didn’t know how he’d managed it.
She had no idea what to expect: Was he willing to talk now, or was he just giving her the courtesy of an official good-bye? A courtesy she hadn’t given him.
She stepped out across the meadow, her heart racing. This was it.
“Josh.” She sank onto the grass, facing him. The bruises on his face were deeper, his eyes more tired.
He twisted a long blade of grass in between his fingers as he studied the Sorcerer’s sharp profile.
“I think about the night before the gala, when you came to my truck,” he finally said, keeping his eyes carefully away from her. “I was so nervous. All I wanted was to be near you. All the time. And I also wanted it to be real, not just the portion of me that I let everyone else see.”
His voice was gravelly, like he hadn’t talked in months. “I took such a chance on you. Getting to know you. Trusting you. Letting myself fall in love with you. You have no idea how scared I was, every step of the way.” He looked at her. “I’m scared right now, telling you these things.”
“Josh—”
“Every single time I told you how I was feeling, it was a huge step for me. It was a conscious choice I made. It was bad enough when you disappeared, but now…today…to know that you would have just cut the whole thing off if I hadn’t fallen? I trusted you.”
Lessons In Gravity Page 27
