But at the end of the aisle stood Conall.
He seemed almost frozen, beautifully statuesque. His broad shoulders tense, his biceps clenched tightly under the snug fit of his t-shirt. Mattie remained oblivious to the sudden charge in the air as Conall’s eyes locked on mine for a moment. His lids lowered and he inhaled deeply before returning his focus to me, then to Mattie who had suddenly realized that I’d stopped walking.
“Conall,” I breathed as I stepped up beside Mattie, putting my hand on the top of her head. His eyes lifted from our daughter to me, and a pang of sorrow reflected in their depths.
As I spoke, Mattie glanced up at me, following my focus to Conall. Studying him closely, her little brow furrowed as she stared at him curiously.
“Hey,” he said gently in return before he glanced back down at Mattie.
“Mattie, this… this is Conall.” My voice sounded weak and fragile as I smoothed a lock of hair on her little head. Mattie, still seeming concerned by my nervousness, peeked back up at me for reassurance. “It’s okay, monkey,” I softly promised. “He’s a… very close friend. I’ve known him since I was just a little girl like you.”
Her eyes grew wide. This, after all, was an eternity to a four-year-old.
My introduction seemed to soothe her wary concern somewhat, and, with her typical welcoming exuberance, she presented Conall with a cheerful smile. “We’re getting ice cream.”
I could almost see some of the tension escape Conall’s shoulders with her nonchalant little declaration. “Cool,” he said with an almost wistful smile.
“What are you getting?” she asked as she started eyeing his cart. Frozen pizzas, hot dogs… man food.
“Um, nothing as good as your ice cream. Just some groceries.” He glanced back up at me. “I’m heading out to the ranch in a bit. Checked out of the hotel and moved some stuff out there this afternoon.”
“Ranch? With ponies?” Mattie was suddenly very interested in every word that came out of Conall’s mouth. “I love ponies.”
“Well, there’s horses.” He seemed a bit unsure how to talk to her. Little did he know that he could easily reply in simple, monosyllabic answers, and she’d talk circles around him.
“Purple ones?”
“Purple horses?” Conall asked dumfoundedly, and I chuckled a bit at his confusion.
“Can I ride one?” she smiled hugely, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she squirmed with a barely contained glee at the prospect.
“Um, well, that’s kind of up to your mom,” he looked at me helplessly. I tried really hard not to, but I couldn’t help but find a little joy in just how uncomfortable he was. Mattie’s incessant questioning could wear me down, and I was a seasoned pro. It felt entirely too good to see him, all tough and alpha male, rattled by my pint-sized clone.
Then I realized her little blue eyes were staring up at me expectantly.
“Maybe someday, monkey,” I murmured with that age-old motherly platitude, not saying no, but not saying yes either.
“We’re making pasgetti for dinner,” Mattie said as she started looking through Conall’s cart. “My mommy makes the best pasgetti. You should come over. She always makes a lot.”
“Um…” Conall looked over at me for some guidance on how to deal with our precocious little daughter. Suddenly, his nervousness wasn’t nearly as amusing. It actually seemed contagious, which in turn seemed rather alarming. I became almost queasy with the thought of having him in our home.
Yet… I suddenly really wanted him there. Like really really. It was something I’d fantasized about on many occasions. Something I had dreamed of for years.
“You’re welcome to,” I quietly offered. “It might… be nice, you know, to have an old friend over?” I emphasized his role at dinner and arched my brow, hoping I was conveying the desire to keep him from spilling the beans. I wasn’t ready to tell Mattie who he really was. I didn’t know if Conall was ready for that either.
“And look,” Mattie exclaimed as she dug through her little cart to hold up the tub of ice cream, “Oreo!”
“Well, in that case,” Conall grinned down at her, “I’d love to. Oreo is my favorite.”
“Mine too,” Mattie incredulously replied.
His dark eyes locked onto mine once again, slipping down my body, and it all suddenly smacked me up-side the head at just how little I was wearing. Dressed to catch some rays, I had a relatively small bikini covered only by a mesh tank dress and sparkly little flip-flops. The realization actually seemed to hit both of us at the same time as his perusal sent tingles through me.
“So, we’ll go and, uh… change and get dinner started,” I breathlessly rushed out. “Should be ready about six-thirty or so if you want to come by about then. We’re in the Prickly Pear apartments, number twenty-seven. Sound okay?”
“It sounds wonderful.”
“Okay. Well, Mattie,” I dropped my gaze and gave her a little nudge to try and get her moving, “we better go. See you in a bit, Conall.”
“Bye, Conall,” Mattie waved with a little giggle as she zoomed her little cart off past him towards the check stand.
I began to follow her, forced to come closer to Conall in order to get around him. As I passed by him, he stopped me for a second with his hand on my arm and bent his head towards me.
“See you in a bit, honey,” he quietly murmured, and the sound was so close to my ear that I felt the wisp of his breath in the delicate hairs that escaped my ponytail.
Honey.
Damn. I liked that way too much. It hurt, but I loved that ache it gave me.
Although every nerve in my body fought it, I looked back up at him. Frozen. Lost for a second in the closeness. My mouth felt dry, and my tongue darted out to wet my lips before I wrenched my eyes away. That familiar face I’d seen so often when I closed my eyes. It had changed over time, more angled and strong. But, as always, it was almost painfully perfect.
My voice had disappeared. I could only exhale a shaky breath and nod as I moved quickly away.
Conall
I watched them walk away, mother and daughter. It took a few minutes before I could breathe normally again. Before that tight, seizing sensation released my lungs and relaxed in my gut.
And then it hit me that I was supposed to be going there for dinner in a bit. My palms began to sweat as I tried to wrap my mind around everything.
My kid. My daughter. Bubbly and smiling with bright blue eyes like her mother.
Her mother. This new Sage. So strong and independent. She’d done so well all on her own over the past few years. Was I just fucking everything up for her by coming back? She had a boyfriend. What would he think of me coming over for dinner?
Fuck, would he be there?
Part of me wanted to call Sage, to see if he’d be there and to cancel if he would. But the other part of me wanted every second I could get with Mattie. Okay, Mattie and Sage. Because, even though I tried really hard to push all those crazy Sage notions out of my mind, I was failing miserably. I may as well have given up on the struggle to eradicate that image of her in the see-through little outfit with a tantalizing bikini underneath, her hair pulled back with windblown tendrils teasing the curve of her neck…
Fuck.
I needed to focus on Mattie. She was safer. I was supposed to have warm and fuzzies about her. Protective and fatherly. Proud of the adorable, friendly little person she was.
Deciding to forgo buying any more groceries, I quickly checked out and headed to the cabin on Jacob’s ranch just outside of town. If I hurried, I could take a quick shower and make it in plenty of time.
My mind continuously bounced back and forth between Mattie and Sage. Sometimes together, sometimes my focus shifted to one or the other.
Mattie’s bouncy little form, accentuated by the little fluffy purple skirt pulled on over her swimsuit. The excited sparkle in her wide, blue eyes as she rattled on about purple horses and Oreo ice cream.
And Sage. Fuck. The girl who�
�d haunted my thoughts for years, but all grown up. Full breasts, a slender waist… an ass that made me want to either pray or cry. I wondered if I’d manage to get through dinner without pissing her off.
Although, she was really fucking hot when she was pissed. It had always done that to her. Her eyes would flash, her skin should flush pink. Most of the times that I went along with Matt’s big brother antics was simply to watch her transform, to become spitting mad and unleash on the two of us. I was pretty sure she was the cause of my very first boner. And many that followed.
She was definitely the cause of the one I had in the shower while I got ready for dinner. The glimpses of skin that peeked through that entirely-too-revealing dress thing she was wearing today. The thought of pulling it over her head and untying the little strings that held her bikini up…
Like a fucking high-schooler, I found myself beating off as the scalding hot stream of water rained down around me. And like so many times before, Sage was the focus of my thoughts as I alleviated that ache. Her name was on my lips as I came. Her voice from so long ago echoed through my mind.
I love you, Conall.
Chapter 5 ~ Pasgetti
Sage
Mattie’s questions started before we even got through the check stand.
“Was Conall a little boy when you was a little girl?”
“How come I’ve never seen him? Does he live here?”
“Why did he move?”
“Why did he come back?”
“Does Conall have a daddy?”
“Is Conall a daddy?”
This question was asked with wide blue eyes staring up at me hopefully. My mind froze. It was easy to say ‘I don’t know’ to many of her questions, but this one would have been a blatant lie. And not a little Yes Santa is real white lie. This was a lie that, even though she was only four years old, could come back and bite me in the ass.
For a second, I stared blankly. And then I totally deflected the question, sidetracking her by asking if she wanted to pick out a candy bar. And then encouraging her to hurry because the cashier was waiting.
And her relentless barrage of questions continued out in the car.
“Can Conall take me on a horsey ride?”
“Does Conall live on a big ranch?”
“Does Conall have a lot of horsies?”
“Does Conall have cows?”
“Does Conall have kitties?”
By the time we got home, all I heard was Conall… Conall… Conall.
Nice to know he’d made a good impression. Mattie was jacked that he was coming for dinner.
So, it was no surprise when the doorbell rang, and the first word out of Mattie’s mouth was… you guessed it…
“Conall!” Mattie jumped up from her pile of ponies in the middle of the living room floor and raced ninety-to-nothing to the door.
“Mattie,” I called, tearing out of the kitchen in an attempt to head her off, “wait a second and let me make sure before you open the—”
“Aaaaahhhhh!” I heard her squeal with excitement. “Balloons!”
I rounded the corner to see my daughter jumping up and down, clasping her hands to her chest as she continued to gleefully holler about the balloon bouquet Conall had brought her.
“Purple! They’re purple! And that one has a Pinkie Pie! Aaaahhhhh!”
Conall’s smile was incredibly priceless, the laughter in his eyes at her sheer joy obvious. In one hand, he held a the weighted base of a large bouquet of purple balloons, and a sparkly, shiny silver Mylar heart rose above the others with none other than Pinky Pie. As the name suggested, Pinkie Pie was indeed pink, however, a close runner up for Mattie’s favorite My Little Pony even if she didn’t have a lick of purple on her.
“And flowers! Pretty!”
“Those are for your mom,” Conall grinned down at her. In his other hand was a wrapped bouquet of sunflowers accented with some little purple blossoms.
My heart stopped.
My mouth fell open and my eyes filled with tears.
He had bought me flowers.
As I worked to catch my breath, Conall looked up at me. For a moment, confusion passed over his features, likely at my sudden emotional shift which had to be clearly evident. He handed the balloon bouquet to Mattie, and she gleefully barreled back into the living room with the bobbing, bouncing purple prize. The flurry of balloons passed me by, one even wholluped me in the face, and still I stared at him.
Well, actually, I stared at the flowers.
“Sage, honey,” he asked, “are you okay?”
“Flowers…” That was the only thing I could force out of my mouth. Nothing else could work its way through my brain.
“I thought you’d like them.” His brow furrowed. “Oh, shit, Mattie doesn’t have allergies or something, does she? I didn’t even—”
“No, that’s not it. It’s just… nobody has ever…” I wasn’t making any sense. My brain was cycling through the motions, sort of like it was rebooting. I closed my eyes and shook my head a touch to clear my thoughts. Opening them again, I looked once more at Conall. And the flowers. “You bought me flowers.”
“Well, yeah,” he repeated cautiously. “I thought you’d like them.”
“Nobody has ever bought me flowers before.”
“Nobody?”
I shook my head, and Conall took a step closer.
“Not for a date or prom or anything?” he asked with surprise as he handed me the bouquet.
I cradled the wrapped bouquet in my arm, my fingertips reverently brushing along the edge of the soft petals. The delicate, sweet sunflower scent rose to fill my nostrils, and I blinked quickly to push back the tears that threatened to fall.
“I, um… I didn’t…”
Mattie’s voice called out from the other room. “Mommy, look!”
“Thank you,” I quickly murmured without looking up at him. I couldn’t look at him for fear of bursting into tears. Thankful for the distraction, I turned down the hallway to see what Mattie was so excited about.
Her balloons were smack dab in the middle of the dining table.
“It’s a party!” she exclaimed.
“Um, monkey,” I chuckled, stifling the intense emotional upheaval, “that’s kind of big to have in the middle of the table for dinner. We won’t even be able to see each other.”
“But I want to see them.”
“How about if you put them in the fourth chair, since there’s only three of us. Then it is kind of like you’re sitting by them.”
“Okay!” she jumped up on her chair and leaned way over to grab the balloons, dragging them across the table. The weights that anchored the bouquet displaced silverware and knocked over (thankfully empty) glasses. When she had the balloons settled in the chair across from hers, she looked back at me and remembered the flowers.
“Ooooh! Put your flowers in the middle!” she yelled.
“Mattie,” I prompted, “inside voice please. You’re breaking Mommy’s head.”
Her little mouth snapped shut, and she clapped her hands over it. “Sorry,” she murmured through her fingers.
“She’s a little excited,” I murmured nervously to Conall. “I’m not sure if it’s the balloons, or if it’s that… well, we’ve never had a guy over for dinner. Well, not just a guy,” I rambled on, unable to stop the words from tumbling out. “I mean, we’ve had Brynn and Kian come over sometimes, but they’re a couple and all, so that’s different.”
“What about your boyfriend?” Conall asked.
“What boyfriend?” Mattie asked.
Shit.
“He’s not really a… it’s not… um…” Once again, I couldn’t seem to form a coherent thought with both Conall and Mattie staring at me quizzically. Finally, I took a deep, calming breath to regroup. “Mattie, why don’t you show Conall your ponies while I put these flowers in some water.”
And without another word, I escaped to the kitchen to find a pitcher or something to put the flowers in.
Conall
I learned everything there likely was to know about My Little Ponies that day. And the whole time Mattie chattered on about Wisteria or something-or-another Twinkle or Sparkle or a couple of each. There were rainbow-ish things everywhere. Some of the ponies had horns and some had wings. Some had horns and wings.
I felt compelled to tell her that none of the horses out on the ranch looked anything like the ponies scattered across the floor.
She seemed okay with that and offered me a little plastic brush. And the next thing I knew, I was feeling like the biggest pussy in the world because I was brushing a little pink pony tail.
I was pretty sure that was grounds to lose your man card. All I needed was a feather boa and a cup of tea.
But, it was kind of worth it to just listen to Mattie talk. It gave me the opportunity to watch her and listen. I didn’t have to say much myself, which was probably good because everything about her still blew my mind. So small, yet so alive. So vivid and funny. Mannerisms so like her mother and even a few I strangely recognized in myself. Everything Sage had told me about her and more.
After a little while, Sage leaned in through the doorway to the kitchen.
“Mattie, why don’t you take Conall on the deck to find a tomato for the salad.”
Mattie wrinkled her nose and looked at me. “Ewwww… tomatoes…” she said, although she hopped up to her feet and grabbed my hand, pulling me from the couch. “But Mommy likes them, so I guess…” she sighed, sounding much more mature than four years old.
I glanced over at Sage as I followed Mattie out the door. She had adjusted the plates, silverware, and glasses on the table, and was starting to bring out the food. I caught her eyes as she set down a basket of garlic bread. Her mood was strange, hard to read. She remained a bit standoffish, yet the level of emotion in her eyes was startling. She looked away, biting her lip, and hurried back into the kitchen as a timer went off.
I followed Mattie out to the balcony to see a framework of rectangular planting boxes fixed to the wall. Each box contained some type of homegrown vegetables – peas, some leafy lettuce-type shit, tomatoes, broccoli, and a bunch of other things that I really had no clue what they were – to make up a small patio garden. Mattie pointed towards a deep red tomato on the plant that grew along to the side.
Always Conall (Bitterroot #2) Page 5
