“Look, the other one lives!” my dad said, announcing Jodi’s entrance from the hallway.
“Oh, morning,” Jodi said with a polite laugh that only I knew was forced for my dad’s benefit.
“Making coffee,” I said.
“Bless you,” she sighed, grabbing a chair from the kitchen table and pulling it over to face me as I went about adding the grounds to the filter.
“Mom mad?”
“Eh,” Jodi shrugged. “She knew I was here, it was more not calling sooner.”
“You were asleep.”
“That’s what I said.” Jodi reached over the edge of the counter and hooked an open box of store bought doughnuts with her finger and dragged it over to her. She picked out a powdered doughnut before shoving the box towards me. I grabbed two coffee cups out of the cabinet while the coffee percolated, finding my secret stash of real sugar and the heavy cream I hid in the back of the fridge.
“My sister says there’s a bonfire out at McGrath tonight,” she said between bites.
“Yeah? Aren’t those illegal out here?” I pulled the carafe out when there was just enough coffee for our two cups, sliding it back in to finish brewing as I doctored our drinks.
“Not if it’s a preexisting fire ring.” Jodi’s dad was a cop and if anyone would know if it were illegal, I’d imagine she would. And her sisters were such Daddy’s girls that I doubt they’d go to an illegal bonfire anyway.
“Cool, what time?”
“Like nine, I guess.”
“Nine what?” my mom asked as she walked into the kitchen, reaching into the freezer for a frozen roast, placing it in the sink to thaw.
“A bonfire out at the campgrounds,” I said before taking a sip of my coffee. When the warm liquid filled my mouth, I closed my eyes and let my shoulders relax as I swallowed, savoring the rich taste of sugar, cream, and caffeine.
“Kinda late, isn’t it?” she asked as she turned on the tap to fill the sink with water to speed along the defrost process.
“No,” Jodi and I said together, making my mom chuckle.
“I guess not if you’re eighteen,” she agreed, turning off the water. “You were out late last night though.”
“So? We’re on break.”
“Were you even going to ask if you could go?” she asked, crossing her arms as she looked at me.
“Yes.” No.
“Really?”
“Of course.” No.
“How late are you going to be?”
“Uh…” I looked at Jodi for help, but she just shrugged at me before grabbing a chocolate covered doughnut. I grabbed the last one before she tried to eat both of them, leaving only the plain ones. “It’s a bonfire, mom, doesn’t exactly have a closing time, does it?”
“I’m sure the campground locks the gate by a certain time.” She pursed her lips at me.
“Fine, mom,” I sighed dramatically. “When do you want me home?”
“Midnight.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “Mother!”
“What?” she asked smoothly. “Nothing good ever happens after midnight, Shayna Bridget.” Oh, no, she was middle naming me, this was not a good sign; I was losing ground.
“That depends on your definition of good,” I muttered. I figured she was probably just still freaked out about her dream, but we had decided it wasn’t anything that was going to happen anytime soon. She shouldn’t be so nervous about me going to the beach at night.
“Jodi is more than welcome to stay the night again,” she offered.
“Sure, but you won’t let Steven stay the night.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Why not?” I couldn’t stop myself in time from stomping my foot when I made my demand.
“Because he’s a boy!” she almost yelled.
“A gay boy!” I countered and I heard my dad clear his throat and ruffle the paper he was reading. Jodi was red in the face from trying not to laugh.
“Even so,” my mother said calmly as she tried to step past me, but I put myself in her way to stop her.
“No, it would make sense if he was one of our boyfriends or if he were straight, but he’s not even a little bit straight, mother.”
“I have seen him kiss the both of you,” she said, pointing her finger at each of us in turn.
“Yeah? And?”
“And?” I saw the confusion on her face as she struggled for an answer.
“Our straight guy friends don’t kiss us, mom,” I said, making sure my tone sounded as exasperated as I was.
“Your dad’s not comfortable with it.”
“With what? Him being gay or a gay guy being in the house?”
“Hey, don’t drag me into this!” my dad called from the living room. I watched my mother roll her eyes.
“You don’t think Steven is gay?” I asked, unable to believe what I was hearing.
“With the way he is with you two? No, I don’t think he’s entirely gay.”
“Oh my god,” Jodi laughed, “you think Steven’s straight for us?”
“Well,” my mother said with a shrug.
“Trust me,” I said, holding a hand up for emphasis, “he is not straight for us. He’s just a little affectionate because we take care of him better than his parents do. Hell, mom, he does our makeup all the time.”
“Yeah, and he did our hair for homecoming every year,” Jodi added.
“I don’t know,” she said, sighing and shaking her head.
“Mom, it’s not fair to change the rules on me like this, I haven’t done anything to deserve it. When I turned eighteen, you said I didn’t have a curfew anymore. Besides, making me come home early, but letting Jodi come over and not Steven is mean. It’s not cool to discriminate against my other best friend; it’ll just make him feel bad.”
“Damn it, Shayna,” she grumbled. “Fine!” She threw her hands up in the air, defeated.
“Thanks, mommy!” I grabbed her and hugged her around the neck, bouncing a little on my toes.
“Yeah, yeah,” she said, stepping past me to go back to her desk. “But just remember,” she added, turning to look at me and point her finger again, “I can walk in at any time!” That just made Jodi burst out laughing.
***
Steven squealed into the phone so loudly that he made my cell vibrate against my desk where I’d set it on speaker so the three of us could talk. Both Jodi and I cringed against the noise, flinching away from the desk until he finally stopped. Although painful, I still smiled at his reaction; Jodi and I always felt guilty spending the night at each other’s houses since we’d met Steven too late for our parents to be comfortable with him joining us.
“What made her finally change her mind?” Steven’s small voice asked, meaning my mother finally caving to our request.
“I dunno,” I said, leaning back in my desk chair while Jodi rummaged through my closest for outfits for us to wear later.
“Probably us laughing at the idea that you were straight for us,” Jodi offered, but her head was lost in the clothes, so I had to repeat it for Steven who promptly laughed, just like we had.
“Well, if I was gonna be straight,” he started to say, but I cut him off quickly, picking up my phone and switching off the speaker.
“Don’t even kid,” I said quickly, waiting to make sure my mom wasn’t just conveniently passing by my door at just that moment. “If she thinks there’s half a chance that you’re really bi and not gay, you’re not coming over.”
“Take a compliment, geeze!” he said exasperatedly.
“That’s not…” I stuttered, but he stopped me, asking about our plans for the bonfire. “Oh yeah, Jodi said it was at, like, nine.”
“Doesn’t the gate close earlier than that?”
“I don’t know. Jodi,” I spun in my chair to look at her, “do we know when the gate closes to the beach?” McGrath State Beach was also a local campground accessible only by one road with a large metal gate that, like all the local campgrounds, was locked at night.
&
nbsp; “I think the lock is broken or someone knows the night guard or whatever,” she explained, though neither sounded definite and didn’t make me feel better. “All I know is it’s fixed so this can happen tonight and only tonight.”
“Why are you so concerned about what to wear tonight?” I asked, tilting the phone away from my mouth so Steven knew I wasn’t talking to him. “It’s going to be effing freezing; I’m wearing boots, jeans, a thick sweatshirt, and a beanie.”
“How very a-sexual of you,” both Jodi and Steven said at the same time in the same tone, making me blink.
“How did you do that?” I said into the phone, but Steven was already laughing, so I just shrugged it off.
“Dress cute all you want, but I’m going to be laughing at you when it’s not just your eyes that are blue.” At that, she pulled her head out of my closet and stuck her tongue out at me. I returned the gesture.
“So what time are you gonna pick me up?” Steven asked, bringing my attention back to him.
“I dunno; wanna come over here for the rest of the day?” I offered and he squealed again, managing to say something about packing a bag and being ready in ten minutes. He’d cut the connection before I got all my hearing back.
Jodi stayed behind while I went to get Steven, wanting to take a shower since she hadn’t yet. Steven was feeling awkward and anxious as I pulled up in front of my house, his overnight bag tossed into the backseat. My stomach was in knots and my mouth tasted like roasting peppers and campfire smoke.
“Babe,” I said softly, touching his knee lightly as if I’d scare him away if I made any sudden movement. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he whispered, looking up at my house. “I just know your parents aren’t cool with me.”
“My parents like you,” I insisted.
“Yeah, but they’d like me more if I was straight.”
“That’s not true.” I shook my head and squeezed his knee, wanting him to look at me, but he wasn’t ready yet.
“Isn’t it? Then why haven’t I been allowed to sleep over yet?”
“That has nothing to do with them not liking you,” I said, leaning across the distance to put my chin on his shoulder. “Because, even though you’re gay, you’re still a boy and that’s all that matters to my parents.”
“Mmm,” was all he managed, nodding just a little. I felt the knots in my stomach move up to my chest and I realized he was trying not to cry. He’d felt so left out not being allowed to stay over with me and Jodi. That small guilty voice in the back of my head was screaming now. Why hadn’t we ever thought about this before? Because he’d been so good at hiding how he really felt about it. Stupid. Insensitive. Worst friend ever.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” I whispered, closing my eyes against the sting of tears welling in my eyes. I let go of his leg and slipped my arms around his waist, holding him awkwardly over the space between our seats. He wrapped his arms around himself, over my arms, hugging me back as best he could. I was an empath and hadn’t ever realized that Steven was just hiding his feelings of being left out behind understanding. We could’ve worked harder at getting our parents to accept him wholly or at the very least we could’ve paid him enough respect to not have our own sleepovers, shown him solidarity. Instead, we’d just believed him that he was okay with it because no other boy would’ve been let over.
“We love you, you know,” I said into the side of his neck, just then realizing I had buried my face there, breathing in the smoke of his signature.
“I know,” he whispered, making me taste the salt of his tears that slipped past the curve of his lips. He squeezed my arms with a note of acceptance. He was pulling himself together, so I let go of him and turned my face away, giving him the moment he needed to collect himself. I wiped my face, waiting for him to signal that it was okay to look at him again without taking that last little bit of dignity he still had.
“So are we going to try on each other’s clothes and paints our toe nails?” he asked, making me laugh in surprise.
“Yeah, that’ll make my dad real comfortable.” That made him laugh, easing the knot in my chest finally.
“Let’s go see if Jodi’s out of the shower and finally come to her senses about what she’s going to wear tonight,” he said, his voice light and easy. He got out of the car first, reaching for his bag before slamming his door shut. I gripped the steering wheel for another moment, blowing out a breath and trying to clear my head. Every time I thought I had a better grip on my powers, something came up and slapped me in the face, an obvious and painful example of how far I still had to go. Or at the very least, how much I took them for granted.
“Damn it,” I whispered to myself before letting go of the wheel and climbing out of the car. Steven seemed like he was okay now, standing on the sidewalk waiting calmly for me, but I had thought he was okay for the last few years and clearly I had been wrong about that. At least I could try and make it up to him now.
Chapter 10
The bonfire wasn’t actually at the campgrounds like Jodi had said; it was on the beach past the dunes and campground. The gate to the campgrounds did in fact lock by ten o’clock like my mother suspected, so the majority of us had pulled up along the short road and parked on the shoulder before passing the gate. The guy working the night shift, who would lock the gate at ten, was also coming to the bonfire, so he didn’t report all the cars parked illegally. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about leaving my car like that, but if a tow truck was called, there were plenty of cars to be moved, giving me hope that I would have enough warning to get to my car before they did.
“Great, Ugg Boots and sand dunes, this ought to be a lot of fun,” Jodi complained as we walked through the campgrounds towards the beach. After quite a bit of arguing, she had finally conceded to us and picked out an outfit more appropriate for being on the beach in the middle of the night in late December. Watch all the beach movies you want, kids, a lightweight sweater and shorts will only get you pneumonia out here.
“It’s not that far,” Steven said, pushing her forward towards the sand.
“At least there’s some grass on the dunes for traction,” I offered, moving to take the lead. I didn’t like not being able to see ahead of me with the dunes rising to block the horizon, even if there were only a few dozen teenagers roasting marshmallows over there.
“Did you invite Anthony?” I heard Jodi ask from behind me.
“I texted him, but he didn’t respond,” Steven replied, trying to sound blasé about it, but we could tell different.
“Probably still recuperating after last night,” I said over my shoulder. “Still on pain meds and all that.”
“Yeah, probably,” he said in that same fake tone.
“Good, then we’ll all be single tonight together,” Jodi said brightly, trying to make Steven feel better. This was the second time tonight Steven’s mood had gone from up to down drastically and I wanted to turn and ask him about it, but as more and more people started showing up, our conversation would be overheard and I didn’t want to draw attention to him like that.
Something up? Jodi’s yellow thoughts slipped into my mind as she struggled to get closer to me as we went over the top of the first dune.
I don’t know, I responded honestly. Maybe. Steven seems kinda emotional lately. I heard her mental snort so I added, More so than normal anyway.
Maybe he’s still upset about last night, she offered and I nodded, earning a strange look from a boy about my age who was passing us. I looked away from him quickly, trying to pretend like I hadn’t done anything weird.
Just try to keep an eye on him with me, okay?
Sure, you that worried?
Yeah, I am.
Shouldn’t you be able to tell if something was actually wrong? she asked, her thoughts dimming in confusion. I could always tell what was wrong with either of them, or anyone else around me whose emotions were in an uproar. My empathy magnified their emotions loudly enough to make me
feel their pain or joy, so not being able to discern what was wrong with Steven was not a good sign.
Yeah, I should. I think he’s been practicing keeping me out. There was a flash of yellow in my mind when Jodi blanched at my response.
That can’t be good.
That’s what I was thinking. I blinked, cutting our connection short when Steven came level with me and shot me a look, as if he knew Jodi and I were communicating and purposely leaving him out.
“You two talking?” Steven asked bluntly, making me blink at him.
“What?” I asked lamely.
“You two,” he said, indicating Jodi with a flick of his chin.
“Oh, no,” Jodi interjected, “she’s just trying not to fall and her anxiety about it was getting to me.” And just then my foot did slip on the incline, the sand giving beneath my weight, and I came down on my knee. Steven tried to catch me, but not before some sand made its way into my boot.
“Shouldn’t that be the other way around?” he asked as he helped me back up to my feet.
“Yeah,” I said, grabbing a hold of his shoulder to steady me as I pulled off my boot and shook out the sand. “But you know how the open connection is, so this time she felt my emotions.” The lie came so easily to us it made my stomach knot, but I knew if he realized we were discussing his emotional state – while feeling this emotional – it would ruin the night.
“Your ankle okay?” he asked as I let go, standing on my own again.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said automatically.
“What are you sorry for?” he asked, reaching to take my hand so he could link our arms together to help steady me as we continued forward.
“I, uh,” I stuttered, “I don’t know, just kinda came out.” I tried to laugh it off, but even to me it sounded forced. Jodi’s energy flashed in my mind again, but I pushed against it, not wanting to do any more damage to Steven’s self-confidence tonight.
“Is it being so close to the shore?” he whispered, ducking his head so I could hear him better, but so that others around us didn’t.
“What?”
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