“So anyway, they arrested him, I said I wanted to press charges, and they said they’d be contacting me.” I shrugged one shoulder at the anticlimactic ending.
“Good.” My mom nodded curtly. I had an image of my mom in the courtroom, her face getting redder by the moment as the D.A. went at me, watching the jurors’ faces, wanting them to be as mad as her. Expecting him to be drawn and quartered, not just jailed for his actions. Maybe I would forget to tell her when the day of the hearing was.
“Anyway, I’m pretty beat, so I think I’m staying in tonight.” I picked up my cup and took a tiny, experimental sip of my tea to check the temperature. It was still too hot to drink.
“Probably a good idea,” she said, pushing away from the counter and reaching out for me. I set my cup down and let her pull me into a hug. She gripped me tightly, breathing in deeply and sighing before she let go. She kissed my cheek before walking out of the kitchen. I felt the swirl of anxiety and relief follow her out.
I dreamt of fire again that night. I’d wrapped myself in extra-thick blankets and a mound of pillows. My television was on, the volume low, lights off, letting the blue light eat the shadows. I drifted off in the middle of The Labyrinth; the last thing I remembered was Sarah smashing a chair against the glass bubble and everyone cascading into the dump. When I woke, my hair was plastered to my forehead and I had kicked my sheets away at some point.
I didn’t bolt out of bed right away, letting myself feel the cushion of pillows around me, panting to catch my breath. I shivered in the cool night air, a thin sheen of sweat covering my body. The DVD had stopped and automatically clicked over to the TV, showing me an infomercial for some amazing mop. The dichotomy of reality threw me for a moment. Slowly, I pushed away from my pillows and swung my feet over the edge of my bed and slid out to stand. My legs were shaky, but I didn’t fall.
I tried to roll my neck and shoulders, but no amount of stretching would pull the tension out. I grabbed my brush and pulled the tangles out of my hair, brushing it back and away from my face, tying it up into a ponytail. I peeled my extra-large shirt off and tossed it into the hamper and pulled on something clean and dry. Feeling a little more human, the trembling easing by the moment, I opened my door and walked out to the kitchen. The house was dark, but I didn’t feel like it was that late, and from the clock on the microwave, I saw it was only half past eleven. Why did I feel like I had been asleep for hours then?
I blindly reached for a glass and filled it under the tap and gulped it down. I didn’t even register the faintly metallic taste of city water; I was so desperately thirsty now that I had water in my mouth. I drank another full glass just as quickly. I braced myself against the counter and tried to force myself to remember the dream this time before it slipped away from my consciousness. My eyes burned when I blinked, so I filled my glass a third time, taking easy sips now.
I closed my eyes and tried to put myself back into the dream. I had on a lot of make-up; that wasn’t like me. My hair smelled of hairspray and smoke as the flames danced around me. I was dressed comfortably, yet attractively, similar to the way I’d dressed for the bonfire. I knew I’d be around people, but outside in the cold. My feet pounded on the dry ground; I ran over grass and cement and dirt. Definitely landscaping. Something niggled at my mind as I ran over these facts. I hadn’t even noticed I’d finished the third glass of water until I went to take another sip. I was feeling the effects of being in the fire in my dream, just like the bruises and bleeding in my more violent dreams.
“Damn it, then it is real,” I cursed to myself, setting the glass in the sink. I didn’t want to make myself sick by drinking too much water. My hands weren’t trembling anymore thankfully. I turned around and placed my hands on the counter and bowed my head. There were more clues, I just had to concentrate on them. But the harder you think about a dream, the further away it slips from your memory.
Agony shot through me suddenly. The backs of my hands grew red as I watched, gripping the counter in front of me. I had a vision of plunging my hands into the fire, reaching desperately for something. My physical pain mixed with the pain of others. In a moment, I could hear the screams, not just in my mind this time. Someone was trapped in the fire, burning to death. I turned just in time to grab the trash can before I vomited.
Chapter 14
I sat on the kitchen floor for another half an hour. The cold of the tile bit at my thighs through the flimsy pajama bottoms and my toes started to ache. I had let go of the trash can at some point and laid back on the floor until I felt calm enough to move. I got to my feet by pulling myself up and clinging to the counter. I turned on the tap and bent over to fill my mouth, swishing and spitting to rinse out the nasty taste.
I pushed away from the counter and stumbled through the dark house until I reached the back door. I was still conscious enough to slow my movements as I opened the door, stepped out, and shut it behind me with as little noise as possible. I hurried through the dark until I reached the huge old tree that my dad had built my tree-house in.
I touched the ladder braced against it and thought better of the fifteen foot climb. Turning to face the tree fully, I reached out my hand again and pressed it flat against the rough bark, sticky with sap. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply to center myself and find the pulsing beat of life inside the tree.
Please, I whispered in my mind once I linked with the tree, I need help, I need strength. I waited, my stomach knotting with tension and legs beginning to shake. My hand prickled with pain where the bark bit into my palm as the tree remained silent. I didn’t even know if it was considering my plea or just ignoring me. I felt my jaw begin to tremble and a tear leaked out of my eye, rolling down my cheek and falling to the ground, disappearing into the dirt.
Just as I was about to pull away, my hand sank into the bark as it became soft, spider web like under my weight. I let out a sob of relief as the tree opened to me, letting me fall into it. I spun around, crossing my arms over my chest, and settled into the center of the old tree, watching the stars disappear and the moon slip away as it closed around me. I felt the slow drip of sap over the wood. I heard the creak and moan of the dying bark. I felt the warmth of the life of the tree gripping me. Above it all was the deep rhythmic beat of the Earth’s pulse pounding through it, through me.
I lost my humanity then. I was a part of the tree. I was the tree. I felt my hair whisk away from me, reaching out with the sap and water currents. I felt my body dissolve and become part of the cambium, creating more cells to protect itself, protect us. I stretched through the length of the tree, losing myself in the roots and leaves, reaching above and below, touching all three worlds at once. In time I recognized the tang of metal where the nails that affixed my tree-house bit into the tree, but like old piercings in flesh, they no longer stung and had become a part of the tree, just as I had.
Eventually, whether it was moments or hours, I could hear my pulse again. The rhythm slowed with each beat until it matched the thrumming of the Earth’s pulse. I felt whole again after that. When I opened my eyes, I found myself on the floor of my tree-house, curled up on the small area rug. I rolled onto my back and watched as the thick branch my dad had formed the wall around closed the last few inches of where I assumed I had emerged from.
I wasn’t shaking anymore and my stomach was settled. I even felt full. I sat up slowly, happy to feel my head clear and calm. When I looked down, I saw my hair had grown a full two inches since I walked outside. I had no idea what had happened to the tie that I had bound it with. As soon as that thought formed in my mind, I realized I’d also lost all the clothing I had been wearing.
Because the cold night air wasn’t affecting me, I hadn’t registered that fact. It was still dark, so at least I had the cover of night to get back inside. I just hoped it wasn’t early morning and my dad wasn’t awake yet. I crawled over to the trunk where we kept our magical supplies and pulled off the tapestry I used as a table cloth and tied it around myself as a
makeshift sarong. It wasn’t very big, but it covered the necessary bits, the fringe hitting the backs of my thighs just below my butt. As I pulled open the trapdoor that led down the tree, I had to fight the urge to laugh. Earth magic was feral by nature and I was full of it. If I wanted, I could let it take me over and leave the human world.
The thought was so tempting that I actually slapped myself to bring myself back to reality. As quickly as I could, I climbed down the tree and ran across the backyard to the door. I cupped my face with my hands and looked through the glass. The house was still dark. I slipped inside and locked the door behind me. The cable box told me it was after two o’clock. I had lost about three hours in a matter of minutes. I dashed through the house and into my room.
I had to press my fingers to my mouth to keep from giggling madly. I had just run through my yard and house more than half naked in the middle of winter. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I saw my hair was tangled with twigs, leaves, and the new, aromatic white flowers that bloomed in the spring. My eyes glowed with power and my skin was luminescent.
I took a step closer to the reflection, reaching out my hand until it touched the glass. I could see my lips were darker than they should be. The few freckles I still had from childhood faded as I watched. That would break my mother’s heart. I reached with my other hand and the cloth fell away from my body. I was slimmer. I could feel the mirror shimmer under my touch as I concentrated.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head at my reflection. I snatched my hands away from the glass when she didn’t shake her head with me. I watched as my reflected-self raised one eyebrow and tilted her head inquiringly.
“No,” I said again, firmer this time, even if I did sound sadder. She shrugged one shoulder at me, shimmering out of focus for a moment. When the mirror cleared again, I was left staring at myself, arms at my side, shoulders slightly hunched, and the flora gone from my tangles. I could still feel the magic coursing through my body. I had retained the hair growth, weight loss, but the glow in my eyes was starting to dim. I reached out again, trailing my fingers over the glass. Giving over to the magic would be so much easier. No more pain. No more blood. No more loss.
“No more love either,” I argued with myself. I blew out a breath and let my hand drop. I grabbed some clothing and dressed again before crawling back into bed. I pulled the covers up and around me even though I still wasn’t cold. I wasn’t sure how long I could keep it from touching me again, which was a little scary. I watched old sitcom reruns until I fell asleep.
When I woke up the next day, I found it hard to look my mom in the eye, mostly because I was afraid she’d notice the change in my face. When I checked the mirror that morning, I saw that nearly all of my freckles were gone, and at the right angles, the green of my eyes was just a bit brighter than normal. My jeans were loose when I pulled them on. Jodi was going to hate me, but it was beyond my control.
I needed to go see my mentor, Deb. She’d been gone for the last two weeks taking care of the Yuletide celebrations for her coven. Being the high priestess, she didn’t have time to work at the local metaphysical shop and oversee the holiday plans. Unfortunately, she also had to cancel our weekly session where she tutored me in my magical powers. This was also the first year her coven had invited me and Jodi and Steven to their celebration. Over the summer, they had helped us with some protective magic when dealing with soul stealing water nymphs. But as much as Jodi and I wanted to go, Steven just couldn’t bring himself to go. It was one for all and all for one with us, so Jodi and I didn’t feel right going without him. Being raised Roman Catholic, but having magical abilities and being gay was hard enough on his moral center; asking him to watch a coven of witches perform their Solstice Celebration was just too much.
Skipping the celebration meant I hadn’t given Deb her Yule gift or talked to her about mine and my mom’s nightmares. I finished tying the laces of my Converse and pulled my belt a little tighter before grabbing my purse and Deb’s gift. I had knitted her an extra-long, multicolored scarf; I knew she’d appreciate a home-made gift over something bought in a store. I picked a yarn that alternated between a nice rich rust red down to a golden orange that would complement her darker complexion and brunette hair.
I hurried to the front door, hitching my purse higher on my shoulder as I pulled the door open, calling out to my mom that I’d be home again before going out for the night. I was lucky that she was sitting on the couch, book in hand, when I left so she didn’t notice the change in my appearance.
When I got to The Oak, Ash and Thorn, it was busier than I expected. I even had to drive around the shopping center and park in front of the coffee shop behind it. When I walked inside, I saw the temporary holiday help behind the counter trying to answer questions while ringing people up at the same time. I couldn’t see Deb anywhere. I waded through the people and shelves towards the back of the store, angling for the private meeting room. The sign on the door indicated someone was in the middle of a reading and not to be disturbed. I assumed it was Deb with a client, so I put her present in my purse and pushed my way back out of the store.
The crisp winter air rushed around me when I stepped outside, whisking away the clinging energy and emotions of so many pushy and impatient people. I breathed easier and shook out my hands, casting off the last few tingles.
I walked back around to the coffee shop, deciding to treat myself while I waited for Deb to come out of her session. I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick text to Deb to let her know I wanted to see her after her session and to let her know where I was waiting. Strangely, the coffee shop wasn’t nearly as busy as the stores around it, and for that, I was grateful.
“What can I get you?” the clerk asked me as soon as the jingling door fell shut behind me.
“Um,” I said a little startled by the anxious question. I looked up at the handwritten board trying to decide as the door opened behind me, bells ringing the announcement of another customer. “Just a medium coffee with a shot of toffee,” I finally decided.
“For here or to go?”
“Uh, I might not be here long enough to finish it,” I said uncertainly.
“Okay, I’ll just put it in a to-go cup,” he said, picking up one of the paper cups stacked next to the register.
“Thanks,” I said with a smile.
“Want a shot of chocolate syrup?” the clerk asked, writing my order on the cup in silver pen.
“Sure.”
“Whipped cream?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Yeah, that would be too much,” a familiar voice said behind me, just a little too close. My stomach clenched at the sound of his voice. I reached blindly in my purse for my wallet to pay, not wanting to turn around. “Oh, let me get that,” he said.
“No, thank you,” I said in a clipped voice. The clerk raised an eyebrow at me.
“I insist. I’ll just have an espresso please,” he ordered over my shoulder, leaning into my personal space. I inched closer to the counter.
“How much?” I asked, keeping my eyes firmly on the clerk. He glanced from me to the man behind me and back again, his mouth slightly open.
“Stop being stubborn, woman,” he said, his accent hitting the last word as he slipped a ten dollar bill on the counter. He stepped away from me without getting any change. The clerk actually winked at me then and turned to make our drinks. I sighed heavily.
“Are you following me?” I demanded, finally turning and facing Liam the vampire. He smirked at me from his chair, pushing one out for me with his foot. I stood behind it, arms crossed over my chest, waiting for an answer.
“Think awfully high of yourself, don’t you?”
“Well, you keep showing up wherever I am.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Don’t you?”
“No. I haven’t seen you since the bonfire. I’m sure you’ve been somewhere since then.” He cocked an eyebrow at me and pushed the chair another inch, making
it press against my thighs. With a soft curse, I fell into the chair. He’d pissed me off again by sneaking up on me. It really bothered me that I couldn’t feel vampires the way I could feel people. And it just didn’t seem fair that he could be out in the sun.
“You realize it’s only been a day since the bonfire, right?” I asked, setting my purse on the floor between my feet.
“So? I didn’t see you yesterday or last night; obviously I’m not following you.”
“I don’t think that makes it obvious, but whatever.” Just then the clerk called for our order, and before I could move, Liam was out of his chair, getting both from the counter. I watched him, my eyes fixed on my cup. When it made it to the table without any tampering, I opened the lid and added some cream to cool it off. With the shot of chocolate and toffee, it didn’t need any more sugar.
“So,” Liam said, testing the flavor of his espresso after adding the smallest amount of sugar, “how’ve you been, my darling?” I blinked at the term of endearment and the strangeness of seeing a vampire drink espresso.
“Why?”
“‘Why,’ what?”
“Why do you want to know how I’ve been?”
“Oh, I’m sorry; I thought maybe you were familiar with human customs. This is called ‘exchanging pleasantries.’” He set the tiny cup down on its saucer. “I ask how you’ve been, you tell me ‘fine’ or ‘good’ or whatever you please. Then you ask me the same and I answer, then we generally continue the conversation from there.”
I felt the heat rush up to my cheeks, anger starting to bubble as I stared at him. He grinned, goading me, wanting me to blow up and make a scene.
“I know how pleasantries work,” I said through clenched teeth.
“Good, I was afraid I’d have to walk you through this whole encounter, step by step.”
“Oh, my god,” I said, exasperated. “I meant why do you care how I’ve been? What interest is it of yours?” I said each word carefully like I was speaking to someone who didn’t understand English well. But all Liam did was chuckle. There was no goading him.
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