I sigh after flipping through several hangers. “Josie’s too tall. None of her dresses will fit me. I should run home and change.”
“Or you could just stay in the dress you’re wearing.”
My nose scrunches. “And stay in a stained outfit all day?”
“Just a few stains, princess.”
I rest my hand on my hip. “Look, if you came up here to judge me, then you can go back downstairs.”
“That’s not why I came up here.”
“Then why did you?”
His teeth grind together, arctic eyes boring into mine.
“Awesome. More scowling.” I roll my eyes and brush by him to return to the bathroom.
He stops me, clasping my hand. “Callie, please wait.”
I look down at our joined hands, noting the difference in the way this man touches me versus my own husband.
Paul grips my bicep, forceful and hard, to keep me where he wants me.
Cole clasps my hand, asking me to stay.
And it makes me want to.
“I came to check on you because you looked upset, and you shouldn’t let entitled assholes like them upset you.”
When was the last time someone cared that I was upset?
“I’m fine.” I slip my hand out of his and head back to the bathroom.
I soak the corner of a hand towel with cold water and attempt to scrub the stains out of my dress again—just to prove a point.
I’m no princess.
Cole reappears in the doorway and leans against the doorframe. “What was that you were saying before you came out of the bathroom?”
I glance up at his reflection in the oval mirror. “What?”
“Sounded like you were talking to yourself when I came upstairs.”
Heat creeps across my chest and onto my neck. “It’s an exercise. Something I do when I feel anxious.”
“Maverick, dream kitchen ...” His chin tips. “What does it all mean?”
“Why, so you can use it to mock me?”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
His eyes offer a silent plea. The man looks tormented, desperate for something. Like he needs to hear this.
“When I started having panic attacks last year, my therapist told me to run through a list of all the things I’m grateful for. I think about what makes me happy, what I’m fortunate to have.”
“And that helps?”
I shrug and drop the towel onto the counter. “It takes my mind off of whatever’s stressing me in the moment. Plus, it puts things in perspective. When things seem bad, when I feel like I’m spiraling, I remind myself of the things I love.”
Cole lifts an eyebrow. “What about your husband?”
“What about him?” Paul’s voice has both me and Cole whirling around.
He steps through the doorway, making Josie’s enormous bathroom suddenly feel small and crowded, shifting the energy.
Quick to explain myself, I wave my arm in front of my dress. “Spilled onion dip on myself like a klutz.”
Paul presses his lips to my temple, eyes locked on Cole in the mirror. “That’s my clumsy girl.”
“This is Josie’s brother, Cole. He’s staying with them for a while.”
Paul snakes one arm around my waist and reaches out to Cole with the other. “Good to meet you.”
Cole glares at his hand like it’s poison, his body language that of a coiled rattlesnake. A warning.
Then, like he snaps out of a spell, he clasps Paul’s hand and gives it a firm shake. “Likewise.”
The two are so visually different, their contrasting colors and tones like black and white. Paul’s groomed golden hair versus Cole’s unruly coffee-colored tresses. Paul’s warm eyes, light brown like a rich honey, while Cole’s steel-blue orbs are cold and piercing. They’re both tall with athletic statures, but Cole is hard, lean muscle, whereas Paul’s muscles are bulkier.
On the outside, Paul seems like the friendly, more charming of the two. But I’ve seen what lurks beneath the surface. Appearances can be deceiving, which makes me wonder what’s really underneath Cole’s surly exterior.
Why am I comparing the two?
“Let’s get back downstairs.” I turn to Paul and hold my arms out wide. “Do I look totally stupid?”
He shakes his head, eyes flicking to my arm. “Just put your sweater back on.”
Of course.
Cover up the imperfections so no one sees.
Cole is gone by the time Paul and I exit the bathroom. We head out to the backyard where more of Josie’s guests have gathered, but Cole is nowhere to be found.
“There they are.” Dan waves us over to the barbecue, sporting his Kiss the Cook apron. “One cheeseburger, medium-well for the lovely Callie Kingston, and one for the weirdo she’s married to who likes his meat still mooing on the plate.”
Paul claps him on the back. “Says the weirdo who eats dried-out hockey pucks.”
I smile as I take the paper plate. “Thanks, Dan. Can I get you another beer?”
“I’m all good. Go eat. Enjoy the party.”
Paul stays with Dan while he mans the grill, and I take the chair beside Josie at the table, steering clear of Jeff and Brenda. The kids are playing in the pool. Lucas and Serenity are passed out in a child-sized tent a few feet away from us.
Through the smoke wafting up from the grill, my eyes are drawn to the pool house. Curtains cover every window, drawn tight, blocking me from seeing in.
Or maybe they’re blocking Cole from seeing out.
What was that in the bathroom? Residual guilt for being rude, maybe. His twisted version of an olive branch after the way we met. But it felt like something more than that.
Why did Cole care to come check on me?
More importantly, why does that even affect me?
Josie nudges me with her elbow. “You okay, Cal?”
I take a bite of my cheeseburger. “Yeah, just a few stains on my dress. No big deal.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I look into her worried eyes and offer her a smile. “I’m fine. Really.”
She lowers her voice and leans closer. “I’m not a fan of Brenda or her husband. Dan only invited them because Jeff overheard some of the guys in the office talking about the party.”
“It’s okay. Next party, I’ll just wear a name tag that says Hello, My Name is Infertile Myrtle so nobody asks me if I have any kids.”
She doesn’t laugh at my lousy joke. “Have you tried talking to Paul about adoption again?”
The ache in my gut throbs. “He refuses to entertain the conversation.”
A frown tugs at Josie’s lips. “How are things between you two lately?”
My eyes find Paul across the yard. As if he can feel me staring, his gaze meets mine, and he sends me a wink.
I used to be so enamored with him. We were madly in love, in such bliss together. I still love him now, but it’s different. Tainted. Our relationship doesn’t have the same innocence and purity it used to.
My hope and happiness are being depleted, and I don’t know how to stop the hemorrhaging.
I smile at Paul and swing my attention back to Josie. “Things are good. It was tough for a while, but we’ve decided to stop trying to get pregnant. It was putting a strain on our relationship.”
“But you want kids, Callie.”
I drop my burger back onto the plate. “Four rounds of in vitro didn’t work. Neither did surgery on the fibroids, acupuncture, supplements, or any of the other things I’ve tried. Now with Paul’s sperm motility ... maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe ...” I chew my lip. “Maybe I’m not meant to have children.”
The thought is a painful reality that I must face.
Josie scoffs. “You can’t be serious. You’re a better mom than I am, and you don’t even have kids yet.”
“What else do you want me to say? I’ve tried everything. I have to accept it and move on.”
“But you’re willing to adopt.
That’s an option.”
“It’s not.”
“Why not?”
“Just drop it.” I look at her, my eyes pleading. “Please. Not today.”
She shakes her head but holds her tongue. “I don’t get it, Callie.”
And she never will.
She couldn’t possibly fathom what it’s like.
To accept the fact that your body is defective, even though men’s and women’s bodies are built to reproduce.
To try and try, each time getting your hopes up, only to have everything crash and burn in a pit of disappointment.
To see those two pink lines on the pregnancy test, followed by seeing a blood-filled toilet a month later.
Needles and hormones and pills.
Frustration and fighting and tears.
Again, and again, and again.
No, Josie will never understand what I’ve endured.
What I’ve put Paul through.
He’s all I’ve got now.
And that has to be enough.
Six
Cole
I need to chill the fuck out.
I pace the open room and chug another beer.
Paul doesn’t seem like a bad guy. I have no reason to buy into Josie’s accusation. And even if he is beating on Callie, that’s none of my business. It’s up to Callie to leave his piece-of-shit ass. I don’t know the girl. We’re not friends. To her, I’m just the scumbag living in the pool house.
Still, something nags me. Something yanking on the wheel every time I try to steer away from Callie Kingston. In the bathroom, she’d recited a ridiculous list of things she’s grateful to have.
Things.
Aside from her dog, nothing on that list truly matters in life. Yet it’s supposed to calm her. Help remind her of how good she has it, as if material items could ever make it worth whatever she’s going through.
And her husband’s name wasn’t on that list.
What’s more, when Paul stepped into the room, Callie’s whole demeanor changed. Her body curled inward like a scared turtle retreating into its shell. Panic flashed across her face. She looked like a teenager who got caught smoking in the bathroom at school.
None of that equates to domestic abuse. Those bruises on her arm, though ... I’d finally seen them for myself, and they definitely equate to something.
I just can’t fathom someone raising a hand to that woman—any woman. Callie radiates kindness and light, with the perfect combination of gentleness and sass. Josie loves her to death, so I know she must be a good person.
I shake my head, pulling at the ends of my hair.
Not my problem.
My front door flies open, and Josie’s head whips around until she spots me. “What the hell, Cole?”
“You just burst in here like the Kool-Aid Man. I think I should be the one asking what the hell.”
She rolls her eyes. “Why are you holed up in here by yourself?”
“Why do you care?”
“You’re my brother. Of course I care.”
“You don’t need me out there. You have plenty to keep you occupied. Always have.”
She props her hands on her hips. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Forget it.”
A soft knock comes from the door. Callie steps inside, chin down, eyes flitting between us. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but the kids want to know where the sparklers are.”
Josie heaves a sigh. “I hid them in my closet so Brandon wouldn’t find them. The kid’s a little pyro.”
“I’ll get them,” Callie says. “You stay here.”
“What’s the point?” Josie lifts her arms and lets them fall, her palms smacking her thighs. “I have plenty out there to keep me occupied, right, Cole?”
She storms past Callie who turns to me with a confused expression pinching her features.
I shake my head and toss my empty bottle into the sink.
“She feels guilty, you know,” Callie says. “She feels like she wasn’t there for you when your parents were sick.”
“Wasn’t much she could’ve done while she was popping out babies on the other side of the country.”
Callie lifts her chin. “Look, you can resent her all you want, but don’t take it out on her kids.”
My head jerks back. “Excuse me?”
“Miles wanted to ask you to play volleyball in the pool earlier, but Brandon told him not to. His exact words were ‘Uncle Cole doesn’t like us.’”
My gut twists.
“I don’t know you, but I’m going to give you some advice. Those kids are your family, Cole, and they’re wonderful. Don’t take them for granted.”
She’s gone in the next second, leaving me standing there with the guilt grenade in my hands.
It takes me thirty minutes to muster the balls to show my face outside.
As much as it pains me to be around people like this, I don’t want my nephews thinking I don’t like them. Callie’s right. They’re just kids. They don’t deserve my anger and bitterness. I have to suck it up. They’re the only family I have left.
I took the people in my life for granted once before. Can’t let that happen again.
“Hey, Uncle Cole!” Miles runs up to me as soon as I step outside. He holds out an unlit sparkler. “Want one?”
“Sure, kid. Thanks.”
His toothy smile beams. “Dad’s lighting them over here by the pool. Mom wants us close to the water in case we get lit on fire.”
I smirk. “That’s because your mom got burned by a sparkler when we were kids.”
“She did?” He swings his wide-eyed gaze to his brother. “Brandon! Uncle Cole said Mom got burned by a sparkler when she was little.”
Brandon throws his head back and laughs. “Can you tell us the story, Uncle Cole?”
I lower myself into a lawn chair beside him, and Miles plops onto the grass in front of me.
“Your mother thought it was a smart idea to pretend the sparklers were lightsabers.”
“Lightsabers?” Brandon asks.
“Yeah. Your mom and I used to love Star Wars.”
Miles cocks his head. “What’s Star Wars?”
My jaw goes slack. “I’m sorry. What did you just ask me?”
Dan shakes his head as he tosses me his lighter. “You’re lying. There’s no way my wife was into Star Wars.”
I twist around, scanning the yard until I spot my sister talking with Callie and a few other guests. “Josie! You need to come over here right now.”
Josie’s eyebrows draw together as she makes her way over to us with Callie in tow.
“What’s wrong?” she asks. “Did someone get burned?”
I heave a sigh for dramatic effect. “I was just telling your boys about that time you got burned by the sparkler, and then I told them how much you used to love watching Star Wars. Do you know what they said?”
She shakes her head, eyes bouncing from Brandon to Miles.
“They asked me what Star Wars was.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Your children ... have never seen Star Wars?”
Callie stifles a laugh, clamping her hand over her mouth.
Josie blinks rapidly. “I ... well ... we haven’t had time to sit down and watch movies.”
I scoff. “Brandon is almost a teenager! You mean to tell me that you haven’t had time to watch a single movie in twelve years?”
Dan folds his arms over his chest, feigning offense. “Didn’t even know you liked Star Wars, babe.”
“Uh, neither did I,” Callie says, raising her hand.
Josie hisses. “Don’t encourage him.”
“Well, that’s it.” I rub my palms together. “We’re going to have a Star Wars marathon this weekend.”
Brandon and Miles shoot up from their seated positions.
“Yeah!”
“This is gonna be awesome!”
“Watch the sparklers!” Josie yells as the boys run in circles, waving their sparklers over their heads
. “Your eyebrows won’t grow back in time for school in September!”
My gaze skates over to Callie, though I’m not sure why I’m looking for her approval.
Also, I’m not sure why my chest swells the way it does when I find her eyes already on me.
She shoots me a wink. “Nice job, Uncle Cole.”
I drag my fingers along the back of my neck. “Yeah, well, the princess gives good advice.”
She smooths her hands over the back of her dress as she lowers herself to sit on the grass. “Really wish you’d stop calling me that.”
“I won’t say it anymore if it really bothers you.”
“It does.” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. “But not because you’re wrong.”
Ah, shit. “Hey, listen. Forget about what I said. I was angry.”
She’s quiet as she continues worrying her lip, plagued by whatever thoughts are looming in her mind.
Thoughts I want to hear.
I’ve asked myself why all day. Why am I drawn to my sister’s friend? She’s a pretty face, nothing more.
But then I feel more. Like the brokenness inside me can somehow detect another lost soul. Someone who can understand me.
Or maybe misery just likes company.
The still water in the pool reflects in Callie’s green eyes. Her gilded curtain of hair falls over her shoulders, blond wisps blowing across her delicate features in the warm breeze.
I know I shouldn’t be staring. She’s married for fuck’s sake.
But Callie Kingston, in her stained dress and white sweater to cover her bruised secrets, is beautiful.
Breathtakingly so.
“Do you miss New York?” Her soft voice breaks the silence between us.
I pick at the label on my beer bottle. “That’s tough to answer.”
Her head turns, the full weight of her stare landing on me. Try, she silently tells me.
And for some reason, looking into her vulnerable eyes, I want to.
“I’ve lived in New York my whole life. Always loved it. The hustle and bustle, the busy streets and crowded places everywhere you go. I love the full effect of each season, hot highs and freezing lows, and everything in between.”
A smile dances on her lips. “Sounds amazing.”
“You’ve never been?”
What's Left of Me Page 5
