What's Left of Me

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What's Left of Me Page 15

by Kristen Granata


  I’m disgustingly sweaty when I pull up to Josie’s house. Sounds of the kids playing in the backyard echo as I walk up the path to the gate, but I don’t see Josie or Dan’s SUVs in the driveway.

  Laughter and splashing amplifies when I enter the yard and lock the gate behind me. I spot the top of Brandon’s head as he swims across the deep end, legs kicking water everywhere behind him.

  These kids shouldn’t be in the pool while no one’s home to supervise. Something could happen to them. Anger spikes my heart rate. With my eyebrows dipped down and my scowl in place, I open my mouth to scold him.

  But I freeze mid-step when my eyes land on Callie. She and Miles are sitting on the steps in the shallow end, watching the twins slap at the surface of the water.

  Golden waves hang loose around Callie’s shoulders, wet at the ends that stick to her skin. A pale-blue bikini top ties around her neck, accentuating her full chest. My eyes trail down her toned stomach to the matching blue bottoms that tie on either side of her hips. Her shapely legs have a sun-kissed sheen to them, and I drink them in until they disappear under the water. She looks like a goddamn fantasy.

  My throat goes dry, and desire fists deep in the pit of my stomach.

  “Uncle Cole’s home!” Brandon shouts.

  Callie’s head shoots up, and Miles waves excitedly.

  “Unkey Cole! Unkey Cole!” Lucas chants.

  I unclench my jaw and blow out an exhale. “Hi, guys.”

  “Come in with us,” says Miles.

  Brandon holds up a beach ball. “We can play volleyball.”

  I shake my head. “It’s been a long day, and I need to shower.”

  “Please, Uncle Cole. Come in for a little while and play with us.” Miles interlocks his fingers and pleads with me.

  Callie swims over to the edge of the pool where I’m standing, craning her neck and squinting up at me. “Do you have your phone on you?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Do you mind if I shoot a text to Josie? I left my phone inside.”

  “Sure.” I crouch down and hand her my cell.

  As she takes my phone, Callie’s other hand shoots out and grabs my wrist. She yanks on my arm, and I lose my balance. I fall forward, face-first into the cool water.

  When my head pops up, the boys are laughing and cheering. I sputter and spit, pushing my hair out of my eyes.

  And Callie Kingston is wearing a shit-eating grin on her face like the little she-devil she is.

  I arch a brow. “You needed to text Josie, huh?”

  She tosses my phone onto the grass and shrugs. “Didn’t want to ruin your phone in the water. You’re welcome.”

  I advance toward her, one step at a time. “How thoughtful of you.”

  She backs away as I edge closer. “I’m a pretty thoughtful person.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yep.”

  She’s got those stupid sunglasses on her face, and I want to snap them in half. Want to see her eyes go wide when I lunge at her.

  She squeals as I dive forward and hoist her up.

  “Cole, don’t you dare throw me. Cole ...”

  I jump and release her into the air. She flails and smacks the water, going under beside Brandon near the deep end.

  The boys now cheer for me, and Callie points at them when she reemerges. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”

  “Sorry, Callie,” Brandon says. “But that was hilarious.”

  She catches her sunglasses before they float away and sets them on the ground outside the pool. She glares at me, but I know there’s no malice there. The smile on her face gives her away.

  “Throw me!” Miles shouts. “Me next!”

  Callie and I spend the rest of the afternoon taking turns tossing the boys and playing volleyball while the twins circle us in their floats.

  When Serenity starts to get fussy, Callie takes her out of her float and hugs her to her chest. “They’re probably getting hungry. I’ll go get dinner started so Josie doesn’t have to worry about it when she gets back.”

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s shopping for Miles’ birthday party. She was going to take the twins and leave the boys here alone, but I told her I’d watch them.”

  “Why don’t I barbecue for us?”

  Callie’s eyebrows shoot up. “You’d do that?”

  I shrug. “It’ll be quick and easy. You go get the twins situated, and I’ll see what meat Dan has in the fridge.”

  She nods. “Come on, boys. Let’s dry off.”

  At the door of the pool house, I peel off my wet jeans and wring out my T-shirt, laying them on the grass to dry. I step inside, and when I turn around to close the door, my eyes lock with Callie’s from across the yard. She whips her head around as soon as I catch her staring and busies herself with drying off the twins.

  Why does that excite me?

  Why does being around that woman make me feel like I’m a kid again? As if I don’t have a care in the world. As if my wretched past never happened. As if we actually stand a chance. A chance at what, I have no fucking clue. But Callie makes me feel something I shouldn’t.

  Hope.

  It’s fucking absurd.

  There’s no hope for me.

  I’m ruined. Broken.

  I don’t have any business imagining what it’d be like to hold that woman in my arms and kiss her pain away.

  I don’t deserve to forget what I did.

  And being with Callie makes me want to forget.

  Hatred and grief coil my muscles, and just like that, I’m bitter and wound-up tight again.

  I change out of my wet boxer-briefs and throw on basketball shorts and a T-shirt. When I exit the pool house, Josie is back, showing Callie and the boys what she bought from the store.

  Josie smiles. “Heard you got wet, little brother.”

  I smirk. “Not by choice.”

  “Well, the boys sound like they had a blast. Callie, too. She told me that you got her a job at the diner.”

  I slip my hands into my pockets. “I did.”

  Josie’s expression softens, and she throws her arms around my neck. “Thank you for helping her. She really needed this.”

  I pat her on the back. “I know she did.”

  Josie steps back and gazes at Callie, who’s listening to Miles talk about his birthday party with a genuine smile on her face.

  “I think she’s going to be okay, Cole,” Josie whispers.

  “She will be.”

  Her eyes flick up to mine. “And you?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You have a huge heart. I know it’s broken, but it’s not gone. I see the way you are with the kids, the way you treat Callie. You’re a good man, Cole. You deserve to be happy again. And you can be, if you just let yourself.”

  I shake my head and start walking toward her sliding glass door. “I’m going to make dinner.”

  “This doesn’t have to be a life-sentence, you know,” she calls after me. “People have gone through this, and they’ve moved on and started over.”

  She’s baiting me, and I know it. Yet I can’t stop myself from firing back at her.

  I whip around and stab my finger in the air. “You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about, so why don’t you stop telling me what to do as if you have a clue what I’m going through?”

  Callie and the kids stop talking, looking up at me with wide eyes and open mouths.

  But Josie crosses her arms over her chest, clearly not ready to back down. “I don’t have to know what you’re going through to know that you’re throwing the rest of your life away. You spend all your time alone, drinking yourself into oblivion in that damn pool house.” She takes a few steps toward me. “You’re punishing yourself for a crime you didn’t commit. It wasn’t your fault, Cole. How many times do I need to tell you for it to sink in?”

  “You saying it doesn’t make it so!” My nostrils flare as my anger boils over. “You weren’t there! You d
idn’t see the way she looked.” I choke on my words as the image sears my brain. “I have to live with what I did for the rest of my life. I see it every time I close my eyes. It’s fucking torture. And you will never understand. Not with your perfect life. You don’t get to talk to me about this.”

  “Then talk to someone who can help you.” Josie gestures to Callie. “Callie’s been through the wringer, but you don’t see her sulking around and snapping at the people who care about her. She’s going to therapy.”

  Callie stands, lifting her hands in front of her. “Please don’t bring me into this. Everyone’s different.”

  “Yeah,” Josie says with a bitter laugh. “Some people want to get help, and others are just too fucking stubborn.”

  “Fuck you, Josie.” I turn around and storm back to the pool house.

  “Cole, wait.” Callie’s feet crunch on the grass behind me as she runs after me.

  But I don’t wait.

  There’s nothing she can say that will make this better.

  That will make me better.

  I slam the door shut just as Callie reaches it.

  I need to keep her out.

  Away from me.

  Twenty

  Callie

  “There’s something you should know about me before I sign these papers.”

  Gertie lifts one penciled-in brow and looks at me from over the rim of her glasses. “That’s never a sentence an employer wants to hear from her newly hired employee.”

  I laugh. “Well, I haven’t escaped from the mental ward or anything like that. But I have anxiety. Sometimes, I’ll have a panic attack out of nowhere, and I can’t stop it.”

  Her head tilts. “What is it you need from me when that happens?”

  I shrug, averting my eyes to my white apron. “No one’s ever asked me that before.”

  “Oh, dear.” Gertie’s hand comes up to cup my face, and it trembles slightly. “I’d be honored to help you. Just tell me what I can do when you feel it coming on, okay?”

  I nod, swallowing the emotion in my throat. “Thank you.”

  “Well, I suppose I should share a secret with you now.” Gertie heaves a sigh, planting her hands on her hips. “I know you might be a bit surprised to hear this, but I’m getting old, Callie.”

  I bite my bottom lip to stifle a laugh. “You don’t look a day over thirty.”

  She pats her silver bouffant and smiles. “Flattery gets you everywhere.”

  “So, what does your age have to do with anything?”

  “My hands don’t work like they used to.” She holds them out in front of her, demonstrating how shaky they are. “I’m looking to take less of a hands-on role here. That’s why I’m so glad you came along. It’s like fate brought us together.”

  My eyebrows lift. “That must be a very hard decision for you to make.”

  She nods. “It’s killing me to think about not being in front of that stove every day, but it’s also killing me physically.”

  “Well, good for you for taking care of yourself.”

  “I have to, dear. Lesson number one: Take care of yourself. Nobody else will do it better than you can.”

  I hum as I let her wise words sink in. “That’s a lesson I’m working on.”

  “Glad to hear it, sugar. It’s never too late to learn how to love yourself. Now, sign those papers, and let’s get cooking!”

  The morning flies by. When lunchtime rolls around, I smell like fried oil, and the balls of my feet throb. But I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.

  I love it here.

  After the lunch rush dies down, Gertie saunters over to me and bumps my hip with hers. “Your friends are here. Why don’t you take your lunch break and eat with them?”

  “My friends?”

  “Billy and Cole.”

  My stomach clenches at the sound of Cole’s name. “Oh, are you sure that’s okay?”

  She smacks me with a hand towel. “Of course, child. You need to eat. Can’t have you passing out on the first day. I’ll whip you up what the boys are having.”

  I grin and remove my apron and hairnet. “Thanks, Gertie.”

  I don’t know why I’m nervous to see Cole. If anything, he’s the one who should be nervous to see me after the way he acted yesterday. But I feel bad for him. Josie didn’t need to jump on him like that, especially not in front of me and the kids.

  “You weren’t there! You didn’t see the way she looked.”

  I was up half the night wondering what he was talking about. It makes me sick to think about what he went through.

  Billy’s face lights up when he spots me exiting the kitchen. “Hello, Miss Callie. How’s the first day going?”

  Cole’s eyes meet mine, and I offer him a smile. “It’s going great. I love it already.”

  “Knew you would.” Billy chugs half of his iced water. “Lucky us, we get to see you every day now.”

  My cheeks flush as I walk around the counter and take the seat on the stool beside Cole. “Do you mind if I sit with you guys? I’m on break.”

  “Of course we don’t mind.” Billy smacks Cole’s arm with the back of his hand. “Isn’t that right?”

  He nods once. “I’m glad to hear your day is going well.”

  I lean in so Billy can’t hear me. “Cole, I’m really sorry about yesterday. Josie was out of line, and—”

  “Don’t. It’s fine.”

  I chew the inside of my cheek. “Your sister cares about you. She has a huge heart, and she hates to see anybody suffering.” I shrug. “She just wants to help.”

  “Well, she should help the people who want her help.”

  I nod. Then I nudge him with my shoulder and attempt to be playful. “At least you’ve got the pool house to escape to. I’m stuck with her in the house.”

  I expect Cole to chuckle or at least flash me a smirk. Instead, his eyebrows collapse as he puts those stunning steel eyes on me. “Do you want to take the pool house? I could switch with you if you’d prefer it.”

  My mouth falls open, and I can’t seem to form a response.

  Is he seriously willing to give up his isolation in the pool house for me?

  “God, no. Cole, I was just kidding. I would never ask you to switch with me.”

  He hikes a shoulder. “I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I’m offering. You went from that big mansion to a room inside my sister’s mansion. It’s gotta be an adjustment.”

  I shake my head. “No. Absolutely not. That pool house is yours. I’m fine in the guest room.”

  “All right,” Billy says, leaning over. “Anybody want to tell me what we’re whispering about?”

  “No,” Cole says before I can answer.

  Billy wags his finger. “Secrets, secrets are no fun.”

  “You finish that sentence, and I’m going to punch you.”

  Billy chuckles. “How do you deal with this guy?”

  I grin. “He’s not so tough underneath his scary exterior. I’d even dare to say that he’s sweet.”

  Cole shakes his head and pulls the brim of his hat lower, but I swear I see a smile trying to peek through.

  “Pffft. Sweet? I can’t even picture it.”

  “Did Cole ever tell you how we met?”

  Billy shakes his head. “He mentioned that you live across the street from his sister.”

  I’m about to tell Billy the story, but Cole suddenly springs to his feet.

  I swivel on my stool to see what’s going on, and my stomach drops when I see Paul standing inside the diner.

  “Paul, what are you doing here?”

  He walks toward me, slowly, with his hands out in front of him like he’s approaching a scared animal. “I’m not here to cause trouble.”

  Then his eyes land on Cole, and his entire demeanor changes. “What’s he doing here?” he growls.

  Cole steps forward. “I should be asking you the same question.”

  I stand between the two of them, looking up at Cole. “Please,
don’t cause any problems for me on my first day.”

  His eyes widen. “He’s the one causing problems. He shouldn’t be here.”

  “Let me talk to him. Please, just stay calm.”

  Cole’s jaw flexes as his eyes shoot daggers at Paul.

  I look at my husband and jerk my head in the direction of the kitchen. “Come with me.”

  I lead him down the hall, and Gertie’s eyes narrow when she sees Paul follow me in and close the door.

  “Gertie, this is my husband, Paul. He came to talk. Do you mind if we talk back here while you’re cooking?”

  “Sure, doll.”

  Paul’s eyes bounce between me and Gertie, and he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. “Can’t we go somewhere a little more private?”

  I fold my arms over my chest. “You’re at my place of work, and I don’t have a lot of time. What’s wrong? Why are you here?”

  His shoulders slump. “You won’t answer any of my calls or texts. I just wanted to see you.”

  My eyebrows hit my hairline. “That’s why you’re here?”

  He takes a step forward, reaching out for me. “I miss you. I want you to come back home.”

  His eyes are glassy and bloodshot. He looks ...

  “Are you drunk?”

  He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “It’s been so hard without you, Callie.”

  “I told you I needed some time, Paul. It’s only been a week.”

  “How long do you need to figure out if you want to be with me anymore? We’re married, for God’s sake. We should be together.”

  “We should be. But you made it clear that you can’t control your temper around me.”

  Paul’s eyes slice to Gertie, whose back is facing us while she flips a couple of hamburgers on the grill.

  Always worried about what everyone else thinks.

  “Have you found a therapist?”

  He shakes his head. “Not yet. But it’s at the top of my list of things to do.”

  At that, Gertie glances over her shoulder, and I have to bite my lower lip to keep from smirking at her pissed-off expression.

  “Look, Paul. I asked you for time to think, and you haven’t even taken a step toward getting help. We’re nowhere near ready to be together again.”

 

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