This is exactly the kind of night I want to give Callie.
Even if it’s just for tonight.
Callie gasps when I pull into the parking lot. “I’ve always wanted to try this place! It’s so beautiful and serene on the water.”
“I figured you’d like it.”
Her head tilts. “How do you know me so well?”
I shrug. “I’m technically a genius. Just ask Josie.”
She swings her door open. “Oh, this story I’ve gotta hear.”
The hostess brings us to our reserved table outside under string lights, with the moonlight glistening off the lake as our backdrop. We order drinks and appetizers to start while we look over the menu.
“Okay, genius.” Callie slaps her menu closed. “Let’s hear it.”
“When Josie and I were in high school, our parents wanted to have a yard sale to get rid of some junk in the attic. While we were going through everything, we found this paperwork from a doctor that I’d seen when I was a kid. Apparently, I had a lot of energy, so Mom wanted to have me tested for ADD. In his report, the doctor mentioned how my IQ was above average and that I was a genius.”
I lean back and fold my arms over my chest. “It took us a few minutes to realize that the report was for a child named Alexander Spotswood.”
Callie’s mouth drops open. “Your parents had someone else’s report?”
I nod with a laugh. “Yup. All those years, they’d assumed I was exceptionally smart. They even bragged about it to a few of their friends. So, I always teased Josie, saying that I was the genius in the family.”
Callie hunches forward with laughter. “That’s hilarious. I wonder if Alexander Spotswood has your report.”
“He’s a genius, so he probably figured it out long before we did.”
“I love how close you were to your parents. I was like that with my mom.”
I take a swig of beer. “But not your father?”
She shakes her head. “He wasn’t the nicest dad. But he wasn’t the worst either, I suppose.”
I reach across the table for her hand. “You always see the good in everyone.”
“It’s a defect.”
“No, it’s not. It proves what a genuine soul you have.”
She smiles, hitting me with those spectacular emerald irises. “It’s what helped me see who you are, underneath your gruff exterior.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know why you spoke to me again after the way I exploded on you the first day we met.”
“I could tell that you were hurting. I saw it in your eyes. I wondered what could’ve happened to you that was so bad.”
My thumb sweeps over the top of her hand. “I’m glad you gave me a second chance.”
“And I’m glad you’re giving us a chance. Tonight.”
Us.
I thought I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life. Thought it was the consequence for what I did.
Now I’m part of an us.
“I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, Callie. I’m still not sure I can be what you need. But I’m willing to try. The alternative—staying away from you—just isn’t possible.”
A tear slips free, and she swipes it away. “That’s all I can ask of you, Cole. I don’t know what I’m doing, either. But we have each other, and that’s all we need.”
I hope she’s right.
After dinner, we take our leftovers back to the Jeep.
Before she gets in on the passenger side, I cup her face and tilt it up. “Am I taking you back to Gertie’s, or do you want to come back to the pool house with me? No pressure either way.”
She lifts onto her toes and brings her lips to my ear. “Take me to your place.”
A shiver runs down my spine.
There’s a small voice in my head telling me to stop here, saying, Once you do this, you can never go back.
But I ignore it and try to remain in the moment.
One night. That’s all I want is one night free of guilt and suffering.
As soon as we get to the pool house, Callie drops her purse to the floor, and we’re a frenzy of hands and lips. She opens her mouth and tangles her tongue with mine. I swallow her breathy moans, and the rumble sends vibrations down through every nerve ending in my body.
Greed knots in the pit of my stomach, the mounting need about to overflow. It’s a sin to corrupt an angel. I shouldn’t, but desire takes over, and I throw caution to the wind.
Callie’s hands dip under my shirt, and her touch scorches my skin as they trail up my torso. I tear my shirt up and over my head, letting it fall by our feet. She takes a step back and lets her eyes feast on me for a moment.
“You’re so beautiful,” she murmurs.
I spin her around and bring my lips to her neck while I pull on the zipper at her back. She shudders as the fabric pools at her feet, leaving her in nothing but a strapless bra and white G-string panties.
I run my fingertips down her arms, interlacing our fingers for a brief moment. “You’re the beautiful one, Callie. A perfect angel who looks like sin and temptation.”
“I want you, Cole.” Her voice is a trembling whisper. “I want your hands on me. I want you to touch me. I want to feel you.”
It’s now that I remember how much pain this woman has endured. The swollen eyes, the broken skin, the purple marks. This flawless, magnificent body has never been fully appreciated or respected.
I turn her until she’s facing me. “Show me where he hurt you.”
Her eyebrows pinch together, and disbelief twists her features. “What?”
“I want you to show me all the places you’ve ever been hurt, Callie. I want to erase every mark he’s ever left on you, and I’m going to replace the old memories with a new one.”
Her eyes glisten, and she shakes her head. “You don’t have to do that.”
I grip the back of her neck and bring her lips to mine. “Show me, Callie. Let me heal you.”
Her hand trembles as she points to her eye, and I press a kiss to her soft lid. Her finger moves to her cheek next, the one I saw bruised from the back of that monster’s hand. I press my lips to her cheekbone, and a salty tear meets me there.
She directs me to her neck, where his fingers once wrapped around, and I kiss her delicate skin again and again.
Callie leads me to every inch of bare skin on her body, places I knew he’d hurt her and the places he hurt her before I knew her.
I sink to my knees, worshiping her the way a goddess like her deserves. I kiss the small scars from her fibroid surgery.
Then, finally, she brings her finger to the last spot, hovering over her panties.
I sit back on my heels, looking up at her with uncertainty in my gaze.
She nods, and another tear falls.
I swallow around the emotion lodged in my throat like a boulder, trying to stay focused on the here and now. I hook my fingers into the flimsy strings on either side of her hips, and I drag the material down her legs.
I press a gentle kiss to Callie’s most sensitive spot, and her legs quiver. My hands snake around to her ass and grip two overflowing handfuls. I groan as I lean in for another kiss, and another. I shower her with tender affection until her hips jut forward to meet me.
She fists my hair in her hands, begging for me. “Please, Cole.”
I drag my tongue up her seam, inhaling her sweet scent, and she releases another moan. My eyes lock with hers, and her gaze never wavers. She watches me while I work my tongue, lapping up her arousal, bringing her closer to bliss. I reach up and unsnap the clasp on her bra, releasing the most glorious breasts I’ve ever seen.
Full and round, I squeeze them as she arches her back, serving them up to me, and my thumb draws a circle around a rosy nipple.
She lifts her leg and drapes it over my shoulder, opening herself up wider for me, and I let out a deprived growl. I slip a finger inside of her, encircling her clit with my tongue at the same time.
“Oh G
od, Cole. Yes. Please, yes.”
And then my beautiful Callie comes undone. She shivers as wave after wave consumes her, pressing my face against her core and holding me where she needs me.
Her body goes slack, and I stand to bear her weight, cradling her in my arms.
“Cole,” she whimpers against my chest.
“I’m here, Callie. I’ve got you.”
Her fingers snake between us to make quick work of my zipper, and she pushes my pants down to my ankles. She palms me through my boxer-briefs and pulls my mouth down to hers, kissing me passionately.
My manic heart hammers in my chest, and I’m unable to contain the excitement that’s been pulsating between my legs. I shove my boxers down, and my dick springs free, straining for Callie like it knows where it belongs.
I relish the gasp that tears from her parted lips as she sets her hungry gaze on me. She takes me into her hand and gives me a few pumps before lowering herself onto the mattress behind her.
I stroke myself while I watch her lie back and spread her legs, certain that I’ve never seen anything sexier. I crawl on top of her, and we kiss while I rock back and forth over her wetness. Her legs wrap around my waist, and she claws at my back, moaning, begging me for nonsensical things.
I’m right there with her.
Totally gone for this woman who obliterated any semblance of control I’d clung to.
It’s clear now; I lost control the second she walked into Josie’s backyard.
Our eyes lock, and I try to convey everything I can’t bring myself to let pass through my lips.
You, Callie.
It’s you.
You’re all I want.
I reach for the box of condoms I’d bought earlier today and roll one over my length. Callie aligns us, lifting her pelvis, and when I push myself inside her, the dam breaks.
Emotion gushes free, bringing with it the muck and sludge from the very bottom of my depths. The parts of me that I’ve kept hidden for so long, the parts I’m ashamed to allow to be seen, the guilt and the hatred and the rage.
Callie opens Pandora’s box and sets my soul free.
She meets me thrust for lustdrunk thrust, and we kiss as if our lives depend on it.
Right now, it feels like they do.
She’s warm and tight—so tight—around me, and I lose myself in the maddening rhythm as I drive into her over and over again.
“I’ve had it wrong, Callie. This whole time I thought you needed a savior, and I knew I couldn’t be that man. But I see it so clearly now. You’re my savior. My angel. My redemption.”
“And you’re my hope.” She grips my face, and our gazes entangle. “Give me everything, Cole. I want all of you.”
She grips onto my ass and pushes me deeper, begging for more. “Let go. Please. Let go.”
I want to so badly, to release my hold on the past. To fall. To forget. To leave it all behind and start anew. Want it so badly I can taste it. My soul is tired, and I have no will left.
So, I take the advice of my wise, old friend, and I let this beautiful angel guide me out of the darkness.
I hike her legs up, pressing her knees to her chest, and I plunge deeper, harder, faster.
“Oh my God, yes,” she whimpers.
Callie comes, crying out as the waves of pleasure rack her body, and I follow, holding her close as we go under. We become one, moaning and gasping, completely lost in the moment, lost in each other. I kiss her mad, and I can’t tell if it’s her tears or mine soaking our skin. Maybe it’s both.
And the remaining pieces of my heart splinter off and wash away with the flood.
Twenty-Nine
Callie
My body jolts awake.
My hands are frantic as they reach out across the sheets for fear he isn’t here, that it was all just a dream.
But Cole’s warm, smooth skin is at my fingertips, a mere breath away.
“You want more already?” he grunts, his voice hoarse from sleep. “You’re insatiable, woman.”
I smile. “Just checking to make sure you’re still here.”
“Told you I’m not going anywhere.” He pulls me into him, and our legs interlock. “Is that what has you up so early?”
I hum as his feather-light fingertips trail down my back, leaving goosebumps in their wake. His presence comforts me, as do his words, but the questions still swarm my mind, anxiety circling like a shark who smells blood in the water.
What does this mean for us?
Am I moving too quickly?
Does he regret this?
When will he open up about his past?
Will he ever let me all the way in?
I don’t want to be that woman who asks a man to define their relationship after one night together, yet I can’t help but wonder.
“My head is spinning. Last night ... last night was ...”
“I know, Callie. I know.”
“You felt it too?”
“I was right there with you.” His lips brush against my forehead. “Still am.”
I gaze into his steel eyes. “This doesn’t feel real. Three months ago, I was living a different life.”
“I’m so glad you’re not in that life anymore.”
I prop myself up onto my elbow. “What was your old life like? Back in New York, before everything went bad.”
I feel him start to slink back inside himself, signaling for the guards to raise the drawbridge, preventing me from finding a way to reach him.
“It doesn’t matter.”
I press my palm to his chest, over his heart, as if I could reach in and cradle it in my hand like an injured bird. “It does matter, Cole. It’s a part of you. I want to know you.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t want to know that.”
“What are you so afraid of? Why won’t you just tell me?”
His thumb skates over my cheek, my jaw, my lips. “Don’t you see, Callie? It’s you who should be afraid. I’m not this wonderful man you think I am. I keep trying to tell you, but you won’t listen.”
“I won’t listen to you because you’re wrong.” I swing my leg over him, straddling his waist until I’m hovering above him, my hair falling around his face so that I’m the only thing he can see. “Whatever you’ve done in your life, whatever mistakes you’ve made, it has led you to this very moment. It has turned you into the man I know.”
I take his hand and place his palm to my cheek. “You’re the man who sees me. Who hears me. Who believes in me.”
I take his other hand and flatten it over my heartbeat. “You’re the man who makes me feel.”
I roll my hips against his hardening length. “You make me want.”
Grief and anguish twist his features, mixing with adoration and desire emanating from his eyes. “You make me feel like I deserve a second chance,” he whispers.
“You do. We all do. Even the worst of us. If you’re truly sorry, and you want to make things right, then you can have that second chance.”
His hand moves from my face to the back of my neck, and he draws me down to him, kissing me softly. “What if I can’t make things right? What if I don’t get a do-over after what I did?”
Dread tightens my stomach as I try to make sense of what that might mean.
“I didn’t mean to, Callie. I didn’t fucking mean for it to happen. But the responsibility was mine. The blame lies with me.”
I pepper his beautiful face with kisses, desperate to heal him in any way I can. “If you didn’t mean to, then it was an accident. And accidents happen, even the most tragic ones. You can’t banish yourself to a life of misery and isolation. Whoever you hurt wouldn’t want that for you.”
A lone tear slides down over the contours of his face, dropping onto the pillow. “All she wanted was me. I let her down.”
She.
Penny, his ex-wife?
Someone else?
A child?
“Who, Cole? Who did you let down?”
His eyes sq
ueeze shut as he brings our foreheads together, and he whispers the softest sound. “My daughter.”
I choke back a gasp, trying to keep the horror from flashing across my face. I don’t press him for more. I won’t. He’s already given me more than he can handle.
Instead, I wrap my arms around him, burying my face in the crook of his neck, suctioning our bodies together. I hold onto him as tightly as I can, showing him that I’m here, I’m staying. That I’ll hold all of his broken pieces and put him back together.
If only he’ll let me.
The following weeks all mesh together.
Long days on my feet in the diner, making sure everything’s running smoothly.
Evenings at Gertie’s, making sure she’s taking her medications and eating the healthy foods I’ve been cooking for her.
Nights spent tangled in the sheets with Cole.
I’m exhausted, running on fumes from the lack of sleep. But I wouldn’t trade these nights for the world.
Each night, I arrive at the pool house, our clothes come off, and we’re reaching for each other. I wonder if it’ll always be this way with Cole, and why it wasn’t this way with anyone before him.
Maybe it’s because I’m finally the person I want to be. I say what I feel, I do what makes me happy, and I’m surrounded by loving and supportive people.
I no longer live in fear.
I’m free.
The sadness of not being able to have a family of my own will always lurk in the dark corners of my mind. There will always be days when I’ll see a woman and her baby and yearn for what I’ll never have. There’ll always be nights I cry into my pillow after playing with Josie’s kids. Birthdays, and holidays, and gatherings of any kind will serve as reminders.
I may never be a mother, and I need to learn how to accept that.
Everyone’s waiting for me when I walk into Josie’s house.
Brandon and Miles jump on me when I enter the living room.
“Callie, you’re on my team with Dad.” Brandon takes my hand and drags me toward the couch.
What's Left of Me Page 22
