by Janey Rosen
“No I don’t bloody well knock, and I hardly think you should be questioning me so bloody huffily, when you just spied on us having sex!” I reply, rage turning my cheeks red now, my hands firmly on my hips in a challenging stance.
“Believe me, Elizabeth, you’ve a lot to learn if you find that so disconcerting,” she retorts and continues languidly brushing her glossy locks.
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” I screech. She’ still brushing, and I’m tempted to rip out a handful of her lustrous dark hair at this point.
“What exactly upset you? Was it the fact that you were watched - or the fact that you were watched doing things you haven’t done before?”
I’m horrified by her insolence but she continues. “Because it seems to me, Elizabeth, that you’re ashamed and truly, you have nothing to be ashamed about – it’s all perfectly natural.” I take a step back, trying to comprehend what she’s saying to me.
“It’s not natural Scarlett … to watch two people having sex is absolutely not natural, and I don’t think Sebastian is happy at all about you watching us.”
“Oh? I think you’ll find he’s fine about it Elizabeth, why don’t you ask him?” The blatantly disrespectful harlot has gone too far, and I intend to see to it that Sebastian dismisses her ass immediately.
“Ask me what?” Sebastian stands in the doorway, one arm resting on the frame and the other stroking his chin, his expression unreadable. I spin around and beseech him to take action against the tramp.
“She admits spying on us Sebastian! You have to fire her …” I exclaim in exasperation, ignoring his question. His eyes are on hers I notice, not mine and I click my fingers at him impatiently to snap his attention back to me.
“Admits it hmm?” he turns his gaze to me now. “Some people find it rather erotic being watched. Does that not turn you on?” he asks, his eyebrow arched awaiting my reply. I’m speechless.
“Hello? Am I the only person here who has a sense of decency?” my high-pitched voice enquires, my eyes darting from him to her. Neither of them shows any sign of remorse. Each has a smile on their lips – a knowing smile as if they’re part of a club and I’m the outsider, not party to some secret handshake or coded language.
Scarlett sighs, puts her hairbrush down onto her dressing table and rises. She’s wearing a sheer white night dress made of delicate tulle, the thin straps barely supporting the floaty garment. I can see the dark shadow of her nipples through the fabric - the outline of her slim figure silhouetted by the lamp on her nightstand. She’s so beautiful – an ethereal beauty. I feel sure Sebastian has noticed her near nudity.
“Come Elizabeth,” he proffers his hand toward me but I ignore it, shooting him a disdainful glare. I want him to object and hiss at her but instead he continues to hold out his hand to me.
He’s staring at Scarlett - at that moment I’m sure that they are still lovers, and it sickens me to my core.
Scarlett steps toward me and she, too, reaches out for me. I’m between them both. Each is reaching for me and yet I trust neither and I back away from both, until I feel the cold metal of her bed frame behind my knees. She reaches me, where I stand, her arms encircling me. She embraces my rigid body – rendered immobile by the shock of her audacity - her lips close to my ears, her warm breath against my neck and she whispers, “everything’s fine, sweet girl, you have nothing to worry about, you’re here where you belong …” She releases me from her embrace and pads barefoot to Sebastian’s side where they both regard me with matching smirks. “I think we’ll be good friends Elizabeth, we’ve a lot in common – more than you think,” she says.
“Ok, I get it,” I snarl. “It’s still going on isn’t it?” I look from one to the other but neither seems to be willing to explain anything to me. Then Sebastian moves toward me and takes my hand, pulling me down with him to sit on the side of the bed. He looks up at Scarlett and I notice the coldness in her expression as she eyes Sebastian’s arm around my waist protectively, she averts her eyes from his.
“I’d rather eat my own eyeballs, than be friends with you, lady,” I hiss at Scarlett.
Scarlett sighs resignedly. “You need to lighten up. You really do not want to make an enemy of me, trust me.”
“Is that a threat?” I yell, harnessing the last remnants of self-control so as not to slap her smug face.
“Enough, you two,” he barks sharply. Leave us Scarlett I want to talk to Elizabeth in private.”
“Yes Sir, if you need me I’ll be in the kitchen, I’ll make cocoa.” She closes the bedroom door behind her and we’re alone.
I chew my lip nervously, feeling unexpectedly self-conscious in his presence now and feeling angry and hurt too. Jealous – I feel insanely jealous of the bond that the two of them clearly share.
“I want to know,” I declare. “If you and Scarlett still sleep together, then I have a right to know; though how you manage to maintain the charade of ‘employer,’ I have no idea. It’s just plain weird Sebastian - plain weird and wrong.” He’s still clutching my hand in his and when I try to withdraw it he increases his grip.
“We don’t sleep together Elizabeth, I promise you that,” he says quietly.
“I don’t believe you,” I whisper, tears pricking my eyes as my dreams are shattered, as the brutal reality of his betrayal crushes my heart. Then the anger boils within me. “No, I get it. God I’m stupid; you have free sex with me – hell it’s probably a novelty for you not to have to pay for it! Shit, I’m so stupid, men are all the same; why did I think you’d be different?”
He places a finger across my lips to hush me and turns my chin so that he’s looking into my watery eyes.
“It’s not like that Elizabeth, and you’ll see that if you give me … us … a chance. This isn’t about me - it’s about you. You’ve been goodness knows how many years living a frigid and suppressed existence and what you’ll find here is the panacea to your discontent. You’ve so many insecurities. Fuck, what has he done to you? You see only the darkness, never the light.”
He wipes away the tears, which roll down my cheek, but I flinch at his touch, confused at his aptitude for turning the tables so intuitively, when I am still mad at him.
“I want to unlock your deepest desires and release your inhibitions and frustration my darling. Think of your time here with me as your time to be who you want to be. No one here will judge you or disapprove of anything you do or say. Equally, you must afford the same courtesy to me, to live as I please and be who I am, without judging me or thinking you can change me. You have to trust me. Everything I do, or ask you to do, is in your best interests. Do you trust me?”
“I don’t know… I want to but it’s all so far removed from my normal life. To lose control, like you want me to, is so alien to me. I need time. Shit, I feel jealous of her. You have to understand that I’ve no self-confidence any more. I doubt myself all the time. Why the hell are you with me?”
He pauses while he digests what I’ve said to him
“You’re my girlfriend Elizabeth, my love. I’ll take care of you and the children, and I’ll allow you to experience things that you’ve never even fantasised about. You can pass your fears, your insecurities to me to shoulder them for you, and the real Elizabeth can be free and unburdened. Now, isn’t that tempting?” It is tempting, so enticing but so wrong. He seems to know exactly how to tap into my psyche, to extract my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and lay them bare in front of me. I find myself aroused by his offer – like Eve wanting to take a bite of the forbidden fruit, aware of the dire consequences, but giving in to temptation regardless.
I’ve always been one to push boundaries and take risks, never overly dwelling on the consequences of my actions, nor analysing potential pitfalls prior to choosing a path to follow. It doesn’t surprise me how easily I push aside the weird freakery of this house. My inner she-devil is awakening after a seventeen-year hibernation, and I’m sure there is little that can stop her.
“I don’t want to be made to feel jealous about Scarlett. What you do when I’m not here is up to you but when I am here, you are only with me. Understood?” What on earth am I suggesting? It will never be alright for him to be with her, under any circumstances.
“Only you,” he sooths. “There is only you, anything Scarlett and I shared was superficial and short-lived. I’ve told you this before. She’s a vulnerable girl and sometimes her expectations and romanticism needs to be tempered, and I will do so. She’s not a threat to us, Elizabeth.”
“She needs to be reminded to respect our privacy. You and she may think it’s ok to do all manner of things, but I’m not like that.”
His hand strokes my back in comforting circular movements. His deep hazel eyes are unflinching as they stare into my soul. “We just live a more liberal lifestyle here. Don’t judge us here. Just know how I feel about you.”
“It’s bloody perverse though,” I counter. He shakes his head in apparent exasperation before leading me from Scarlett’s bedroom.
There is so very much to absorb and think about, but right now, I am exhausted. I’ll think about all this evening’s weirdness in the morning. It’s Christmas Eve and I want my children to have a happy day tomorrow.
17
Christmas morning has dawned. It’s a magical vista from the house this morning - it’s a bright crisp day, a heavy overnight frost glistens across the expansive grounds, a scattering of deer stand majestically, like reindeer, across the paddocks.
I wake a sleepy Bella at nine, by which time Joe is excited enough to combust. Scarlett is already busily peeling vegetables, by the time we all gather in the kitchen. She and I work together, preparing breakfast of smoked salmon and deliciously creamy scrambled eggs. Neither of us mentions our altercation, and she is particularly friendly toward me it seems. Certain that her motives are disingenuous I remain cautious, but refuse to allow her to dampen my high spirits. We all breakfast together, seated around the kitchen table, the children guessing what their gifts may be. I feel more excited than the children. Even when they were tiny, I would be the first to wake - banging noisily about the house to wake the children so that we could open our presents. Alan was never one for Christmas preferring to slope off to the pub for a late morning whisky than to share in the festivities.
The Christmas tree which Sebastian bought yesterday gives off a wonderfully fragrant pine scent and the tiny coloured lights twinkle on its’ branches. At the base of the tree, which sits next to the fireplace in the great hall, is a small mountain of brightly wrapped gifts. I have placed my gifts to Sebastian and the children at the back of the pile, so that the children don’t snoop.
Scarlett has already put the enormous free-range turkey into the range to slowly roast and the aroma from the kitchen is divine.
Mother calls after breakfast and the children and I chat excitedly to her, and end the call wishing her and my aunt a very merry Christmas. I tell her I miss her dreadfully but that we are all having a wonderful time. I make a mental note to spoil her next year to make up for being absent this holiday season.
Next I call Ruth, who is bursting with questions as to how Sebastian and I are getting along. It’s difficult to talk openly as the children are beside me but I tell her everything is wonderful and we exchange festive wishes. When I end the call I pass the phone to Bella and ask her to call her father.
Alan is spending Christmas with Mike. I feel incredibly guilty that our family is apart this year, and wonder how he is coping without the children today, it must be painful for him. He answers his phone immediately and he and Bella chat for a few minutes before she passes the phone to Joe.
Alan is obviously quizzing Joe to ascertain where we are, and who with, but Joe is far too keen to get on with present opening to talk for long and he thrusts the phone to me before running off to the great hall.
“Merry Christmas Alan,” I say cheerily. “The kids are fine and having a great time.” I can hear the hatred in his voice as he replies curtly, informing me that he has nothing to say to me other than he wishes to collect the children on the twenty seventh of December, which is typical of Alan. I had already agreed with him that Bella and Joe would be with me until New Year’s Eve but there’s little point antagonising him more. It means that I will have to curtail my wonderful break with Sebastian, but it really would anger Alan if he knew the children and I were here with another man. As far as Alan is concerned we are staying with Ruth for Christmas and I have already primed the children to back up that story, terrible though it is to make them lie. Not that it’s any of Alan’s concern but I want the divorce to go smoothly and uncontested.
My life is stressful enough plus I want to avoid expensive lawyers’ fees. Alan ends the call having gained agreement that I he will collect the children at four o’clock on the twenty-seventh.
Sebastian is clearly disappointed that we will be leaving early but we agree not to let it spoil a wonderful Christmas Day. We open our presents by the fire in the morning room, where Joe has placed small piles of gifts and tells us where to sit, next to our respective present pile. It’s such a beautiful room, with golden yellow silk walls and drapes of matching yellow silk, embroidered with Chinese flowers and birds. Small gold glitter reindeer thread along the mantel and a huge bowl of glitter encrusted fir cones stands by the fireside, with tiny twinkling white lights twisted around each cone.
Joe and Bella are delighted with their gifts. Sebastian gives Joe a remote controlled car, which is soon whizzing around the vast floors of the hallways. Bella unwraps an expensive new outfit by a London designer. Scarlett picked it out online, she tells Bella. Don’t let it wind you up, Beth, I tell myself.
Sebastian places a long flat, red velvet box in my hands. Opening it slowly, I squeal with delight at the beautiful gold watch within.
“Sebastian!” I gasp. “It’s too much.”
“Nonsense,” he replies. “Nothing is too much for my girl.” He places the delicate timepiece on my left wrist and closes the clasp. It’s an exquisite Cartier timepiece with a circlet of diamonds framing the dial. It must have cost a small fortune. He grins like a schoolboy, clearly delighted with my reaction to his generous gift.
“Thank you darling. I adore it and will wear it always.” I kiss him hard on his mouth until the children cry “ewww, put him down.”
Placing a small black box in his hand, I whisper “merry Christmas darling Sebastian.” His eyes light up brighter than the Christmas tree and I picture him, here in this room as a boy on Christmas Day. I wonder if he was as happy then, as he seems now. Opening the box, he breathes “wow” as he slips the silver cufflinks into his palm.
“See the engraving?” I ask, pointing at the intricately turned letter engraved on each of the circular discs. “S and E. Do you see the tiny heart entwined under each of the letters?”
“I do, darling. Thank you, I will treasure them.” We gross the children out again with our kisses.
Present opening complete, we feast on turkey and all the trimmings at the sumptuously laid table in the great hall, and Scarlett joins us, which perturbs me, but she’s good company although laughing a little too raucously at Sebastian’s jokes, and she chatting animatedly with Bella about fashion and music.
The afternoon is spent playing parlour games and it’s refreshingly wonderful to see the children laughing. Sebastian is the perfect host and, later as we curl up in bed after midnight, I feel content.
“Have you had a good Christmas Mrs. Dove?” he asks.
“In the circumstances, yes thank you. It’s been wonderful,” I kiss his cheek.
“Are we ok?” he asks tentatively.
“We have a lot of issues to overcome, Sebastian. I don’t want to spoil today though.” He strokes my hair.
“Hey, I have another Christmas present for you.”
“But you’ve given me the beautiful watch,” I protest.
He reaches to the nightstand and pulls open the drawer, taking a small black ve
lvet box tied with gold ribbon, and places it in my hand. Enthralled, I eagerly pull the ribbon and open the box. Inside is a breath-taking ring of platinum with two tiny hearts entwined, a sapphire at the centre of each heart, which are the palest blue like glacial ice. Sebastian takes it from the box and places it on the ring finger of my right hand.
“Sebastian, it’s beautiful. We both gave each other hearts,” I gasp.
“It’s not a match for your beauty, darling. The blue of the sapphires is the palest and rarest - the colour of your eyes.” Those blue eyes are filled with tears.
“This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me - the most precious gift, thank you.”
“You are mine Elizabeth,” he breathes. “Always mine and only mine.”
“Yes, always yours. This means so much to me Sebastian.” A tear rolls down my cheek, and Sebastian brushes it away with tenderly.
As I admire the beautiful ring, Sebastian moves the hair from my neck and plants feather light kisses from my earlobe to my shoulder. As tremors course through my body, I give myself to him completely.
It’s time to leave and, with a heavy heart, I call the children while Sebastian puts our cases in the trunk.
He pulls me into his arms and we kiss deeply, passionately. I can feel hot tears prick my eyes and I don’t want to go. I am going to miss Sebastian and Penmorrow – but I don’t anticipate missing Scarlett, I do hate leaving them both alone together. A knot of pain forms in my stomach.
“Don’t cry Elizabeth. It’s been truly wonderful having you and the children here. It feels as though you belong here… come back to me soon won’t you?” he wipes my tears away and his eyes crinkle with an adoring smile. I kiss him lightly and force a smile in return.
“You won’t be able to stop me! I’ve so loved being with you Sebastian… I miss you already!”
