I felt a consciousness on him of difference between us, in background, in age, in how I was raised, along with an awareness and memory of how most humans saw him. Hitting me in odd pieces, it brought the pain back, connecting his mind with the look on his face now.
We were kissing then.
He leaned back on the couch, pulling me against him, and I shifted deeper into his lap, moving so that I sat astride him. Everything hurt. His hands tightened on my hips, holding them flush with his as he bled his light deeper into mine. I felt intention behind it, a flicker of caution as he wound deeper into me, opening me further.
A blank stretch of time passed before I realized he was taking off my clothes.
He worked the catches of the silk shirt with clumsy fingers, still pulling on my light, still trying to bring more of it into his. I sat back on his legs as he eased the last of the shirt off my arms. Then he was looking at me.
He stared for a full minute before his eyes closed, longer than a blink.
“Allie,” he said. “Allie… if you’re not sure about this… tell me.”
“If you want to stop,” I said. “…just stop, Revik. Please.”
He picked me up, bringing me with him to the floor.
I felt disbelief in his light again, folded into an urgency that worsened as he lay on me. I stopped him, long enough to help him the rest of the way out of his pants. Circling my waist gently with one arm, he lifted my hips, hooking my underwear with his fingers to ease them down my legs. He paused again once he got them off… long enough to take in my naked body in the light from the window.
His pain turned liquid, sliding deeper as I caressed his chest.
“Please,” he murmured. He was sweating. “Allie. Please… do you really want this? I may not be able to stop.”
His pain flared again, sparking in my light as his slid deeper, trying to open mine more. The reality of what we were doing hit me, snapping me back to where I was, who I was with.
He pulled on me harder with his light, trying to loosen my hold on mine. Guilt lived there, but mixed with a desire that shifted into a near desperation. He wanted me to lose control, I realized; he was trying to work his way under my defenses, one by one, in any way he could… trying to seduce me even as I was lying naked under him. Some part of him was hedging his bets, tying me to him, fighting to get me to submit.
I caressed his face, kissing his jawline. “I’m not going to tell you to stop,” I murmured. “I’m not, Revik… I promise you.”
I opened so that he felt more of my pain, enough that his jaw hardened. A thick flush of heat pulsed off him as he looked at me again.
He sank his body into mine as he kissed my mouth.
For what felt like a long time, that was all we did. I forgot where I was until it started to hurt again, starting with his hands on my upper arms, moving through my stomach, my chest, the light in my throat. His pain worsened, winding up into me until I was nearly frantic. I felt him losing control over his light, thinking about what he wanted, how much he could ask me for… how gradually he should work his way into asking for more.
I was asking him then. I couldn’t tell if it was aloud or inside my head, but I asked him again. He made some kind of sound…
…right before his voice rose.
“Allie… wait,” he murmured. “Wait.”
I looked up. We were both naked; all I could feel was his skin, and a wool rug at my back. He was hard; I could feel him fighting not to press it against me, even as his legs held mine apart. His arm was wrapped around me, keeping me motionless as he started to pull back, to extricate his light from mine without really letting any of it go.
I felt myself recoil as what he was doing sank in, but his hands only tightened more, holding me under him.
He pulled on me again, hard enough that I gasped, clutching his arms.
“Allie.” I felt reluctance on him, another flush of pain. “Was Tarsi right?”
I stared up at him, still trying to piece my mind back together, to deal with the reality of what was happening.
“About what?” I said.
He caressed my face. “Please, honey… tell me.” His jaw hardened. “Have you been with a seer before? I won’t be mad.” His pain worsened. “I need to know. I need to know the truth, Allie. Please tell me the truth.”
Confused, I watched him look at me. Why wouldn’t I tell him the truth?
“No,” I said. “I haven’t.”
His face tightened. It took me another second to realize my answer turned him on, enough that he was fighting to hide it from me. He shook his head.
“We shouldn’t,” he said, his accent thick. “I should show you first… show you… it could hurt a lot, I don’t know…”
Reaching down, I curled my fingers around him. He fell silent.
He was right; he didn’t feel quite like a human.
Before I could say anything, his pain blinded me.
He let out a kind of startled cry as he leaned into my hand. His back arched as I continued to stroke him, exploring until he was fighting to breathe, his fingers clenched in my hair. I didn’t feel anything on him that would hurt me, not physically anyway. I wanted to tell him that, too… but I felt the silence in him again, the unwillingness to talk, to do anything that might make me stop.
When I tried to read him, he groaned against my neck.
“Alyson… gods. Please.” Pain spiraled off him. I felt his restraint slip as his muscles clenched. “Let me. Let me… please. Please… gods. I’ll be careful.”
My hand clenched in his hair. He groaned again when I caressed the end of him. I was still trying to understand, to know what he was afraid of doing to me.
“I could do it like you were human,” he said.
I looked up at him. “Like I was human? What does that mean?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” His pain hit at me again. “I can do it so it won’t hurt. Baby, gods, stop… stop…”
I let go of him. I waited until his breathing gradually slowed.
“Do it like I’m a seer,” I said.
The pain coming off him worsened. “Are you sure?”
“It has to hurt eventually, right?”
After a pause, he nodded. “Yes.” His fingers tightened on me, his weight growing heavy again. “Allie… do you love me?”
I closed my eyes, caught off guard by the vulnerability behind the question. His other hand was on my hip, but he didn’t take his eyes off my face.
“Tell me,” he murmured. “Tell me. Please, Allie… tell me. I adore you…”
I felt him against me. I realized what he was doing.
“Yes.” My voice softened. “Yes, Revik… I love you.”
He let out a low groan.
…then he was inside me.
Everything stopped.
It wasn’t pain. Disbelief hit both of us; I saw his face change, just before he clenched his jaw. He felt different. Not a lot different, but enough. The angle was different. Having him inside me did something to my light, almost that folding sensation. After days of feeling that with Syrimne, I was terrified I’d trigger the telekinetic thing… hurt him on accident. I fought to hold it back, to control it in some way, but his light only pulled on mine harder.
Then he arched into me for real.
I cried out. I struggled to hold back my light, but only managed halfway.
He slid into me again, slower, and I whimpered, hearing him groan as he went deeper. When he did it a third time, I found myself saying his name, my fingers clutching his back. It felt good, so damned good, good enough to forget about––
He stopped dead, gasping.
“Allie… gods…” He was sweating. “What are you doing to me…” For a split second, he seemed to be fighting something again. His fingers clenched in my hair. “Relax,” he said, kissing me. He groaned softly. “Relax, love… please. I’m going to try. I’ll hurt you if I don’t try now. I’m barely holding it as it is…”
; “Try?” I fought to breathe. “Try what?”
“Look at me. Please… Allie. Please… look at me…”
I did.
He arched deeper, until the end of his cock seemed to fit into a part of me, almost like a puzzle piece. I let out a low gasp of surprise, still staring at his eyes, then gripped his back tighter, more turned on than I knew what to do with.
I let out a whimper when he didn’t move.
“Are you ready?” he said, soft.
I fought pain, an almost uncontrollable urge to pull on him with my light, to make him do something, anything but press against me there.
“Please,” I managed. “Please. Whatever you’re going to do… do it, please…”
After the slightest pause, his shoulders visibly unclenched.
…and pure, physical pain stopped my heart.
It threw me out of my mind, out of any rational part of myself. Some part of him glided up into me like a thin blade, through an opening I hadn’t known existed. Nothing could have prepared me for it. Nothing.
He let out a heavy cry, clasping my back.
I felt so much pleasure on him it nearly blacked me out––even as pain forced a low moan from my lips. Whatever it was slid deeper, until I could only lie there, panting, fighting panic as he held me, trying to calm me with his light.
I felt disbelief on him again, a near-animal feeling as he held himself back… but I felt love there, too, a tenderness that made my heart hurt… relief, fear, and that hot, liquid pleasure that was more like a drug than any drug I’d ever taken.
He shared it with me, even as he fought to control it, sending a dense warmth through my light, stroking my hair and face until slowly… slowly… my muscles started to unlock.
His desire nearly blinded me then. His hands started to hurt.
“Allie,” he groaned. “Allie… gods, you have no idea how good this feels.” Desire spiraled off him again, enough to blank out my mind. He let out another low groan. “Are you all right? Baby… tell me. Tell me now, before I––”
“No.” I gripped his arms. Thinking, I fought to breathe. “Yes. Yes, I’m all right. Revik, I’m okay––”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Don’t stop.” I kissed him. “Don’t stop.”
He went deeper. The folding sensation came back. I yelled for real, unable to hold it back, and then he was all the way inside, and I wasn’t even trying. It felt better than anything I’d ever felt, better than I could stand. I wrapped my legs around him and heard him cry out, gasping, saying my name.
I opened my light…
…and he came, all at once.
It shocked me.
Hot and liquid, almost painful, it seemed to go on for a long time. His hands gripped my hips, holding me against him, his light completely entwined in mine. He let out a low cry as it peaked, pinning me to the floor, his whole weight on me as he tried to go deeper. His light flooded mine with that mind-numbing pleasure, and relief… more relief than I could process.
I watched his face as the wave crested.
Then, as it slowly began to roll back.
After a few more beats, that other part of him retracted. It left in a single, smooth pull––and I gasped.
Then we were just lying there, panting.
I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe what we’d just done.
It took him longer to pull back, to slow his heart rate. He lay his face against mine, and he was sweating, fighting to calm down. Gradually, I felt him pull his light back into himself. He tried to withdraw his aleimi slightly from mine… then stopped, relaxing into me again when the pain worsened. He closed his eyes.
Embarrassment shimmered off him.
It grew into something closer to guilt as he retraced our steps.
He wasn’t shielding from me at all. The vulnerability grew more pronounced as his fingers caressed my face, but relief still spiraled off him in waves, and he didn’t seem to be trying to hide that, either. That non-human thing rose to the forefront of his light. Before I could get a bead on the difference, he kissed me. Merging his light into mine, he deepened the kiss, caressing my face.
“Gods, Allie,” he murmured.
“Revik, wait––”
“Allie, I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. My mind seemed to be coming back, slowly, like crawling through mud. “No… can we just…” He kissed me again, pulling on me achingly with his light. “Please. Wait… what was that? What happened?”
“Seers are built different.”
“Yeah.” I gave a gasping kind of laugh. “Yeah, okay. I got that part.”
Raising his head, he closed his eyes, longer than a blink. His light slid further into mine, growing more cautious as he felt me react, until I clutched at him.
His voice lowered, pulling on me along with his light.
“I thought about what I would say,” he murmured. “The whole way here. I was going to show you, ask you to shower with me, but we got here and…” He gave a short laugh, kissing me again. “Then all I could feel was you wanting to leave, wishing you’d slept with other men. Telling me I was being ‘nice’.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “D’ gaos. Alyson. I just came in you like an adolescent.”
Pain wafted off him again as I stroked his sides, feeling his ribs.
I was still wound up, still halfway inside him with my light, but I felt shy touching him. He leaned his body into my hands, which helped. So did the fact that he was still inside me. A part of me couldn’t get past that much reality. When I kept exploring him with my hands, his fingers slid into mine. He separated us seconds later, and I had to fight to keep from protesting, biting my lip as he shifted to his side.
“Give me a minute, honey. One minute,” he murmured. Kissing me, he rubbed his face, blinking to clear his vision. “I want to do this better for you,” he said, gesturing vaguely. He sounded calmer though. “Can we forget that one?”
“No,” I said.
Looking at his body distracted me. Fascination with his physicality mixed with a growing unease as I realized the condition it was in. Scars that hadn’t fully healed stood out to my eyes and fingers on his chest and sides. I knew some were from Terian, but older ones stood alongside injuries that looked more recent. A thumb-thick line circled his throat above a stretched, white scar that wound up from under his arm, ending in a pale question mark on his neck. I traced his ribs, noticing dark areas that must be newer bruises.
Pain hit me, a different pain.
“Revik, where were you the last few weeks?”
“With Balidor.” He met my gaze. “In Sikkim.”
I felt myself pale. So he knew about the kids. But that’s not what bothered me. “Revik,” I said. “Please. You said you’d let the other infiltrators handle him.”
“Terian didn’t do that, Allie.”
“I don’t care! You’re getting too close.”
“I was careful.”
“Not careful enough!” I laid a hand on one of the bruises. “Jesus.” Pain hit me again, worse. “Who kicked you in the face?”
Sliding closer, he rested his belly against mine, studying my eyes.
His light spread through me. Warm. Softening my fear.
“You’re different,” he said, soft. “Not only because a virgin.”
I knew he was distracting me. I also knew he was right, that this was the absolute worst time ever for us to talk about Terian or dead children.
Also, his distraction was working.
I forced a smile. “Virgin? You race-centric seers. It’s all about you.”
He smiled back. Pushing me gently so I would roll to my back, he rested his weight on me more fully, propping his jaw on a hand. With his other hand, he ran a finger over my lips, then my cheek.
“Alyson,” he murmured. “You seduced me.”
I felt my face warm.
His fingers brushed back my hair. He kissed me again, slower that time. When w
e paused, he rearranged his weight, pinning me under his arms and legs. I felt the deliberateness behind the pose as he looked at me again, as if asking me if it were all right.
When I didn’t push back, he smiled. His voice remained soft.
“You almost gave me a heart attack, Allie.” He caressed my arm with his fingertips, making me shiver. “I couldn’t believe it when I woke up.” Pain touched his voice again, and he fell silent, looking at me. I felt him getting hard again. “Gods, Allie. I hope you’re not tired. I’m really, really turned on right now.”
Flushing more, I caressed his chest to avoid his eyes, running my fingers over muscles and skin, the fine coating of dark hairs. I shook my head.
“Not overly tired,” I said.
He was still watching my face. His voice lowered, getting deeper again.
“We’ll need to stay here now,” he said. “You know that, right?”
I looked up at him. “How long?”
“I don’t know.” Caressing my fingers, he looked away, glancing towards the window. “But I’m feeling possessive, Allie. Very possessive.” His hand slid back into my hair, clenching there briefly as he kissed my face. “I want to give you a lot more reasons to want to be faithful to me. A lot more.”
I smiled. “Really? What kinds of reasons?”
“I don’t know yet,” he said. I felt another flush of that wanting, a sharp intensity in his light. He kissed me again, murmuring, “But I’m going to want to fuck a lot. A lot, Allie. I’ll probably drive you crazy, not let you sleep.”
I laughed; I couldn’t help it. “Who are you? This is like a different Revik. Are you drugged from having an orgasm?”
He smiled, but it didn’t touch his eyes.
“You don’t like it? I’m talking too much? Presuming too much?”
I touched his face. “I do like it.” Thinking, I added, “…A lot, actually. But I don’t want you to feel like you need to.”
“You think I’m insincere?”
I laughed again. “No.”
He pressed into me. When he lifted his head, his eyes grew more serious. “Allie, I never…” He hesitated. “I don’t remember ever being with a virgin before.”
Shield (Bridge & Sword: Awakenings #2): Bridge & Sword World Page 26
