“We’re just glad you don’t have anything seriously wrong with you,” says Cam. “Right, me and Dylan are off. I’ll understand if you don’t want to come in tomorrow, Mum.”
“No, no. I’ll be in. It’ll be fine. I might come in for nine though. Make sure your Dad’s okay.”
“I’m fine. I just needed some Gaviscon. Sound as a pound now.”
I huff out a huge breath. “Okay. So let’s drop Tyler back home and then we’ll get back and relax, Tim. You’ve still had a shock, and so have I.”
We make our way back to our respective houses.
Tim
God, I feel a dick. The pain was excruciating though, and when it didn’t go off, Dylan insisted on phoning that advice line thing who said to phone an ambulance. Leaving the Red Lion by ambulance. I’ll be the talk of the pub. Good job I’m cutting down on food. I don’t want to show my face in there again – well at least until Sunday, can’t miss out on their Yorkshire puddings.
Now Dora’s going through the cupboards throwing out anything too fattening. She’s announced that she’ll be stepping back from baking as she believes Beth is going to use the Kid Zone staff anyway and that it came at a good time because I’ve been addicted to junk food ever since she started. I don’t usually go mad like today, but she forgot to do my pack-up with going to Cam’s place, so I went all out and had what I fancied. Never again.
“I’m making your pack-up,” Dora yells. “There’ll be salad on your sandwich and snack vegetables.”
Oh God, please don’t tell me I’ve become a project.
“I’ve put a biscuit in,” she adds. “You’ve got to start living the 80/20 way.”
I breathe a sigh of relief.
She comes back into the living room and snuggles up next to me on the sofa, filling me in about the kids and their businesses.
“So I’m not going to have a minute between the two of them,” she adds.
Thank god for the kids, I think. They’ve given me a lucky escape from diet books, cos for once Dora’s too busy.
Dora
I’m in the tub with Soap and Glory bubbles up to my neck. Fucking love their stuff. Smells gorgeous. What a day. I’m absolutely cream-crackered. There’s no wonder Cam’s buggered every night if she works until nine, and she’s been working even later than that. Definitely need to get her sorted. Plus Tyler. Goodness knows what potential earnings he’s missing out on. I’ve a vague idea how YouTube works because I looked up that Pewdiepie bloke to see what all the fuss was about. I still don’t entirely get it to be honest. But people watch it, and others pay to sponsor. If there’s a chance that Ty can work from home that’s got to be great. He’ll be there for the baby.
I keep having cold shivers over tonight and thinking about when I thought Tim might be at death’s door. Fucking hell. I’m taking my potential menopause scandal (and yes if you haven’t worked it out by now, I can have a bath on my period, same as you can swim, yeah?) and his potential heart scandal as warnings that we aren’t getting any younger. We need to look after ourselves a bit. I go to the gym, but Tim’s job is quite sedentary. He golfs occasionally, but he needs to do more. Perhaps we could do something together? An evening walk or go swimming or something. I’ll have to have a think about it. I think Cam thought I wanted a late start to look after her dad. That was partly true, but he’s off to work. What I really want to do is to call into Paperchase and get some shiny new notepads and folders so I can get a good start on Ty’s business plan. Gosh, look at me. I’m like that Hotel Inspector who goes in the crappy hotels and advises them what to do and then they are brilliant afterwards. What could I call myself? Ooh, I know, I’m a Self-Employment Business Inspector. When Beth wants to chat I might ask her if she wants me to cast my eyes on her business plan. I’ll get an extra notepad and folder just in case.
Tuesday 7 February 2017
I turn up to Kid Zone armed with my shiny new office supplies. Of course, I couldn’t resist a matching backpack to put them all in, plus a matching laptop case. Self-Employment Business Inspectors need to look the part.
“Morning, Cam.” I smile at my daughter.
“Mother.” Her forehead creases, “When did you get glasses? You didn’t say.”
“They’re plain glass,” I whisper. “But they look the part, don’t they? Do you think I look businesslike?”
I’m dressed in a grey pinstripe suit and black blouse. My hair is up in a bun, and then I have my glasses on. I used the therapist in Lucifer for my business look inspiration.
“Mum. Mum.”
Shit, I’d gone in a daydream about me, Tom Ellis, and that piano he plays. Why’s it on a fucking season break?
“Sorry, love. I’ll go through to your office if that’s okay and leave my stuff in there.”
“Sure.”
“Hi, Dora.” Gemma, Cam’s Deputy Manager comes over to see me.
“Hey Gem. How’s things?”
“They’ve been better, but no one else has a job where they can play with balls all day, right? So I’ll be okay.” She winks.
I make a note to ask her about her mum later. This morning Cam’s decided to have one-to-ones with all the staff. I’m going to sit in on them with her. She decided it was better to do that than to have a group scenario, given that she needs her staff in the centre.
The one-to-ones go on all day. I soon realise that I’ll have to look at Tyler’s stuff after tea as I’ve no way of getting to it while I’m here. For the most part, they go well. Cam apologises for being too much of a control freak (but in better terminology than I can say) and the staff look energised and excited thinking of being able to play more of a part in the organisation. One girl, Susan, seems especially bright and motivated and I suggest afterwards that Cam gives her some training as a third in command, in case Cam or Gemma need time off. Cam writes down lots of notes on her laptop as she goes along and I write things down in my brand new notebook with white and gold stripes on it, using my matching pen. I start writing staff’s names down and their potential roles. Do you know, they say television isn’t educational, but I learnt all this from shows like Hotel Inspector and some where they make-over restaurants, so I beg to differ.
No, there are only two young ladies who don’t seem all that interested. In fact, they sit in front of Cam like they’re her boss, saying no to any training she offers them. That they’re fine as they are. It’s that mentality that you get from some who are new to work, that sense of entitlement. After they’ve both had their one-to-one, I ask, “How did you end up with those two?”
Cam runs her hand through her hair. “Huh, Tia wasn’t like that at her interview, and when she started, she was as enthusiastic as the others. She told me her friend Adele was looking for a job. She seemed okay, and with Tia being a good worker, I employed her. Then they went like that. They’re like bloody Patty and Selma off the Simpsons now.”
“Leave them to me,” I tell her. “Do you have their CVs handy?”
A little research shows me that the two friends both have qualifications in computer use and passed their maths and English exams.
“Is there a chance you could use a little help with paperwork sometimes?” I ask Cam. “Maybe responding to emails and sorting mail? Just even an hour a day or so.”
“Yes, definitely, that would help me out a lot.”
“Leave it with me,” I say. I remove my jacket and pull my blouse out from being tucked into my trousers. Then I take off and put away my fake glasses and pull my hair out of its bun. “What are you up to now, Mother?”
“Seen Chloe do it in Lucifer. You dress for the clientele you’re trying to infiltrate.”
She shakes her head. “I’ll be looking at the next week's shifts while you do your,” she waves her hand, “infiltrating.”
I walk out towards the two girls who are chatting at the corner of the play centre. They spring apart when they see me and look busy. Too late, little fuckers.
I stand next to Tia and stretch. �
��Thank god that’s over. Though obviously we still need to decide which of you will get the office promotion.”
“Pardon?” says Tia.
“Oh didn’t she mention it? Cam wants someone to help her in the office for an hour a day. Oh God.” I put my hand across my mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Please don’t tell her I told you, Tia. She’ll kill me.”
“I won’t say anything, Mrs Turner.”
I don’t bother correcting her that I’m actually Miss Evans.
“Well, it’s between you and Adele,” I whisper. “I guess the best girl will win. Good luck.”
I walk away. I know exactly who the problem is and if my judgement is correct, Tia will start to behave again.
I ask Gemma for a cup of tea and to come and sit with me.
“Susan?” I ask. “Can you cover for Gem ten minutes while I just have a chat with her?”
“Sure.”
Gemma takes a seat next to me. “So, what’s happening with your mum?”
Gemma sits back and sighs. “She’s getting aggressive at times. Throwing things.”
I frown. “Have you been hurt?”
She shakes her head. “No, nothing like that. It’s just worrying.”
“What have the doctors said?”
“She’s an appointment with the consultant in a couple of weeks. Hopefully they’ll be able to explain what’s happening.”
“Okay. Well, you know where I am if you need me, Gemma.”
She wells up, “Thank you, Dora.”
In only an hour the change with Tia and Adele is remarkable. I can see Tia actively avoiding engaging in conversation with her friend, and she’s working hard. In response, Adele keeps looking at Tia with suspicion and for the last ten minutes has worked harder than she has yesterday and the rest of today put-together. I smirk and get ready to go home. Beth comes out of the kitchen and smiles at me. “Had a good day, Dora?”
“It’s been really interesting,” I tell her.
“Well, see you tomorrow,” she says.
“Okay, love.”
When she’s gone, I get my phone out and research the contact number for, and then phone, the Rother Hotel.
“Rother Hotel. How can I help you?”
“Ah, good evening. I’ve lost an invitation that was sent to me for a booking made for next Wednesday. Could you remind me whether the event is at six or seven pm please?”
“Certainly, Madam. What name is it under please?”
“It’s under Coleman or Woods.”
“Just a moment.”
I tap my fingers on the table.
“Ah, yes here we are. The wedding ceremony is at 6.30pm, with the meal afterwards commencing from 7.00pm.”
“That’s amazing, thank you. I didn’t want to ask them personally as it’s a bit embarrassing saying you’ve forgotten when someone’s wedding is, but I’m just getting so forgetful in my old age.”
“No problem at all. The Rother Hotel looks forward to seeing you then. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No, that will be all.” Then I hesitate, “actually…”
They’ll let me in to put rose petals on the bed in their hotel room and jokey handcuffs etc, as long as I’m fully supervised by a member of staff. The hotel themselves put a bottle of champagne on ice in the room for them after the ceremony which is nice. Nothing like a good scheming!
My phone rings just after I finish the call. It’s Miranda.
“Hello, Mir.”
“Mum’s just told me about Tim. Is he okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine, he had indigestion. I, however, need to book into the hairdressers to cover the new grey hairs he’s put on my head.”
“Oh, thank God for that, Mum had me thinking he was at death’s door.”
“Well, I told her he was absolutely fine but it wouldn’t be a mother story without a touch of the dramatics would it? Anyway, have you heard from Vic?”
“We’ve been out every night since Sunday.”
“Oh Mir, don’t go mad. You’ve not shagged him yet have you?”
“Not yet. Tonight’s the night. Can’t bloody wait.”
“Oh my God. You’re seeing him again tonight?”
“ Yep. He’s booked a luxury hotel trip for us as well for Valentine’s day.”
“Please, please tell me you’ll be a bit sensible about all this. What if you go so fast it all burns out?”
“And what if it doesn’t? I dated Peter for five years before we got married and look where that got me. If this goes tits up, well I’ll have been tits up too, bloody enjoying myself.”
“So your pussies at home are being neglected for your own?”
“They’re fine. I don’t leave them that long each evening, and the neighbour’s going to look after them on my night out next week. She’s been married fifteen years, said ‘what Valentine’s day’, when I asked her.”
“Yes, it does get a little like that. I always make an effort though.”
“What are you doing this year?”
“Ah, that’d be telling. I think Tim will remember this one for a while though, let’s put it that way.”
“Cracker dressing up outfit then?”
“I certainly have.”
“Right I’m off, need to get ready for my date. Glad to hear Tim’s not turning up his toes.”
“Ring me next Wednesday night, or I’ll ring you. Trade Valentine’s stories.”
“You’re on.”
I get home, and after making a lasagne, with a side salad and new potatoes for our tea, I sit in the lounge and start to go through Tyler’s emails. I make folders and move things that need following up into the different categories.
“Fucking hell,” I exclaim.
“What’s up?” asks Tim.
“Tyler has a lot and I mean a lot of people wanting to team up with him, gain interviews, co-promote. There is so much here he’s been missing, with him being so busy. Obviously, I need to check what’s legit, but Tim, he’s a real success story. Who’d have thought our Ty would actually make something from all that sitting at home on his computer.”
“Well, he said he would. It’s just we didn’t actually believe he was capable.”
“I can’t believe it,” I say, yawning. “Well, that’s enough for today. I’ll work on the emails some more at Kid Zone the next few days, but I reckon he is going to be able to pack in that job of his. Tyler Turner, YouTube sensation it says on this email here.” I beam with pride. The boy done good.
For the rest of the week, I work through his emails in between helping Cam at Kid Zone. By Friday morning Tia is given the small promotion that includes her helping in the office. By Friday afternoon, following an altercation where Adele calls Tia a cow before storming out of Kid Zone, we’re down one lazy staff member and can look for another that might like to work. I give my neighbour a call as I know her daughter Tara is looking for part-time work to fit around having her own toddler.
Tyler has Friday off this week as he’s down to work the Saturday shift, so he calls into Kid Zone just after three. Gemma sends him into the office.
He gives me a hug and a kiss. I love that about him. He’s never grown up thinking he can’t be affectionate towards his mother.
“How’ve you got on?”
“Ty, you have some important business decisions to make, and then I’m going to set you up with some appointments. Your days working at Smiths are numbered looking at what I have here.” I show him all the printed out copies of emails that he needs to make decisions on. I have things cross-referenced on a spreadsheet with links to the relevant emails. I’m very proud of my Self-Employment Business Inspector skills. They should put me on TV. Perhaps Ty can make me a channel? Scratch that, that’s stealing the son’s thunder. No YouTube for me.
We spend a couple of hours going through them and making some phone calls. The future is looking bright for my son.
“Will you stay as my PA for now, Mum? It’s really help
ing having you manage my emails.”
“Of course. It shouldn’t take as long now. But don’t call me your PA okay? I’m your Self-Employment Business Inspector.”
“I’ll call you SEBI for short, it’s easier.”
Trust him.
“So, SEBI, will you help me organise getting myself to these appointments and remind me to make the calls? In fact, will you come with me, especially to sort out that book deal?”
“Of course. That is what a SEBI is for.”
“And you have time for that?”
“I’ll manage.”
“Cool. Thanks, Mum, this is epic. I can’t wait to tell Linds.”
“How is Lindsay?”
“No more puking and starting to eat for England.”
“Glad to hear it. She’ll be able to go to Beth’s party on Tuesday then hopefully.”
“Yes, thank goodness. She was getting moody about looking and feeling like shit, while everyone else would be all dressed up.”
“Well, tell her I’ll see her then.” I kiss my son’s cheek.
I get up and grab my bag and coat and go to see Cam. “I’m off, love, you don’t need me here the rest of the day. I’ll help fill in until you get a replacement for Fuckface.”
“Mother!”
I wink at her and walk out with Tyler, and then I hit the shops for things for Valentine’s day.
Chapter Eleven
Tuesday 14 February 2017
Tim
My other half does scrub up well, and I’m not looking too bad myself, I consider, as I look in the full-length mirror on the top of the stairs. I’m wearing the suit I bought while I was in my Alpha phase, might as well get some value out of it. Dora’s in a pale blue dress that comes down to just past her knees. It seems to radiate in her eyes. She looks lovely.
“Gorgeous lady. You look amazing and your dress is nice, but I can’t wait to get you out of it.”
“All in good time.” She smirks. “Let’s get over to the hotel.”
Curve Balls: The Ball Games Book Six Page 6
