by Aceves, Gigi
Sophia stays seated in shock, which she shouldn’t be since Abby always stops crying when I hold her. My mom hands me a warm bottle with Sophia’s breast milk in it as I sit next to my wife. I can’t peel my eyes off my daughter even if I wanted to. She’s content in my arms sucking on her bottle as her little fingers grab a hold of my thumb.
“I love you, Abigail, so much—too much. Please don’t grow up too fast, too soon because I’m not prepared for that. Not ever.”
“Why do I feel like chopped liver?” Sophia mutters.
I chuckle softly. “Don’t take it personally. She just loves her daddy, what can I say?”
She sighs loudly then starts talking to her belly. “That’s okay. I’ll have my baby boy. He’ll be crazy about me, only wanting my arms to comfort him.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised, babe, because that’s exactly how I feel. He’ll only prove like father like son.”
“Oh my God! You just have to rub it in, huh! Our boy will be just like you, and our girl is crazy about you. Hmmm, I’m sensing a pattern here. I wonder if we get a cat or a dog, would they like you, too?”
I chuckle while burping Abby. “How do you know it’s a boy anyway?”
“Mother’s intuition. Ha! You don’t have that!”
“Regardless, we’ll all be crazy about you, babe. You wanna know why?”
“Please, enlighten me.”
I lean against her, my lips touching her ear. “Because I love you. Everything about me is you. You will be their center, just as you’re mine. So really it’s you and not me—it’s you that makes me be the best for them.”
I gaze into her watery eyes that are my life, which speaks volumes without uttering a single word. Those eyes can truly read my thoughts, what I feel. There’s nothing I can hide from her—absolutely nothing. It’s a connection I don’t want to lose. Sophia’s lips touch mine and I relish in them, what they do to mine, and how they make my heart feel full and complete. A contented sigh leaves her lips while an equally contented spasm rips through my heart.
Pomp—I never thought how complicated it makes life. At least I didn’t until I met Sophia and witnessed how it affected her. How it nearly destroyed us. I definitely don’t want my kids—our kids to go through that. But this is what surrounds Sophia; it’s what’s attached to her name. Although I want to separate my kids from that, I know in a way I can’t. It’s our history—one that changed my life.
Circumstance—I wouldn’t change it, not for a second. It has brought me great joy even through the most stressful situation. It pushed me to make the best decision I’ve ever made. One I’ll never, ever regret. So, the pomp that follows my wife is the circumstance that led me to her.
EIGHTEEN YEARS LATER
DAMIEN
AS I SIT HERE WATCHING my daughter celebrate her eighteenth birthday, I can’t help but look back at how things unfolded for our family. How Sophia grew as a woman, a lover, and a mother. How my kids are thriving. She is my beta toning down the Alpha in me. However, my over protectiveness can’t be toned down when it comes to my family. While I’m not in the Secret Service anymore, the need to protect and serve hasn’t changed. The only difference now is my attention is solely on my family. My time is theirs alone, and no one else’s.
I’m listening to Cody complain about his daughter, Allyson, and a boy in her class. He's as upset as he looks while Jake and Brian are giving him advice on how to bury the body without a trace. I’m about to give my two cents when my eyes land on Abigail, and that’s when my blood immediately rises to my head. Abigail’s boyfriend, who’s still breathing, will probably lose his ability to do so if he doesn’t release his hold on my daughter’s ass.
What is wrong with boys now-a-days!
“Dad, are you seeing this?” Jude’s voice doesn’t peel my eyes off the train wreck happening before them.
“Oh, I’m seeing it alright!” I scoff at him still keeping my eyes on Cole’s hands.
“Oh shit! Dead man walking at two o’clock,” Jake mumbles.
“Definitely dead. Probably needs castration before hitting the ground,” Brian seconds.
“Oh hell to the capital N and O! The guy has some balls of steel, but a head of damn marshmallow to paw at my niece’s ass like that. Somebody’s about to meet the Big J! You want me to tenderize him for ya, LT?”
“No one is tenderizing nobody!” Roxy hisses.
“Wanna bet, love? I can skin him alive too; just say the word, LT. I’ll also throw in that idiot sniffing around Allyson.”
“Who’s getting skinned?” Trish asks.
“I don’t even wanna know!” Tami exclaims, taking a sip of her fruity drink.
“All I’m saying, my wonderful canines, is that violence isn’t the answer. Cole comes in peace!” Neil explains, his hands flailing in the wind.
“He comes in peace? What the hell? Is he an alien?” Jake asks with laughter clearly in his voice.
“Well, I suggest he better phone home, call ET and get on his damn bike before Damien gets his hands on him,” Cody mutters.
I’m not saying anything, waiting for the right moment to strike when my lovely wife comes out of nowhere and ruins my fun.
“Calm down, Damien! I mean it!”
I slowly turn to face Sophia who hasn’t changed a bit in the physical sense. She’s as beautiful today as the day I first met her. And my God, I still feel the strong current pass through every inch of me every single time she’s near me. However, looking at her now she means business.
“Noted!” I bark.
“You better not ruin her party.”
“That dimwit is ruining it all by himself. Look at him!” I point at them. “His hands are . . .”
Sophia interrupts me. “His hands are safely on her waist where they should be! They’re not on her ass or chest.”
“They were there a minute ago! Stupid ass is quick as a whip,” I mumble under my breath.
“You’re just imagining things like always,” Roxy points out.
“We all saw it!” My boys and I answer in unison.
“Of course, you all saw it! The first step to recovery is admitting there’s a problem. It’s part of the ten step program.” Neil’s sassiness comes out in full force.
“Ten step program of what?” Cody questions, his hands on his hips.
“The ten step program of daddies gone mad!” Neil all but shouts.
“Tami, you better talk to Giada because I don’t like how her boyfriend is pawing at her!” Brian scoffs.
Jake’s eyes scan the dance floor. “What the hell! Why is Jillian dancing like she’s having an epileptic attack? And why is Jaelin so close to that. . . . son-of-a- gun!”
Cody closes his eyes. “Love, Allyson better not be engaged in any kind of physical contact or else someone will have a come to Jesus moment.”
Trish whistles, momentarily stopping our tirade. “That’s it! You guys need to go inside the house or put on a damn blindfold. You guys are acting crazy!”
Sophia snickers, “What’s new? I wish our husbands were like wine, they age beautifully with time. But instead, they’re like lunatics. So you guys can have your fun, wooing us, dating, kissing then marrying us, but your daughters can’t. How fair is that?”
“Life’s not fair, babe. Those guys better get used to it.” I reason. “Jude, call your sister.”
Jude runs and whispers something in Abigail’s ear, and she spins around only to shake her head at me. She kisses Cole’s cheek which makes my head just about ready to explode. Abigail trots her very in trouble behind my way. My boys and I circle around her, our arms cross over our chest in a stance that means business.
“Abigail.” Surprisingly enough my voice is steady.
“Dad, seriously, I’m eighteen! You need to lighten up!” She scowls.
“Abigail Noelle Williams, I don’t care if you’re a hundred, you’ll still be my baby girl. Now, explain to me why that bozo’s hands are forever clamped around your waist and ass
?”
“Ugh! Are you serious right now, Dad? It’s my birthday. We’re just dancing. You know that thing that people do when there’s music?”
“That’s unacceptable!” Jake chimes in.
“Definitely not on the approved list of hand placements,” Brian seconds. “Verify with Giada, she’ll tell you.”
“What did I tell you, Abby? When someone touches you inappropriately, kick him in the damn nuts!” Cody says.
Trish groans loudly, “This is absurd. Truly. I’ve never seen adult men act like this.”
Sophia calmly says, “Babe, may I have a word with you in the kitchen?”
“We’re not done here, young lady,” I point at Abigail turning to follow her mother.
Sophia is leaning against the kitchen island holding a cup. “At what point will you learn to let her go just a tad bit? She won’t learn if you continue to smother her. You know that, right?”
I shake my head out of sheer frustration. “It’s a mad world out there, babe! There are a lot of assholes waiting for her. I need to weed them out!”
She puts her cup down and saunters toward me. Her fingers anchor on my face caressing my skin. Her touch instantly calms me and a sense of quiet surrounds us like always. “Damien, how do you think we found each other? I found my prince charming in a world full of dumbasses and assholes. She has a good head on her shoulders. We’ve raised her well, so why are you afraid? You trust her, right?”
“I trust her. It’s the devil in those dumbasses that I’m protecting her from. If she meets a dumbass before her prince charming, I’ll be forced to kill him after shoving my gun up his ass. Then my Abigail will get hurt! What then?”
Sophia squeezes my cheeks tenderly. “Then, she’ll have the love of her father who’ll protect her and teach her how to pick herself up. She’ll have the prayers of her mother, and the understanding of her younger brother. But we need to let her make those choices and live through them. Be strong for her. Remember how you were for me?” I nod. “Well, then be strong, Lieutenant.” She shrugs her shoulders and giggles. “Not to mention, the craziness of her aunts and her gun-toting uncles.”
And just like that, my wife redirects my brain to not focus on the fear but on our love for our daughter.
“Excuse me, can I have a word with Damien?”
“Of course, Dad.” Sophia kisses me. “I’ll see you outside.”
I turn to face my father-in-law, the island separating us. “What’s up, Dad?”
“My new love is growing up way too quickly for my taste.” He plants his palms on the counter, eyes aimed at me. “She’s compassionate like Sophia but she has your determination, Damien. Combined, she has an unshakable disposition. But even with that, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t worry about her. I bet your apprehension is double that. I know how you feel and let me tell you, that tug in your heart will never diminish. It’ll only strengthen in time until she finds the one.”
“So, I have to wait for the one, huh? That’ll be a long time of feeling this pesky tug.” My palm lands on my chest, rubbing the pain away.
He smiles, seeming to enjoy my discomfort. “It’s part of the brotherhood, Son. But kidding aside, Damien, the only time it stopped was when my Sophia found you. The tugging disappeared and in its place is pure peace because I’ve seen the love and dedication through your actions. My own eyes can’t deny it even if I tried. So, make sure your ticker is in tip top shape because it’s in for a good work out.”
“I’m ready. I hope her one will be too.”
He grins my way. “Oh, trust me, he will. He has big shoes to fill. You know I can rest easy now because of you. I know my girls and Jude are in good hands.”
“No saying goodbye, Dad. Not yet. My Sophia and your new love aren’t ready for that.” I walk around the island and pull him in for a hug. “Thanks, Dad.”
“No, thank you.”
Both of us go outside to spend time with family and talking to my daughter has all been forgotten.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Daddy?”
I nod and guide her to our favorite spot—a wooden bench by the cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean under an Apple tree.
“I’m sorry about earlier, okay? Cole respects me. He won’t do anything to break my trust or yours.”
“He shouldn’t break my trust if he knows what’s good for him.” I pause only to look at my daughter’s beautiful face. “Abigail, I trust you, and I’m trying to trust him. Trying being the key word, so please cut your dad some slack, okay? This is all too recent. I need more time.”
“Recent? We’ve been together for two years! He’s done everything you’ve asked, that should mean something, right?”
“Two years is recent. And while everything he’s done has scored him some damn brownie points, he hasn’t passed the heart yet.”
“A heart test?” Her brow arches. “How?”
“Well, when my heart stops questioning his every move and starts trusting them, then that’s when I’ll know.”
“Ooookay. Will that ever happen?”
I scoff at her jokingly, “More like never!” Blowing a heavy breath out in surrender I say, “I’m trying, Abigail. I’m trying very hard.”
Abigail snorts as if saying I’m crazy without uttering the words. Then hangs onto my arm and lays her head on my shoulder. “Daddy, I promise to call every night. We’ll even face time. College is part of growing up, and Mom said I should enjoy it.”
“I know. Just don’t enjoy it by kissing him too much, alright? I’ll miss our long walks on the beach and even longer talks.” I kiss her forehead feeling a lump slowly forming in my throat. Afraid of the day she leaves and takes half of my heart with her. “And face time just isn’t the same, sweetheart. Not even close.”
She pulls back and gazes into my eyes lovingly. “I love you, Daddy, so much.”
I smile at her enjoying our moment. “I love you too, Abigail, so much—too much. It hurts to let you go, but I will. Just do me a favor, call when you can every single time you can, okay? I need to know you’re okay, that you’re breathing so I can breathe better.”
“I will, Dad.” She sighs and looks over her shoulder. “Let me talk to Gramps, he’s been giving me the eye.”
I chuckle to myself knowing my father-in-law is just as crazy about his granddaughter as I am. I turn to find my wife walking my way with a knowing smile on her face. She’s been more hands on with me today. I’m sure she knows how Abigail turning eighteen weighs heavily on me.
“We’re about ready for the eighteen roses dance. Are you?” She asks.
“As I’ll ever be.”
My heart feels that tug again when I see Abigail and Cole dancing. He holds her properly, as he should. Abigail looks happy, and my poor heart aches a bit. I now have been relegated second in command as far as my daughter’s heart is concerned. However, I’m taking it like a damn man. The music stops and Neil hands Abigail the mic while the stupid idiot steals another damn kiss.
Abigail smiles demurely. “Thank you everyone for making tonight special. But, my night wouldn’t be complete if I don’t get to dance with my special man.” She pauses as her eyes search for me. “The man who has shown us how to love, not by words but by actions. He protected my grandfather with his life, he’s my mother’s shield, he went to battle for his sister, and he’s ready to put everything aside to help anyone. I’ve seen with my own eyes how his actions speak more boldly than any word. Daddy. . . .” Another pause as her eyes shine in happiness. “. . . . tonight wouldn’t be memorable without you. You’re my number one man, my forever protector. You’ve shown me that love isn’t just a word or a feeling, but that love is a verb.”
John Mayer’s Love Is A Verb plays through the speaker as I walk toward my princess. I take her into my arms, forgetting about everything around us. My mind plays all the times she ran to me and all the times I carried her to ease her hurts. The vivid picture of her eyes smiling in mirth when she discovers som
ething new and runs to share it with me will forever be in my heart. I could never remember a time when I wasn’t near her or her mother and brother. As we sway to the song, my heart fills with everything about my Abigail.
“I love you, Daddy.”
My eyes water and even if they fall I won’t wipe them because her love makes me cry with happiness. Just as much as I’ve shown her what love is, my daughter has given it to me in spades just like her mother.
“I love you too, Abigail. . . . so much—too much.”
We finish our dance with my heart full of love and hope as the day she was born. As I watch Abigail walk away, that familiar tug pulls again. Soft skin meets mine, the one that is made only for me. Her fingers twine with mine as my eyes lock with hers.
“Was that hard?”
“So hard, Sophia. Too hard.”
“It’ll get easier as time goes by. Besides, if there’s anyone I know who could withstand anything, put his emotions in check, it’s you, baby. You got this.”
I face her, pull her against me, and wrap my arms around her. I sigh out loud expelling all hurtful thoughts, replacing them with good ones.
“I just want you, Abigail, and Jude to be safe. You see, my wife, your heart is safe with me because I’m the one holding it. I’ve taught Jude how to defend himself. Abigail’s heart isn’t mine to hold anymore, well it used to be. I know this is part of life, of her growing up, but I can’t erase that part of me that has to protect what’s mine, Sophia. I can’t shut it off.”
Tipping her head to meet my eyes she says, “I know. Don’t blow a gasket every time you see Cole’s hands on her or his lips kissing her.”
My eyes go somber a bit. “I’ll put up with it because I love you. You have no idea how much.”
“I do, Damien.” Her eyes full of confidence stops my heart.
“You do?” My grin matches the smile on her face.
“Mmm-hmmm. I see it every day. I feel it every second you’re near; my heart knows it because of what my eyes see. Your love is never at a standstill, it always moves, babe.”
