by A. J. Banner
A few days before prom, I’d sent him a text explaining that I’d drive myself to school, as I had things to do. I didn’t, but he didn’t need to know any of that. It was my way of letting him off the hook. In the halls at school I kept my head down, focusing on my work and making it to the end of the day without any thoughts of him and Emily. She was experienced with boys, more than I first thought until Trisha explained how far she’d gone with several boys at our school and the one across town. I couldn’t blame Paxton for wanting to experiment before leaving to go to college. The day of the prom I’d promised myself that if Leon wanted to go all the way, then I’d say yes. It wasn’t the ideal plan or the way that I thought my first time would go, but might as well do it with someone you respect, right? It wasn’t like I was giving my heart away with the V-card. It was just an act, and love didn’t have to have anything to do with it.
That night when Leon and I walked into our school’s gym, my eyes landed on Paxton and Emily immediately. My breath hitched in my throat from just the sight of him in his tux. I’d never seen him in anything that fancy, and for a moment I thought I was looking at a movie star. His hair was slicked back, and he’d had a little five-o’clock shadow going on that I found incredibly sexy on him and only him. Even from across the room I could see the way the dark material made his steel-blue eyes pop like the ocean. I tried my best to contain my pulse and breathing. Anyone else might not have noticed, but Leon knew exactly what was going on.
“Why didn’t you ask him, Annabelle?”
“Ask who, what?”
“Paxton, silly.”
“You’re the silly one, we’re just friends. I mean, if we didn’t have dates we would’ve gone with each other, but then you’d be alone.”
“You know you suck at lying, right?”
“Want some punch? I’m a little thirsty,” I said as I tried to smooth the lavender silk material down as if it was standing at attention.
“Sure, I’ll go get us some and meet you over at the table.”
I nodded and moved across the gym floor in slow motion. I could feel Paxton’s eyes on me, but I was afraid to turn around and see him with her. It was the first moment in our friendship that I realized he was the one who made my pulse race, my chest restrict for air. Paxton was the one I wanted to be here with, he’s also the one I wanted to give everything to. At that moment, standing underneath the twinkling white lights, I took back my V-card. I knew I couldn’t give it to Leon, not when I wanted it to go to someone else.
A shiver runs down my back as I realize that I’ve been standing in the shower for longer than intended. The cold water hitting me pulls me from the past as I turn the faucet off. Drying myself off, I can’t help but laugh at the fact that senior prom didn’t go down as planned for either of us. I never asked him about it. I knew if he wanted me to see that part of his life, he would have told me. In a way he did. Before Leon and I left, we walked back over to our table to grab our goody bags. Next to mine was a ripped-up piece of paper with a game of tic-tac-toe started. I’d looked around the gym for Paxton, never finding him. I went ahead and placed my O down in the bottom right-hand corner. We had a full board of options, but it wasn’t just about the game that night. It was a way to tell the other that they were very much a part of the other’s life. I left my choice on the table and exited with Leon on my arm. Instead of going to a party or a hotel, we picked bowling. The last few hours of our night were spent trying to see how many gutter balls each of us could get in a single game. In case you’re curious, I won. I racked up a total of ten gutter balls, only hitting one strike, and I think I knocked down four pins.
* * *
Dressed with my hair up in a towel, I venture out to the living room where I find Pax slouched on the sofa watching TV.
“Feel better?” he asks as I plop down next to him.
“Much better, you?”
“Wasn’t feeling bad, so yes—I’m fine.”
I nod instead of responding.
“The girls texted me, guess we’re going to dinner tonight.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I know the girls want to see you too.”
“It’s okay, Belle. It’ll be good to see them.”
“Want to do anything today? Or are we hanging out until dinnertime?”
“Up to you, I could just sit here and watch a movie, or go run around with you.”
“I need to do a little work, but I think a movie sounds great. We can order lunch in, or I can make sandwiches.”
“Go dry your hair, and I’ll find us a movie.” He nudges me with his elbow. Instead of hopping up, I turn my body toward him. Offering up a gentle smile, I push up and off the couch and head back to the bathroom to dry my hair. I won’t need to do anything else until it’s time to get ready for dinner, but Pax knows if I don’t dry this mop I’ll be a frizzy poodle. Finishing my blowout, I go to my room before I head back out front. I gather up my laptop, folders, and my phone just in case.
When I enter the room, I go to say something but quickly shut my mouth as I notice in just that short time Paxton has fallen asleep. I bypass the sofa, setting up on the kitchen island to work instead. The guide to the TV is up, but the volume’s low enough that it won’t bother either one of us. Opening my phone, I scroll through my Facebook and the million other social media accounts that I have. An hour must’ve gone by of me clicking through posts and posting cute GIFs to some of them. Which entirely takes time to find the right one. Right as I go to close the app to Facebook, I notice a friend request pop up. No, I take that back, two requests. One’s from Jace down the hall, and the other is a blast from the past—Emily. How the hell does she finally send me a request on the same day that I was just thinking about her and Paxton? I glance over at a sleeping Pax. Drawing my bottom lip in through my teeth, I debate on accepting or ignoring for a few days. I don’t want to seem eager to be friends with her. I go ahead and accept Jace and close down my phone. I can’t help but wonder if what’s bothering Paxton has anything to do with Emily. I do what any rational person would do—open back up that phone. I click on Emily’s name and immediately scroll down to the about section. I just need to see where she’s living—Florida. I fist-pump the air, thrilled to know that she’s living in a state that hasn’t been visited by the adorable Paxton West in the last four months. Closing it back down, I open my laptop and folders then dive into work until my stomach grumbles for food. With a still sleeping guest, I call it quits for the day and make us each a sandwich. Right as I’m putting the two slices of bread out on the plates, Paxton stands and stretches from the sofa.
“Afternoon, sleeping beauty.”
“Guess we didn’t get to that movie, huh?”
“It’s okay, I got caught up with work stuff. Hungry?” I ask as I raise the plate up in Paxton’s direction.
“Thanks,” he responds.
“Welcome.”
We both take a stool at the counter and eat in silence. I know I have company, but you’d never be able to tell someone else is here. Before saying anything, I set my lunch down and grab a sheet of paper from my notebook. Drawing a grid, I place the first mark down in the bottom right corner. It’s my signature. Sliding it over, I wait for Paxton to notice and take his turn. Top right, a big X. We continue like this until the paper is full, and I’ve been beaten once again at a game that I should be able to slash any other player.
“Another round?” I ask as I prop my head up on hand.
“This time we need to make it count.”
“Count, what the hell have the others been?”
“Each play means we get to ask the other a question and they have to answer it honestly.”
“Aren’t you mixing up your games? This isn’t truth or dare; this is tic-tac-toe.”
“Nope, just adding a few new steps to the game. You know, like we do when we want to challenge the other,” Paxton says flawlessly.
“Fine, I’m game. You won the last one, so it’s your turn.”
&nb
sp; Paxton changes up his strategy. Instead of going with the top left corner, he places his X on my bottom right. Confused, I glance up at him and wait for his question.
“Belle, have you ever been in love?”
I can’t answer this question. I should’ve asked for detailed rules on how we’re playing this extended version of our game. Do we get to have a pass? Can I call a friend—and by friend I mean one who’s not currently sitting so close to me? Do family members count? I go to open my mouth and before I can speak the sound of my phone ringing gives me a break for just a moment.
Chapter Six
Paxton
Just when I thought I’d get her to answer honestly, Brooke calls and interrupts our game. While Belle makes our plans for tonight, I slide off the stool and grab two bottles of water from the fridge. I can’t help but think back to a few hours ago when Belle thought I was sleeping on the sofa. I did end up sleeping a little but not as long as she thinks. For about forty minutes I sat there staring at the wall, thinking. It was mindless thoughts, but they were still significant. Not to mention I need to break the news that I’m leaving in the morning. My boss emailed while she was in the shower, sending me a new itinerary for the upcoming shoot that needs to be taken care of. I was hoping for something stateside. With no luck this time, I’m taking off to the Ethiopian Highlands. The shoot is to capture the “bleeding heart” monkeys. It’s a place I’ve never been to, so that’s exciting. I should be doing some research on the place instead of trying to find a way to get Belle to open up to me. Research can be done at the airport and in mid-flight. The rest of today and tonight my focus is on my Belle.
“Sorry about that,” she says as she turns toward me.
“Not a problem,” I state as I glance at my watch to gauge how much time we have left before she darts off to get ready.
“You know Brooke could never keep a secret on the phone. She’s like a megaphone.”
Belle laughs before shaking her head yes. “Now, where were we?” I ask as I watch her shift in her seat.
“Oh, I thought maybe we could take a rain check. I need to get ready.”
“Not happening, Belle. We have plenty of time.”
The corner of her lip draws in through her teeth as she looks down at the board and back up at me.
“Yes, I’ve been in love.” As the words fall from her lips, I want her to explain. I want her to tell me who, but that’ll seem too evading for now. I watch as she places a well-thought-out O. Before she’s done circling it around, Belle doesn’t even look up at me as she asks, “Have you ever been in love?”
“Yes,” is all I say as I place my next move down on the paper. I’ve never mentioned being in love before to her. Before she can ask or think about my answer for too long, I ask my next one. “Why don’t you date?”
“I date, it’s just hard to find someone that I can relate to.”
“When was your last date?”
“Sorry, not your turn. You’ll have to wait,” Belle responds as she places another O down. “When was your last date, Pax?”
“A few years ago,” I say, and I swear her breath hitches in her throat. It’s been an ongoing joke between them all that I have women all over the world. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m not saying that I’m celibate. I just don’t go around sleeping with anyone and everyone. Hell, at times there’s not a person within miles of our camp.
“What do you want out of life?” is my next question.
“Honestly, I’m not sure how to answer that one.”
“Give it a shot,” I say with a wink.
“I used to want the prince with all the hearts and flowers. Now, I just want my career and maybe a guy that I can come home to and have a decent conversation with. Things changed over the years. I grew up and realized that princes are just a thing for the movies.”
My chest restricts from the pain that’s laced in her voice. It’s the first time in as long as I can remember that my Belle sounds alone. It’s not from the fact that she’s trying to convince me that she doesn’t want the fairy tale. It’s the fact that she sounds like she’s giving up. Tossing in the towel on love. I can’t help but wonder if I’m to blame for this. Did pushing her away all this time change her outlook on love?
We’re down to the final play, and we both notice at the same time that I have the winning spot.
“Belle, before I win this one, I need you to agree to something first.”
“What is it, Pax?”
“Tonight, you open up, let go of your ambitions. Be the person who once believed in us.”
“Paxton, I believe in our friendship. I love you, but it’s hard with you gone. It’s not our fault that time seems to be pulling us in different directions.”
“Not what I mean.”
“You know, you’ve been really weird since you arrived. I don’t know what’s going on with you. There used to be a time when you told me everything, and I mean everything.”
She’s right.
I used to tell Belle everything.
I sit here, staring at her flawless skin. Taking in the way that not only is she beautiful, but how she’s naturally gorgeous from the inside out. The next question isn’t even in my thoughts as I stand and inch closer to her. Grabbing both sides of her face with my hands, I stare deep into her eyes, taking in the way little bits of hazel flicker throughout the forest green. My mouth opens to speak but closes again. This is the moment I want to tell her she’s the one I love, but I decide to do something else. Leaning in closer, my lips hover just above hers. I caress her cheeks with my thumbs. Giving in to the temptation, I can’t stop myself from tasting her lips. It starts with one small kiss before I pull away for a brief second. My hands slide behind her neck, pulling her closer to me. It’s then that our mouths meet at the same time with the same amount of hunger as the next person. It’s not two strangers kissing for the first time. This is more. This is a connection of years built up in one moment. One where neither of us wants to break away, but we have to before it goes too far. I release her mouth from mine, pulling back to see if I can figure out her expression. I should’ve known that Belle wouldn’t be an open book. In all the years, it’s always been a kiss on the head, the top of a hand, or even a cheek; never directly on the mouth and with passion.
“I… I… I’m going to, yeah… go get ready,” she says as she pushes away. When she stands, her eyes catch mine, stalling for just a moment before she walks away. Running my hands through my hair, I lean back to stare up at the stark white ceiling. At some point, before I leave tomorrow we’ll address the kiss and the massive elephant in the room. I can’t help but wonder if I might have just made a mess of everything. Either way, it needs to come out. It was bound to happen. When two people know each other the way we do, it’s natural to want to explore the feelings we have for each other. I just hope that I wasn’t wrong and those same feelings go both ways. If not, I’m thankful that I’ll be leaving tomorrow.
Chapter Seven
Annabelle
Once in my room, I shut the door and head right to my bed going face-first into the blankets. I mumble, “What the hell just happened?” as I try to process what that was all about. If I tell Brooke and Miranda about this, they’ll make a big deal out of nothing. Maybe Pax is just lonely. I know that he’s not a player, and if what he said was correct about not being on a date in two years, he’s gotta be lonely. But why me? Why not find a girl tonight and go home with her? Why did he kiss me? Why would he add this type of confusion to my life? Pax and I are just friends, even though I wouldn’t mind being more. Not to mention, I’m confused by every single question he asked. What does open up and let your ambitions go even mean? I almost felt like Brooke and Miranda were telling me to drag my inner kitten out? Is that it? Do I need to step up my game? Is he trying to tell me to find my prince? Was that not a lover’s kiss but one of a goodbye?
Pushing up from my bed, I go over to my closet, digging in the back for something to let t
he inner me out. After searching, I realize that all my clothes are simple with a little sexy side to them for going out. We’re going for Mexican, so a dress is out of the question. There is no way I’m going to be looking like a call girl up in that place. Plus, you don’t have to have skimpy clothes to look sexy. I can do my hair up in a low twist to showcase my neckline. A way to invite the opposite sex in for a nibble. Finding a pair of tight-fitting bootleg jeans, I search further back for the top that I want. It’s a purple and black baby doll shirt with thin ruffles on the shoulders. I can pair it with my waist-length black jacket and heels. I hardly wear this top since it bunches up in the middle of my breasts, making them seem larger than they are. I slide out my push-up bra and matching lace panties that will be the perfect touch to my outfit. Not that anyone will be seeing them—other than me. But still I know they’re underneath, and I also know how sexy they make me feel. I quickly pop out of my bedroom to grab my makeup bag from the bathroom and retreat back to safety. Careful to not overdo it, I add just enough to give me a natural glow, adding a little purple eyeshadow to make my eyes pop. With a quick twirl of my hair, I pin it low, leaving strands down around my face. Sliding my clothes over my body, I stand back and take in the sight before me. Not bad for a quick pull together. Instead of heading back out to the awkwardness that awaits, I sit down on the corner of my bed and scroll through my phone. As I start to read one of my co-worker’s posts, my phone dings. Closing down Facebook, I open my text.
