by A. J. Banner
Walking through the living room, I take in how nothing has changed over the years. The walls have been freshly painted though, a fresh coat of the same off-white that they’ve always been. A few new rugs and pictures but everything else is still the same.
“I know now why you requested that crazy menu for dinner today,” Mrs. Quinn says, making me look around the kitchen. I notice the platter that’s lined with lettuce, onion, tomatoes, and the buns resting next to it. Not to mention, the cookies and strawberry cheesecake off to the side. All the things that Belle has been craving.
“Paxton, can you help Julie while we talk to our other daughter,” Mrs. Quinn asks, and in return, I nod. I might push back with Mr. Quinn, but Mrs. Quinn is different. She’s like my own mother. One that I’ve confided in over the years. I follow Julie out the back door to the seating area, but before I’m seated she starts in on me.
“So you knocked my sister up, know that she’s knocked up, but refuse to tell her that you know,” she says this so fast that I spin on my heels to stare at her. “Yes, it’s written all over your face. Not to mention, the way you are with her.”
“Yes, to answer your question,” I say, taking a seat.
“You should run, you know. My father might kill you.” She’s laughing now, and I can’t help but join her.
“I know, but I filled my promise to him years ago. I love her and once she comes around, things will change.”
“I know you do, Paxton, and I also know she loves you. She’s scared.”
“We both are,” I admit for the first time.
Julie and I sit outside for some time talking about her interview with Howard. I can tell she’s excited about it, and I just pray that he sees what I see in her work. She’d be a great asset to the company, but not one that would do well with the amount of travel I did. I stressed this to Howard when I showed him her work. She’s such a free spirit that I could envision her coming home married to some strange guy that she just met in another country. Their father would definitely kill me for sure. Mr. Quinn would bury me so far in the ground that you’d find Jimmy Hoffa before you found me. “Thirsty?” I ask Julie while standing to stretch my legs.
“Yes, but I wouldn’t go in there until we’re asked to come back.”
“They’re probably in the living room. I’ll sneak in and grab two sodas from the fridge,” I state as I head back toward the house.
Before I can step up, I hear the voices coming from the kitchen. It’s Belle’s cracking that winches my chest. “I haven’t told him and neither of you can. I’ll do this on my own if I have to, but I can’t push him away. You have to understand that he means more to me than anyone else. He doesn’t want a child, never has, and if the only way I can keep him is to not tell him; that’s the way this will go down.”
I stagger back as I allow those words to settle. I wave goodbye to Julie and step around the side of the house to the driveway. I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I have to clear my head. I could go by and say hello to my father, but that needs to be left for another day. Since I left home, we haven’t seen eye to eye for some time. I definitely can’t just pop in and tell him this and expect him to understand. But then again, he might be able to shed some light on this problem. Especially since he and my mother married before I was born. If it weren’t for me, they’d probably not have gotten hitched so young. But back in that day, you didn’t have a child out of wedlock. You owned up to your problem and made an honest woman out of the mother who was carrying your child. Yes, I heard this story so many times from my mother that I could write a whole book on what not to do when you’re crazy young and in love.
Pushing down those childhood memories, I return my focus to Belle. I knew she was being protective, but the true meaning of it I didn’t completely understand. I thought that the last few weeks I’d shown her how much I wanted to be a part of their lives. Even though I never let on to the fact that I knew. We call her apartment home. Everything we do, we consider the other person in that activity. What else is there that I can do to show her or prove that I am a hundred and fifty percent in this with her? My surprise back in New York won’t be enough, I’ll need a grand gesture.
I’ve found myself in the park down the street from her parents’ house. A place where we often hung out or ran to when things were awkward in life. It’s the same as it was all those years ago before we left. The only difference is the swing sets have a fresh coat of blue paint on them. I fold my body down into the seat, pushing off to see how far I can go. I remember the days when we’d swing as high as we could, only to jump off in mid-flight and land feetfirst in the ground. I fling myself back gaining more speed and thrust myself off, only to not land on my feet. My rusty body lands in the dirt face-first before I roll over to my back. Staring up at the sky I blink a few times, taking in all the broken pieces that have fallen at my feet.
“I think you’re a little rusty and old to be doing that.” Her voice filters through the air, causing me to come up to rest on my elbows.
“What are you doing here?”
“Come to find my driver, I’m ready to go home.” I sit up, checking the time as I didn’t realize I’d been gone so long.
“Okay,” is all I can say as I stand and walk over to her.
“Why’d you leave?”
“Just felt it was the right thing to do.” I shrug as I can’t tell her that her words shattered a little piece of me.
“Oh,” is all she responds with.
The walk back to her parent’s house is quiet. I can’t help but wonder if she knows I overheard the conversation. At the edge of the driveway, I stop near the back of the car. “Go tell everyone bye, and I’ll wait here.”
“Come on, Pax, my family would like to see us both off.”
My feet drag behind her, hesitant on what might be said once she’s out of earshot. To my surprise, Mrs. Quinn hugs me like she’s never done before. When I pull back, I notice her watery eyes. I hold my stare with her, nodding and hoping to God she understands what I’m trying to say. With a shy smile back, she’s letting me know that she does. Mr. Quinn grabs my hand, pulls me to him, and quietly whispers, “Make it right, son,” as he pats me on the back. I nod to him and go over to Julie next. “See you in a few days.”
“Yes, you will.”
“Drive safe,” Mr. Quinn says as I place my hand on Belle’s lower back.
“Will do,” I shoot back as I lead Belle down the stairs and out to the car. Opening her door, I wait until she’s settled before closing. I slow my steps as I round the car and look back up to Mr. Quinn, who’s holding his stare at me. With one curt nod, I know he’s giving me his blessing without me asking for it. If he hadn’t, I’d have to make an extra trip here without Belle knowing. Folding my body down into the driver seat, I start the car before buckling and backing out of the drive.
Before we turn onto the interstate, I reach over and grab Belle’s hand. The whole drive back we don’t speak, but our hands stay connected until I pull up to the sidewalk of our apartment building.
* * *
Entering the apartment, the air around us seems to soften. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re back on neutral ground or what, but I’ll take it. I know the moment she spots it. I step to the side of her, examining her facial expression as I gesture for her to follow the baby socks on the floor. The tiny pieces of material lead the way to what used to be my room. We reach the closed door, and I step around her to open her surprise. Her breath hitches as her eyes land on the room.
“Come on, let’s check this out,” I say, entering the room and turning the light on.
“Where’s your bed? How’d you do this?”
“My bed’s in the spare room at Jace’s, and he helped me get all this done. I’ve been putting this stuff together after you fell asleep and waiting for the right time to move it all over here.”
I lean back against the wall and watch as Belle’s hands run against the wood furniture. I bought her th
e whole set that she loved, along with the mattress and some fancy chair and footstool. “If you want to change the wall color, pick it out and I’ll do it. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to keep whatever color this is or change.”
“Pax, this is… I can’t believe you did all this,” she says and that’s when I notice the tears streaming down her face. Rushing over to her, I place both my hands on her shoulders and turn her to me.
“What’s wrong, why are you crying? Is this not what you wanted?”
“No, I’m ecstatic and it’s just a lot to take in, and why is your bed not here?”
“Because this is the baby's room, not mine.”
“Are you moving in with Jace?”
“I’m going to stay there, but I’ll sleep on the sofa here if you need me. The owner said there was an apartment opening up soon one floor above. I put my name on the list.” Right as I finish, Belle turns and leaves me standing in the middle of the nursery. All I can hear is the soft sound of her door closing shut.
“Fuck,” I say, running my hands through my hair, grabbing the strands at the base of my neck. Just when I thought I was doing something to help, here I am screwing things up again. I go out to the sofa and text Jace a thanks for the help and explain that I’m sleeping here tonight. I drag the throw blanket over me and wait for my thoughts to stop racing for a little while before I can fall asleep. I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep or if I’m dreaming her words.
“Come to bed, Pax.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Annabelle
I knew today would go exactly as it did with my parents. I couldn’t even try to make up a stranger’s name. Paxton flew from my father’s lips faster than my heart could skip a beat. All I could do was stare back at him and blink. I wanted to ask him how he knew, but that would’ve been silly. What surprised me even more was the fact that Paxton left. Julie, my sister, mumbled something about him going to get a drink, and the next thing she knew he was walking around the side of the house. When I went to search for him, which by the way wasn’t hard to locate him, I was ready to spill it all. I was afraid that he’d overheard and was upset that he had to hear secondhand. Watching him on the swing, his demeanor was that of a younger Paxton. One whose soul was wild like a horse. But when I looked into his eyes as he lay in the sand, it was of one who’s holding the world on his shoulders. I decided right then that once we got back home, I was telling Paxton that I’m carrying his child. Nothing was going to stop me from doing that.
Okay, so I might have lied to myself. As Paxton opens the bedroom door, I wasn’t prepared for it to be filled with baby furniture. I wasn’t prepared for his bed to not be here. I’m not sure where I thought I was going to put a crib and all the things that a baby would need. The one thing I knew I wanted was for this to forever be Paxton’s space. In reality, that can’t be; it now belongs to the child that I’m carrying. His and mine. The one that I can’t bring myself to tell him is his. Paxton’s the only one who doesn’t know, and here he is acting as if we are one happy family. He tends to my needs; well, other than the one that I really need him to tend to. I want him. I need him to take this itch that I have only for him away. Standing here, I want to leap into his arms and devour his mouth. I want to drop to my knees and take what I want, but I can’t. When he came home, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t give in until I knew he was fully mine. Since that hasn’t happened, I have to walk away. He’s found a new apartment, and it’ll be easier to function around him. His daily presence won’t cloud my mind. It’ll give me time to think. Time to make this right. Time to figure out how to make this work in our world. Not to mention, I can finally come up with a way to tell him and pray that he forgives me for the past months where he’s suspected another man as the father of my child.
Sleep comes easy as my head hits the pillow until a thud from next door wakes me in the middle of the night. Thirsty, I pad out to the kitchen. After downing a whole glass of water, I stop on the way back to the bedroom. Paxton’s fast asleep. His chest exposed as the blanket rests halfway down on his hips and the floor. Swallowing at the way the light from the window casts a glow on the abs that I want my hands to roam over. The arms that I should be snuggled in. His legs hang over the end of the sofa, as he’s longer than the space. He’s sure to have aches and pains in the morning. After everything he’s done, I can’t leave him here.
Gently I tap his shoulder. “Paxton, come to bed,” I say as I watch his eyes open, shining back up at me. They slide back to sleep, and I nudge him again. This time it works. As he stands, I take his hand into mine and lead him to my bed. Not walking around, he climbs in from my side, tucking his legs under the covers as he raises them for me to climb in next to him. My legs hesitate for a brief moment as I catch my breath from the sight of him in my bed again. Giving in, I slide in and turn my back toward his chest. My head rests on the pillow for a few seconds before Paxton’s arm wraps around my chest and pulls me closer to him. It’s when his hand rests against the swell of my stomach that my body becomes stiff, unable to move or breathe.
“Night, Belle,” he whispers against the crook of my neck.
Drifting off to sleep, I can’t help but wonder if this is what it would feel like every night with him next to me. Would we stay like this for hours? Tangled up in each other’s body? A girl can dream, right.
* * *
With my alarm clock blaring, I slap my hand over it to shut it up. I’m comfortable in the depths of my mattress and comforter. Which should be considered a sin that I have to move and go to work today. I turn toward the other side of the bed, finding it empty. Last night wasn’t a dream unless I started sleepwalking. Lifting up, I listen for any sounds coming from the apartment.
Silence…
How is it that before I could hear a leaking faucet, the rattle of the old pipes in the walls, but now I hear nothing. The sounds of honking from the street don’t even exist these days. Throwing my legs out of the comfort of my bed, I go to search for Paxton only to find the place empty. Well, other than another note from him. I’m getting pretty tired of notes these days.
* * *
Belle,
Hope you slept well. Thank you for rescuing me from the couch. I had to get to the office early, but I made you breakfast. Look in the microwave.
Have a great day and call me if you need anything.
X
* * *
“How did I not hear him in here cooking?” I ask myself as I open the microwave to see a ham and cheese omelet waiting for me. My eyes cut over to the toaster where two slices are waiting for me to pop them down.
After eating, I go about my normal morning routine, getting ready for the workday. It takes me a little longer this morning as I can’t figure out what I want to wear. Thankfully, the office isn’t strict on what we wear as long as we look presentable. I settle on jeans, a tee, and another cardigan that won’t button around my massive stomach. Slipping on my Chucks, I grab my stuff and head out.
Since handing over my male clients, my workload has lessened and I find myself bored most days. When I think about this, I honestly feel that David had something to do with this. My hours the past month have been normal—nine to five. I notice it’s close to lunchtime, which by notice I mean my stomach is growling like a wolf looking for its prey in the woods. I dig my phone out and dial Paxton.
“Hello,” he answers.
“Hi. How are you?”
“Busy, and you?”
“Hungry, so I wanted to see if I could treat you to lunch.”
“I’d love to, but I’ve gotta get this article wrapped up before I can leave today.”
“Oh… Okay, well I won’t keep you. Before I forget, thanks for breakfast and maybe we can do dinner?”
“Sorry, I’m meeting Howard and Julie for dinner tonight.”
“Did she get the job? She didn’t text me.”
“She did,” he says as his voice trails off. I can tell he’s focused, but a part
of me is a little sad that my sister hasn’t reached out to me. Instead, she’s celebrating with Paxton.
“That’s great news, guess I’ll see you tonight when you get home.”
“Belle, I’m sleeping at Jace’s tonight. That’s where my stuff is.”
I don’t respond. What do you say to that? Nothing, that’s what.
“Alright, see ya soon then,” is the only thing I can muster up to say back. This situation has reached a point where I am fed up. I only have myself to blame, and I plan to change this ASAP.
“Later, Belle.” And just like that, the line is silent.
Aggravated, I text my sister.
Me: Congrats on the new job. Glad you called to tell me.
Julie: Sorry, I haven’t had a moment to call. Been filling out paperwork and doing a tour of the office. Want to do lunch?
Me: YES! I’m starving. Meet me at Norm’s.
Julie: See you in a few.
Guess I finally found my lunch date. I pop my head into David’s office to let him know that I’m headed out for a quick bite to eat. It doesn’t take me long to get to the restaurant as it’s literally three buildings down. I beat Julie there and grab us a table while waiting. It doesn’t take her long before she joins me.
“Hey, sis,” she says, pulling out her seat.
“Hey, you look happy.”
“You have no idea. I can’t believe that Paxton did this for me.”
“What did he do?”
“Well, other than getting me the interview, I have a huge office next to his and we’ll be working hand in hand together. I guess it’s more, he’ll be mentoring me, but still, I’ll be getting a paycheck and living in the city now.”
