Frowning, he returned his attention to the road. Part of him dreaded opening the conversation, but part of him was eager, wanting to probe and prod, seek and discover.
Taking a deep breath, he calmed his thoughts, getting them in order before he stated, “We need to talk.”
“No,” she replied hastily, “we don’t.”
“Yeah, we do.” Before she could say anything else, he added, “And we’re going to.”
“Adam, I refuse-”
“We’re doing it, Barbie.”
“I said-”
“Barbie.” The thread of steel to underlined his tone.
Her mouth snapped shut, her arms folded beneath her breasts, pushing those generous mounds up, and she stared out the side window. “You’ll be talking to yourself,” she muttered.
He couldn’t help a small smile. “Always the last word.”
She didn’t answer.
The rest of the trip was short and done in silence.
When he pulled up at the house, she quickly unsnapped the seat belt and opened the door, but he was prepared, was quicker, the engine off, brake on, the seat belt unclipped, and he met her at the front of the car.
Looking up at him, she scowled. “I’m not talking.”
His gaze wandered over her face, taking in the bloom of womanhood, the maturity that had changed the face of a sullen, pretty teenager to one of a pretty, feminine woman. Pretty, sweet smelling, and a world away from who she used to be, who he remembered, who he’d… “Barbie-”
“No.” Turning, she walked away.
He watched her. “How’s your sister?”
Her steps faltered.
He had her now. He kept his tone low. “How’s Melissa?”
Back stiff, she stopped.
Leaning back against the front of the four wheel drive, Adam folded his arms across his chest and crossed his ankles, stretching out his legs and waiting.
She took a step forward.
Time for hard ball. “How’s that sore arse?”
That did it. Cheeks blazing, she swung around. “Goddamn you!”
“Very possibly.” He met her gaze unflinchingly.
“How dare you even bring that up?” Eyes bright with anger, small jaw clenched, she stormed back across the small distance.
“I told you, we need to talk.”
“About the night you spanked me?”
His gaze refused to relinquish hers, refused to look away when she flung the accusation at him. “Yeah.”
“You can look me in the eyes and admit it?”
“I admit it. I admit that I dragged you across my knees and spanked you.” He remembered it as clearly as if it were yesterday. “Hard.”
“You are something, Adam.” Furious, she poked him in the chest with one stiff forefinger.
He made no attempt to stop her. “And you were so blameless?”
Her breath caught.
“You set me and Melissa up. You broke us apart. And you never once apologised.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Your own sister, Barbie. In one act of revenge, you blackened my name with her and tore us apart.” Calm, controlled, he could still feel that fissure of fury that had gripped him that night, the hopelessness, the frustration.
He half expected her to swear at him, to yell, to curse him. Maybe even slap him. She had to be harbouring a lot of resentment, a need to retaliate. He’d felt her anger every time they’d met since she’d arrived, the unspoken accusation and the animosity.
In silence they gazed at each other, he waiting, she almost literally steaming with rage.
The silence grew, lengthened. The quiet of the country surrounded them, the birds in the trees, the rustle of the breeze stirring the leaves, the long grass shushing on the ground, the late afternoon sun dappling through the trees.
As he continued to watch her, waiting for her next move, she did something that took him off guard. The anger bled away, the flush on her cheeks paling, the brightness of her eyes fading. Barbie stood there looking up at him, her eyes searching his, drifting over his face, studying him as he’d studied her so many times. Looking at him as though really seeing him for the first time. It made him wonder what she saw, what she thought. What she was going to say.
And then she said the very words that shocked him. “I’m so sorry, Adam.” Her action caught him off guard, the simple act of her turning to lean back against the car beside him, her hands loosely linked in front of her.
As he stared down at her, she closed her eyes and tipped back her head, breathing in the country air. Her blonde hair shifted in the breeze, the faint scent of strawberry shampoo tickling his senses.
Of everything she could have done, this wasn’t what he’d expected. Terseness at the very best, yeah, a brusque discussion, tight, brief, hard. But this? For the first time in years, Adam’s brain went completely blank.
“I was such a bitch.” Her words were so quiet he almost didn’t hear them. “Such a horrible, nasty, vindictive bitch.”
“Barbie…” He didn’t know what to say. To agree would have been crass, yet at the time she’d been exactly what she’d claimed.
“Can’t deny it, Adam.” Her gaze was fixed on the house, but when he leaned forward just a little, he could see the faraway expression in her eyes. “Can’t deny the truth, so don’t try.”
Finally, here it came. Tense, he waited.
“Twelve years ago,” she said. “Twelve years and it’s so clear. So horribly clear.” The breeze had a stray tress that had escaped her ponytail dancing across her cheek, and she raised one hand to push it back behind her ear. “I was sixteen, you were twenty two, and Melissa was twenty.”
A long time ago. He followed her gaze to the house, his memories spilling forth.
~*~
Melissa had been everything parents could want, golden-haired, sweet-tempered, patient, good at school, straight A student, happy and obedient. Her boyfriend was a young cop, Adam Moor, handsome, tall, muscular, with the enthusiasm and energy of youth.
On the flip side, Barbie had been the rebellious little sister, restless, fiery-tempered, daring. It hadn’t taken much to fall in with the wrong crowd, to become a little wilder, staying out late, breaking curfews, wagging school.
Breaking her parent’s heart.
Sighing, Barbie re-linked her fingers. It wasn’t easy to remember what she’d been like, how much of a trial to her long-suffering parents.
“I’m not proud of what I did,” she said quietly. “Mum and Dad tried to help me, tried to stop me. Melissa tried.” She sighed. “You tried, Adam.”
Kind Adam, tying to talk to her, trying to point out how she was throwing her life away. Being at Melissa’s flat one night with her sister holding back her hair while Barbie threw up in the toilet, all the alcohol she’d drunk coming back up with a vengeance. Adam pointing out the dangers of what she was doing while handing her a towel and a glass of mouth wash.
And still Barbie had scorned them, intent on going her own way. Wearing slutty clothes, torn fishnet stockings, high heels, harsh make-up and cloying perfume. The tattoo on her hip had horrified her parents, but she’d simply laughed in their faces and walked right out the door.
In desperation they’d tried to halt her downward spiral, finally telling her she wasn’t to see her friends again, especially her latest boyfriend, David.
Almost as though Adam could read her thoughts, he murmured, “David.”
“David,” she echoed. “Rough, tough, trouble. My hero.” Her smile was self-derisive. “I thought he could almost walk on water. That night he was going to introduce me to the drug scene, and like an idiot I blindly followed him into that drug house, so eager to do more, be more. Not realising I was just an idiot.” She sighed. “A stupid, brainless idiot.”
Beside her, Adam didn’t shift, his presence quiet yet oddly compelling. His masculine scent, all male, clean, a hint of cologne, drifted through her senses. His warmth seemed to reach out and sink in
to her.
She’d done him so much wrong.
His deep voice filled the growing silence between them. “When you were nearly caught in that drug bust…I can still feel the horror I felt then. My girlfriend’s sister having to go to court.” He inhaled deeply. “I pretended not to see you running, but I knew. My Sergeant did too, you know.”
Surprised, Barbie looked up at him. “What?”
“He saw you, but he knew you were Melissa’s sister. He also knew you were innocent in what was happening. “ Turning his head, Adam looked down at her. “Told me to straighten you out, one chance only, because next time you were going down.”
“I didn’t know.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Unable to hold his condemning gaze any longer, she glanced away. “You told Melissa that I’d been with David, with the group they’d banned.”
“She knew where you’d been.”
Barbie sighed. “I always wondered if she’d known more.”
The big, muscular body beside her didn’t shift, the only thing moving the rise and fall of his brawny arms across his equally brawny chest with every breath he took.
Barbie looked back at the house, her gaze falling to where Barney sat in the window chasing a butterfly on the other side of the glass. “Mum and Dad were going to send me to my grandmother, on your recommendation. To get me away form the bad influences in my life. Melissa agreed. I was so furious.” When he said nothing, she continued sadly, “So bloody angry I wanted to destroy someone else’s life, make them hurt as badly as I did. I thought I loved David, I thought you and Melissa had destroyed my life.” Closing her eyes, she felt the rush of shame pouring through her. “God, I am so sorry, Adam.” Now she’d started, she had to finish, had to get it out of her system even though they both knew what had transpired. “I set you up, had a cousin of David’s come to your room, I sent a note to Melissa to say you were cheating on her, and when and where to catch you out.”
Folding her arms across her chest, she bowed her head, focussing her gaze on the watch on her wrist. The silver band blurred as tears of shame and self-loathing filled her eyes.
“I came into my flat to find this girl lying on my bed naked. Melissa walked in, became hysterical. She wouldn’t listen to me, not when I was trying to explain and this woman kept calling me by name, kept saying things that only I and Melissa knew, making it seem like I cheated.” Adam’s voice was devoid of emotion. “It broke Melissa’s heart. She left me.”
“I know.” Barbie’s throat burned, the lump in it almost too huge to swallow past. “I laughed so much, felt so vindicated.”
The silence was heavy, she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
Again, he broke the silence. “You came to my flat that night, laughing. Taunting. I was so angry, so upset, and you laughed and goaded. I remember that.”
Shame, horrible, burning, searing shame like claws that dug in and raked. It filled her, rising up.
“I pushed you,” she whispered. “I pushed and pushed, so cruel, so nasty, until finally you cracked.”
Like it was mere hours ago she could still feel it, hear it. He’d grabbed her arm, dragged her spitting and cursing to a chair, sat down and hauled her across his lap. Every punishing blow that landed on her bottom she’d felt, every loud slap cracking through the air she heard, every stinging contact of his palm on her bottom through the thinness of her skirt.
By the time he’d finished she’d been sobbing, unable to speak. He’d pushed her off his lap and she’d tumbled to the floor. Standing, he’d backed away, fury in his eyes, loathing, his handsome and once-laughing face grim. Gone was his composure, his calmness, and in his place stood a man hurting, furious.
“I was so bloody angry, Barbie. So hurt, so cut up inside. To top it all off, after what I did to you, I kept waiting for my sergeant to knock on the door and arrest me for assault.” Adam tipped his head back and inhaled. “That knock never came. Every day I went to work I thought would be my last. My career over. It didn’t happen.”
“I never told.” Her throat ached so much. “I was so humiliated, so shocked. No one had ever punished me. I’d never believed it would happen, I’d been so sure of myself. I went home…”
“You never told Melissa.” He stated it, didn’t ask.
“No. Not her, not my parents, no one. I couldn’t admit to anyone what had happened. Anyway, the next day David rang, wanted me to come out with him. I refused. I don’t…yeah, I do.” She took a deep breath. “Suddenly I wasn’t so sure of myself, I was starting to see what had happened. Starting to feel the guilt. Seeing your face every time I closed my eyes, the fury, the hurt, the disbelief. The shattered expression on Melissa’s face. I’d gone too far. Too far…” Her voice trailed away, remembering. “Too late.”
Even now, remembering still hurt, still had the power to fill her with shame and guilt.
Adam stayed silent.
After a few minutes of just leaning back against the car in silence, side by side, each lost in their own thoughts, Barbie continued quietly, “David’s cousin rang my parents, dobbed me in. Revenge, ain't it a bitch?” Her smile was hard, humourless. “The row that happened was the worse we’d ever had. My father was furious, my mother in tears. Melissa…well, she collapsed, just sobbed and sobbed. I could see what I’d done, see any scrap of trust left in my parents for me disappear. I knew I’d done it then, but before I could even try to make amends, to beg for forgiveness…” Barbie swallowed. “Mum had a heart attack.”
“I heard. She’s okay now, though, right?”
“She’s fine. Now. Back then, I literally broke her heart.” Running her hands up over her face, Barbie pushed back her hair, smoothing down her ponytail. Remembering the fear, the regrets, the self-recrimination. “While she lay in that hospital, so sick, none of us knowing if she was going to be okay or not, I realised what I’d done, what I’d become. We took turns sitting with her at night, and everything changed.” Folding her arms, Barbie blinked back the tears. “I nearly killed my Mum, Adam. I wrecked your and Melissa’s lives, I drove my Dad to breaking point, and I nearly killed my Mum.” Turning her head, she looked up at him.
His face was expressionless, a thick strand of black hair falling across his forehead as the breeze ruffled his hair. His gaze was steady, unblinking. The only hint of anything of his feelings was in the slight muscle tic at the corner of his mouth. “Tough times.”
“You think?”
“Melissa came to me.”
Surprised, she blinked.
“She came and we talked long into the night, decided to give it another go. But she didn’t tell anyone.”
Especially you. It was unspoken but clear, and while it hurt, Barbie could understand.
“It barely lasted a fortnight. The foundations of our relationship were cracked. I couldn’t handle that she hadn’t trusted me enough to know I would never cheat on her.”
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
“We broke up by mutual agreement, she went her way, I went mine. I transferred to several different places before finally coming home.”
“You’re happy here.”
“Yeah. This is home.” His eyes narrowed. “Then you came along, and with you a whole lot of bad memories.”
His words hurt so much, but the truth was, he had every right to not want her anywhere near him. “I understand.”
“Do you? You came here with a chip on your shoulder the size of a log. A bloody huge one as though everything was my fault.” Anger burned in his eyes, yet he spoke quietly.
Inside she flinched, though outwardly she strove to match him for calmness. “Yes.”
“Tell me about your chip, Barbie. If you are so sorry, if you really understand, why did you dislike me so much when you arrived?”
“I don’t.” It was the God’s honest truth.
The twist of his lips was proof of his disbelief.
“I don’t dislike you.” Shaking her head, she hugged her arms tighter
to herself. “I just…”
“Just what?”
“I just…I…”
“Just what, Barbie?” He was relentless, his gaze almost ruthless, his calmness an added chill factor.
“I remembered what you did like it was yesterday, and regardless of why you did it, I…” God, this was so hard. She swallowed. “I…
His dark eyes seemed to burn right into her, his jaw like granite, his hands shifting slightly on his arms, causing his biceps to bunch under his jumper.
Looking away, she gathered her courage and said in a rush, “I remembered the humiliation, the hurt.”
“I can’t say I fully regret what I did,” he said harshly. “I regret losing my temper, regret losing control, but I can’t regret the reason why I did it. For the love of all that is holy, Barbie, I can’t bring myself to be sorry for what I did.” Straightening, he dropped his hands to his sides, fingers fisted. “I should. I’m a cop. I was a cop then, I’m a cop now. I’m supposed to protect people. And to top it off, I wasn’t brought up to lay a hand in anger on a woman, a girl. Physical punishment isn’t the answer, yet I can’t, I just can’t wish it back. And that eats at me.”
The torment on his face shocked her. Dark eyes glittered, firm lips pulled tight, jaw clenched. With every tightening of his fists, muscles flexed in his arms beneath the jumper he wore.
And she was the cause of it, even now, all these years later. “Adam, I don’t blame you. No one would ever blame you.” Sadly, she added, “Seeing you brought it all back to me, too, but Adam, what I did is never far away from my thoughts. I’ve spent years trying to make amends, being the good girl. Studying hard, getting a job, being there to support my family. But I’ve never forgotten, and while my presence here made it so suddenly, painfully fresh for you, in return, seeing you did the same for me.” Unable to bear his hard gaze any longer, she pushed away form the car. “There you go, Adam. We’ve talked.” Giving him one last look, she said, “I will never tell anyone what happened. Your career is safe, your life is safe. Nothing could ever make me tell, Adam, because what you did was the start of a turning point for me, way back then. You made me realised that there are consequences.” She stepped back, not breaking eye contact with him. “In a way you saved my life, you set my feet on that path back to being a decent human being.” Stopping briefly, she added, “When this house is finished, I’m selling it. Hopefully it won’t take long. Then I’ll leave. Meanwhile, I’ll do my best not to intrude any further in your life than my presence has already done. Goodbye, Adam.” Turning, she walked to the house.
Adam's Thorn Page 11
