‘Do you miss it?’ Her soft question startled a bark of laughter from him.
‘Christ, no. It’s the thing that scares me most about the idea of going back to London. I don’t know how to live that life and not get sucked back into it.’
***
She could feel him trembling against her, sense the fear in his voice. What had it taken for him to make such an admission? He’d shown no signs of needing a drink, and she knew them all by heart from watching her mother. The nervous check of her watch, the glances flicked towards the drinks cabinet as the afternoon ticked past to an hour deemed acceptable for alcohol. The not-so-funny jesting remarks. ‘The sun’s past the yardarm. It must be five o’clock somewhere.’ And five o’clock became four, then three, then a quick tipple with lunch, a nip of sherry at eleven, a splash of vodka in the breakfast orange juice.
She couldn’t cope with another alcoholic in her life. ‘Promise me you’ll say if that changes.’
‘I swear, if I even think about a drink, I’ll find a programme. I don’t want to be that man, Mia. Fitz is the past, a character I played for a while, but he isn’t me.’
He was filling up the dark empty corners of her heart, piece by piece, and Mia had to make him understand what she was feeling before things got any more complicated between them. She didn’t want to be a pity project, a way for Daniel to make himself feel better by taking care of her. If he was looking for a cause to champion, he’d have to look elsewhere. If they were going to make something of the growing bond between, it would need to be on equal footing. She would have to do her part and take care of Daniel and his needs as well.
‘I was thinking today, before the phone call, when I was making dinner,’ she started to speak and then sat bolt upright. ‘Damn, you put the plates in the oven to keep warm and we’ve left them in there.’ Mia started to scramble for the edge of the bed, but he stopped her with a gentle touch.
‘Stay here in the warm and I’ll go and sort them out. If it’s still edible I’ll bring it up or we’ll be starving later. Can you manage a bite to eat?’ Mia nodded and sat back against the pillows.
‘You don’t have to wait on me, Daniel. I’m really okay; I can help.’
‘Indulge me, please? I’ll be two minutes.’ Good to his word, he was soon back with the two plates of pasta on a tray with some cutlery and a large bottle of water, cold from the fridge. Once they stirred the food, it was fine as she hadn’t stinted on the cream sauce, and they sat together in the bed sharing the water between them as they ate.
‘So, you were thinking when you were cooking…’ Daniel prompted.
It was crunch time. ‘Oh. Yes, well. I was thinking about how much I like you being here with me. I’m not saying I want anything to happen between us.’ She blushed and felt a little ridiculous when he grinned at her.
‘You sure know how to boost a man’s ego.’ The teasing tone set her at ease.
‘I’m not saying I don’t either. I just…’ She huffed out a breath. ‘I don’t know what I’m saying.’
‘I don’t think either of us are in the place to be making big steps beyond friendship. I like being around you, and I want to stay here with you. I want to see you achieve your dreams here.’ He glanced away then quickly back. ‘I’ll be honest, I think about what might be. A lot.’
She stared down at the remains of her pasta. ‘Me too.’
‘I know it’s overstepping the mark, but I can’t help myself making plans for the future. Whatever may or may not happen between us, I want to stay. This house feels like the first home I’ve had in years. I want to stay. With you. As friends, if nothing more. I’ve even got some ideas for converting the barn.’
Mia knew she probably looked dumbstruck as she stared open-mouthed at Daniel. It was almost as though he could read her mind as his words echoed perfectly her own feelings. ‘I want the same thing, whatever else happens here, I want us to always be friends, Daniel. I feel like we came together at a moment in time when we both needed the other so badly without even realising it. You have become so special to me in just a few weeks and I can’t bear to think that we might spoil this by rushing too far ahead or striving to feel something that just might not be there for us. I think we need to promise to be honest with each other, no matter what we fear the other person might say because it is only by staying true and trusting each other that we can hold this together. Do you agree?’
Mia reached up to cup his bearded cheek and he turned his head to press a kiss into the centre of her palm.
‘Yes, I agree. I also think we need to start sharing some of those sad stories, but not tonight and not all at once. The dark should be for whispering about our dreams and hopes for the future. Let’s save the tough stuff for the daytime, okay?’
It was such a sweet idea that it appealed deeply to Mia, to keep their most intimate times a haven, knowing that she could lie beside him and be safe and warm and not have to face anything upsetting or difficult. A time to plan and look to the future. It was perfect.
‘So tell me about these plans of yours.’ She settled back against her pillow and let him tuck the quilt under her chin as if she were a child. He drew back to his own side of the bed, leaving a clear space between them. He mimicked her position. Snug as two bugs in a rug, as her mother used to say when she still used to put Mia to bed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and then listened with her heart open as Daniel described his fledgling ideas for converting the barns.
***
‘The air here is different, even the sky looks different. I didn’t realise how much the darkness of the city was getting to me until it was almost too late. You end up living this life that isn’t yours, if you’re not careful, and then you lose that part of you that your creativity and artistry needs to survive and thrive. I was so full of hope, so full of ideas and excitement when I moved to London. My pictures reflected that positivity. All my themes were of things to be celebrated.’
Daniel paused, trying to find the right words. ‘I need to show you my portfolio and then you would understand.’ He sat up intent on fetching his tablet, but she stopped him with a light touch on his arm.
‘Save that for later. You were talking about the difference here away from the city and how it makes you feel. What does that have to do with your plans for the barn?’ She rolled onto her side, tucking her hands beneath her cheek.
He settled back down and turned to face her, heart racing a mile a minute. He’d thought for sure any hopes of a relationship with her had been dashed because she still grieved for Jamie, but she’d offered him a lifeline with her shy admission. Now was not the time to push it though. They would have plenty of time to explore things between them if she liked what he said next.
‘I want to convert the barn into a studio, well a collection of studios really. Something to cater for different artistic disciplines. A pottery studio with all the equipment: a wheel, a kiln, drying racks and display cases. A photography studio with a dark room for the old-fashioned types and a top-of-the-range computer and printing set-up for us digital addicts; one for a painter to use, one for a sculptor.
‘The light in the barn is fantastic and the view across the beach to the sea would be inspirational to the most jaded of eyes. The gardens here are fascinating too. I love them as they are—so much to explore, so many hidden secrets to capture on film, on canvas, in clay. I just think it would be fabulous to be able to offer an exclusive retreat to people. Somewhere they can tuck themselves away and recuperate, recharge their batteries and maybe rekindle their muse if they are struggling like I was.’ He cut himself off with a laugh at the saucer-eyed expression on her face. ‘Yeah, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.’
‘It never occurred to me the barn could be anything other than an eyesore and a dumping ground. I’ve always known I’d have to tackle it at some point, but trying to deal with the house has been overwhelming enough.’ She nibbled her lower lip, a single line etched between her brows—her thinking fac
e, as he thought of it. And when had he started giving names to her different expressions? She spoke again, distracting him from the thought. ‘I can see the appeal of the idea, but I never planned on turning the place into an artist’s retreat.’
A note of uncertainty crept into her tone and Daniel plunged on, hoping to sell her his vision. ‘It’s such a beautiful place; it would be perfect. I want to invite my friend Aaron down to visit and check it out further. He’s the one with a head for figures and his brother’s an architect. I want to get their input and ideas, see if Luke can take some measurements, maybe put together some sketches. I’d make sure it wouldn’t interfere with the guest house. They would be pretty self-contained with the little apartments on the mezzanine floor, although you might get a few begging at the back door once they smell your cooking.’
‘You plan to have them sleep there too? You wouldn’t be expecting them to stay in the house?’ Mia sounded surprised and he wanted to slap himself for being a fool. She’d obviously thought he wanted to take over everything.
‘God no, the guest house is yours. I wouldn’t presume to interfere with your plans. The barn is huge, plenty of room to put in a first floor. That was the idea, studios down below with maybe a staircase connecting to a loft type apartment above. The artists can totally retreat if they wanted to, although I would hope that people would mingle a bit in the summer if we had a barbeque or a bit of a beach party. Get everyone together and all mixing. Maybe put a few bits of art around the house to decorate and we could offer them for sale if anyone was interested. We could even set up a small gallery in time if there was enough interest. A gallery and a tea shop to draw the holidaymakers in the season and something to offer the locals off-peak.’
Mia started laughing as Daniel raced on a mile a minute. So yeah he was miles beyond just a few artist studios, but he could see it in his mind’s eye and excitement fizzed in his gut like champagne bubbles.
‘You’re mad, you know?’ She was laughing, though, much to his relief. ‘The dream I had for opening a guest house seemed unachievable only a couple of months ago and now here we are thinking about adding an artist’s retreat, an art gallery and a bloody tea shop! It all sounds marvellous, but I barely have enough in the budget to finish this place.’
Oh, hell, he was really mucking this up. ‘The cost of anything you agree for the barn would come out of my pocket, not yours. I’ll buy or lease the space from you, with a proper contract and everything. Once I became flavour of the month, people paid quite ludicrous sums for my work and even more for a personal sitting.’
A flicker of guilt over that last disastrous sitting jabbed him in the belly. ‘I have more bloody money than I know what to do with and no-one and nothing in my life that was worth a damn penny of it until now, until this.’ He sounded desperate to his own ears and knew he should back off, but he needed this, needed something physical to show for his almost thirty years of existence other than a few pictures and a failing reputation.
The frown on her forehead smoothed out and excitement gleamed in her eyes. ‘It’s a great idea. I love it and if you can afford to make a go of it then you have my blessing. We’ll have to finish the beach room if you are going to invite your friends to stay. You can put one in there and one in here, if you don’t mind giving up your room for a couple of nights?’
A weight he hadn’t been aware of lifted from his shoulders and he wanted to drag her into his arms and hold her tight, but it seemed too intimate given their location. ‘That would work. The sofa did me fine for the first week. I can camp out on it for a couple of days while the guys are here. Are you sure you don’t mind me inviting them down?’
‘I don’t mind.’ She laughed. ‘I actually don’t. I’ve been cocooned in this place for so long, I forgot what it was like to enjoy the thought of company. Once we’ve finished the beach room, we could look at converting one of the other rooms on the top floor for you to use. Once we have paying guests, you won’t want to be on the same floor as them; you’ll never get any peace. And I like the idea of having you close.’ She said it so calmly, it took him a moment to register the significance. In opening her private space to him, she was offering him a permanent home. A place to belong and set down roots.
He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. ‘If you’re sure?’
‘We’d have to share the bathroom, and only the bathroom for now, but if you don’t leave the seat up it should be fine.’ Her jaw cracked around a huge yawn. ‘Sorry.’
He smiled and tucked the quilt around her. She hadn’t made any move to return to her own room and he liked the idea of keeping her close, even if it was just for one night. ‘Don’t be. Let’s get some sleep and tomorrow will be a better day.’
She wriggled around, turning from one side to the other, taking more and more of the quilt with her each time she shifted. Maybe sharing a bed wasn’t such a great idea. Waiting until she finally settled, he risked a surreptitious tug on one corner to claim just enough of the duvet to cover himself and turned on his side to face her. He bit his lip against the urge to laugh. There was little more of her visible than the top of her head. ‘’Night, pet,’ he murmured.
‘’Night Daniel,’ she replied from the muffled depths of the bed.
Chapter Twelve
A sharp pain digging in her ribs woke Mia and she tugged at the tight band of her bra. Her knickers had formed an uncomfortable wedge in places unmentionable, and it took a moment of confusion before she remembered why she’d fallen asleep in her underwear. She froze, one finger hooked in the elastic of her pants, and held her breath. Slow, even sounds came from her left and she peeked over the top of the quilt. Daniel sprawled on his back beside her, one arm flung above his head and a hairy leg hooked over his side of the covers.
His chest rose and fell in an easy motion, the T-shirt he’d kept on moulded to his frame. Broader than Jamie through the shoulders, she noted, followed by a quick wash of guilt. She shouldn’t be comparing the two of them. There should be no comparison between the man she’d loved for ten years and this relative stranger.
The bathroom light shone dimly in the early-morning gloom, evidence neither of them had stirred in the night. Feeling awkward, although they’d done nothing more than sleep together, she inched out of the bed and slid to the floor in a crouch. Not wanting to risk waking him, she collected her jeans and tiptoed towards the door.
An errant floorboard creaked beneath her foot and she stopped, one leg raised like Wile E. Coyote trying to sneak up on the Road Runner. Daniel snuffled, rolled on his side and thankfully went back to sleep. A huge snore rent the air and she used the sound to cover the low click when she opened the bedroom door. Taking care to stay quiet, she scurried down the stairs and closed the kitchen door behind her with a sigh of relief.
Cold tiles nipped at her toes, so she scrambled into her jeans and stuffed her feet into her cosy boots. A quick peek through the kitchen window showed the first pink-red streaks of a dawn that promised a fine day. She made a cup of tea, poured it into a travel mug. Bright it might be, but the air still held a sharp nip so she bundled up in her coat and a hat and carried her drink outside.
Overgrown shrubs and bushes formed strange shapes in the early-morning light. She picked her way carefully towards the steps leading to the beach to avoid any brambles waiting to snare an unwitting foot. She could hear the sea before she saw it, the dark water merging too closely with the sand to make out. It was close to high tide, so she chose a spot up near the small dunes edging the beach and sat with her legs crossed.
Pale pinks, soft oranges and a deeper red striped across the grey sky, the colours brightening with each passing minute. The ocean grew visible next, leaving lines of foamy bubbles to be swallowed up by the next rolling waves. Clouds seemed to boil from the horizon, edged in crimson and shades of fuchsia. Letting the wonder of nature fill her eyes, Mia sipped her tea and gathered her thoughts.
Sneaking away from Daniel’s bed seemed a bit cowardly a
nd she hoped he wouldn’t be offended to find her gone when he woke. From a safe distance, she could admit to herself it hadn’t only been guilty feelings over Jamie that had driven her from the warmth of the sheets. Being next to Daniel had felt right and it scared her. After Jamie, she’d never thought she might care for another man again, and she wasn’t quite ready to let Jamie go.
Sunday mornings had been her favourite part of the week. Long, lazy hours spent reading the papers, grazing over breakfast and snuggling back down for sweet caresses. They’d grown up together, first and only lovers, finding their way around each other’s bodies until they knew every spot to draw a gasp or a sigh.
What would it be like to let someone else that close? What if she didn’t like the way Daniel touched her, what if he proved a better lover than Jamie? She wasn’t sure which would be worse. Stop it. Stop it. There was no point in torturing herself over things that might not even come to pass.
The pale disc of the sun crested the horizon, chasing away the blaze of colours into the pale blue of full morning. A chill crept into her bones from the damp sand, soaking through the layers of her coat. Not quite willing to drag herself away from the view, Mia raised the cup to her lips, surprised to find it empty. Seagulls swooped and danced in the sky overhead, their raucous cries breaking the silence. A shiver ran through her, the cold striking deep enough to force her into motion.
She needed to call her dad, finish their conversation from the previous night, and Madeline and Richard would be along soon as well. Time wouldn’t stop for her; she knew from bitter experience that life went on whether she was ready for it or not. Things changed and a new direction lay open before her.
Daniel was a fixture in her life now and she couldn’t imagine living here at Butterfly Cove without the sound of his deep voice calling down the hall to her. His warm presence at her table had become a necessity, making her smile as he scoffed down whatever meal she put before him with the same alacrity and gratitude whether it be a ham sandwich or a full Sunday roast. His plans for the barn were exciting too; nothing she would have ever thought of herself. She scrambled up, eager to see the place from the new perspective he’d given her.
Sunrise at Butterfly Cove Page 9
