“You’re fucking lunatic! What? I can’t come and surprise you when I have the urge to?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. No, you can’t!” I walked back to the door, enraged at myself. I should have been happy he showed up, happy that he even cared, but I was furious. It felt like I was losing the control I had built up over the years.
Wren told me not to call him again until I stopped being such a bitch. The name calling pissed me off even more. I waited four days for him to call, and when I realized he was being serious, that he wasn’t going to call me, I caved and called him.
He was the first guy to ever make me cave.
“Your parents seem back on track,” I commented.
“Their fights only tend to last a few hours...unlike ours,” he said, bending down to kiss me.
Our kissing grew deeper, and I was ready to take my clothes off until Wren slightly pushed me away.
“We should probably head downstairs for breakfast...or lunch, since it’s almost noon. We have a long day ahead of us.”
All I cared to do was have sex with my boyfriend. It was the only way I could forget what I revealed last night. It was the only way I’d forget that fate, if that sort of thing even existed, hated my guts and brought Porter back into my life for one reason—to shed every bit of happiness I’d miraculously obtained while with Wren.
Just the thought of Porter had my stomach in knots. The look on his face when he discovered Wren and me on the beach made me want to do the things I’d dreamt of doing to him over the last four years. I wanted to show him how strong of a person I was now. I wanted to show him he no longer had control over my emotions and could no longer treat me as if I were his pet. Porter’s smile could have persuaded an onlooker that he thought it was funny to find us in such a compromising position, but his eyes... His eyes told me that underneath all of the fake smiles and the sarcastic comments, he was hurt. Seeing me naked with another guy after all of these years still hurt him.
“Ugh, fine.” I rolled out of bed, throwing on my clothes from last night.
We didn’t have sex after our admissions last night. I tried, but Wren told me that with everything we’d just disclosed, we should try something new, comfort each other in a different way. The way he held me, the way he kissed me, it did more than what sex could ever do. I swore I’d never find something better than the feel of a naked man’s body against mine, but last night, he was inside of me in a whole different way.
The kitchen was brightly lit, the oversized windows flooding the room with sunlight. Wren’s parents sat at the kitchen table, Mrs. Kavanagh sipping her coffee while looking at a magazine, Mr. Kavanagh reading the newspaper.
“You two slept late,” Mr. Kavanagh commented, looking down at his watch. “I assume you slept in different rooms?” he asked, quietly laughing under his breath.
Mrs. Kavanagh’s eyes jerked up from her magazine. A scowl spread on her face. “You did sleep in separate rooms, correct?”
“Yes, Mother,” Wren lied. He looked back at me and winked, taking a seat at the table.
I sat next to him and since the silence was too awkward to bear, spoke up. “I read that one,” I said, pointing to the magazine in Evelyn’s hand. “Learn to fall in love by just holding his hand...what a huge load of—”
“Kingsley,” Wren warned.
Mrs. Kavanagh’s eyes were wide as she stared at me like I was an elephant that happened to wander into her perfect home. “Lovely,” she said.
Her dull tone led me to believe that she wasn’t happy with my comment, and knowing that, I continued.
“And the other article, what was it? How to get over a breakup with a pint of ice cream and your new favorite toy? Garbage.” I shook my head, cracking up on the inside. I had a soft spot for women like Mrs. Kavanagh. They disliked me for being tall, thin, and gorgeous, so they made up reasons to hate me. I knew she was the type the minute she first looked at me.
“I don’t think I’ve read that article yet,” she sneered.
Wren stood up and walked to the refrigerator. “Kingsley, do you want anything to eat? Eggs? Yogurt?” His persistence at trying to change the subject was admirable. He always wanted to smooth over every situation.
“Nothing for me.” I looked outside the bay window, watching the sun beat down onto the water. The scenery was way too beautiful, and I sort of wished it would rain. When a day was too nice, I felt like I had to be as well. When it rained, most people were left in a bad mood, which allowed me to fit in more.
“Kingsley, I’m sorry we didn’t get to speak much last night. It’s nice to have you staying with us.” Wren’s father spoke openly, acting as if his son wasn’t in the room. He seemed friendly, but reserved. “Wren has been telling us just how much time you two have been spending together.”
“Dad!” Wren interjected.
“All I’m saying is that we’re glad to finally meet her,” Mr. Kavanagh explained, giving me a polite smile.
He said we, but I knew he was just trying to be nice. Evelyn wasn’t pleased in the least bit that I was sitting at her perfect dining table with her perfect son and her perfect husband. It made her perfect world seem a lot more common, and to women like her, common was a bad word.
Wren sat back down with a mouthful of bagel in his mouth.
“Wren, chew with your mouth closed!” his mother exclaimed.
Wren looked at me and we laughed, knowing that if it was just him and I, we’d probably be tossing bites into each other’s mouths. His mother scowled at the two of us, but didn’t say anything else.
“All right, we’re gonna head out. I think Jay might be throwing a party,” Wren said, standing up and offering me his hand.
This was news to me. I had no desire to see Jay or any of Wren’s high school friends. I’d met them all over the first few months of dating Wren. Jay was like me in a lot of ways, always wanting to party and drink. He’d always have a new girl on his arm, and I knew it was because of a past heartbreak he’d been through. The friend I couldn’t handle was Samson. I identified Samson with Porter, but because he was dating Natalia, my roommate from Juilliard, and he was Wren’s best friend, I had to reel in my hatred, and that was something I despised doing.
“You two have fun,” Mr. Kavanagh said, not looking up from his newspaper.
Mrs. Kavanagh stood up and embraced Wren. She whispered something in his ear and then sat back in her seat, ignoring me completely.
“What did your mother say to you?” I asked, entering the guest room with Wren in tow.
He started to laugh and sat down on the bed. It was still made, so I made sure to mess up the blankets a bit to at least look like I’d slept there.
“Tell me!” I demanded.
He pulled me down onto the bed and trapped me with his arms. “She told me that she knew you didn’t sleep in this bed last night because she saw it was still unused when she woke up this morning. Then she told me to ‘be careful.’”
His imitation of his mother made me laugh.
“Ah, and I assumed she gave me an attitude for no reason at all,” I said, placing kisses along his strong jawline.
“Speaking of, what was up with your attitude?” He cocked an eyebrow.
“I was just trying to get a laugh out of your mom.”
Wren nodded and rose an eyebrow; I knew he didn’t believe me. He kissed me one more time on the lips and then instructed me to be ready in fifteen minutes.
Thirty minutes later we were on our way to Jay’s. Wren complained at least a dozen times that I’d taken too long and by now all the good alcohol was probably gone.
I rolled my eyes, but kept my mouth shut for good reason. We were headed to a party and the last thing I wanted was for us to be fighting the entire time, because I knew that meant we’d stay away from each other all night, get way too drunk, and try and make each other jealous. The first time it happened, just a month into our relationship, I caught some girl grinding his crotch. Needless to say, s
he ended up with a bald spot and he had blue balls for a week. Since we were both extremely jealous people, we’d been down so many dark roads throughout our relationship; it was only in the past few months that had things become less volatile.
Jay’s parents’ house was beyond massive. This meant that it would be packed with over-privileged kids whose only desires in life came from two things: the plastic in their wallets and the high-proof liquor that always seemed to be available.
I was looking forward to finding Natalia. I hadn’t seen her since I moved out of the dorms, and we left our goodbye with an awkward, “So, I’ll talk to you soon.” I was actually looking forward to catching up, which surprised me. Throughout the school year, I’d mostly spent time with Wren, and whenever I was in the dorms, Natalia would rave on and on about Samson, which only made me think of Porter.
Wren opened the door, and if fate was trying to do everything it could to ruin my life, it was succeeding. Porter was standing fifteen feet away, leaning against the living room door frame and talking to a girl that looked way too young for him. He must have heard the door open because the moment I entered, our eyes locked. Wren noticed the exchange and, without a word, walked directly into the kitchen. I couldn’t follow. I couldn’t walk. All I could do was stare at the boy I used to worship.
Five steps. That’s how many it took for Porter to get to me. I should have walked away. I should have slapped him and then walked away. I did neither.
“Hey,” he greeted. The even tone in his voice told me that he, for now, had dropped the suave attitude he liked carrying around in his back pocket.
I didn’t respond. I just looked into his blue eyes and froze. Porter had that effect on me.
“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. Hearing his voice made my blood boil. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted to strangle him. I wanted to make him feel helpless, unable to control his own future. I wanted to make him feel like he didn’t have a choice in any matter. The exact way he made me feel.
“Kingsley, I just—”
“Don’t even say my name!” I ordered. I had shouted loudly and the room became silent. The conversations stopped and everyone’s attention focused on us. I looked straight ahead, finding Wren staring straight back. His white knuckles clutched a bottle of cheap beer and I knew he was moments away from bashing it over Porter’s skull.
I walked around Porter, straight past Wren, grabbing his hand on my way out the back door. I had to get out of that house; away from Porter and the overpowering trance he put on me.
“What the fuck, Kingsley?” Wren said, sliding the glass door closed.
The humid air left an instant trail of sweat on my lower back, and I was happy I wore little to nothing.
“Why is he here?”
“How would I know?” I said, throwing my hands in the air.
Wren rolled his eyes, gulped the rest of his beer, and chucked the empty bottle into the yard, where I heard it crash onto a nearby rock, breaking into pieces. “Why were you talking to him?”
“Wren, I didn’t walk up to him and make him talk to me. He came up to me!”
“I thought you were behind me. When I turned around, you were standing there with Porter.” He said Porter’s name the same way I did. Like it was deadly.
“I... I...” I didn’t know why I didn’t follow Wren into the kitchen. I didn’t know anything except that I didn’t think I could last another moment in a room with Porter Henning.
“That’s what I thought.”
Wren walked to the edge of the porch and looked down at the beach. It was filled with families laughing and dogs running through the water to catch their Frisbees in the air.
“Wren,” I called, touching his elbow, “it was nothing.”
His eyes followed the length of my body, like he’d just realized I was half-naked. My short jean shorts were unbuttoned, exposing my bikini bottoms. The sheer top I wore over my bikini top was just enough to cover my exposed skin. He gave a small smile and held out his hand.
“It was nothing,” I reminded him. “Now, if we ended up humping on the floor of the foyer...”
“You just love taking that extra step, don’t you?”
I knew Wren believed what I told him because I knew he trusted me. Porter was nothing to me now. What I didn’t tell Wren was that the nothing somehow still meant something.
By the time we walked back inside, the party resumed to normalcy. Jay and Samson greeted us in the kitchen, each carrying handfuls of shots.
“My favorite couple!” Jay shouted over the music. He handed me a shot glass, and Samson shared one with Wren.
“Hey, Kingsley,” Samson greeted.
I nodded in his direction. I discreetly looked into the foyer, searching for Porter, but didn’t see him there. It’s not that I wanted to see him again tonight, but it’s like there was a magnet inside of me that pulled to him no matter how much I fought it.
“Where’s Nat?” I asked Samson. I took my shot in one gulp, slamming it down on the kitchen island.
“Oh, she actually didn’t end up coming,” Samson replied. “Her mom wanted her home for some new dance class she was introducing at the studio.”
It was disappointing that Natalia didn’t show. I needed to talk to someone about how Porter being around was making things in my life seem off balance. He was somehow playing tricks on my mind that I couldn’t control, and I knew her advice would help the situation. But she wasn’t here to help.
Have you ever been so in love with someone that when they intentionally hurt you, you shelved that hurt so high up in hopes that it would collect dust and be forgotten? It took me a few months to identify that sort of love wasn’t the kind I needed in my life, and I swore that I’d never allow my mind to flood with thoughts of that kind of love ever again.
But now I could feel my brain drowning, and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it.
“Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”
The crowd circled around Porter, cheering as he chugged an excessive amount of beer. I looked at the faces surrounding me. Their expressions filled with pure satisfaction as they watched their friend drink his weight in alcohol. Porter’s shirt was drenched, his forehead covered in sweat. I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down and up and down until finally, the beer bong was empty.
The moment he swallowed the last drop, he threw his arms in the air, celebrating the accomplishment. He was acting like he’d just won a gold medal. The circle closed in tighter around Porter, pushing me out of the way. I stood in the background, trying to figure out why I was even there.
“Hi.” A girl I recognized from my math class stood next to me, greeting me as if she questioned why she did it in the first place. Her bright red hair shone under the florescent lighting, her pale skin painted with colors I’d never think to wear. Dark purple eye shadow covered her lids and her cheeks matched her hair; her lips were the only thing that didn’t stand out.
“Hello,” I replied. I gave a small smile and then turned my attention back to my boyfriend.
He was no longer pumping his fist in there air. He was talking to a girl. I looked closer, trying to see through the heavy crowd.
He was talking to Charlotte.
“That’s your boyfriend, right?” the girl asked.
The crowd began dispersing, and we both watched as Porter and Charlotte clinked their shot glasses together. He beamed at her and she happily returned his expression. Their exchange was just a little too friendly. A little too affectionate.
“Yes,” I answered, looking down at the ground. I couldn’t watch as the only boy I loved forgot all about me.
“And you’re okay with him talking to her?”
Charlotte swallowed her drink and then flew into Porter’s arms, hugging him tightly. It was the touching that gave me the push I needed to move my feet. Two small steps, but then I backed up. I was scared to interfere. Scared to make mys
elf the center of attention when I’d always hid in the shadows.
What’s wrong with Charlotte?” I asked the girl.
Her eyes widened and she looked at me like I was stupid for not knowing the answer like everyone else at the party apparently did. “She just broke up with Alex. There’s a rumor going around that she wants to get back together with Porter.”
The news bit at my insides. I had to force myself not to run away and cry, knowing I was on the verge of losing the only boy that’s ever loved me. If he ever loved me at all.
“But Porter broke up with her last year,” I established. He broke up with her because he had a crush on me. That’s what he told me months ago when we sat across from one another at Shake Shack. I remember every word he said because when he spoke them, my heart raced and I had to choke down my chocolate shake to keep my lips from moving and admitting how much I loved him.
He can’t leave me for her. He can’t leave me for her. He can’t leave me...
I closed in on them, hoping the boldness wouldn’t disappear the moment Charlotte looked at me.
It did.
“Oh, Kingsley!” Charlotte said, grasping both of my shoulders. “Your shirt, it’s so...nice.”
She looked me up and down, obviously scrutinizing every part of me. If I could, I would have slapped her. I’d never been violent with anyone. I’d never hit back in my life, but at that moment, I wanted to hurt Charlotte. She was trying to take away the one person that meant everything to me.
“Alex just walked in,” I lied. “He’s outside and wants to talk to you.”
She was skeptical of my words, but must’ve believed them because she turned to Porter and said, “Find me later?”
I watched as she eagerly walked away, tempted to trip her. When I turned back to Porter, his eyes were on Charlotte’s departure too.
“Almost ready to go?” I asked, hoping he would say yes. I had to be back at the Hendersons’ in an hour, and if we left now, we’d have some time alone. Lately, all we’d been doing was partying. When I told Porter that I wanted to have fun, this wasn’t what I meant.
In Control (The City Series) Page 17
