This Trust of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  We both sat silent for what felt like forever, except for my occasional gasp for air as I tried to calm myself down enough to talk. "I...I...mis...miss...y...you."

  "Oh god, Kayla. I needed to hear you say that. Please, pretty girl calm down enough to talk to me. I need to talk to you. I need to hear your angelic voice. Hell, I just fuckin' need you, Kayla."

  We sat in silence a little bit longer, until I was able to speak without stuttering. "Madison, I made a mistake. I should have gone with you. But, I just couldn't."

  "God, I know sweetheart. I never should've asked that of ya. I should've stayed. I could've played ball anywhere. It didn't have to be here."

  "It's okay, Madison. I understand why you did it. Why you needed to leave. You have to believe me when I say it wasn't like that with Dennis. Cami had been trying to get me out of the house all month, but I just didn't want to leave or be around anybody. I finally gave in, knowing that I had to start living again, I jus-"

  "Don't, please don't finish. You never have to explain yourself to me, ever. I was just so jealous, it sent me into a small fit of rage." I giggled as I pictured Madison as the Hulk. "What's so funny over there?"

  "Oh nothing, I was just picturing you all big and green." I laughed louder.

  "Oh really now? In all seriousness KJ, I miss you so bad. I don't know how I'm gonna be able to do this. It's only been a month and I'm about to lose it. That's how crazy you make me feel."

  "I'm sorry, cowboy. I promise, we will talk everyday. I'm gonna make a bigger effort, lord knows you deserve it."

  "I really don't, Kayla. But it's nice to hear it all the same. So tell me what you've been up to. You all ready for the school year?"

  I would've given anything to just hear him talk to me until I fell asleep, but unfortunately he wanted to know about me. No lies, was all I kept repeating to myself. I told him about the school I would be going to, and the job I got in town. I also told him that my granddaddy was goin' to be buying me a truck so he didn't have to take me everyday and he just laughed. I wanted to tell him, I really did, but something deep down just wouldn't let the words come out.

  After another hour or so of talking had passed, I was trying my hardest to stifle a yawn, but Madison caught on. "Pretty girl, you need your beauty sleep. I'll call you in the mornin' before I head out for practice, if that's okay?"

  "Of course."

  "It's a date then. I'll talk to ya first thing in the mornin'."

  "It is mornin', cowboy." I giggled.

  "Okay, later in the mornin' smart ass."

  "You like my smart ass."

  "Sure do. Sweet dreams, pretty girl. Dream of me?"

  "Always, cowboy, always."

  With that, our call ended and I drifted fast asleep. For the first time in awhile, I didn't have one single nightmare.

  *****

  I woke to someone vigorously shaking me and I reached for Cami's arm to make sure it was her before I started swinging. When my hand tightly grasped her shoulder, she squealed in pain.

  "Jeez Kayla, aggressive much?"

  "Well maybe you shouldn't be shakin' people awake, bitch."

  She started laughing and I joined in once I could get my sleepy eyes to open. "What the hell time is it anyway?"

  "Just past nine. Please don't grab me again." She had her pillow pulled in front of her, as if that flimsy barricade was gonna stop me from kickin' her ass.

  "Oh my god, I got hardly any sleep at all. This sucks."

  "Did you talk to him? Did ya, did ya, huh, huh??"

  "Oh my god, shut up. You are way too perky for nine in the morning. What the hell did you do with my best friend who hates mornings just as much as me? I want her back, not this imposter in front of me."

  She smacked my shoulder and stood up laughing. "Get dressed. Breakfast is almost ready and your grandparent's say they have something important to talk to you about. Hurry up, I have coffee waiting for you." She said in a singsong voice.

  I was up and dressed in less than ten minutes. A record for me, but if I'd get up for anything, it would be coffee.

  "I wonder what they need to talk to me about? Did you do something wrong, Cam? Are they sending you home early, you little slut?" I threw my head back in laughter as Cami shot me a dirty look.

  "No, bitch! I've been a good little girl, unlike you."

  I shot a quick dirty look in her direction before we headed downstairs. The mouth-watering aroma of coffee assaulted my nostrils and I swear I ran the rest of the way down the stairs.

  "Well, well, someone looks happier today."

  I ran to my grandmomma on my way to the coffee pot and gave her a huge hug. "Thanks you, Gram." I whispered into her ear.

  "Anytime, Dear." She whispered back.

  "What are y'all whisperin' about over there?" My granddaddy always got a little jealous when I gave more attention to my grandmomma. He could be quite a baby, that old man.

  "Now get your coffee, and make your way back over to the is table, Darlin'. We have somethin' we need to talk to ya about."

  "Okay, I'm hurryin'."

  I quickly stirred in my cream and sugar and made my way over to the dining room table. Everyone else was already seated with a chair open for me right next to my granddad. I placed a small kiss to his cheek and he lovingly patted me on the hand.

  "So what's up?" I was strangely nervous for the first time around my grandparents in I don't know how long.

  "I reckon I better just show ya. No need to talk about it." My grandfather was being cryptic, which so wasn't him.

  I almost choked on my coffee as a sly smile broke out across his weathered adoring face. "Oh-kay! Lead the way."

  As I followed my grandparents and an overly excited Cami outside, my breathing started becoming short and staggered. I was never good with surprises and after the month I'd had, I wasn't really in the mood for another. As we reached the end of the driveway, a bright cherry red, 1969 Chevy pickup came into view. I was speechless as my hands flew up to my agape mouth. This wasn't just some pickup truck. Upon closer inspection, I realized just how much work my grandfather must've put into this thing. The paint was brand new, along with the tires, rims and pristine leather interior. Everything was immaculate and beautiful with its illustrious shine.

  I turned and threw myself into my granddaddy’s outstretched arms. I held him tightly, breathing in his scent and holding him as near and dear as I possibly could. I loved this man with all that I was. Every bone in my body cherished him and my grandmomma like no one else in this world. I gently pressed a small kiss to his weathered cheek as he slipped the keys into my hand.

  And just like that, my day was suddenly looking up.

  Chapter 5

  Madison

  I woke up the next morning for practice feelin' like absolute shit. Although I was ecstatic to be able to talk to Kayla, I was less than enthusiastic to be gettin' up at the ass crack of dawn for practice. As I made my way into the locker room, flashbacks of last night flooded my mind. Shit! What the hell had I done? Before I could get to down on myself, Swansen came strutting into the locker room, patting me on the shoulder.

  "Nice score last night, bro. So how was she?"

  Fuck!

  "Shut up, dude. Nothin' happened." He knew just as well as anybody else that this was a lie.

  "Yeah, okay buddy. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

  Yeah, I knew it totally wasn't. Swansen had a big mouth. I was already aware of this fact, even though I hadn't even known him that long. What the hell was I supposed to do? If Kayla ever found out, she would never forgive me. I promised I would wait for her. I promised her everything. Although, we did agree that we weren't together right now. Oh hell, there was no way I was goin' to be able to find an escape clause.

  I finished getting dressed for practice and ran my ass out onto the field for warm up's. Maybe I'd get lucky and Korena hadn't told anybody.

  To my surprise it was a scrimmage day. Could this day get any worse? Ou
r scrimmage went by exceptionally slow. By the time we were done and cleaning up all of the equipment off of the field, I felt as though I was about to throw up and then pass out.

  I was the last one to make it over to the locker room, and I about shit myself when I saw Korena leaning up against the wall. She was dressed in a short denim mini skirt, and a barely there top. It's not that she wasn't attractive, but I wasn't about to mess things up with Kayla even more than they were already.

  "Hey Madison. How was practice?" Her voice was too perky for my liking.

  "Hey Korena. Long and boring. I gotta go." I wasn't in the mood to have to explain my entire life to this girl.

  "Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to get together later?"

  "Sorry, no. I have a lot of shit to do before tomorrow." I didn't wait to hear her reaction, so I just squeezed past her to go into the locker room.

  I quickly showered and gathered up my things to head back to my dorm room. The mid afternoon sun began scorching my skin as I made my way over to my truck, and I suddenly remembered that I promised Kayla I would call her this morning.

  Shit!

  I dug through my jean pockets for my phone, letting out a huge sigh of relief when I found it without missed calls. I quickly scrolled through to find her name and clicked on her picture to call her.

  The phone rang more times than I thought it would, but I wasn't surprised that she didn't answer. She was probably pissed off at me at this point. I was supposed to call her first thing this morning and it was now almost four in the afternoon here.

  When she didn't answer, I realized that I may have just botched the one good thing I had goin' for me at the moment. I started making my way to my dorm, when I found myself walking back towards the diamond. I made my way onto the bleachers and sank back against the cool metal stands.

  I had loved playin' ball for as long as I could remember. When I had first decided to play t-ball when I was four, I knew it was exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I felt free on that mound. I felt whole. My dad had been the one to convince me to keep at it, when all I wanted to do was quit. My mom had just died and even though at my young age, it was a hard thing to fathom, he found it in himself to keep me going. We used to spend hour upon hour at that small baseball field, playing catch and him teaching me how to bat. Back then, I thought my father could have walked on water. He was my idol and I couldn't wait to grow up and be just like him.

  My how the tables had turned. When my father started gambling, he slowly started missing games one at a time. By the time I turned thirteen, I knew that I wanted to be the exact opposite of my father. I wanted to be a man that people could respect. A man that people would want to be associated with, and a man that a woman would give anything to be with. Determination and self resolve pushed me into becoming the best baseball player possible and when Glenn and I decided to start a band, well, life got even better. We threw ourselves into sports and our band, and we never cared for one single second what people thought of us.

  My father went off to jail when I was fifteen, and that was the day I decided to never look back. I could no longer let who my father was, dictate how I lived, or who I hung out with. That was also the day Glenn and I had gotten our first tattoos. Someone probably should have told me how addicting they were, but whatcha gonna do?

  I grabbed my bat and a couple of balls out of my bag, trying to let all my aggression out before I called Kayla again. It seemed lately, that every time I tried talking to her, she would shut down and turn the conversation onto me. She seemed to never want to talk about herself and it was starting to drive me nuts.

  I threw the first red-laced ball high into the air and just as it came falling down, I swung. The crack of the ball against the aluminum made my heart jump, just as it always had. I closed my eyes, listening to the ball fly through the air and then landing on the freshly cut grass, just short of the outside fence.

  I threw another and with every crack, my body slowly started to relax and my mind began to go blank. I repeated the same action until I was all out of balls. I threw the bat to the ground and quickly took off in the direction of the baseballs. I had driven most of them in the same vicinity. When I reached them, I let out a sigh and gathered as many as my arms would hold. I made a small pile of the leather balls and began throwing them back to home plate.

  Just as I had done a million times before, I stood breathing in the crisp mid afternoon air before closing my eyes and concentrating on nothing but the beat of my heart. I brought my hands together, lifted up my left leg and cocked my throwing arm back. I opened my eyes at the last second pulling home plate into my vision and only concentrating on that tiny piece of white rubber. I kept my eyes straightforward as I snapped the ball forward, my body following through as my eyes fluttered shut. When I stood to see where I had thrown it, I caught sight of that small ball tapping down right on home plate.

  I took in a deep breath and repeated until every last ball was back where I had started. As I jogged back over to my belongings, I heard a faint clapping in the distance, which jarred me out of my focus. I was an in the moment kind of guy and someone always had to fuck it up some how, especially when I was practicing.

  When I caught sight of a beautiful brunette in the distance, I could have sworn it was Kayla. I could imagine her here with me, watching me throw and bat, something she had never seen before. Before I knew it, I had a ridiculously happy smile plastered across my face. As I jogged closer to the amazingly beautiful girl, her face finally came into view and I stopped dead in my tracks, almost trippin' over my own two feet. I should've known it wasn't Kayla. She was a million miles away, or so it seemed, and in a different state. Korena stood there staring back into my eyes, but I just couldn't bring myself to look away. I knew with every fiber of my being that being around this girl was only going to lead to misery, but somethin' inside was craving the attention. I shook the thoughts from my mind before I spoke. I needed a level head to get my point across, and every time I was around this girl, it seemed to turn to mush. At least until she opened her mouth to speak. That's where her and Kayla differed.

  "Hey Madison. You looked great out there." Her voice was shrill and it made me want to cover my ears like a five-year-old child and scream.

  "What are you doing here Korena?" I could tell she could sense my displeasure with her being around, because her facial expression went from excitement to disappointment in less than five seconds.

  "I'm sorry to just show up again, but you have been ignoring me and I just kind of wanted to know why."

  She was fidgeting and playin' with long strands of her hair. The fidgeting brought my mind back to thoughts of Kayla, but I quickly squashed those knowin' that this girl could never be Kayla; no matter how hard she tried.

  "Look Korena, I'm going to be completely honest with you. I have someone back home, in Texas. We aren't really together right now, but I made a promise to her that I have already broken, and I'm not looking to repeat it anytime soon. Got it?" I finished gathering all my equipment back into my bag and was makin' my way in her direction to head out to my truck.

  "Don't you think you should have shared that with me before you slept with me last night?" She was starting to get angry, I could hear it in her voice.

  "Maybe, yes, but we also agreed to not call each other."

  "I never said that."

  "Um, yeah you kind of did. We both agreed that we didn't do numbers and calling the next day. I'm sorry, but it's just not going to happen." I was almost to the quiet sanctuary of my truck, when my phone started blaring its custom ringtone for Kayla. I could hear Korena's footsteps falling in line with mine and now I was just starting to get pissed off. I quickly turned around and she almost ran head first into my heaving chest.

  "Korena, it's not gonna happen. I'm sorry."

  She quickly turned and started walking towards the only other car in the lot when I decided to answer the phone before Kayla hung up.

  "Hey pretty gir
l, how are ya?" I waited with baited breath, hoping she would be in a more talkative mood today.

  "Hey cowboy, so much for a call this morning, huh?"

  "I'm so sorry, Darlin'. I totally spaced that I had practice this mornin'. I was actually just about to call you. I was hittin' some balls around after practice and lost track of time. How has your day been?" God it was so good to hear her voice. I missed her sweet Texan drawl and the way she called me cowboy. She had only uttered a few words and my body was already humming.

  "My day has been...amazing, actually. I woke up this mornin' still feelin' a little bit crummy, but that changed fast. When I got outside, my grandparents had a surprise waitin' for me. It was the most beautiful cherry red..."

  "Madison, I guess I'll just call you later then?"

  Shit, shit, double shit!

  I hadn't noticed that Korena hadn't left the parking lot. She was now standin' by the hood of my truck, tryin' to get my attention. What was it gonna take for this girl to leave me the hell alone? I covered the speaker of the phone as quickly as I could, praying that Kayla hadn't heard her.

  "Madison, who is that?"

  Damn it! Of course I wasn't that lucky. "Nobody pretty girl, nobody at all. Now what were you sayin'?" I was prayin' with everything inside of me that she would just let this thing go. I caught Korena's eyes in my line of sight and pointed my finger at her before covering my lips with my pointer finger. A mischievous smile spread across her full pout before I continued my conversation. "Now what were you sayin?"

  "If you need me to let you go, I can? Maybe you should go talk to whatever girl is waitin' around for ya."

  "It's not like that. She just a girl from one of my classes."

  "You're not even in classes yet."

  Shit!

  "You're one horrible liar, Madison Raine. Goodbye!"

  The line went dead and I had the overwhelming urge to unleash on Korena. I would never hit a girl, ever, but trust me this bitch deserved it.