This Trust of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  "Why the hell would you do that?"

  "Do what?" She was tryin' to be all flirty and play coy, but that shit wasn't about to fly with me. She was fuckin' with the wrong guy this time.

  "You know exactly what you did. Don't ever talk to me again Korena. If I had wanted to be with you before, your little stunt just now just ruined any chance of that. We're done."

  I jumped up into my truck and started the engine, revving it loud enough to make my point. I threw it in reverse and gunned it out of the parking lot. I didn't need to look in the rear view mirror to know I had left her standing there, hurt and most likely cryin', but if you're gonna try and fuck with the only relationship I had ever wanted, then I was sure as hell goin' to make you pay for makin' me lose it.

  I made my way back to the dorms in no time at all, and I prayed that Kayla would pick up her phone when I tried to call her back. I threw my stuff onto my bed and sat on the floor as I listened to her voicemail pick up. I let out a strangled groan and quickly dialed her number again. After my fifth attempt and no answer, I resigned to let her come to me, but I hoped that wouldn't take a million years. I threw my phone onto the small wooden nightstand before I headed to the showers. This day had taken a turn for the worst and it wasn't even my fault. Okay, most of it was my fault.

  Chapter 6

  Kayla

  "You have got to be kidding me? Seriously, another girl?" Cami's voice was higher pitched than I had ever heard it before and I almost wanted to start laughing, but I was too pissed to even try.

  "Yeah. She was all, "Madison, so you'll call me later then?" I mean come on. What the hell?" I was pacing around my room so hard, that I'm surprised I wasn't leaving a ring from my boots skidding on the carpet.

  "Oh hell no. Who the hell does this girl think she is?" Cami was just as pissed as I was and before I could stop her, she was on her phone with none other than, Glenn.

  "How could your boy do this to her? She doesn't deserve to be treated like this, especially not by him."

  She paused for what I could only assume was Glenn arguing back with her. I didn't know if he already knew what was going on, but if he didn't, he sure would now.

  "I don't give a shit. If you only knew what she has been through, you wouldn't even be trying to stick up for that piece of shit."

  "Cami, what the hell?" I couldn't believe she had just said that to Glenn. The only people who knew about that night, was Cami and my Gram. "CAMI!"

  She stopped mid bitch out to turn and look at me.

  "WHAT KAY?"

  "I told you not to tell anyone. What the hell do you think you are doin'?"

  She waved me off and rolled her eyes before she continued on with her interrogation. "Don't tell me you didn't know about this other girl. If you ever want any sort of a relationship with me, you will tell me the truth right this second." She took in an audible breath before settling herself into a sitting position on my bed. "Swear to me that you have no idea? Because I swear to god above that if you are lying to me, I will have your balls. Okay, okay, I believe you. Okay. Um..It's not my place to say. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I'll talk to you later."

  I was standin' at the end of my bed, hands on hip, tapping the toe of my boot against the carpet. "Well?"

  "I'm so sorry Kay. I didn't mean to let that slip out. I was just so mad at that douchebag. I just don't understand what the hell was going through that dumb ass brain of his. You need to tell him, Kayla."

  "No Cami, that's where you are wrong. I don't need to tell him anything. He is free to live his life however he wants, and so am I. I don't need him runnin' back to me, just because I was raped by my horrendous ex boyfriend. I don't want him bein' with me out of pity."

  Cami made her way off the bed and over to me. Her arms wrapped tightly around my waist and the million tears I had wanted to let go, broke through the dam and flooded my eyes.

  "Kay, it's going to be okay. I promise honey."

  "How can you promise that? You don't know."

  "I may not know how it will all turn out, but I know you Kayla James, and you are one of the strongest people I know. To have been able to put up with your mother for as long as you did and then Wren. I know you'll come out on the other side of this being stronger than ever."

  I hugged Cami back as tightly as her tiny frame would allow. I was thankful in that moment to have her here with me. I was grateful to have one person in my life, outside of my grandparents of course, that loved me enough to stay by my side. Apparently, I had misjudged Madison when it came to that.

  I pulled away from Cami and dried my tears with the bottom of my tank top. When I lifted the hem and exposed my bare belly in front of Cami, I had forgotten about the bruises that still covered my stomach and ribs. I quickly put my tank top back in place and started makin' my way over to the bathroom, when Cami shot across the room pulling the bathroom door closed before I could make it inside.

  "What the hell are those?" When I didn't answer she got louder. "Kayla Anne, what the fuck are those? And how have I not noticed them?" She pointed directly at my belly before I turned and headed for downstairs. "Don't you dare walk away from me, Kay. Get back here!"

  I was now running out the back door, heading in the direction of our spot. I needed to get away, I needed some time to think and breathe without the constant scrutiny of my best friend.

  When I reached the top of the hill, I bent over trying to catch my breath. I hadn't been able to run as well as I used to, but I was finally starting to feel like my old self again, at least in that department. After a few seconds of rapid breaths, I made my way over to the welcoming shade, I threw myself onto the ground next to the trunk. I slowly lowered my head down as I stared out at the expansive horizon, trying to digest everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

  I had told my grandmomma and my best friend about one of the worst experiences any person would ever endure, I almost told my non-boyfriend about it, and I had heard another girl practically hit on my non-boyfriend. As much as I knew he deserved to know, now I wasn't so sure. I was already scared to tell him, knowing he would always look at me differently, but now I was scared to even face my best friend knowing I would probably have to tell her the whole truth this time about what had happened.

  I frantically searched my front pockets for a cigarette and let out a sigh of relief as my fingers grazed the crinkled package. I brought the butt of the cigarette to my mouth and inhaled the intoxicating smoke into my lungs, filling them to the brim. As I exhaled the remaining smoke, I opened my eyes to a scrutinizing glare. Cami stood over me, hands on hips just waiting to pounce. "What do you want Cam?"

  "Look Kay, I'm sorry I let that slip out when I was talking to Glenn. I was just so damn frustrated at the fact that he wouldn't just tell me the truth."

  "Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe he was telling the truth?"

  "Maybe. It just seems unfathomable with how close him and Madison are. I mean it's very hard to believe that Madison wouldn't tell Glenn something like that."

  I took another drag off of my smoke before continuing. "Cam, Madison has been gone for a month. I mean, I'm sure he and Glenn talk, but I honestly don't think it's as often as you or I would like to believe. You know Glenn well enough now, to know he wouldn't lie to you."

  "That's where you're wrong, Kay. Guys lie all the time to protect their "boys" and they always will."

  "You don't know that Cami."

  "Maybe not, but what I do know, is what I saw in there. Now you either start talking to me, or I will go tell your grandparents."

  I shot up into a sitting position facing Cami as she sat next to me. "Cami, you can't. I may have told my Grams, but I couldn't tell her everything. You have to understand."

  "No Kayla, I can't understand because you won't even tell me the truth."

  "I did tell you the truth."

  "I mean the whole truth, not just some semblance of the truth. Now start talking."

&nbs
p; I sat my back against the trunk of that tree and let my head fall into my hands. I honestly didn't know where to begin. I was sick of reliving what had happened that night. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there, haunting my dreams and invading every thought.

  "Kay?"

  "I don't know where to start." I could feel the tears welling up behind my already hooded eyes. The salty concoction of tears started to burn and prick at the back of my eyelids, as the first tear broke free and slowly slid down my cheek. "He was there. The whole time I was sayin' my goodbyes to Madison, he was there, lurking in the shadows, just waitin' for the right chance to get me alone. I tried to run away from him, I really did. But how far could I really get with a hurt leg." I wiped my tear soaked cheeks with the bottom of my top. "He grabbed me and pulled me back up here. Actually over there." I pointed in the direction of the spot just behind the shed where Madison and I had sex for the first time. Cami's hand reached out and grabbed mine. She clutched it tight to her chest as I continued recounting the events of that night.

  "Keep going." She whispered.

  "He pinned my hands above my head as he undressed me excruciatingly slow. I should've known better than to fight him, but I knew what was gonna happen and my heart just couldn't bare it any longer. I bucked my hips to get him off me. I squirmed underneath him and even tried kneeing him a few times. It only made him want to do it more. I had no choice but to give into him. I lay completely still below him tryin' to think of nothin' but Madison. I kept tryin' to picture his face while he had made love to me. I tried to imagine his face when he would come home to visit. But then I saw his face when I told him what had happened. That was the moment I decided that no matter what was gonna happen, I could never tell him." I slid my fingers under my eyes, capturing the wet mascara and tears and wiping them on my shorts. Retelling this story was proving to be a hell of a lot worse than I thought it was gonna be.

  "Kay, I'm hear for you. Please just let me in. Finish the story."

  Cami's reassuring tone is what pushed me forward with the rest of the story. "He slapped me around a little bit for laying still, of course. And when I refused to fight him, he figured out a way to make me. He drove his knee and fist into my ribs each time I quit moving.

  With a small squeeze of my hand from Cami, I continued. "Apparently that still wasn't enough for him. He started doing, his thing, and as I stilled below him, he kept up the fun little game he wanted to play." I tugged at the hem of my shirt as I took another drag. "That's it."

  I looked into Cami's glossed over eyes and sucked in a deep labored breath. "I'm so sorry Kayla. I wish I would've been there to help you. I wish that would have never happened to you. God, I wish so many things. Thank you for telling me."

  She pulled me into a deep hug. Her grip never loosening and her tears continuing to fall. I felt bad for her, having to hear all that couldn't have been easy. But, I also felt bad for myself. No girl should ever have to endure what I had, ever.

  "I love you Kayla. I promise no matter what happens in our lives, I will always be there for you. Always."

  "Me too, Cam. Me too." I squeezed her tightly then released her from my hold.

  I finished my cigarette and put it out on the grass next to me. I stood and walked a few feet over to the small shed. I ran my fingers down and across the splintered wood, trying to remember only the good things that had happened here. I could see Madison pushing me up against it, as his mouth devoured mine. My hands clutching to the broken wood as he worked his way down my neck. I could see it almost as clear as day, but then that memory slowly bled into the one now haunting my every waking thought. I squeezed my eyes shut, blocking out the pain. I quickly turned towards Cami who still sat, just staring at me. I gave a small smile as I made my way back over to where she was.

  I was determined to let it all go. Determined to make a place for myself here. A place that I felt safe and comfortable. One that I would never let myself regret.

  Chapter 7

  Madison

  The rising sun crept up and through the blinds, blinding me instantaneously. I wasn't sure of the time, but lately I never was. It had been almost two weeks since the last time I had spoken to Kayla. Trust me, it wasn't for a lack of effort. Part of me couldn't blame her, given the fact that Korena had made the situation sound pretty bad, but I was getting to the point of desperation. Everything inside of me wanted nothing more than to go home, be with the girl I loved, and make a life for myself there.

  Up until now, Arizona had sounded like the right thing to do, but now I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew I wanted. I rolled over to block out the sun, just as my alarm began blaring into my ear. Ugh, the first day of school sucked no matter how old you were.

  I jumped out of bed, debating whether or not to take a shower. I chanced a glance in the mirror on the far wall and found myself almost unrecognizable. Between practice, scrimmages, lack of sleep and lack of Kayla, I was really starting to look the way I felt. I shrugged my shoulders, threw on my ball cap and gathered up my book bag. I'd take a shower after practice if I felt up to it.

  As I made my way out of the dorm and in the direction of my truck, I was caught off guard by a familiar voice calling out my name. I looked in all directions before finishing the walk. When I was just about to open the door and jump into the truck, I heard the voice again, only it was closer this time. I swung my head around and instantly made eye contact with the person belonging to the voice.

  "Glenn?" The sun was shining directly into my eyes, blurring my vision. I raised my hand up to shield my eyes from its rays when I finally got a better look at him.

  "Hey bro, how's it going?"

  Sure as shit, it was Glenn and he was carrying a backpack and almost looked as though he belonged on campus. "Oh my god, dude. What are you doin' here?"

  "I go here now." We gave each other a quick hug and then I found myself standin' back in shock.

  "What do you mean, you go here?"

  "I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure, but they offered me a scholarship and today is my first day. I was actually headed to find my dorm first and meet my roommate before class."

  "No fuckin' way. That's awesome. I had no idea you were even looking here."

  "Well let's just say that a little blonde birdie convinced me that it would be a good idea." He winked at me with a shit eatin' grin before he threw his arm around my shoulder and started steering me back towards the building.

  "As much as I would love to catch up and shit, I gotta get to class. If I'm late, I will be in deep shit with Coach later."

  "Dude, it'll only take a few minutes. Just help me find my dorm room."

  "Alright, but only a few minutes. What building are you in?"

  "Hayden Hall, room 4F."

  "Are you fuckin' with me right now?"

  "No, man. Why do you say that?"

  I rolled my eyes in Glenn's general direction. "Because that's my room."

  "Ahhhhhh, sweet ass. No way, dude. This is gonna be awesome. You and me livin' together, partyin' together. This is gonna be the best first ear of college, EVER!"

  "Whatever you say man. Alright, I gotta jet to class. I guess I'll see ya back in our room later."

  "Sounds good roomie." He shouted, as I was already running back to my truck.

  I made it to my first class with literally one minute to spare. I let out a loud sigh as I entered the room, searching for an empty seat. There were only a few to choose from and I practically hauled ass up the steps to grab the one at the top of the steps. There was a small group of guys huddled in a small circle, so I could only assume this was the safest place for me to sit.

  I pulled my laptop from my bag and quickly booted it up as we all waited for the professor to enter the room. I took the chance to glance around the room, to see if maybe some of my teammates were in the same class as me. No such luck. I guess it didn't help that I was in an advanced economics class. I'm not trying to imply that my teammates weren'
t smart, but I was pretty sure they only took what they had to, to get by. As my eyes made their way across the back row, I caught the attention of the one person I was hoping I could avoid for the rest of my life. Of course Korena was in my class. That's just how my luck goes.

  I gave a small wave and an even smaller smile, not wanting to lead her on in any way, shape or form, but I also didn't want to be a complete douche. She smiled back and with that, I kept my full attention on my computer screen for the rest of class. As soon as class was dismissed, I practically ran out of that classroom as fast as my feet would carry me. It was starting to seem like Korena was wanting to be wherever I was. And let's face it, that was just trouble waiting to happen, again.

  I slipped my phone out of my front pocket, along with a smoke and headed in the direction of the smoking area on campus. I wasn't at all surprised when I had no missed calls or texts. I swear this girl was going to be the death of me. I wasn't sure what had happened between then and now, but something was definitely off and I wasn't going to rest easy until I figured out what it was.

  The rest of the day went by at a snail's pace and I hadn't heard a word any of my professors had even said. I hadn't run into Glenn since this morning, but I knew I would get a full update later today. After I dressed for practice, I quickly dialed Kayla's number hoping she would answer this time. After the third ring, I was just about to hang up when I heard her voice break through the line.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey pretty girl, how are you?" A million emotions ran through me as I sat there listening to her every breath.

  "I'm okay. How are you? How was your first day of classes?" I could tell she seemed off, but I didn't push her for answers. I had finally gotten her to answer the phone. I didn't need her hanging up on me already.

  "Classes were okay. Glenn is here. We're actually roommates, how weird is that?"

  "Oh good, I'm glad he made it there safe. He actually took Cami home. So roommates huh? That'll be nice, huh?"