This Trust of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  I watched as Mrs. James soaked in all the information I was feeding her. I could tell she knew somethin', but knowing her, she wasn't gonna tell.

  "It's Kayla's story to tell, not mine. Trust me, I wish I could. Hasn't she called you to talk at all?"

  "Not really. Every time I try to call her she doesn't answer, or she never returns my calls. Last time we spoke, she told me to move on."

  "Oh Madison, don't listen to that silly girl." I could tell she was getting concerned, but I didn't pry, I just let her finish. "I know how much she cares for you. She's just havin' a bit of a rough time, that's all. Give her some time. She'll come to ya." Her small weathered hand covered mine as she began making small circles across the back of it. Everything about this woman made me feel comfortable. She was understanding in a way that I had only felt from my own grandmother.

  "Thanks Mrs. James. Can you please tell her to meet me out by the tree tonight around ten thirty?"

  "Absolutely love. I will personally make sure she hauls her butt up that hill." She winked and then stood to go inside. "Tell your grandparents hello for me. We will see ya soon honey."

  I waved as I made my way down the steps and back towards my truck. At least I knew I had one James family member on my side.

  Chapter 12

  Kayla

  I was locking the front door to the boutique when I felt a hand graze my lower back. I was already on edge because of Madison's little impromptu arrival earlier, so I literally jumped about a mile high when I felt the cool skin of someone else's hand against mine. I turned ready for action. There was no way I was going to let someone get me without putting up a fight. I had my truck key between my first and middle finger that were in a fist, just like my granddaddy had taught me. It wasn't the most effective weapon, but it would definitely do a little bit of damage if need be.

  "Holy shit there killer. You expectin' a throw down?"

  The minute I heard his voice, the surge of adrenaline that had begun spreading throughout my body suddenly dissipated. "What the hell are you doin' here Joey? You scared the ever livin' hell outta me." I clutched my chest as I tried to slow my rapid heart rate.

  I could tell he felt bad the minute he saw me fighting to catch my breath. His arms snaked around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest. "I'm really sorry love. I swear I didn't mean anything by it. I was just havin' a little fun." He pressed his lips to the top of my head and my fear and anxiety instantly melted away.

  "It's okay. I'm just a little jumpy."

  "I'd say more than just a little." He chuckled.

  I pushed back against his chest and out of his embrace. "What are you doin' here Joey?"

  "I just wanted to make sure you closed up all safe and sound. Don't need anyone around here tryin' to scare my girl."

  My brow furrowed in confusion by the sweet sentiment. Joey had a habit of callin' me his girl since day one. We both knew it wasn't what he really meant, but other people at school were starting to talk and now that Madison was back in town, I was going to have to tell Joey he couldn't say it anymore.

  "So, why you lookin' so sad?"

  "Madison's back. Wait, that sounded really bad. I'm not sad that he's back, I just don't know what exactly he's doing back. I don't know. I think I'm just confused."

  "I would say so. Look, I've known Madison practically my entire life. He's a really good guy and I would never want to interfere with whatever you two have goin' on. So, if I'm stepping on his toes or anything like that, I can pull back a bit."

  "No!" It came out more demanding than I had intended, but Joey was one of my only friends here and I wasn't willing to lose him because of how Madison may or may not feel about our friendship. "Sorry, I just meant, well, no. I can be friends with whomever I want. If he has a problem with it, than he can just deal with that on his own time."

  We started walking in the direction of my truck when Joey's cell phone started blaring the stupid annoying rock song I have had to hear one too many times lately. I would have to make a note to change that next time I had his phone in my possession.

  I could tell it was Brandy, the girl he had been seeing since summer and was still talking to now that we were in school. She was nice enough, but for some reason or another, she despised me already. For what reason, I may never know. I was already at my truck unlocking the door, when he came bounding towards me like a kid on Christmas morning.

  "Hey can you give me a ride over to Brandy's house? Pretty, pretty please?"

  I laughed at the vision in front of me. A six-foot, muscular guy on his knees begging little ole me for a ride.

  "Are you ever going to get a car, Jo? Sooner or later, I'm gonna have to start charging you, you know that right?"

  "Yeah, yeah, so is that a yes?"

  "Sure, but we have to go like now. I'm supposed to be meeting Madison as soon as I get home."

  We both jumped into the cab and took off in the direction of Brandy's mansion. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but she did live in one of the biggest houses in town. Her daddy was some big oil guy. I couldn't remember exactly because honestly, I wasn't paying attention all that much when she had told the story at lunch the other day.

  We rode the entire way to Brandy's house in silence. I could tell there was something on Joey's mind, but he never made any attempt to let me in on it. I never pushed for him to let me in, only because I wasn't quite sure I would be able to reciprocate. Although, if I ever found myself needing to talk about what had happened with Wren, I knew Joey would be one of few that would never judge me or look at me differently. I smiled feeling content with my newfound friendship with Jo. He genuinely seemed interested in just being my friend and he never pushed me to share anything I never wanted to. It was nice for once, to not have to explain every emotion my face portrayed. As I pulled up and around the circular drive, I put the truck in park and looked over at Joey to say my good-byes, but there was something wrong.

  "Joey, what's going on with you? You look like someone just ran over your dog." I pushed his shoulder gently.

  "I'm okay. Promise. You know you can always call me right? I mean for absolutely anything?"

  "I know." I wasn't sure where he was going with this whole thing, but he was definitely acting weird. "Joey, what's up?"

  "Nothing, love. Just wanted you to know that, that's all." He leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek before jumping down out of the truck. "See ya in the mornin?"

  "Bright and early." I smiled.

  I glanced in the rear view mirror as Joey stood in the exact spot I had just left. What was going on with that guy?

  Brandy's house was a good twenty to twenty five minute drive to mine, so I plugged in my iPod, picked my favorite song at the moment and turned it up as loud as my speakers would allow.

  As the lyrics of Radioactive by Imagine Dragons seeped through my speakers, I found myself slowly relaxing and letting the music consume me. As I mouthed each and every word, I found myself floating back to thoughts of why Madison was home. I wasn't sure what his reasons were, but I was hoping it wasn't to lift my hopes up, just to have them crushed back down.

  I drove slow through town, taking in all the beautiful scenery that I was always too busy to notice on a regular basis. The foliage was slowly turning, even though we weren't into fall yet, Mother Nature had a different idea. The simplicity of it all made me feel at home and at peace for the first time since I could remember.

  A little while later, I was pulling up the drive that led to my house when I noticed a shadowed figure sitting on the steps of my front porch. I knew the minute I caught a glimpse of the hair that it was Madison and just like that, all worry and cares flew out the half open window. Life just seemed right with him here. I know how clichéd it sounded, but he literally completed me in a way that I never thought possible. This was who I wanted for forever. Despite our young age and distance, my heart would always be his.

  I put the truck in park and jumped out, leaping into Ma
dison's strong tender arms.

  "I missed ya cowboy." My lips pressed against his and began moving slowly. I wanted to savor this moment. It had been far too long since I had been able to enjoy this part of him.

  "I guess you did, huh? I missed you too pretty girl, more than you know."

  We kissed for a few more minutes before he set me back down on my feet.

  "Let's go to our spot."

  His hand slid down to mine as he interlaced our fingers, just before pulling me along beside him. I wasn't sure how well this was going to go, but I wasn't quite ready to tell him what had happened out there, so I was going to have to put on my big girl panties and follow his lead.

  As we started making our way up the small hill, my heart rate sped up and my breathing suddenly became more labored than necessary. I hadn't been back out here except for the one time after I had spoken with Madison. I thought I could do it, knowing this was our place, but ever fiber of my being was yelling at me to run in the opposite direction.

  Madison must've noticed my hesitation because he slowed down a bit and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

  "You doin' okay?"

  I nodded, because I wasn't able to form words at the moment. There was so much I needed to tell him. Things he needed to know and would hopefully understand. Finally we made it to the small patch of grass beneath our tree and I found myself being able to breathe a little bit easier. As long as we stayed in this exact spot, I would be okay.

  "Sit with me." Madison wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me down and onto his lap. I smiled back at him before staring up at the night sky.

  We sat this way in silence for quite sometime before I finally found the courage to ask the question, I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to.

  "Madison, what are you doing home?" I turned in his lap so I was now straddling him face to face.

  "I'm back for good."

  "You're what?" I practically jumped up out of his lap, but kept my cool wanting him to further explain.

  "I transferred schools." He cradled my face in his hands, holding my gaze. "My world is incomplete without you, Kayla. I can't be without you. I don't even know why I tried. I had to be with you, here in Texas."

  I could feel the tears pricking the back of my eyelids, but I willed them to not fall.

  "Darlin', are you not happy about this?" Concern was written all over his face.

  "Of course I am." I just knew having him here everyday, I was going to be forced to tell him about that night. It's not that I didn't want him to know, or that I didn't trust him to know. I was afraid of the way he would look at me, and wondered if he would even want me anymore.

  "There's more. I think we both need to be completely honest with one another. I want us to start fresh, to put these past few months behind us and move forward with each other."

  Now my mind was really reeling. I had always thought that we were completely honest with each other, but apparently not.

  "What is there that you need to tell me?" My voice was shaky and rushed. I almost knew what he was about to say, but it didn't make the blow any easier to take.

  "I need you to know that it meant nothing. She meant nothing. It's just, well, I hadn't heard from you. You weren't returning my phone calls or texts. I took some sleeping pills one night, but couldn't sleep so some of the guys on the team invited me out to a party. I was drinking, and, god I know how this must sound to you Kayla, but I promise you it meant nothing. It was just that one night. And god, she looked exactly like you."

  I slowly pushed myself up from his lap as the tears finally began to fall. I pressed my hands to my face and the wave of sobs crashed into me. He had cheated on me. The one thing I told him I would never deal with and he had done it. And with a girl who looks just like me, how is that supposed to help.

  "Say something, pretty-"

  "Don't! Don't even call me that. I don't know what you expect me to say. You cheated on me Madison."

  "Well we technically said we weren't together when I left."

  I quickly turned in his direction, pointing my finger into his chest. "Seriously? You are going to pin this on a technicality? So while I was here dealing with unimaginable things, things that no girl should ever have to deal with, you were out partying it up and sleeping around? What the fuck, Madison?"

  He reached for me but I pulled away, making it perfectly clear that I did not want him to touch me.

  "What do you mean, unimaginable things?"

  "Nothing, Madison. Just never mind. I gotta go."

  I started walkin' towards my house when he caught my elbow. "You can't just walk away. We need to talk about this. I was honest with you, now it's time for you to be honest with me. Why have you been ignoring me since the day I left?"

  I wiped my tears from my cheeks and looked him directly in the eyes. "Well while you were out having sex with some girl you didn't even know, I was here dealing with the fact that I had been raped just mere minutes after you took off for Arizona."

  "Wh...what are you talking about?"

  "The night you left, Wren showed up." I wrapped my arms tightly around my chest. Feeling vulnerable wasn't the easiest thing to deal with these days. "It is what it is Madison. But there, now you know. Happy now?" I glanced up at his face just as the tears began trickling down his cheeks. I had never seen Madison cry, and seeing him cry now, had me feeling things I hadn't been prepared to feel. I was fuming mad, and I wanted to hate him, but seeing him being torn apart by my words was killing me.

  "Madison, say something."

  "This is all my fault. If I wouldn't have left, you would be okay. We would be okay."

  "You don't know that. He would've found another time. That's how he works."

  "Oh my god, Kayla. I am so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I left and I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you. Hell, I'm sorry I couldn't have been a better man for you."

  I grabbed his arms and pulled him into me. I wrapped my arms as tight as I could around his neck and peppered his cheek with featherlike kisses over and over again. "This was not your fault, just like it wasn't mine. Please just listen to me. You are an amazing man. Granted, I do hate you at the moment, but you are still the only man I want. I just don't want this to change things with us. I couldn't stand it if you looked at me differently, now that you know."

  "How could you ever think that? I lo- I will always feel the way I feel for you right now, in this moment. Nothing will ever change that, nothing."

  His finger dipped below my chin pulling my lips up to meet his. His kiss started off soft and increased with intensity, as he deepened our kiss. I found myself overwhelmed with joy for the fact that he still cared for me despite my flawed history. But I was holding myself back, because as much as I needed that reassurance from him, I now needed to find a way to forgive him.

  Chapter 13

  Madison

  I instantly felt like a failure. A failure in life, a failure to the one girl I so wanted to protect and a failure to myself. All I could think of when Kayla was baring her soul, was myself. I knew how selfish that sounded, but it literally broke me in two knowing that no matter what I did, I would never be able to protect her like she deserved.

  Standing there, staring at this beautiful creature in front of me, just made it all the more clear that she did in fact deserve better. She deserved a guy who wouldn't leave her behind because of some stupid scholarship. She deserved a man, and finding out what I did tonight, just proved how much of a man I wasn't.

  In the short amount of time that I had come to know this amazingly beautiful young woman, I knew she would be my world. The realization of that wasn't hard to miss, but my actions had shown her otherwise. I needed her to feel loved, to know what it was like to have someone never let her down and be there regardless of the consequences.

  As her hooded blue eyes caught sight of mine, I knew she could tell what I was contemplating. I needed to do this now. I needed her to know that I was willing to sacrifice us,
if it meant that she would be happy.

  "Kayla, I need you to know somethin'."

  She looked perplexed and I knew what I was about to say, would break her heart just as it would break mine. "What is it?"

  I began toeing the dirt with my boot before responding. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want her to feel as though I was abandoning her. "I want us to start over. I know what this may sound like to you, but I need you to understand. I need you to feel as though you can trust me, I need you to know how much I care. Maybe we rushed this thing between us. After everything that has happened, I can't have you second guessing my feelings for you." I took her hand in mine before gently placing my lips to the palm of it. "I need to prove to you that I deserve your trust. So, I think maybe we should just go back to being friends. See where that takes us." Her hand slipped from mine and I caught a glimpse of sheer horror and panic cross over her face.

  "You know what?"

  Oh shit, here it comes. I was prepared for this. If she needed to unleash all of her pent up frustration on me, I was going to let her. It was the least I could do.

  "You're right. Let's start over. As much as I don't want to, I think maybe it's the wise thing to do. I need to find a way to forgive you, to trust you again. So as your friend, I'm asking you to give me some time. To deal with it all of this, I suppose."

  I was confused and taken back. Her reaction wasn't at all what I was expecting. I was expecting hurt, anger, despair, anything but understanding, because in all actuality, this isn't what I wanted. I was doing this for her, and apparently this was exactly the out she needed.

  "Kayla, please tell me we can still see each other and, I dunno, hang out?"

  "Of course, Madison."

  And there she was, the cold unpleasant Kayla, not the one I had grown to love so quickly and without apology. With those three little words and the loss of my nickname, she was gone. I had managed to alienate her enough that she had reverted back to her old self. The girl who guarded herself like Fort Knox, not letting a single soul in. The girl who I once saw my future with, walked right out the door that I so willingly held open for her. I brought this upon myself, and now I was goin' to have to deal with the consequences.