This Trust of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  I reached out for her, the now vacant Kayla. I could see it in her face. She had quickly gone from open and loving to shut off and held captive by her past. I could tell she didn't want to be touched, but I needed to feel her against me at least one last time. I needed her warmth, her love, hell I just needed her.

  "Kayla, please just let me hug you one last time."

  I pushed my fingers back through my hair before replacing my ball cap back on my head while she took her time answering. "I just can't, Madison. I'm sorry. I'll see ya around cowboy."

  And just like that, on the darkest day imaginable a ray of sunshine broke through a crack in the dark thunderous clouds. Hope maybe? I guess in time we would see, because as of this very moment, I was goin' to do everything in my power to win back the only girl I ever saw a future with.

  I watched her disappear into the darkness at the end of the hill. I waited until I knew she was safe inside before heading back to the house. Despite what she may believe, I was goin' to make sure nothin', not even that piece of shit of an ex, could hurt her ever again. Whether she knew it or not, she was mine. She always would be, and nobody messes with what's mine.

  ****

  I got next to no sleep and when I headed down to the kitchen at the ass crack of dawn, I really wasn't prepared to deal with the rash of shit that I knew my grandparents were about to deal me.

  I had come back yesterday, dropped my shit off and headed out to find Kayla. There was nobody and nothin' that could have stopped me, but now I was faced with a very angry man and hostile woman who regardless of their age, could take me out in a second if given the chance.

  "Good mornin'." I half-whispered as I headed straight for the coffee pot.

  "Boy, you've got some explainin' to do. Like what in god's name are ya doin' back in this god forsaken place?"

  I turned and caught sight of my grandfathers "death" stare and promptly rethought my explanation. There was no way he would understand that I came back for the "James Girl" as he would call her, so it was time I took a different approach.

  "It's good to see ya too sir." I finished pouring my coffee then proceeded with caution over to the dining room table. "Look, I don't want there to be any hostility between us and if you don't want me stayin' here, I totally understand, but I came back for the sake of family." It wasn't all a lie. "You've always told me that family comes first, well I'm puttin' family first. I'm still in school. I transferred to Texas A&M on a full scholarship and I have every intention of workin' around here for ya. Y'all are the only semblance of a family I have left and I'm not willin' to give that up just to get out of Texas." I sat back amazed at how I had just handled myself in front of my grandfather. Although I wasn't so sure how he was taking it, because he hadn't said a single word and the look on his face was definitely not one of approval.

  "Well, I for one am over the moon excited to have ya back. I've missed you so much." My grandmother's small voice broke through the cloud of angst quickly and effectively. She grabbed my hand in hers and gave a tight squeeze before kissing me on the cheek. "Welcome home, son." She whispered and suddenly all felt right, for the first time in a long time.

  I glanced up at my grandfather over the lip of my coffee cup and caught sight of, holy shit, a smile? I hadn't seen my grandfather smile in what felt like a million years.

  "Glad to have ya home boy." He tipped his mug towards me before excusing himself from the table and headin' out back.

  I sat back in shock. I was thoroughly expecting a tongue lashing that would go down in history. And then I smiled, a wide genuine smile. My family may only consist of me and my grandparents, but it was all the family this cowboy needed.

  I excused myself a half hour later, after havin' a long talk with my grams about everything that was goin' on. She was the only one I trusted enough to not judge or belittle me. She had taken her role as my fill-in-mother very seriously and now that her "son" was in love and had no clue what to do about it, she was elated to help me figure it all out.

  I made my way out to my truck, remembering the advice that she had spoken. She told me to do the little things that a woman needed to see. Be there for her, as a friend, and never ever judge her for the choices she was makin' or would make. She also told me that with a little time and proving to Kayla that I could be just her friend, that I would slowly win her over. Well, here's to hopin', I guess.

  After stoppin' by the college to meet my coaches and find where all my classes were, I was slowly coming to the realization that college ball wasn't what I really wanted. I'd gone over it at least a thousand times before, but I was finally realizing that I wanted to sing. My one true passion over the years had always been mine and Glenn's little garage band.

  The way I felt on the mound in front of hundreds of people, paled in comparison to how I felt when I was in front of a hundred people singing. Something about it was freeing and I could be myself with no judgment or risk of failure. We already had a small following and that's all I could ask for when it came to my music. I did it for the love of putting my feelings out there in a truer form than I could have ever imagined. I did it because the feeling of being able to hang out with my friends and make people happy was all I needed. It didn't hurt knowing that Kayla seemed to enjoy seein' me up there all vulnerable and exposed.

  And then it clicked. I knew what I needed to do, and now was as perfect time as any.

  Chapter 14

  Kayla

  Part of me didn't want to get out of bed this morning. The sun sat high and heavy and though I could hear the happy chirps of the birds outside, all I wanted to do was curl up and die. The thought of Madison with another woman was killing me. When those words left his sweet kissable mouth, I wanted to run and hide.

  How could I have been so stupid to think that I could ever be enough for him? He was older, not by much, but still he needed things that I wasn't able to give from hundreds of miles away. But as much as I was devastated and yearning for him to say it wasn't true, nothin' compared to the look on his broken face when I told him what happened with Wren. I had never seen love so deep and so strong, until I saw the adoring look in his eyes when I opened up and exposed myself for him. In that instant, I fell head over heels in love with that man. And just when I was about to tell him how much I loved him, how much I need and want him in my life, he decided to drop a nuclear bomb, leveling me to my core. He no longer wanted me like I wanted him, and now here I stood in nothing more than my panties and bra wondering how anyone would ever be able to love me.

  The face in the mirror staring back at me was blank and vacant. Where there once was a happy, caring, beautiful girl, now stood a sad, soulless semblance of a being. I was empty and there wasn't anything anyone could do to change what had transformed me into this last night.

  Part of me held onto the hope that he would try to win me back. That he would go out of his way to prove me wrong, to show me that I could trust him regardless of the situation. I wanted it so bad, I could taste it and that was what I needed to hold onto until the very last bit of hope was stripped from my dead cold hands.

  "Kayla Anne, you're gonna be late if you take a minute longer up there."

  "Coming Gran."

  Ugh, I so wasn't in the mood for school today. If it wasn't the first week, I would just ditch and hang out in what I know considered our spot, all day. The one place that had meant the world to me and then was turned gray, had once again come back to be my most favorite place. I only wanted to be there, with him.

  I pulled on a pair of cut off jean shorts and a red tank top before pulling on my boots and runnin' down the stairs to the sweet aroma of coffee. I almost fell over myself when I caught sight of Madison sitting at my kitchen table with my gran. I'd swear I was dreamin' if I hadn't just racked my knee on the banister as I came barreling down the stairs like a bull in a china shop.

  I quickly righted myself, pulling my tank top down in place, hoping that I still looked somewhat decent. I hadn't put much effort into
my appearance this mornin', but Madison was also the last person I expected to see this morning.

  "Wh- what are ya doin' here?" I gave him a cross look as I made my way to the coffee pot.

  "What, friends can't give friends a ride to school?"

  My heart soared just knowin' he cared enough to give me a ride thinkin' I didn't have any other way of getting there. Visions of runnin' over to where he sat to straddle him and kiss the shit out of him flashed through my mind. I shook my head tryin' to dislodge the very "un-friendlike" thoughts. Friends Kayla, he wants to be your friend.

  "Well, actually, I have a truck now." I hadn't intended on saying it, I swear. I was actually really looking forward to ridin' the twenty minutes it took to get to school with him within reaching distance. Shit! I had almost forgotten about Joey. "And, I have to pick up Joey on my way." My face flushed and I ducked down to take a sip of my coffee. I wasn't exactly sure how Madison was going to feel about me and Glenn's little brother hanging out.

  "Joey? As in Glenn's brother Joey?"

  I could hear the faint sound of jealousy and I smiled internally. Regardless of what he said last night, he still cared.

  "Yes, one in the same." I smiled just to egg him on a little bit.

  "Well, that's okay. We'll grab him on the way. Let's get goin' so you aren't late."

  My eyes shot up to his and I could tell by his sly smirk, that he was enjoying this far too much. I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with joy and fear all at the same time, fear for Joey not me.

  "Okay." I whispered.

  I walked over to the sink emptying my cup out and gave a quick kiss to my gran's cheek. "I'll see ya after school Gran."

  "Sounds good love. Have a great day." I caught her wink in Madison's direction just as I turned to grab my book bag. That devilish old woman was in on something with him, and I was goin' to find out what it was, if it was the last thing I did.

  Madison held the screen door open to allow me to walk through first and I swung my hips just enough, as I walked to catch his attention. I could feel his eyes boring into my ass the second I crossed over the threshold. If he didn't want to partake in what I was offering, then I was damn sure goin' to make him regret it every chance I got.

  Of course, like the gentleman he was, Madison held open the passenger door for me and made sure I was all settled in before heading around the front over to his side.

  "I like your new ride by the way." His voice was like sunshine on a winter's day. It melted me to the core, along with other areas of interest.

  "Thanks. My granddad bought it for me and restored the entire thing. Speaking of which, how am I supposed to get to work today now that you have all but commandeered me?" I let out a small giggle loving that our friendly flirtatious banter had finally returned.

  "That's just it, you're not workin' today." He winked in my direction, but my smile quickly faded into a frown.

  "Madison, you can't just do that. My boss is already a stick in the mud, I really don't need her hating me more than she already does."

  "That's where you're wrong darlin'. That lady worships the ground you walk on. She told me herself that she would have been outta business months ago had you not started workin' there."

  Now I was utterly confused. That woman practically went out of her way to make me feel like the most useless person in town. I was even beginning to think she got a kick out of kicking me while I was down.

  "Hmmm."

  "This surprises you?"

  "A little, yeah. So if I'm not goin' to work, what am I doin'?" I turned in my seat, arms folded across my chest, waiting for an answer. The minute Madison took in the view in front of him he let out a low chuckle.

  "Are you tryin' to look tough?"

  "Maybe. Is it workin?"

  "Not in the least, but it is a nice view." I felt his heated gaze trailing down my body and coming to rest on my leg that was kicked up on the bench seat between us.

  I quickly brought it down and turned to sit normally on my side.

  "Sorry." I whispered ashamed at my behavior. He just wanted to be friends and I was all but inviting him to touch me.

  "Don't be." He smirked.

  The next ten minutes to Joey's house was uneventful and completely silent. I think both of us were just tryin' to gauge how to be just friends, when clearly all either of us wanted to do, was pull over on the side of the road and rip each other's clothes to shreds. Well at least those were my thoughts.

  "It's your next left."

  "I know." He laughed.

  "Oh yeah, sorry."

  "I'd ask how you and Joey started hangin' out, but I'm pretty sure I can guess on that one."

  "It's actually a funny story." I chided back.

  "I bet. Does it have anything to do with why you changed your hair color?"

  And just when I thought he was just another typical guy and wouldn't notice, he did. Of course he did. He was Madison after all, and that right there meant more to me than he would ever know.

  "It does actually. Well not why, but we met after I bought the stuff."

  I could feel his eyes on me again and it took everything in me not to turn and look directly into that sea of green. I knew if I did, this whole "friends" thing would go right out the damn window. Stupid friends. I didn't need any more friends.

  Joey was waiting on his front porch, just as he was every other mornin' when his smile quickly turned into a frown as he approached Madison's truck.

  "Well, well if it isn't Mr. All American. What the hell are you doin' back in town?" Joey quickly shooed me over in Madison's direction so he could get into the truck. My leg brushed against Madison's jean clad leg and the electricity I had always known to be there, sent a shiver down my spine. Apparently he was having the same reaction, because he suddenly seemed nervous and outta sorts.

  "Sorry." I whispered in his direction without actually looking at him.

  "For what? You never have to apologize to me, pretty girl."

  Oh, if he only knew what it did to me when he said those things.

  "I'm back for good. Transferred to Texas A&M, quit baseball and now I just need to get your hard headed brother to come back out here so the band can get back together."

  "Nice dude."

  "What? You quit baseball? But I thought-?"

  His hand gently touched my thigh, giving it a squeeze and it took everything in me not to have an orgasm with Joey sitting on the other side of me. I hadn't wanted to be touched in two months and now all I wanted was for Madison to rip off my shorts and have his way with me. Where the hell did that come from?

  "I'll fill ya in later. As for now, you have school." My leg suddenly went cold as his scorching touch left my thigh. I could feel my face fall in disappointment, but I quickly recovered and made my way out of the cab.

  "Thanks for the ride cowboy. I'll see ya after school."

  "You sure will."

  And with that, I went skipping over to catch up with Joey and walk to my first period class with thoughts of Madison to fill my day.

  "What was that all about? I didn't know you knew Madi."

  I couldn't help but almost fall over hysterically laughing. "You call him Madi?"

  "Well, yeah. Always have. But that didn't answer my question."

  I linked my arm through Joey's as we walked up the path to the main entrance of the school. "Joey, if I didn't know any better, I would say you were jealous."

  I continued giggling all the way to my seat. When I glanced over at Joey to make sure he was okay, I saw something on his face I had never seen before and I was afraid of what it might mean. I was just about to ask what was up with him, but the teacher came walking in and demanded all of us to open our books to page forty-five. I made a mental note to talk to Joey about this at lunch. Could he really be jealous?

  Chapter 15

  Madison

  I was two seconds away from jumping out of the truck and breaking every limb on Joey's body. The minute her arm slipped through hi
s, my chest tightened and every emotion I had ever felt towards that girl washed over me, crashing down like an massive wave.

  This feeling of jealousy was something new to me. I had never really had a long-term relationship and when I did, I was more of a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy. Even though Joey was my best friend's little brother, I was finding it hard to believe that friendship was all that he was interested in with Kayla.

  I watched them both closely as they disappeared through the doors to the school. I threw my truck in drive and sped out of there, almost hitting two kids crossing the road. I quickly slammed on the brakes and tried to patiently wait for them to cross, but my patience was running a bit thin right now. The whole situation was getting to be too much for me. I know I said I wanted to just be friends, but I was almost positive that Kayla and I both knew better than to think that's all we could be.

  Instead of goin' home, I decided the last minute to go to the local gym. As I pulled up in front of the dilapidated building, I only had one thing on my mind. I needed to get all of this pent up frustration out of me, and if picturing Joey's face helped with that, then I was goin' to use it to my advantage.

  ****

  I spent most of my day holed up in that gym, lifting weights, boxing and kickin' the shit out of the punching bag. By the time I made it back to my grandparent's house, I was utterly exhausted. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen and realized that I only had a few more hours until I needed to pick up Kayla from school. I was definitely hopin' that Joey had practice today, so I could have some time alone with her. Not to say that time alone with her wasn't goin' to make me yearn for somethin' more, but I was willing to take what I could get at the moment.

  "Is that you son?"

  My grandfather's voice echoed off of every wall throughout the house causing my heart rate to spike. "Yeah, it's me!" I shouted back as I deposited my bag of gear at the bottom of the stairs.